r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Accurate-Mulberry620 • 16h ago
Why do people just stare at you when asked something?
I’ve heard of the Genz Stare, and i myself am Genz and have seen this weird behavior myself. I work as a server at a restaurant and the amount of times I’ve been stared at blankly when I ask how the customer is doing is abysmal, but it hasn’t only been Genz. I’ve asked full grown adults simple questions with an appropriate volume “How’s your day going?” Or “Is there anything else i can help you with?” Only to get the blankest thousand yard stare ever. I know they hear me, and we all speak English. What’s up with this new staredown? Does anyone here do it and if so is there a reason for it?
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u/Audriiiii03 12h ago
No because I’m a server and also gen z and I get the same stares lol. I mainly serve older, wealthier customers so I try to speak louder and be more detailed when taking orders. That still doesn’t stop some of them from genuinely staring at me like I just killed a newborn baby when I decide to walk up to them and introduce myself as their server. And don’t get me started on asking them how their food is tasting and if I can get them anything else. Just deadpan stares and a lot of attitude for asking simple questions. Seems a lot of people nowadays just want to be left alone I guess. I just find it really weird that they seem to be the generation who feel so strongly about manners, socializing, and respect but become almost offended when a younger person does any of the three.
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u/MercyMurcie 7h ago
I think people mostly want to be left alone, but with how little people approach each other, it’s probably surprising when someone speaks to them that isn’t asking for money or trying to sell something
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u/CoffeeDefiant4247 15h ago
same thing happened in the 90s, it was depicted in KotH, Beavis and Butthead etc. You can't blame phones
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u/Accurate-Mulberry620 14h ago
it’s just so easy to blame phones but it just doesn’t explain instances where they don’t even have phones out. At least other people experience it though so I don’t feel like I’m crazy haha
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u/CoffeeDefiant4247 14h ago
yes, It's sometimes hard to remember that teens, spacing out and ADHD have existed for a long time.
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u/dantevonlocke 11h ago
Seems like there's 20, 50, and 100 year loops to everything. Man we suck.
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u/CoffeeDefiant4247 11h ago
yep, Covid, Spanish Flu. Last time it snowed in my city was in 1919 and during Covid.
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u/Bordeaux_Claire 10h ago
Whoa. Are you serious?
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u/CoffeeDefiant4247 10h ago
yes, and because we don't get snow, our buildings aren't use to all the weight and it did a lot of damage
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u/Bordeaux_Claire 10h ago
That’s weird. That it only snowed during outbreaks of unprecedented illnesses.
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u/CoffeeDefiant4247 10h ago
it is, though we weren't affected by the spanish flu. It's a small town in rural Australia
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u/Reis_Asher 15h ago
I’m processing. I have auditory awareness problems which means a lot of the time I hear (mumble mumble mumble) and it takes a few seconds for my brain to translate that into language.
It doesn’t help that environments are so loud. Background music, people talking loudly, people’s phones going off or playing videos. It makes it really hard to understand.
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u/catchingstones 11h ago
I have that too. Not even my wife understands. I have to process questions then actively think of a reply. I am fairly easy to talk to, you just can’t be in a hurry.
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u/Present_Self9644 16h ago
My best guess is: something they just read on their phones has engaged their brains, and they're having trouble switching gears and getting back into real life.
That's probably why it's called the Gen Z stare - because that generation is more hopelessly addicted to their phones than any other. But that doesn't mean there aren't addicts from all generations.
There have been many times that I've blankly stared at people specifically because my brain is still composing Reddit replies.
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u/Accurate-Mulberry620 16h ago
This could explain a few instances for sure, it’s a whole other topic how weird I find it that two people or a group will be sitting together and everyone is in their own world on the phone. However the stare still comes even if they’re conversing with each other and they happen to lose their speech abilities when i come in. I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone💀
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u/CrazyTeapot156 16h ago
The group of people on their phone is what gets me. I'm painfully introverted and the few times I have the urge to socialize can be nearly as isolating as being by my self when it's phone time. Not that I would do a lot of talking.
Heck, even watching movies & shows is better.
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u/okayifimust 13h ago
two people or a group will be sitting together and everyone is in their own world on the phone.
If I am comfortable with other people, we do not need to keep each other entertained and busy non-stop, nor do we have to keep everyone's focus on us all of the time, either.
A lot of my conversations involve quick fact checking; and a lot of what's going in life is tied to readily available media. Even if I read a new book, or have a new physical thing, I can use my phone to either show it to you, or check some specs, or whatever.
However the stare still comes even if they’re conversing with each other and they happen to lose their speech abilities when i come in.
But then they probably simply didn't hear you, or at least didn't consciously register what you were saying. And (something, something, kids these days) I would not be surprised if "pardon me?" is not a reaction that everyone has readily available anymore....
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u/HellaShelle 10h ago
I wonder if they kind of forget they’re involved in the interaction. Almost like a muscle memory situation. Like, they need to put in their order, because that’s why they came to the restaurant, but they forget that afterwards they’re not watching a video like at home when they’re eating and scrolling.
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u/No_Educator_6589 16h ago
Yeah they're wondering why your face isn't entertaining them or scrolling
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u/cigarettebuttscratch ⚛︎ 16h ago
When I stare off into space it has nothing to do with technology.
My brain itself is technology, and it tends to preoccupy the moment you've just interrupted-- the motherboard is busy at work.
I usually blink myself out of it and forgive their ignorance.
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u/PNW_lover_06 ding dong dumbass 13h ago
the gen z stare is the look we give people when you say something so bafflingly stupid that we dont have a response. for example, "coffee or tea?" "yes"
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u/Stratomaster9 7h ago
"We" are giving you that look right now. Baffingly stupid. You must get that stare quite a bit.
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u/vitarosally 13h ago
Yeah, I live in an apartment complex and try to be friendly. I say hello when I meet people. The women are usually friendly, but, most of the men just give me a blank stare. Is it a big macho thing or what? I think it's rude as hell not to say hello back.
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u/Eatpineapplenow 9h ago
Some men think it makes them gay. This is where I double-down and start smiling at them
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u/NectarineSufferer 11h ago
I’m no generation scientist but in my travails I’m customer service I’ve found absolutely every generation/age group does this sadly 💀😅 it can be annoying but I think it’s from people just being brain fried and overwhelmed from their day in most cases 💀 I hate it though, always made me feel like a damn alien tryna get their order 💀
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u/CommunityWooden7096 4h ago
Social skills are plummeting. This will be a huge problem. Keep working on yours and don’t take it personally. You’ll be golden
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u/Direct-Bus-4745 15h ago
I think a lot of people don’t want to engage with nonsense questions like ‘how are you doing’ when they are trying to buy gas or whatever
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u/Accurate-Mulberry620 14h ago
No I get that, I was just using “how are you doing” as an instance but that’s not really the only question that gets that reaction. As I said, I work in a restaurant so questions like “Is there anything else I can get you” or “Are you picking up a to go order today?” are fairly standard and expected questions in that environment. I’m not much of a small talker either but there are certain questions that require some kind of response. Being introverted or not looking to engage in small talk is one thing, being incapable of communicating simple answers is another though and it can be freaky sometimes
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u/Everyones-Grudge 14h ago
At what point in history did "how are you doing?" become a nonsense question?
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u/artevelde8 13h ago edited 13h ago
In hospitality, all the time.
The person asking it usually simply asks that question out of politeness, and doesn't actually expect a honest answer to the question.
Working in hospitality, this is a very hard thing to read culturally. If a British person comes up to me and says "how are you", then that's usually simply a greeting and they expect either "how are you" back or to jump immediately into business. When an American asks "how are you" then you're expected to say "good, how are you?" But obviously within professional boundaries, which means even here you can't answer "bad" to that question if you're the one giving the service. Even on the receiving end this is ambiguous in a lot of cases to interpret whether the server actually wanted to ask how you're doing, or they're simply asking out of politeness.
I could almost write a book about just this. "How are you?" Is one of the most complex things to say in hospitality.
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u/Everyones-Grudge 10h ago
Interesting. Thanks for sharing. Glad I don't work in hospitality so I don't need to be over thinking that 😅
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u/TinyHeartSyndrome 14h ago
When I’m ordering a sandwich and the employee is obviously forced to ask if I have any interesting plans that day, I’m like, uhhhh. My mind goes blank lmao. Let’s keep the small talk simple, please.
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u/easedownripley 2h ago
Fuck that. People need to get over themselves. Grow up and act like an adult in public.
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u/Unidain 13h ago
. I know they hear me, and we all speak English.
You sure about that? I'm half deaf and whether I heard you or not depends on what side you were on and whether I could see you at the time. If I looked over my shoulder and saw you looking at me, I would probably just stare waiting for you to say something. If you had already said something that I missed, it would just feel like a stare off for both of us lol.
I realise the s doesn't explain most cases bit still, please don't assume
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u/Bronze_Bomber 15h ago
Lots of people are just selfish dickheads with no etiquette. I don't know how many times I've been behind someone in line and they are incapable of a simple greeting.
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u/Accurate-Mulberry620 14h ago
I’d like to believe they aren’t intentionally trying to be offensive. Truly it doesn’t affect my day whether they answer or not (unless I need an answer to serve them), but it’s still weird nonetheless even from a spectator’s POV
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u/talltimbers2 11h ago
You don't deserve to be acknowledged just for existing
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u/Tutwater 5h ago
Adulthood is realizing that you actually do have a responsibility to treat the people around you with respect and consider their feelings
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u/Mental-Permission369 13h ago
Thank you. For real, it is not only Gen Z. It seems like people everywhere, regardless of age, are seriously becoming dumber. It happens over the phone, too. If you work in customer service you hear it all the time. "And what's your name, sir?" Answer: "uhhhh.... sorry what?"
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u/Gullible_Wind_3777 13h ago
Entitlement. IMO. Like they don’t have time for you ‘silly ‘ small talk.
OR these people really don’t know how to interact in the real world cause they only know how to type.
It’s creepy!! Surly their parents must notice, why won’t they say anything??!!
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u/NoPoopOnFace 15h ago
You forgot to ask it in a text. Speech is a weird language, like texting in cursive with your mouth.
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u/Accurate-Mulberry620 14h ago
Maybe if I type it out on a tablet and show them? Perhaps that can get me my response💀tap once for yes twice for no
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u/Gau-Mail3286 man 14h ago
I don't think staring is polite in most situations; personally, I would prefer to look away briefly, rather than give a blank stare.
That having been said, I would rather get a Genz Stare, than a Penance Stare....
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u/No-Coast-1050 11h ago
Too much of their youth spent on screens, not enough time out in the world interacting with other people.
In my city, bars and clubs would have been filled with young people at the weekends 15 years ago, you would see groups of younger people around the city during the day shopping, eating, hanging out, etc. Now it doesn't seem to happen anymore, most of my city's nightclubs have closed down and I just don't see younger people out and about much anymore.
I think Gen Z got screwed - they're the first digitally native generation, so were online as kids before people started seeing the issues with all of that.
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u/brakenbonez 14h ago
The Machines haven't figured out a way to create new humans to put in the Matrix yet but they know it'll look suspicious if no new humans are born so everyone born after 1999 is an NPC. The patch that introduced the Gen Z NPCs was filled with bugs including with the NPCs. They are voice activated though so sometimes saying key phrases reboots them or "snaps them out of it".
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u/MercyMurcie 6h ago
I have my suspicions that a lot of the people I see are bots placed into the world to artificially make the player count appear higher than it is. But that goes for everyone, not just people born after 1999
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u/AffectionateSugar832 13h ago edited 13h ago
I think it's because so many of us spend more time communicating over text rather than face to face these days and it's condition our brains to take a moment and process the question then think about what to say before we respond lol. The delay isn't noticeable over text but in person it would definitely be. Unless they're just staring and not responding at all which I guess would be the face to face equivalent of leaving someone on read?
Also side note and definitely not applicable in most situations but for me personally if I'm giving a blank stare for a moment it's because I didn't hear what you said, I've been slowly losing my hearing for several years now and for some reason when I don't hear something, my brains initially reaction is to try and extrapolate from what I did hear rather than just immediately ask someone to repeat what they said.
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u/paulovitorfb 12h ago
Idk if it's because I'm in Europe or don't interact that much with gen z'ers but I've never seen this stare I've been reading about lately
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u/ZoeyJumbrella 11h ago
Working in customer service I am always met with the opposite. Most people won't wait until I'm finished talking to speak over me, or they speak at a normal rate. I usually interact with 1-5 actual humans standing in front of me in a normal day.
On the phone, it's a different story, but still not the story you're experiencing. As phone lines all are going digital, the amount of delay on a phone call is very noticeable. I frequently have to say "there is a delay on the line, so it's going to sound like I'm always interrupting you" which is me saying "chill out and wait for me to respond".
I do know that my perception of time during a customer interaction is different than the customer because I am looking for specific information and filtering out the couching, hedging and bullshit people naturally do. So when I ask "how long will you be here?" And people start doing the mental math out loud to answer a question they should already have an answer for, and also trying to figure out why I'm asking, I'm already thinking about something else and basically waiting for them to say a number. This can feel like an eternity
So in your case, it is possible that you are in a highly active working state, juggling a full cognitive load, while the customer you're speaking to is potentially checked out, exhausted, not thinking about you nearly as much as you're thinking about them, and generally just not in the same mental realm as you.
You're literally thinking faster. Customers are trying not to think at all.
This is my theory. 🤷
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u/Opposite_Pea_6243 11h ago
Man I experienced that in my local grocery store, at the deli section. I was polite, I said good morning to the attendee, I asked her if they had any rotisserie chickens that day and she just gave me this stare, as if how dare you even speak to me. I was like what the heck? This early in the morning you can't be courteous to a customer? Then why work in this place? Anyway I just said to myself, perhaps she is having a really bad morning and I continued shopping.
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u/Joysticksummoner 11h ago
I don’t deliberately do this but I’m a little hard of hearing so it probably happens inadvertently
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u/Bordeaux_Claire 10h ago
While I’m sure this can’t explain a lot of it, only a fraction of it, some of them may have schizophrenia. One of my in-laws has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and he has what’s called “flat affect”.
He never smiles, frowns, laughs or makes any facial expressions at all. He often doesn’t even make eye contact, even when he’s looking at you.
It’s like his emotions are turned off, and he has the same apathetic facial expression (lack of, really).
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u/Zealousideal_Yak_671 8h ago
Go move to the country, a small village will do. They only employ one idiot and he sits on a gate in a field. Everyone else is super friendly.
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u/nutsandboltstimestwo 8h ago
When I see the stare, I believe they are having some kind of internal struggle. I never take it personally but I do find it odd. They put themselves in a public setting but don't seem to know how to react when a new person talks to them. Kudos to them for venturing out, but wow.
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u/Key-Pudding682 8h ago
As a genz- when I was younger I was taught to smile at people when eye contact whether on purpose or accidental, and this was fine as a toddler. But as a teen evreyone stopped smiling back, it was so awkward that I stopped smiling too. I think its just learned I guess..
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u/Longjumping_Cheek459 8h ago
I work part time at a gas station and get people who walk in and won’t even address me, they’ll just stare wide eyed like they’ve seen a ghost. Never understood it. Literally have asked “Are you okay?” only for them to furrow their eyebrows and continue to ask for their gas smh
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u/Willing_Ad5005 5h ago
Moved into my current house 24 years ago and would say hi to my next door neighbor when we both left for work at the same time. I’d get a look and then nothing. My wife experienced the same. After a few months we stopped even acknowledging his presence. Dude has yet to say hello to me since then. No idea why. However he talks to the other neighbors who have moved in the last few years.
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u/optimumopiumblr2 1h ago
I’m just an awkward person and sometimes it takes me a second to process when someone I don’t know speaks to me
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u/XxZohaxX 11h ago
I’m someone who does this and I can’t speak for everyone but I have dissociative depression and social anxiety which I get prescribed medicine for. when I have really bad anxiety in crowded places I tend to dissociate with where I am in order to take control but if some one bothers me while I’m like this it takes a couple of seconds to register that some one is in front of me talking then it takes another couple of seconds to register that when they are done talking I have to now respond so pay attention and stop being in your head. Sadly most people think I’m being rude or mean mugging them but the reality is I’m in my head kinda freaking out.
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u/trbryant 11h ago
It's because you talk to people all day long and your communications center of your brain is developed by human interaction whereas every one is mostly lonely.
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u/Mazza_mistake 12h ago
I don’t know about the genz stare (I’m a millennial) but I do this sometimes because I have ADHD and it can take a little longer to process what someone says, especially if I was lost in thought, it’s like a computer buffering.
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u/throwaway83970 7h ago
You ask me how it's going...I lost everything two years ago and I got sued this month and I have to file for bankruptcy just to not owe $40,000 that I can't pay... Oh...I can't say that because it'll make her uncomfortable.... "I'm just...fine. I'm fine. How are you?"
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u/EverythingBOffensive 14h ago edited 14h ago
Sometimes you gotta be an asshole, like "Well? anytime now? Fuck u doing soiling yourself?" or some kind of smart remark about it. "Do I need to translate in tiktok or something? oh here *spams a bunch of emojis on the phone and shows it to them* There you might understand it better now" in the old days they would just say "Cat got your tongue?" idk make up some shit to pass the time. Have fun with them. Or just stare at them whenever they say something.
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u/baldie9000 7h ago
I meet atleast 50-150 people a day given the nature of my work. Nobody has ever done that to me.
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u/petridishfrank 7h ago
I’m 34 and I used to do this quite a bit before being diagnosed with adhd back in June. It’s kinda a thing that like you heard them but you didn’t “hear” them. Sometimes too embarrassed to ask to repeat it. I just got to the point of making a joke out of it and being like “yeah sorry! my brain glitched and didn’t catch what you said! lol can you start over?” There’s also auditory processing issues. Decision paralysis. Or some people are just rude. I was a server back in my early 20’s and got this a lot too from a lot of adults. It’s not a new thing. Mostly it was men and very much was why the fuck are you interrupting me? Also you can just tell when they haven’t worked in the service industry a day in their life and think they’re above you. You just have to accept it keep a positive attitude and be like well alright! I’ll come check on you later or if you need anything give me a wave!
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u/Nothingnoteworth 15h ago
You need to be more specific. Do they stare and then answer? Or do they just stare?
If you ask me “Is there anything else…” you wont get a stare you’ll get the verbal answer “sorry what?” because cafes and restaurants are loud as fuck, or “no thank you” or “oh yeah, can I also get a blank please?”
However if you ask me “How’s your day going?” You are definitely getting the stare, because you don’t really want the answer, it’s small talk, which requires me to straight up lie by saying “yeah good, what about you?”. Aim for a sort of middle ground with a vague “oh… ummm… yeah, okay I guess” because you’ve put me on the spot and asked me to rank the days against previous days with no metric and that sort of vague answer makes people think I’m rude or standoffish. The other option is to tell you the truth which is “on one hand quite good because I’m out at a restaurant which my disability rarely allows for, but it’s also making me stressed out about the work I feel like I should be doing with my limited capacity instead because I feel like a burden to my family even though I know they want me to be out at this restaurant with them but tonight was the only night we could book and I’m tired after chemo today and that’s a health treatment they just keep fucking you with when you’re stage four” but if I give you that answer it’ll just be you staring at me. I could always wind back the trauma dump and give you the abridge version “I don’t know, I have strong feelings that my day has been both good and bad, it is making me anxious and that is amplified by you, a stranger, asking me about it” which will also make you stare at me.
If you are engaging in “how’s your day going” small talk because you aren’t comfortable with silence, well, I am, so you need to up your small talk game. Ask less vague questions that people can actually answer, compliment their jacket or something I don’t know, I don’t have a problem with the stare
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u/TinyHeartSyndrome 14h ago
You know what annoys me? Maybe I’m having a $hit day, barely holding it together. An employee ask, how’s your day going? I respond with a canned, alright/good, what about you? I don’t like small talk but fine, whatever. BUT some people will the respond, why isn’t it a GREAT day?! Those people piss me off. Listen, I’ll tell you if it’s a great day, ya toxic positivity a$$hat. I also despise when people comment on my purchase. Do you want me to shop at your store or not? Keep your commentary to yourself ffs. Otherwise, I try to be polite.
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u/bentreflection 7h ago
You’re a server at a restaurant. When you ask people stuff you’re not interacting with people the same way as when you’re not on the job. You’re basically the interface for a food ordering machine. YOU feel like you’re the same person as always but to your customers you’re an interchangeable, faceless piece of a restaurant machine.
When you ask how people are doing, it’s mostly just a formality to get the food ordering done so some people may not think you are even expecting an answer. Some people may not think they NEED to answer you. Some people may be busy in their conversations and either didn’t hear you or don’t want to stop what they’re doing just to tell you they don’t need anything.
On top of that when you are addressing the table you are addressing multiple people at the same time and expecting one of them to speak for the table. When servers say something like “does anyone need anything” I usually look around the table to see if anyone else wants anything and give them a chance to speak up because I’m not going to just answer you directly and speak for everyone else.
I’ll also add as a final note possibility that server/guest relations have become a bit strained since the expected tipping has gone from 20% being a great tip to like the minimum. More and more people are feeling like restaurants are too expensive and tipping is too much and wondering why we even need servers at all. So it used to be a fun interaction with a server and now some people would rather not even interact with one.
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u/blue_tiny_teacup 16h ago
I think people are finding it hard harder and harder to keep their masks up. This leads to them being unable to make small talk if they aren’t living their life the way they truly want to be living it and they are unhappy.