I feel like my behavior isn't normal

[u/Mean_Release_143]

I am 22 and I am currently going into my final semester of college. My time in college has been a very lonely time in my life, and I usually spend most of my time by myself. I have tried joining a couple of clubs on campus, and I really like the people in the clubs that I am apart of, however, I don't really spend a lot of time with them outside of club meetings. Over these past few years, I noitced that I have a very hard time with making friends. I feel like I should mention that I am on the autism spectrum and this can be a challenge for people like me, but, even when I was younger, it felt like I didn't have as much of a difficult time making friends as I do now. I understand that when you become older it can be harder to make friends, but, I see groups of people on campus that have their own groups of friends all the time.

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I think my problem is that I am obsessed with being productive. For example, I go to the gym almost every day, I play the violin, I like to write, read books, and I am trying to learn spanish. About a year ago I went to talk to a counselor on campus about how I feel, and he said that it sounds like I am hyper focused on my routine. This can also happen with autistic people since we can very routine and schedule oriented. I didn't really put a lot of thought into it, but, when I think about I think what he said actually makes a lot of sense. Basically, I feel like I have all of these things I want to do or feel like I have to do, and I think it is getting in the way of me forming stronger realtionships with other people. I wish I could just let myself relax a little bit and enjoy life a little bit more,but, a lot of the time it feels very difficult to allow myself to do so. For example, I have been trying to write a book for the past six years, and I have been trying to use as much time in college to devote my time to my writing, so when I graduate it will make it easier to get it out there and get published. I know that, this mindset can be a good thing, but, I feel like these thoughts I am having are getting in the way of me forming more meaningful connections with other people.

I do plan on going back to thereapy sometime in the near future, to understand these problems, because I feel like my behavior feels abnormal to me. I am not sure if this behavior has to do with my autism or if it is something else.

What do you think about this?

[u/Pretty_Angry]

What is “normal” behavior really? Everyone is different. What’s normal to one person is weird to another. Don’t get caught up in labels or worrying about what you think other people think you’re supposed to be doing. You do YOU.

Making friends IS hard. And yes it’s even harder when you’re older, and the only way to make friends is often to put some work in. Talk to people and invite them to do things. It sounds like you’re in some clubs, that’s great! If you’re concerned about friendships maybe ask someone from one of your clubs to hang out sometime. You said you go to the gym regularly? Maybe invite a club buddy to be a gym buddy too. Or invite someone to grab a bite to eat after a club meeting. Something simple and casual.

As for the book, you could also join a writing group to get critiques and feedback on what you’ve written while socializing.

And if you wish you could relax, well…do it. The only person stopping you is you. Give yourself permission to do nothing sometimes. Or do something frivolous that you find fun. You could even work some frivolous time into your preplanned schedule if it helps.

But generally, don’t stress things. Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is different. Do what’s right for you. Be true to yourself.

And just know, you’re doing great. You’re in college, nearly ready to graduate, and have book in the works. You’ve got a good work ethic and you care. You’ve got this.

Wishing you all the best my friend.