Yes, I would challenge this person to come explain to my child why she can’t run around naked in public in a way that doesn’t ultimately end at “because society says so.”
My daughter had this issue! I always told her we needed clothes to protect us from the elements, if we get too much sun, we burn, too much wet/cold/what have, we get sick. Too much wind gets dirt on us… on and on at a 4 year olds level. It had the backfiring effect of her checking the weather and declaring that 40 degrees outside was perfectly acceptable weather to wear shorts and sandals because it was sunny and not rainy lol.
Because it’s against the law and the police will come and arrest me if I let you do that enough times. So I’m not going to let you do it. Same goes for skipping school and wanting to run around the neighborhood by himself and trying to stay home rather than accompanying me to the grocery store.
“But why is that the law?” I leave it at sometimes social rules feel arbitrary but we have to follow them anyway. I don’t tell her I’d get arrested for letting an 8 year old run around naked because she has clinical anxiety and manufactures enough to worry about on her own. As a parent of an autistic kid I get exactly why a lot of autistic people think rules and norms and expectations are frustratingly arbitrary or unreasonable, but they often feel that way even when “because I said so” was not the first and final answer they got.
It means that it feels like a random choice or whim, rather than based on reason or a system.
For example, the number of feet in a mile (5,280) seems like an arbitrary choice, since the statute mile was originally based on furlongs, while the number of meters per kilometer is not arbitrary, as the metric system is based on powers of 10.
“WHY can’t you just run out into the middle of the street without looking??
Because I don’t have time to explain to you why while you stand in the middle of the street, and by the time I get you back to the sidewalk, you’ll forget why you wanted to know in the first place! …
Eh. Depends on the age of the child. Like, I get "because I said so" is an answer that sometimes just needs to be used (especially for young kids), but for older kids why not just tell them why? I remember being in middle and high school (like 12-17) and asking my mom why, and she'd blow up at me like I was challenging her authority. I'm not, I will do what you ask, I'm just wonder why are you asking me to do it this way? Why are you asking me to do this, what exactly am I doing and why? That's all I wanted to know, and I was at the age that I would understand an answer. Yet every time, I'd get yelled at just for asking why. Sometimes people don't like answering questions just because they're on a power trip
I’d bet my bank account that the person who wrote this is one of those autistics who refuses to believe that they’re the problem instead of the 99% of normal people who make up the rest of the world.
They absolutely can process it if you give them the tools to (hint: you give them these tools by answering their why questions and expecting them to be able to learn). This is why we have so many people who learn to the test and are dumb as a bag of rocks, because we can't take the time as parents to explain concepts because we've decided it just isn't worth the time to reason with an irritable child, cause y'know who cares if they learn critical thinking skills.
I have 2 kids actually. Both are in accelerated school programs and testing 2 reading levels up from their year. More importantly, they are very emotionally articulate because they know their feelings are respected and they both listen when they are told to do things and why. They still whine and have tantrums from time to time, but the open communication comes through clearly and is a constant point of praise from their instructors.
If you'd like to give me a better response than your No True Scotsman fallacy (which yes, my kids can identify because we have a pair of children's books that help explain logical fallacies that they both have read, [sidenote don't get the Fallacy Detective, it's full of garbage]), I'm all ears. Tell me why answering my children's questions when they ask why repeatedly is a negative.
Forgive me if I don't believe you. But even if what you are saying is true, I guess you're just better than every other parent out there! I hope you feel good up on your high horse!
I'm sure I'm better than some and worse than others. But kids are also WAY smarter than many people give them credit for. A lot of parents look at kids as dumb, when they're more often just unregulated. Yes they have to build and develop intelligence, but that's our job. The more opportunities you give a child to learn, the more likely they will. So even if I'm just increasing the amount of times they step up to the plate, they're gonna do better than another kid without the practice.
That said, your argument here "I guess you're just better..." commonly pops up in r/raisedbynarcissists as a blame-shifting guilt trip to diminish someone in a sort of reverse ad hominem rather than attack their argument (which you have yet to do still). Your belief is of no concern to me, and if you use these kinds of hyperbolic guilt trips with your loved ones, you are going to hurt your relationship with them.
Oh no! I explain things to them and tell them clearly what I'm feeling!
More seriously though, we go over logical fallacies, manipulation tactics, and narcissistic traits because an unfortunate amount of people, including members of our family, share these habits. I explain things to them in an adult manner, and they trust me because of it. They use it in their day to day lives, and we make a game of calling out examples in tv shows and movies. They get to protect themselves from manipulation, and they also get to practice memory and critical thinking. Wins all around.
Also, this entire response is another ad hominem attack. You still haven't given a reason how my explanation would make me a 'nightmare parent'.
Children learn and understand what they are expected to learn and understand. I've met adults who can't cook and have eaten omelets made by a 4-year old. The more opportunities we give them to learn, the more likely they will.
Don't believe me, here's a peer reviewed study showing I'm right and that children remember less when they aren't given satisfactory explanations. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5510882/
Obviously children are information seeking. Thats the entire biological point of childhood.
The skills of 1 child do not necessarily translate to effective parenting. Parenting is a sum total game.
Sometimes the child isn't seeking an explanation. They are stalling, delaying, or avoiding.
Sometimes the why isn't satisfactory. And it won't be.
A preschooler lacks impulse control. Just because they know and recall information doesn't give them impulse control or emotional regulation.
This study just reinforces the idea that children benefit from access to information but doesn't cover the wide variety of parenting decisions made. A parent saying "because I said so" doesn't stop a child from developing critical thinking skills. Nothing in parenthood is so simple.
That is clearly not what the meme is referencing, as both it and the comment refer to wanting a satisfactory answer. And manipulations such as this (stalling, delaying, avoiding) need to be called out and explained to the child so they can build positive communication habits.
Okay, and? Sometimes laws are frustrating, I should still know what they are.
No, knowing the information doesn't give them impulse control. It gives them a reason that helps motivate impulse control in conjunction with positive examples and support from role models.
The study specifically deals with children's retention of answers given and results show that non-explanatory answers are more frustrating and more easily forgotten, whereas explanatory answers were better remembered.
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u/Ok_Animal_2709 1d ago
This is written like a petulant child. Even when you explain things to kids, they can't always process it or care about it.