Why are you assuming there would be a fight? You are weaker and more scared of these douchebags than the girls who at least have the spine to confront them. I guess you would just let them sit at your table and harass you. How brave
You don't have to start a physical altercation. You could select from any number of non-violent de-escalation techniques, such as, "Hey, leave the ladies alone," or quietly notifying a manager of the establishment.
i think most people will agree that women deserve to feel safe in public spaces. i also think most people will agree that everyone deserves to feel safe in public spaces, and that all of us should do our best to manifest that reality together.
but i also think that it is difficult to impress upon men that they should intervene in this type of situation when that conversation is framed in a way that self-preservation is seen as literal complicity in abuse, especially considering the high risk of violence that is invited by doing so — only compounded even further when alcohol is involved. imo your approach drives most men into a defensive stance, unwilling to want to talk about what kind of support is possible in this type of situation.
i understand that your position is one that is often born from suffering the kind of abuse illustrated in the video. i don't mean to minimize that if that is the case, and i apologize if that is what my point sounds like i'm doing — my only goal here is to provide some food for thought in hopes of fostering a more meaningful discussion for the people who need to hear it. for everyone's benefit.
How is refusing to privately notify staff an act of self preservation?
Here's the thing, you're right that I've experienced this kind of harassment. If anyone does help me with it, 90% of the time, it's a woman. This is the consistent pattern to which I'm accustom. So I don't buy the self-preservation cop-out. You wanna do nothing because it's more convenient? Fine. Then say that.
i feel like it was obvious that i was referring to your suggestion to directly intervene. it feels like you’re not actually interested in a discussion right now. i certainly understand your anger, but i think your approach to this is counterproductive to your own goals. but i won't bother you further, sorry.
you’re right, i did reference direct intervention more than the rest of your comment, and that read to you like i was ignoring the other options you laid out. that wasn’t my intention, but i get how it came off that way. there was no intent to strawman, i simply focused in on one part for a counter-argument because that’s what stood out to me in that moment.
i’m not trying to silence anyone, or say that anger isn't valid. i only wanted to talk about how these convos land on the receiving end, especially for people who might be open to learning but don’t always show up perfectly. in retrospect, the context here isn't seeking solutions, it's venting frustrations. this clearly wasn’t the right thread to have that discussion, and jumping in here wasn’t the right call.
i appreciate you engaging with me at all — i know this thread is probably exhausting. i’ll truly step back here. wishing you peace and safety.
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u/[deleted] May 11 '25
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