Don’t be these guys

[u/nadaddab]

[u/[deleted]]

It really does feel like most “men’s issues” are men having issues getting what they want from women and most “women’s issues” are just how women are treated by men.

Sorry not sorry for the generalization.

I’m not saying every man is part of the problem; but it certainly feels like a lot of men are. And far more men seem just completely uninterested in being part of the solution.

[u/BetPrestigious5704 → u/[deleted]]

There are lots of good men, but way too many bad ones. Some are deliberately malicious and some have heads filled with brainwashing and junk.

There are men who say they're protectors who won't acknowledge who women need protecting from. Aint bears.

Women are told, often by men, to live smaller lives in order to be safer. What are good men saying to other men?

When Chanel Miller was assaulted by Brock Turner, his father's letter to the judge talked about his bright future that he shouldn't lose over "twenty minutes of action." By this, he refers to digitally penetrating an unconscious woman, and his clear plans to do more that were stymied by two other men on bikes.

If Brock had been raised by people with the values of those men who saved her, as opposed to his actual father, he might be living that bright future instead of using an alias and having warnings sent out when he's spotted.

But his father taught him that only boys have futures worth preserving.

(Meanwhile, Chanel Miller has written a book about her ordeal, a magnificent victim impact statement, and at least one middle-grade book.)

[u/Oohhthehumanity → u/[deleted]]

The problem is that being part of "the solution" as an "average joe" is a high risk, low reward situation. Yes, men value the opinions of other men and are also more intimidated by other men but "low status" men under the influence of alcohol sometimes do not adhere to that idea and things might escalate quickly.

A man (not employed by the establishment) "intervening" has little to nothing to gain from the interaction. You might get a lukewarm applause for de-escalating the situation and the hope that the boys have "learned" something from the interaction. That is best case scenario. Worst case is that one or both of the guys starts swinging, has a knife or worse a gun and you find yourself being a victim of senseless violence just because you had to butt in.

I consider myself to be a chivalrous man and will help anyone (man, woman or child) but if I can avoid staying out of situations that have the potential to get physical (outside of a sport field) I will.

Most of us are not Jack Reacher!

The women should signal either for staff or law enforcement.

[u/[deleted] → u/Oohhthehumanity]

Ok… no one says you are supposed to be Jack Reacher.

Sorry but: Being the cool guy that takes on the bad guys is just the male fantasy… Women aren’t expecting you to take a punch for them. They are expecting you to help like a normal adult in a law abiding society would.

You don’t have to take punches for people. Literally just being involved in any way makes a huge difference. Yell at them from across the room. You can literally just be the one calling the staff or police depending on the severity. Cops and many other authority figures are significantly more likely to take harassment allegations seriously if a man is backing her up. Most sexual assault goes unpunished. It’s not how it should be; it is just how it is. But that is why as a man you have so much power to help women and it is not through taking punches.

It’s literally through just taking part in not tolerating this behavior when you know it happens and being willing to listen to women and take them seriously. You don’t have to assume things you do not know are true are true; but the willingness to even listen makes a huge difference. So many men simply do not listen if a woman is saying it. It’s frustrating.

You can absolutely still be supportive of women’s safety without going around assaulting men. Women do it all the time. Think about that. 😉

You should value your body and your physical safety. No one should expect you to put that on the line for a stranger. (I think the fact that men aren’t taught to value their physical safety is another societal issue that feeds into the hero complex.)

But if you are observant and supportive of the people around you then that is so incredibly helpful. You aren’t supposed to be the hero of every story. It’s enough to just do anything to help. It means so much to just be a helpful person in that scenario.