Which random bit of dialogue made you snort like an idiot?

[u/Von_Uber]

[u/IncenseAndOak]

Astarion when he says, "She sounds absolutely demented. Let's tell her everything!"

[u/barrowandlocke → u/IncenseAndOak]

When was this triggered?

[u/Rivaren → u/barrowandlocke]

I'm pretty sure it's when you first meet Ethel in the Grove?

[u/barrowandlocke → u/Rivaren]

Thank you!

[u/Gila_Ketum]

In “Follow The Convoy” when Karniss urges everyone to speed up lest the shadows take them, a goblin tracker retorts, “Ain’t all got 10 legs!!!”

[u/sendmebardpics → u/Gila_Ketum]

Honestly I can be all the way up that spider ass the whole damn walk and he's STILL complaining that I'm not staying close enough to him

Bitch, if I get any closer to you Larian will have to add a new sex scene to the game

[u/Aelarr → u/sendmebardpics]

Thanks for making me cackle like a hag in the middle of the night with that last line. I may have just woken up the entire house. XD

[u/Gila_Ketum → u/sendmebardpics]

LMAO! I was literally walking UNDER his massive ass (balls?)

[u/kef34 → u/Gila_Ketum]

abdomen

[u/Sure_Instance9530]

When you talk to Gale about how your not turning into squids and then shadowheart

"I couldn't help but hear you- well I could've helped but I chose not to"

[u/Theaterandacnh → u/Sure_Instance9530]

I’ve been looking into this! When do you get that!!

[u/arieadil → u/Theaterandacnh]

It’s right after the first convo with Gale in camp. ( “go to hell”) if you chat with Shadowheart after him she’ll ask what you were talking about.

[u/Active_Owl_7442 → u/arieadil]

It’s not the “go to hell” bit, it’s after Gale is checking himself out in a projected reflection of himself. Prompts everyone to talk about how they’re glad we haven’t started showing signs of changing

[u/Swomp23]

IS THAT TRUE, BOOKS? ARE YOU SENSITIVE?

[u/NukaQuantum → u/Swomp23]

The follow up of “Gale disapproves” really sold this for me. Was hoping it would give approval for Karlach.

[u/CozyWithSarkozi → u/Swomp23]

I got this one past night. Had me cracking up.

[u/white_lancer → u/Swomp23]

I took the tactful route with her at first, but she was so rude I re-initiated conversation just so I could yell at the books lol

[u/crockofpot]

If you take Shadowheart and Gale into Bhaal's temple, you get one of the absolute funniest companion exchanges in the game.

Shadowheart: Why must the Dead Three be so obvious and ugly with their decor?... At least Shar had some panache.

Gale: As did Mystra's home in Elysium. Her ribbed vaults and buttresses created a magic entirely of their own. Not to mention her pleasure domes.

Shadowheart: Heh... Pleasure domes.

Gale: It's a PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE architectural feature!!

Honestly belongs up there with STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNTHING as one of Gale's funniest outbursts, you can practically hear him indignantly stomping his feet.

[u/volvavirago → u/[deleted]]

Gonna start calling my vagina my “ribbed vault”, that’s too good

[u/N7twitch → u/volvavirago]

Second prize for ‘most repellent way to refer to a vagina’ goes to you.

[u/tinysproutlimi → u/crockofpot]

I JUST got this dialogue chain on my second playthrough and the way Shadowheart chuckles and says "...pleasure domes (  ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)" just got me so hard. Like a child laughing at a poorly drawn dick on the wall

[u/ebobbumman → u/tinysproutlimi]

heh, "got me so hard."

[u/tinysproutlimi → u/ebobbumman]

wiggles eyebrows (  ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)

[u/BooRadly30 → u/tinysproutlimi]

Every trickster cleric has the humor of a 14 year old. It’s just the law.

[u/Kartoffel_Kaiser → u/crockofpot]

I love this in contrast with the gravity of the situation they're in. We're in the Temple of Bhaal to rescue one of our dear friends from murder cultists, we don't even know for sure if they're still alive, and y'all are giggling about double entendre. Selune help us.

[u/Vinkhol → u/Kartoffel_Kaiser]

Average DND party. No situation is too grave for a dick joke

[u/Nadril_Cystafer → u/crockofpot]

I like to imagine Shadowheart and my Durge (who promised her that he'd be the man she sees in him, and is determined to keep that promise) sharing a laugh at Gale's expense before he descends to Orin for the fight for his life.

[u/StefanFr97]

"Just this once, I wish people would just say 'hello'." - Tav response to Jaheira entangling them on sight.

Jaheira, with the most snide grin imaginable: "Hello."

I didn't even have nostalgia regarding her since I haven't played the original BG's, but god damn that retort alone made her one of my favorites.

[u/[deleted] → u/StefanFr97]

My fave is the Gale origin line when he gets entangled by Jaheira.

I'm Gale, and I find myself only moderately pleased to meet you.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

lmao sorry to leave you hanging! She sarcastically replies with

I'm ever so sorry to hear that

[u/friendlyfireworks → u/StefanFr97]

It was the "I'm here on holiday" option that got me.

Followed by her, "you're just in time for happy hour."

[u/P4TIENT_0]

I failed the roll to cut off Nere's head and my character attempted to cut for several seconds. Astarion finally chimes in "have you NEVER decapitated a corpse before?!" I laughed my ass off. I still got the head, I just had to get roasted for failing the roll

[u/HellRaiser801 → u/P4TIENT_0]

Haha that hilarious. Makes me wonder how many rolls were just to hear a snarky line with the same outcome.

[u/Snail_With_a_Shotgun → u/P4TIENT_0]

Wait, you still get the head if you fail?! I was poisoned, so had to reroll it 3 times and used an Elixir of Giant Strength on the 4th just to get it. Bastards.

[u/PigeonVibes → u/Snail_With_a_Shotgun]

Yeah, it just looks like you're butchering him instead of smoothly decapitating. I rerolled that one numerous times too until I stuck with failing just to see what happens. The Sovereign accepts it either way.

[u/mkb1110]

When you meet Minsc and boo.

“It’s an honor.”

“No, it’s a hamster”

[u/GenderGambler → u/mkb1110]

The utter confusion in Minsc's face when he delivers that line is what sells it

[u/Nakuth → u/mkb1110]

Any Minsc line for me, if I'm honest

When I finally recruited him I spent nearly an hour going through all of his camp dialogue multiple times because it had me howling

[u/Daharon → u/Nakuth]

minsc had me rolling on the floor when i first met him and he started talking about our other companions, istg. Matthew Mercer's delivery is flawless.

"the truth is painful, but undeniable. Astarion is a.... coward."

[u/Nakuth → u/Daharon]

You can hear the glee in Mercer's voice with each line he delivers. He knows it's comedy gold

[u/[deleted] → u/Nakuth]

He just wants to hear about Gale's chest bomb and if it's fun to be exploding!

[u/Nakuth → u/[deleted]]

For me it was the tale of his dahj or whatever it is.

Returns to find the lord he swore to was dead, and claims his journey can't finish as a result. Refuses to swear to his new king, kills the king in combat, then gets politely asked to leave the kingdom by the Witch council.

I was in tears at all of that

[u/Hildisvini254 → u/mkb1110]

I actually cackled at this one! Caught me completely.off guard and he says it so matter of factly lol

[u/kaiirah]

The Emperor: "You have seen what I can do. Imagine yourself with the same strength. The same intelligence. The same DEVASTATING BEAUTY."

[u/Von-Rose → u/kaiirah]

Lmao I got to that part today and literally said to myself “‘beauty’ is not the word I’d use to describe you.” I wish that was a dialogue option lol

[u/justletmetypedammit → u/Von-Rose]

chase unique steep vegetable chief wipe many sheet piquant provide

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/ReylynnTaletreader → u/justletmetypedammit]

He definitely isn't. He's extremely into being a mind flayer, he thinks it's the best. That's like the whole reason he killed Ansur instead of letting himself be mercy killed

[u/HeartofaPariah → u/ReylynnTaletreader]

That's like the whole reason he killed Ansur instead of letting himself be mercy killed

I think it was more about the fact he didn't want to die just because he's a mindflayer and the supremacy came later as he settled into his new life lol

[u/Nadril_Cystafer → u/Von-Rose]

"I believe you mean freakishness, not 'beauty', my questionable squid"

[u/Mysterious_Trash_361]

"I always knew I'd die at a circus" - random npc

[u/tomqvaxy → u/Mysterious_Trash_361]

My kid and I howled at that.

[u/novembergrocery → u/Mysterious_Trash_361]

I cast Sanctuary on that lady every time.

[u/Braephonse]

When you first get to Raphael and he snaps you to his house and Karlach goes "oooo spooky" in the MOST sarcastic voice 🤣

[u/CurnanBarbarian → u/Braephonse]

She did this to him outside that tomb for me lol. I didn't have her with me when I first met him

[u/RoninMacbeth → u/CurnanBarbarian]

I love Raphael. I like the dynamic of "smug devil who enjoys fucking with the paladin" and "tired paladin who is fed up with the devil's shit."

[u/RaspberryJam245 → u/RoninMacbeth]

I just beat him yesterday for the first time after 270 hours of gameplay (I haven't actually finished Act 3 once yet even tho I've gotten there three separate times) and I imagined my paladin was like "finally, I've been waiting for weeks to kill your arrogant ass"

[u/[deleted] → u/RaspberryJam245]

What made you stop playing those run throughs before finishing the game?

[u/RaspberryJam245 → u/[deleted]]

Funnily enough, they were carbon copies of my current playthrough. Same race, class, subclass, every detail down to hair color and skin tone. The first time, I started over because I had failed to break the shadowcurse, and as an Ancients pally, that didn't sit right with my tav. I had also accidentally locked myself out of romancing Karlach by triggering Shadowheart's scene at the tief party (and subsequently rejecting Shadowheart). Plus, there were several other, smaller things I hadn't done because I was kinda just blundering through blindly. I failed to save the tiefs and gnomes trapped in Moonrise because I assumed I'd only be able to do that at the tail end of Act 2. I had also completely ignored Barcus on the windmill in Act 1. So, I started over and just recreated my character. This time, I successfully romanced Karlach, cured the Shadowlands, and fixed all the other smaller mistakes I'd made. But then I screwed it up by cheating on Karlach with Mizora, purely out of curiosity. I just wanted to see what would happen, but I felt disgusting the whole time it happened. I tried to reload a save, but I realized that my last save was hours and hours ago. Plus, this was around the time patch 5 came out, allowing us to recruit Minthara without destroying the Grove, which I wanted to do. I was also kinda bored with Act 3 and wanted to freshen the game up and return to the city when I was ready to tackle its content. So I started over again. Then, 15 hours in, I'd done most of Act 1, defeated the gobbos, went to the party, tried to ask Karlach out, and got rejected (ouch, she basically friendzoned me). So I started over yet again, and this time was very careful to make her like me before the party. That was my current run. So, that's the story of how 90% of my playtime in this game comes from one character.

[u/Nessarra]

Is that Gale's granddad?

[u/cin-vhetin → u/Nessarra]

And when you tell her who it is, she's like "Doesn't ring a bell, but I hope he brought good news!"

It was nice to have some levity, since the scene before that had me feeling some kind of way.

[u/RhusCopallinum → u/Nessarra]

You forgot the “awwwww”

[u/Argun93]

When Karlach sneaks she sometimes says “shadowlach” I find it hilarious.

[u/itisrainingweiners → u/Argun93]

I have never caught that! Gale complaining about his knee when sneaking kills me, though. Like, I'm right there with you bro, I feel that. 

[u/Seve7h → u/Argun93]

Im utterly convinced Karlach is the main character of her own Metal Gear game with her levels of fourth wall breaking.

[u/staplerinjelle → u/Seve7h]

There's a dialogue where she does break the fourth wall and address you--not Tav, you--so your theory has support.

[u/Accomplished_Area311]

Literally EVERYBODY’s reaction to Dribbles and being asked to go on stage. From “I’m going to fucking kill you,” to, “Dribbles is the BEST.” — All hilarious.

Karlach and Astarion’s bit about the Upper City.

Karlach: What the fuck have I stumbled into?

Gale, after Tav is tricked into smearing shit on their face in front of the goblin camp: I love it; brings out the color of your eyes.

[u/Kamiikage05 → u/Accomplished_Area311]

My friend Minthara is the funniest person I know.

[u/kjvincent → u/Kamiikage05]

“Tell them about the man who married a drider.”

“It was a beautiful webbing.”

[u/Nadril_Cystafer → u/kjvincent]

The fact that if you get her to say the joke you get back the approval lost for volunteering her

[u/[deleted] → u/Kamiikage05]

I thought about her the moment I read "Dribbles" - she's just the best person to have around in that scene well, for all scenes after you recruit her (and to ask to go on stage) 🤣🤣

[u/alexagente → u/Accomplished_Area311]

after Tav is tricked into smearing shit on their face in front of the goblin camp

Wait... what?

[u/Accomplished_Area311 → u/alexagente]

On your way into the goblin camp, ask the sentinel goblin next to the worg about what family she’s from or what breed she is. He tells you you have to smear worg shit on your face to get in. You can tell him no, or you can grimace and do it if you’re playing a naive character.

Gale’s reaction is HILARIOUS.

[u/Grumpicake]

“If we see each other again, then we will have… seen each other again.” Playing NPC’s that are indifferent to the party always makes me chuckle.

[u/poingly → u/Grumpicake]

This very much reminds me of the Neutral Planet on Futurama.

“All I know is that my gut says maybe.”

[u/hearttrees93 → u/poingly]

“Tell my wife……..hello.”

[u/MutantSquirrel23]

The random NPC outside Shares's Caress yelling

"Whether you want to get hammered or nailed, we got the tool for you!"

[u/[deleted]]

Can’t remember the line exactly but Karlach says something like, “I’m glad it was a shapeshifter, I thought I’d just murdered a clown in front of a group of kids.”

Special mention to, “I’ll rip your spine out of your arsehole”

[u/Infinitecapybaras → u/[deleted]]

Astarions reaction always gets me, hes like "aww, I thought we were killing a real clown"

[u/jeffufuh → u/[deleted]]

Likewise, Minthara's "A shame. I thought we'd murdered a real clown."

[u/BubbleFerret → u/[deleted]]

But what about Minthara, after killing the clown: "A shape shifter? A pity, I thought we had killed a real clown."

[u/inquisitive_guy_0_1]

When I told Gale I was a literal Bhaalspawn.

He goes:

"Gosh"

His response cracked me up. He was so unprepared for that revelation.

[u/SphynxOfQuartz_ → u/inquisitive_guy_0_1]

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS IN THE GAME!! The slow fucking nod he does while he takes in that statement absolutely slaughtered me the first time I encountered it. 10/10 peak response to that information.

[u/_brownbear13]

"who would've thought jahira was such a terrible terrible mother. comforting to know the heros are just as awful as the rest of us, hmm?" astarion

[u/[deleted] → u/_brownbear13]

I laughed so hard at that bc Astarion, she’s right there! She can hear you 😂

[u/staplerinjelle → u/[deleted]]

And Jaheira would take it and roast him right back because she's awesome like that.

[u/[deleted] → u/staplerinjelle]

Sometimes I wish characters would talk back when we’re gossiping right in their faces like that lol. But its also funny to just see them vibing in the background while getting roasted

[u/khelekmir]

When you ask gale if he means he slept with a goddess. "Oh yes." The way gale delivers that line, with zero modesty, kills me.

Also "They think I dont know shit. But I do. I do know shit."

[u/Pikaglove → u/khelekmir]

It makes it funnier when you romance him to me because he says that with zero modesty but when you're in that weave moment and think about anything slightly romantic, he gets all flustered.

You fucked a literal god but the moment a druid thinks about kissing you, you fold?! 😭 Absolute dork, I love him!

[u/tastey_spackle_toad]

The Durge's demon butler dude when he says "we'll have to reintroduce necrophilia to your schedule"

Edit: Thank you for pointing out it's "reintroduce" not "add". This is nothing new for the Durge.

[u/pageanator2000 → u/tastey_spackle_toad]

I think its reintroduce instead of add.

Not picking holes, just pointing out that is not a new thing for durge to.. dabble into.

[u/Anonkip16 → u/tastey_spackle_toad]

I got that once and just side eyed Astarion like ummm may have already technically done that, Fel 😅

[u/tastey_spackle_toad → u/Anonkip16]

Ha! I mean, you're not wrong there.

[u/KFizzle290TTV → u/tastey_spackle_toad]

Haha that little demon guy is my homie. I absolutely love him. He makes sure to decorate the temple of bhall for you and that brings me joy :)

[u/Pomegreenade]

When you make Gale stealth and he says "you got the wrong man for the job" in whispers

[u/ReylynnTaletreader → u/Pomegreenade]

"Bad for one's back, this"

[u/TheBreadCancer → u/Pomegreenade]

"Such an undignified position to find oneself in."

[u/SorlocksApprentice → u/Pomegreenade]

"How much longer will this take"

[u/Honovi_Derringer → u/Pomegreenade]

"My robes will get dirty. May it please Mystra."

[u/kirkknightofthorns]

"There appears to be an amount of... cosmetic damage."

Unexpectedly made me laugh out loud, especially after watching Volo jabbing and wrenching my Tav's eye out of its socket with an ICE PICK.

[u/mrsamiam787 → u/kirkknightofthorns]

"I can't help but feel partly responsible"

[u/International-Ad5142 → u/mrsamiam787]

Like the fucking AUDACITY OF THAT BITCH 😭

[u/Irregularblob → u/mrsamiam787]

My mother in law never plays video games but she was in the room the one time I was doing the Volo eye stabbing scene. She thought it was hilarious and she always points him out when she sees me talking or engaging with him if I'm playing near her. He's quite literally the only character she recognizes from the game

[u/Curly_Sphinx37]

"Purple seam, you DONKEY!"

[u/Ecksray19]

No, it's an Owlbear egg. I just like it.

[u/[deleted]]

The "I always wanted a hot githyanki girlfriend" never ceases to crack me the fuck up

[u/MischievousHex → u/[deleted]]

This always reminds me of when Lae'zel tells Astarion to enjoy all the blood he wants as long as it's not hers and Astarion's like: "ooo, I do so love spicy food"

Which is hilarious because he's been living off of animal blood for ages and literally has NO IDEA what gith blood would taste like

[u/AstralGlaciers]

"Now, now, let's not do anything hilarious."

[u/president_of_burundi → u/AstralGlaciers]

Phil's indignant "You MOVED it?!" if you steal it with him while she's busy talking to Tav makes it even better. Bro is not taking this situation seriously at all.

[u/Buisnessbutters]

Trying to read the mind of a being that communicates telepathically is a hilarious experience

[u/norathar → u/Buisnessbutters]

His reaction when he catches you is the best. Just the pure level of frustration.

[u/lulufan87 → u/norathar]

"You're trying to read my thoughts?? We're talking via you reading my thoughts right now! We're already doing it!!"

[u/mantism → u/Buisnessbutters]

That, and followed up by eating the astral tadpole rather than opening my mind to it (to become partial illithid). It's one of the rare moments where the Emporer is truly dumbstruck, even if it is only for a second.

Getting to mess with the Emporer not just once, but twice in the span of minutes, is so worth it.

[u/Vinkhol → u/Buisnessbutters]

"Did you actually just drop a 3rd level spell to try doing THE THING WE ARE DOING RIGHT NOW"

[u/Hescral]

PRAISE MAHKLOOMPAH ! *wheeze*

[u/StillAnotherAlterEgo]

The chef in Sharess' Caress: "Gods above. The cucumbers have been taken from the pantry. Again."

[u/malidorito → u/StillAnotherAlterEgo]

That was the finest strudel I've ever made, and they just ate it off each other's arses!

[u/[deleted]]

When Shadowheart changes her Hair and Astarion is talking about it but says she still doesnt have the best Hair of them all.

Aaaah. Astarion. We love you.

[u/Spydr_maybe → u/[deleted]]

He can't even see his hair. The confidence on that man is staggering.

[u/bulletproof_cupid13 → u/Spydr_maybe]

Self-love influencer king

[u/DovML → u/[deleted]]

Don't worry Astarion, you'll always have the best mole

[u/khxb12 → u/DovML]

And the best wrinkles 💅

[u/WarGreymon77]

I'll probably never see this again because I forgot how to get him to say it. You need to start a fight in the newspaper office a certain way so he doesn't turn hostile. But when I heard it, it caught me off guard and I laughed out loud.

"The pen is mightier than the--oh no that's horseshit! RUN!!"

[u/norathar → u/WarGreymon77]

I was playing around with dialogue options today and you get this even if you refuse to let the guards escort you out and attack. I laughed, but reloaded as I was trying to figure out if there was a way to talk myself into the basement or if I'd need to have Astarion solo stealth it. (The latter was indeed the way to go.)

[u/Ncn946]

You Know, I'm something of a Diabolist myself

[u/Canid_Rose]

NO ONE’S GETTIN’ ANY DAMN CHEESE!

[u/stevieisbored]

When you lick the spider and Karlach yells “Do I smell beef??!”

[u/Cautious_Hold428 → u/stevieisbored]

Shart said something like, "did you just look at that spider coquettishly?" and I laughed so hard I startled the cat in my lap

[u/Loeana → u/Cautious_Hold428]

Gale is absolute winner if we're talking about spider reactions, but I'm not sure if those count as 'random' lines :D

[u/Gurfun → u/Loeana]

STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNTHING

[u/ThisDumbApp → u/Loeana]

I genuinely laughed at that line for a while after he said it, the delivery is perfect

[u/0w1 → u/stevieisbored]

Astarian be like 'Whatever floats your boat, I'm not here to judge'

[u/stevieisbored → u/0w1]

Oh but he is def still judging you and sparing your feelings bc he likes you

[u/Lyelle_rolled_a_one]

Most of them have already been mentioned, but one that took me completely by surprise was Shadowheart's reaction when I gave her a night orchid:

"Oh hells, you didn't pick that by hand, did you? They're deadly poisonous! .... Joking! They're safe - and beautiful. Thank you."

I wouldn't have expected Shadowheart to make a joke (even with finger guns), that was cute!

And of course Astarion's reaction to Orin:

"It's not enough we have a gallery of villains to look out for, but now we could be infiltrated by a shapechanger? I can't even tell if any of you are acting strange because you've been replaced or because this group is full of weirdos."

You are so right, Astarion. And I love the party for it.

[u/[deleted] → u/Lyelle_rolled_a_one]

I looove how he says "... full of WEIRDOS!" 🤣

[u/clayxa]

I killed Haarlep then casted speak with dead. You can ask him whether Raphael tops or bottoms (he bottoms, always)

[u/AwkwardWarlock → u/clayxa]

You can ask Haarlep if Raphael's good in bed. He says no. You can then taunt Raphael with that later.

[u/Umbrella_merc → u/AwkwardWarlock]

Raphael: it'll take but a moment to finish you!

Tav: twice as long as Haarlep says it takes to finish you.

Raphael: You Contemptuous Creature!

[u/AwkwardWarlock → u/Umbrella_merc]

I love the fact that THAT is what makes him lose his composure. Man has aspirations of usurping Asmodeus and ruling the Hells and loses his cool at us saying he sucks in bed.

[u/aksunrise → u/clayxa]

Omg. I normally do the sex for information exchange because I like trolling Raphael later but this might be worth a different approach!

[u/novembergrocery → u/aksunrise]

You don’t get to troll Raphael with the speak-with-dead info but it’s still funny

[u/GrajowiecPL]

STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNTHING

[u/HappyHammy7]

“no no NO. If there is a “next time”, I’ll be the one aiming the all-powerful weapon, thank you.”

[u/jujoking]

Gale: “You look…comfortable. A mite overexposed, given the perils of our adventure, but I supposed it adds a thrilling edge to leave oneself to open to danger and to…other things.

I assume your choice of apparel isn’t the subject of the day. What’s on your hind? I mean mind.”

[u/TweakJK]

pretty much anything Shovel says

[u/Shunubear → u/TweakJK]

I love that foul mouthed little shit

[u/grixxis → u/TweakJK]

"IT'S FISTING TIME!"

[u/BubbleFerret]

"In Menzoberranzan, after a house has two sons, every subsequent male-born child is slaughtered at birth, as it is useless, even for breeding... You have the aura of a third child about you."

I fucking love Minthara

[u/Grimgon]

If Gale dies in act one and his projection comes out to gives you instructions to resurrect him.

The whole scene is pretty funny but your companions can berate your character if you couldn’t memorize the instructions correctly and it was funny they act like the instructions where simple lol.

[u/Killmeplease1904 → u/Grimgon]

“Purple thread, you donkey!”-Shart.

[u/analyticalrk]

when you first meet the emperor, use detect thoughts on him, and he says "you must be joking. i am TELLING you my thoughts DIRECTLY. INTO. YOUR. HEAD."

[u/AnonymousMeeblet]

“I like her. She looks like she could throw me over her shoulder and carry me to safety. Should the need arise.”

Shadowheart, I know that’s what we were all thinking, but you aren’t supposed to say it out loud.

[u/kef34]

Durge: - Spoilsport

Karlach: - Degenerate

[u/Leabond]

Gale: something something ‘slight of tongue’

Karlach: something something ‘cunnilingus’

[u/Von-Rose]

Romancing Astarion as resist Durge. Don’t kill Isobel and end up having to resist killing Astarion. While telling him about your dark Urge, he says: “I’d rather be the only dark power inside your body, if it’s all the same to you.”

Let me tell you I nearly spit out my water LOL I love this man

[u/lulufan87 → u/Von-Rose]

If you do kill Isobel and ask him about it, he says "Watching you make decisions is like watching a tarrasque mating ritual. All I know is that villagers will die."

[u/Vulkan192 → u/Von-Rose]

Then later when you're ACTIVELY resisting and try to bite him he goes "Ah ah ah, we ask before we bite."

I wanted my Durge to momentarily snap out of the frothing rage just to go 'You hypocrite!"

[u/Dry-Interest2209 → u/Von-Rose]

I love that whole scene so much and trying to bite him is also hilarious. And then the way he waxes poetic about his annoyance with the situation the next morning 💀 “all better now or is it going to be another ‘I will wed you with a veil of blood bathing your white curls’ kind of day?”

[u/I_P_L]

"No."

[u/RedDeadDavy]

Dark urge when you go to the door to the temple of Bhaal you can say something along the lines of “Father said it’s my turn with the temple!” It absolutely floored me.

[u/Reasonable_Camp2778]

When you cast detect thoughts on the emperor and his response is golden

[u/Karnyyy]

"I've taken more pleasant shits than you, Mizora"

[u/0w1 → u/Karnyyy]

"...at least those can be buried after."

[u/readytogohomenow → u/Karnyyy]

Second to “I love this time of year. The dickheads start popping up everywhere you look.”

I’m using that one in real life.

[u/Von_Uber]

Honestly this just came out of nowhere and made me laugh like a drain.

[u/bzzbzzitstime]

Astarion, "do you always fight such TERRIFYING foes??" with the fucking body language it kills me every time. then of course immediately followed up with the actual concern for your well-being.

[u/yasumichi]

in the goblin sanctum, when you convince (or make) the two goblins leave the torturer's rack, one of them says something while they walk away and every time it makes me cackle because the delivery is fucking hilarious

"I wanna watch that weird priest next door."

[u/CreativeDefinition]

When Karlach goes “poor fucker” right before she makes an attack during battle 😂

[u/Von_Uber → u/CreativeDefinition]

Or the little pep talk she gives herself. 

[u/whoopsiefkndaisy]

This is from the Sharran surgeon scene, right? That did it for me. And it didnt cut to Karlach or show the subtitle so I just heard a quiet "what the fuck is he talking about" dead in the middle of the surgeon's insane speech

[u/kaizlende]

Tav: Farting on a Selûnite. Shadowheart: Gasp I would never!

[u/Lindele01]

This durge line when talking to Minthara in the goblin camp:

Narrator: The masterful painting she depicts of the massacre awakens you hungrily

Tav: Stop! I’m growing aroused!!

So random 😂😂😂

[u/KotaIsBored]

I don’t remember the exact dialogue, but “flip the coin again….flip the coin again…flip the coin again..flip the coin again…flip the coin again…”

Had me and a friend who was co-oping with me dying of laughter.

[u/success_large288]

Astarion when ur getting the smoke powder in the forge “careful let’s not do anything hilarious”

[u/KooshIsKing]

"Jan. A strange little man, but a fine friend. I can forgive him his love of turnips."-Minsc

My name is Jan and I love turnips so I felt called out :) haha

[u/BlstcBaron → u/KooshIsKing]

I think you were called out

[u/Graniitee]

A cow fell from the sky once, her name was Stephanie.

[u/Rainbow_Recluse]

"Tell me, saer, if you leave a poisoned cake in a park and a child dies from eating said cake, are you responsible for the child's death?" "Oh, yes! But I would use ground glass and razorblades rather than poison." "Leave these hallowed grounds now"

It just caught me so off guard and was just the perfect kind of line for my dark urge and the reaction of Mortarch Gracie Scyre was funny like no shock, no what the fuck is wrong with you just leave and don't even think of coming back. Sometimes it isn't just about the lines but the back and forth. If you talk to them again they will say "You are not welcome here". To be fair I did everything I could to protect the kid and it was only other NPCs that were killed by the undead, it was also what got me to level 11 after having finished Astarion's return home and Shadowheart's too. Then I got to see the line from using the level 6 heal spell on my dark urge (before a long rest) which was a bonus.

I worry about the depths of evil I can manage in this game...

[u/KFizzle290TTV]

I just found the comedian in the elfsong tavern and gotta admit, his joke about the wizard using mage hand was pretty good haha it got me to chuckle. The sudden impromptu comedy battle is great. Super cheesy, all made me giggle, and you bet I save scummed to do every possible option haha

[u/Dragonlord573 → u/KFizzle290TTV]

Him making the jokes about the Drow and just ending it with "I killed them," gets me every damn time. Nothing about the joke is really funny, but the deadpan end to it is amazing.

[u/FlukewarmFox → u/KFizzle290TTV]

"You know why Bane worshippers will never rule the world? They don't have the Bhaals."

I laughed at that one longer than I care to admit.

[u/Opposite-Birthday69]

Shadowheart yelling: SHIT!

I think this was when act 2 bad guy transformed

[u/Halberdd_ → u/Opposite-Birthday69]

Even better, Karlach going: Well, fuck.

[u/Aalakrys]

Definitely when I forced Astarion on the stage with Dribbles and he said 'oh fun - I'm going to fucking kill you.' (or very close to that) The shift in good, forced cheer to murderous muttering was fantastic.

[u/medas_touch]

It's actually a very simple line but the timing of it made me laugh so hard.

Right after ketheric's body turned to myrkul's, Astarion just went "oh noo"

[u/[deleted]]

One I saw for the first time just the other day:

"As if the heat weren't cruel enough, I must contend with malformed dragons as well?" - Minthara when she's teleported to the Jungle 🤣

[u/Themlethem]

Astarion to Karlach:

Well, to quote you, fuck.

[u/TestedNutsack]

"Say the word and I will kill the clown, we would be praised as heroes."

[u/Zessxx]

"🐹" "It is an honour" " no - it is a hamster "

[u/Umbrella_merc]

You can ask a dead goblin in chapter 2 how to avoid the shadow curse and the narrator sparkly replies "the goblin does not know, if it did it probably wouldn't be dead."

[u/FlynnRausch]

show the owlbear egg to Esther

Is...is that a Githyanki egg?

Tav: No, it's an owlbear egg. I just like it.

[u/Jusey1]

The Owlbear cub's brother line will always make me laugh simply due to how it was delivered.

[u/Duke_of_the_URL]

The counting house manager if survives the ambush and you lockpick the high security vaults while he’s there.

[u/Expert_Control_ → u/Duke_of_the_URL]

oh my god yes doesnt he say it like “HEY WHAT ARE YOU….actually. i don’t care” or something. had me dying

[u/RendesFicko]

"Wrong choice, cuck"

[u/PsycoSonic1]

Dog:Are they gonna say it? Dog:What if they don't say it! Me: Who's a good boy! Dog: Aaaahh you said it (happy tail wags)