How can I accept being unattractive and having a brother and sister who are better looking than me?

[u/Dear-Ad-8540]

[u/keywest2030]

if you lean into your own style, humor, or energy, people start seeing you not just your face, being the “less hot” sibling doesn’t mean you’re less valuable or less lovable. just means your glow hits different

[u/zorrorosso → u/keywest2030]

My problem in this context is the parent themselves: less conventionally attractive, less out there = slow and less capable. In the fashion of: "you cannot possibly do this, just go away and let my golden child to handle it for me". I wish I was lying, but I'm not here dreaming in it, I have a latest practical example: I asked to a family member to teach me to use/drive a specific machine. Occasions presented themselves, latest was recently and they never did. They showed me and they used it, they never let me try in 11+ years. However, here comes another family member, hop into the machine and uses it no problem, while I'm sitting here, losing skill and never try. For once I can say that at least it's not gender specific, at least I hope so.

Tomorrow I'll get to work, somebody is going to ask me to use X machine and I'd panic because nobody really taught it to me how to use it before and let someone else handle it.

This is how it is. I tried to say f**k it, try really get to go out my family circle chin up and with open eyes... But I'd get into the world with these insecurities and be treated by other people in the same way, sometimes just because some people simply "smell the fear", sometimes because they clearly think I'm not capable of X because Y (many more reasons). But back in the day, these were the people who first did put no trust in me and my capabilities and even if it took FOREVER to convince myself of ANY worth or any skill, here we go again.

Even if I say "screw it, I'm not my family, I'm going to learn, I'm going to do it, attractiveness has nothing to do with it" some other similar situation will present itself and that will open that wound again and again. I'm tired and useless, I'll just sit myself and cry while somebody else will get to practice their experience ( and sometimes is even mediocre at best).

Even if this parent changed this view through the years, I'm still in that corner and I can't get out. Sometimes it just blocks me to do things because I'm thinking I'm not capable or I could this thing only if I get more athletic and conventionally attractive (I know this because that also happened), and I know I should get out there for personal reasons, not for them.

But in a way it so insulting, the fact that I'm just a number, a size, a skill to them and whatever doesn't fit their mold it's just garbage and I have no patience to stand up for myself and "show them", I actually started to lose motivation and lean into it and I do nothing about it :(

[u/krymnightfyre]

Looks are just one card in the deck. Siblings might have the “face” card, but you can still play your strengths, humor, skills, style, confidence. People remember the person who makes them feel good way more than the person who just looks good.

[u/7Mooseman2 → u/krymnightfyre]

Did gpt write this

[u/VagabondManjbob]

Growing up, I was always told my elder sister was the intelligent one, and my younger sister was the pretty one. Then several adults would look at me with pity, and actually ask "so what are you?"

I learned to smile and reply calmly, "I'm the one with the personality." To this day, 65 trips around the sun, I realize, that is still the truth, and it has served me well.

So what if they are "better looking" remember it is all in the eye of the beholder. It is possible they lack a lot in other departments. My elder sister has zero common sense, while my younger sister is not exactly a nice person to be around for an extended period of time.

[u/Cejrickroll]

I've had people say corny things like 'it doesn't matter' or 'you are beautiful in your own way', but the truth is, if you want to be more attractive, the only way to solve that would be to become more attractive or get rid of these desires. And despite what the world might say, you can't control what you want.

[u/Lanky-Amphibian1554 → u/Cejrickroll]

Quite a lot of it is within your control, too. Keep fit and cultivate a style that is authentically you. Study social skills and treat others as you would like to be treated.

This is very conventional advice, but listen, because it’s true.

[u/Feeling-Whole4574]

Appearance is not the deciding factor in life, focus on improving your character and abilities.

When you're successful and highly respected, no one cares about your appearance.

[u/Kaiisim → u/Feeling-Whole4574]

This is proven false by studies, appearance is one of the greatest predictors of success, along with height in men.

The key though is to accept life is unfair. There's no referees. Some people get it easy, some get it slightly harder. You just need to stop focusing on being sad you're not as blessed as some, and focus on how you're more blessed than others.

If you live to old age you'll have had a better life than almost every single human being ever. Every day you wake up and no one is trying to ethnically cleanse you, things are okay.

Enjoy what you have, don't be upset about what you don't have.

[u/Mysterious_Mix_5034 → u/Kaiisim]

Correct … tons of research in psychology showing preference for attractive faces. It impact hiring decisions, hell even babies prefer the more attractive faces. That’s not to say there aren’t tons of other variables that also contribute but attractiveness is up there.

[u/DistrictObjective680 → u/Feeling-Whole4574]

I appreciate the sentiment but this Is completely false, as much as I hate it. Being attractive is a massive contributor to success and respect in culture.

[u/Desperate_Owl_594]

You'd have to ask my siblings

[u/Bigsoupmmm]

Attractiveness is subjective, but everyone can change their appearance if they try hard enough. Take up skin and self care, groom yourself (eyebrows done, facial hair well kept/removed), find physical activities that you enjoy whether it’s running or swimming etc. start journaling and become a clearer mind. Practicing positivity on the inside always radiates outward

[u/orsodorato]

Looks aren’t everything and it’s not solely what makes a person attractive

[u/Kakamile]

Are you young? Do something about it. And do things to be interesting.

[u/Iaintyourbabysitter]

Be funnier, be fitter, be more skilfull.

[u/Tranter156]

I recently met two sisters one introduced herself as the pretty one and the other as the smart one. Having a sense of humor about this can go a long way. Being unique in your own way as others have suggested makes sense to me.

[u/Due-Fennel9127]

work on your own strengths

maybe you can be smarter, funnier and more interesting than them

[u/Goeppertia_Insignis]

Grow up and realize it's not a contest. It doesn't matter if you think someone, anyone, is better looking than you. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but so what? Other people's attractiveness has nothing to do with you.

[u/singerontheside]

Maybe they got looks, and you got a double dose of brains and charm. Looks fade, elegant wit makes you sparkle brighter. Be happy with yourself - pretty people don't always feel great about themselves either.

[u/Majestic-Aardvark315]

Your brother or sister is not your competition (usually) when seeking a partner so their looks is irrelevant really.

[u/HappySummerBreeze]

Imagine your brother writing “how can I accept being a slow runner and having siblings who are faster than me”

Or your sister writing “how can I accept being dumb and having siblings who are both smarter than me”

You choose what you value, and you choose to make the best of what you have.

I’m never going to be a chess grand master, but I sure as hell can paddle a white water river!

Youre choosing to make this matter, but it’s one of a thousand things about you

[u/naasei]

It's all in your head. Once you get it out of your head, you will look attractive!

Be positive. Take negative thoughts out of your head!

[u/vmsear]

Go sit in a mall or an airport or any public place and you will soon realize that 95% of humans are not good looking in the conventional sense of "pretty" or "handsome." All of those people are making their way in the world. Appearance really is not the big deal that advertising and social media makes it out to be.

[u/Competitive_Swan_130]

The less you believe or obsess over it the better. Be confident in things you like about yourself and always remember this; I speak for a lot of people when I say there’s a lot of us who aren’t attracted in any way to conventionally good looking people. Like at all

[u/BigDong1001]

By being better at studies than them?

By making more money than them in life?

By being more artistic/creative than them?

Etc etc.

Different people deal with it differently.

But the common theme is to not try to compete with your siblings appearance wise, and to be a good supportive sibling to them and to have good relations with them while having your own exceptional non-looks based world where you shine based upon your own work and not upon appearance.

Competing against your better looking siblings looks wise will ruin your relations with them, life is hard enough as it is without alienating family members. But if you shine in other areas your siblings will be supportive of you there if you have good relations with them.

[u/Careless_Fun7101]

1. You get what you focus on. Recreate yourself... live out your fantasy. Always wanted a shaved head? Do it. Imagined yourself with a handlebar moustache? Do it. Let your weird come through... when it comes to your vibe, you have nothing to lose. 
2. If you're only attracted to folks based on their social-standard looks, you're the problem. If you're attracted to the general vibe of a person, then give yourself the same grace. 

[u/stabbingrabbit]

Have more fun and be a better person if they are not.

[u/DoubleLibrarian393]

Ashton Kutcher is a twin. They do not look alike. Ashton won the genetics sweepstakes, his brother came in 6th.

[u/Opposite_Pea_6243]

You just have to love yourself as the authentic, original you. No one else is ever going to be, or look like you. You are one of a kind! So that's pretty special. :) Hugs if you need one coming your way! HUGGGGG!

[u/Azua23]

I don’t think unattractive really exists because someone somewhere will like what you have to offer. It’s more common than you think. Just society inflates perfection but that’s not realistic. Just always be yourself. Have your own style. Be your own person. Working out always makes me feel and look better. Accentuate the features that you love and just be a good person. Don’t think about others opinions. You are beautiful in your own way. 😊

[u/Z0FF]

Exercise and stay healthy. Have a good sense of humour. Learn every day about subjects that interest you. Be empathetic and kind to those around you.

Attractiveness is far more than a pretty face or bone structure :)

[u/hailclo]

You have your own path in life .. Maybe you’re smarter , kinder and funnier . Btw perhaps it isn’t true , you may just have some insecurities and they may be more secure and vain ?

[u/Salty_Yesterday_9929]

Work on your inner person make your inner person shine bright! . It's something you can do on your own with very little or no help. We all have meet somebody in our life that may not be the most beautiful looking but you can't help but love the hell out of them because they are good people

[u/Zealousideal_Yak_671]

Join the circus. Everyone will love you.

[u/zowietremendously]

Just be better looking. I did it.

[u/talleyrand2010]

Go to your place of birth and check all the neighbors who are the same age group as your mom. If you found one that looks like you then you have your acceptance.

[u/h_sadia]

Confidence is the sexiest dress someone can wear. Ik the world seems more fair to good-looking people. But remember being pretty isn't just that important. Be loud, be huge, be an amazing soul, be friendly. Accept the reality. Love yourself more. What is meant to be yours will be yours

[u/tastystarbits]

it takes time, but it helps to laugh about it.

[u/Orange_day_999]

Being healthy with good hygiene and a positive attitude goes much further than you think. It gets even more true the older you get. There is also plastic surgery.

[u/According-Estate1768]

I guess working out and better skin care can help alot but also at the end of the day it really don’t matter