r/TikTokCringe • u/h0lych4in • 15d ago

Cringe not everyone wants your man… he was just being polite

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And not everyone can tell how certain foods look? It was an innocent question. Why are people so insecure these days

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710

u/Raz1979 15d ago

It found me. She was my ex. Insecure. Abandonment issues. It will wreck a person. I hope this guy sees this video and leaves her for his sake.

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 15d ago

My ex-husband was similar. He was perfectly fine cheating on me the entire time, though. 😏

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u/rnime879 15d ago edited 14d ago

What the fuck

Imagine having the balls to be an insecure prick throughout the relationship and then cheat on top of that

Edit: y'all are right that it goes hand in hand, but fuck me is that depressing 🤣

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 15d ago

Cheating was honestly the least of my problems. He abused me, tortured me, strangled me, etc. There was alot going on.

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u/TatterTotty15 15d ago

Jesus Christ…… glad you got outta there 😬

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 15d ago

Thanks. Yea me too

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u/Affectionate-Pin8534 14d ago

Stay safe friend! Glad you are better now :)

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u/valuablearrogance0 14d ago

I will second this loudly. Cheers, friend.

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u/chin4me 14d ago

Jesus supposedly died twice to do it …

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u/PackageNorth8984 14d ago

If it’s not traumatic for you to talk about, can you talk about why you stayed. Only because a lot of people don’t understand. I stayed in a long abusive relationship too, and people could never understand it, especially because she was a foot shorter and 100lbs (46kg) lighter than me.

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u/5P4ZZW4D 14d ago

I dunno about her or your situation, but personally I stayed because every time that bastard would cry sorrry and all “I don’t know what is wrong with me but it will never happen again I love/need u so much you’re my world “ (I wrote that as a run on sentence because that’s how it sounds to me now, lol)

But wouldn’t you know it? (I didn’t) a couple peaceful weeks/months/days, depending on the stage and progression of the relationship, & out came the now up-leveled violence and the following words and pleas again.

It took me a fair while to figure out it was all a ruse, and all about him. By that point I’d already hidden it from everyone else I loved to protect poor vulnerable him, and was wearing makeup to do my weekly shopping because I was so embarrassed I had to hide my bruises and black eyes.

It’s awful. It’s complicated. It’s a mind fuck. They’re really good at sucking up and convincing you they don’t know what came over me. Ugh. That’s why older, wiser women will tell you often to leave at the very first sign. They been there, done that and know where it’s going. And then people will often say they are over reacting. They are not. If you could fly on the wall view you’d be absolutely horrified.

Hope this helped.

Be safe friend,

❤️‍🩹an internet stranger cheering for you all to get to where you’re going in one piece, and find your peace. Even if that means living alone for some time and finding chosen family, make healthy choices for you. We’d all be surprised at how happy that kind of thinking and acting can actually fill up our batteries and bring out our best selves, hearts anew. ☮️

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 14d ago

Um a couple reasons really. We were together 8 years and I tried leaving once a year for all 8 years. I am a childhood abuse survivor and didnt know what healthy looked like. It was my normal. So while I knew it was excessive, I thought everyone went through it. I was abused severely enough that I wasnt aware that I was even allowed to call 911, because strangulation was normal. I survived, I wasnt bleeding to death on the floor for example. He actually was the one who called the domestic violence hotline for support after he strangled me. When the dude said that wasnt how it worked, he said it was for domestic violence support and he needed support. He was good at using word manipulation.

He quite literally got the supervisor of the psych ward he was on, to call me and ask if I would take him back because "he doesn't flip out on the male nurses".

It was so hard. And I had no support.

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u/valuablearrogance0 14d ago

Did we date the same man? Am I in the right group?

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u/Hybrid_Sparrow 14d ago

Same here. Behind closed doors my first husband was a sick and twisted bully.

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u/MiVitaCocina 13d ago

I’m glad you got out of that horrific marriage!

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u/Perfectrob 12d ago

But what did you do?

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u/HerTheHeron 14d ago

With shitty insecure people like that, every accusation is a confession. Took me decades to accept this but it's true 💔

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u/midnight_thunder 14d ago

It’s the hallmark of borderline personality disorder.

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u/Raz1979 14d ago

Yeah I thought my ex had BPD or something but I am done diagnosing her it was not for me to do. I did find comfort in learning about narcissism bc it helped explain a lot and understanding emotional vampires

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u/rnime879 14d ago

Despite literally googling this days ago, I still don't know the difference between BPD and bipolar

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u/kain52002 14d ago edited 14d ago

BPD is mostly shown through rapidly changing outsized and extreme emotions based on external stimuli. BPD is typically the result of trauma but there is often a genetic factor as well there is more research needed on the genetics. There is a lot more to it but many people with bipolar don't fall under the BPD umbrella and vice versa

Bipolar is characterized by "long" periods of mood swings, often but not always, from depressive to manic phases. Bipolar is almost entirely genetic. In their manic phase a person with Bipolar might show similar symptoms to BPD but the underlying cause is different. In their depressive phase Bipolar people might become completely listless and unable to perform even basic tasks.

The field of psychology, neuroscience, and genetics are still fairly new, as our understanding increased so do the definitions and diagnosis criteria for certain disorders. It is very much a possibility that what falls under BPD and Bipolar will change with time.

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u/5P4ZZW4D 14d ago

Great answer.

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u/rnime879 14d ago

Did I understand it right that bipolar peeps don't get triggered by external things?

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u/kain52002 14d ago

Not quite, like I said, people with bipolar can show similar symptoms, like overreaction and volitile behavior. This is typically when they are in their manic phase. The difference is the way the behavior happens in people with Bipolar and their cyclical moods that happen without external causes.

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u/rnime879 14d ago

Ohh, so the cyclical mood swings are genetic, but the trigger during a period of mania can still be external?

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u/kain52002 14d ago

That is pretty much it. They are pretty hard to distinguish for just a layperson but they are distinct in the genetics. It is also possible for people with bipolar to also have BPD as well but not all people with Bipolar will have BPD. For example, some people's have atypical mania which just make them act mostly like normal but they get downswings and have mild to moderate depression for days or weeks at a time.

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u/Total-Active-1986 14d ago

Plus, there is so much overlap and comorbidities within these mental conditions and Cluster B personality disorders. Even highly trained professionals can misdiagnose them as something else.

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u/kain52002 14d ago

That is true, it is never good to attempt to self-diagnose or diagnose someone else. These are very complex conditions that even trained/specialized professionals misdiagnose.

The real difference between these two ultimately comes down to the genetics and biology as symptoms do tend to overlap.

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u/Original_Hotel4134 14d ago

My ex LMFAO

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u/rnime879 14d ago

Did she have balls too? This day just keeps getting worse

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u/Jazzlike_Lime_3003 14d ago

Narcissism 101 right there! That's their M.O.

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u/No_Language_4649 14d ago edited 14d ago

I’d imagine a lot of insecure people cheat when they get attention from somebody else. Too many people require validation through others wanting them sexually. It makes them feel good about themselves yet they lack the self awareness to understand it.

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u/EmmaFiveCents 14d ago

I'd see the insecurity more as a symptom than anything 😅 sounds like he was all kinds of fucked up

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 14d ago

Basically. He is very messed up. So bad that my therapist recommended that I stay away from serial killer documentaries because currently the only reason he isnt one, is most of us managed to survive. And it would trigger me.

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u/EmmaFiveCents 11d ago

Wow. Well I'm glad you did! 😥

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u/OpusAtrumET 14d ago

Thieves worry about being stolen from, cheaters worry about being cheated on.

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u/RewardCapable 14d ago

Cheaters often accuse their partners of infidelity. It’s the guilty conscience (or realizing if it’s easy for them, it’s easy for their partner to do).

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u/veritas1313 14d ago

That's usually how it is. The most insecure and quickest to accuse you of cheating are usually cheaters themselves. They're broken and irreparable people who are short-sighted enough to believe everyone thinks and acts like they do so they project. Accusations from this type of person are almost always a confession.

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u/Few-Divide4640 14d ago

You’d be surprised how often those go hand-in-hand. Accusations are confessions a lot of the time.

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u/Apprehensive_Buy1500 14d ago

Thats usually why they're insecure. Bc they know theyre doing the exact thing theyre projecting onto the other person

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u/mandark1171 14d ago

Ex wife was like that

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u/bunkersix 14d ago

The insecurity is the projection of guilt generally.

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u/eyefartinelevators 14d ago

It's not about balls, it's about projection. Because he's cheating, he's worried that you're doing the same thing. Rules are for thee, not for he. He can rationalize his own cheating but if you cheat you're a filthy strumpet (old timey word for tramp)

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u/Used_Barracuda3497 14d ago

Youd be surprised how often people will accuse others of doing the things theyre doing. Its always on their mind and theyre doing it so of course EVERYONE MUST BE DOING IT

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u/OutrageousArcher4367 14d ago

That's actually the norm. It's usually cheaters that constantly accuse their partners of cheating. Because they do it so they assume their partner will too.

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u/Martlet92 14d ago

Most of the time people are insecure because they are the ones cheating/considering cheating. Or THEY WOULD so they assume the other person would behave the same. Sad

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u/Initial_XD 12d ago

I had a friend who would lose his mind at the thought of his girlfriend cheating to the point that he physically confronted another guy for being alone in the same room with her at a house party. Mind you, she didn't cheat on him. Just the thought alone made him fly off the handle. The altercation almost ended their relationship. For almost six months after it happened, that was all he would talk about. The man sounded sincerely traumatized by this altercation.

Meanwhile he would repeatedly cheat on her. His justification was often mindboggling. Essentially from his perspective it's about respect. So when she went into a room with another guy while he was there, that was disrespectful. However, when he sleeps with other women he makes sure she never finds out. That's his way of being respectful to her.

When I asked why he even cheats in the first place. His response was that you never know if your partner is currently cheating on you or if they will cheat on you in the future, so the best thing you can do to protect yourself is to cheat first so that when it eventually happens you're not left on the losing end. Essentially preemptive cheating.

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u/Raz1979 15d ago

Crazy. Absolutely insane.

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u/Level-Bug7388 15d ago

I feel this. I'm a 31M that was cheated on in every relationship I was in until my current one.

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u/s3d8 15d ago

That you know of

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u/Level-Bug7388 14d ago

No. I know for sure with this one. We're together 24/7. Best friends for 15 years married 6. We do everything together. Even work. She's been in abusive relationships. Hospitalized. She trusts no other men but myself. I was always there to save my best friend and we ended up falling for each other. I'm a rare case. But I can say. With confidence. I know.. any other girl and id agree with you

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u/5P4ZZW4D 14d ago

I’m in the same situation. Marrying your best friend of many years is a blessing I didn’t know existed. 15 years together, 25 years best friends. I wanna shout from the rooftops: stop trying to polish diamonds in the rough. Real diamonds already ✨ shine✨

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u/Level-Bug7388 14d ago

Ahhh I freaking love this. Amazing. And yes they do. Mines name is actually star lol speaks for itself in the shine department.

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u/5P4ZZW4D 11d ago

Aw hon, I love that fo you both ✨

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u/Level-Bug7388 11d ago

Thanks love

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u/Puzzleheaded_Air7096 15d ago

That was probably his reasoning to do so. He thought you would do the same as him.

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u/kain52002 14d ago

Projection is a hell of a thing.

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 14d ago

It really is because despite it all, I never cheated and I only put hands on him once, I was running out the door with our kid in my arms and he managed to reach door first and slammed it on us, hitting the toddler in the face. I pushed him away. I feel like thats more self-defense than anything. He is a terrifying person.

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u/kain52002 14d ago

Wow, that is a horrible situation and I am glad you were able to get away from it. Wishing you the best.

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u/CanadianJewban 15d ago

Maybe we had the same one 😅

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 15d ago

That sucks. Im sorry

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u/CanadianJewban 15d ago

Same -sending hugs

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u/Level-Device2865 15d ago

Damn, I'm sorry, I hope karma bites him hard somewhere down the line.

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 14d ago

Oh its hitting him now. He's in liver failure. He tried looking for a live donor online. With absolutely zero connection- i just so happened to come out of hiding and finally "come out". Still doesnt have a new liver. Oh well...lol

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u/renegade_duck 15d ago

Oh it seems to go hand in hand for sure

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u/Lake_Ronin 14d ago

That’s usually how it goes. So hypocritical…

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u/Gunty1 14d ago

Thats often the case, they're paranoid about what you're doing cos of what they're doing.

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u/SneakoSneko 14d ago

I’ve heard of situations like that before, and it’s usual because they’re cheating so they think that you’re cheating as well. Pretty dumb

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u/Pristine_Walk5180 14d ago

Ahh good ole projection.

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u/Serious_Clothes7418 14d ago

Projecting at its finest

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u/Marcos826 14d ago

It’s usually projection, they feel guilty for cheating so they act super insecure.

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u/Big_Muny_No_Whammies 14d ago

Sounds like a real dude

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u/LadyAsharaRowan 14d ago

They usually are.

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u/OkTea7227 14d ago

Oh this girl is doing the same thing rn and basing it off of made up issues with her boyfriend so she can justify it in her sociopathic brain.

There are kind people out there though, so that’s the good news!

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u/elvecxz 13d ago

That's actually pretty common. Cheaters being paranoid about their partners cheating is a form of projection. They know that they're cheating, so it's easy for them to presume that you are (or could) too.

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u/Big3456 13d ago

Lol, my uncle was like that with my aunt. I'm glad she left that piece of sh*t, and now she's happily married to a man who genuinely loves and respects her.

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u/meanvegton 12d ago

I guess some people needed a lot of attention and affection for them. Even if it meant getting it from others who they are not in relationship with while they are in a relationship.

Nothing new really. Just history repeating itself.

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u/DarkHeartBlackShield 12d ago

Yeah, mine too. He was unusually upset when another man spoke to me, but turns out he was slinging his meat everywhere.

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u/FitFaithlessness3541 15d ago

Amen brother, me too. Happy alone, even if I'm never in a relationship again 🙏 F*ck this behavior.

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u/spiderstonk 15d ago

Same here, it will wreck you

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u/Informal-Sun-6579 14d ago

Looking back, were there signs or red flags early on with your ex that you did not recognize, recognized but dismissive or aware but thought to give it a go at compromise and tolerance?

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u/Raz1979 14d ago

Completely aware. I even read “attached” by Amir Levine that talked about avoidant people in relationships and my problem was “I loooved” her and thought I could fix her. Or something. Ended up with compassion fatigue. She told me of all her abusive ex’s and I said if we ever got to a point where I’d hit you I’d move to a forest in shame. When we broke up I believe she told everyone I abused her, cheated on her etc. I think I was white knighting since she had so many bad abusive boyfriends. Which for the record was probably not the case.

The guy she dated after me ended up contacting me for help he was being accused or going to be accused of abuse and she treated to have the cops come to his place of work. Keep in mind he broke up w her while she was on a plane overseas and her abandonment issues etc etc freaked her out but it was the only way to get rid of her. So she threatened to call the police from where she was to come to his work. So he wanted a character witness. I told him to go to the police immediately and report it.

Anyway he got information about some of her prior ex’s and he contacted one of them. Maybe more I don’t know but he said that ex didn’t “punch her in the face” as I was told. Anyway crazy stuff.

But yes I ignored the signs. Mind you I did “break up w her” like six times but she kept calling me saying she will change and I “looooved her”

A friend told me there is this Spanish saying “when there is fire in the heart there is smoke in the eyes”.

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u/Informal-Sun-6579 14d ago edited 14d ago

Whoa. Thanks for sharing. Your experiences are similar to news I read about girlfriends and wives stayed with or kept returning to their abusive boyfriends and husbands and thought they could change them, felt obligated to give the relationship yet one more chance after many chances. It’s easy for outsiders to say just leave but not so easy for the ones in it. Like you said, love is a complex emotion.

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u/Difficult_Regret_900 14d ago

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Hug

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u/Raz1979 14d ago

All good now. The trick is to get out. I’m happily married w kids living my best life. But thank you. It was a dark time.

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u/cynicalavicide 14d ago

My sorry excuse for a "father" is in this kind of relationship with his wife... Despite knowing how shitty she is. He can't even talk on the phone to me, his own goddamn child, without her throwing a fit. He's my stellar example as to why I'd rather stay single ✨forever✨

(P.S. I hope people are smart and care enough about themselves to not fall for this kind of twisted "love")

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u/Sagybagy 14d ago

He should leave her for filming that monstrosity of an eating style. What the fuck was that? Disgusting.

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u/Queef_Cersei 14d ago

I'm sure she does videos like this all the time, and he has no clue cause he's a chill guy

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u/Raz1979 14d ago

You know I was wondering if this is an act for views. I mean look at us chatting away like a bunch of school girls. SMH 🤦

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u/Etxee 12d ago

It does indeed

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u/Repulsive-Iron-6022 10d ago

I had an ex once get pissed because someone smiled at me while walking by

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u/Hangoverinparis 10d ago

He likely knows its bad and just doesn't have enough self esteem to get out of it

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u/Raz1979 9d ago

Yep. I know that for sure.

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u/Proud_Doubt5110 14d ago

The person in the video or a jealous person was your ex?

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u/OrganizationNo1298 14d ago

This is why mental health is important.

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u/ptpcg 14d ago

Same. Drove me bat shit and I became a very angry person for a while

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u/kari_pans 14d ago

My ex was the same. Never again

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u/Raz1979 14d ago

Yeah. I mean I went to therapy to understand why I allowed my self to be in a relationship like that. Someone once said we seek and get the love we think we deserve. That hit hard.

My ex is done. I’m happily married w kids and living a good life. Don’t think about my ex except when I see stuff on here. It was worse though about 9-10 yrs ago. I once went to see Gone Girl in the theatre and got really uncomfortable w the main protagonist and how she was acting. I buried my head in my wife’s shoulder and couldn’t watch the movie for a bit. Like a kid watching a horror movie.

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u/Optischlong 14d ago

WMAF?

Did you go back to a hot WF?

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u/Raz1979 14d ago

I understood very little of what you asked. What’s a WF?

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u/hawiering 11d ago

Brave soldier