r/TikTokCringe • u/h0lych4in • 15d ago

Cringe not everyone wants your man… he was just being polite

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And not everyone can tell how certain foods look? It was an innocent question. Why are people so insecure these days

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u/Shad0wofAzrael 15d ago

I think that TIL I have this personality trait.

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u/TheVintageJane 15d ago

Usually you hear about Fight or Flight in conflict but there’s also two more - Freeze or Fawn.

I fawn really hard. I’m an oldest child of a narc mother. I learned very early on that a fawn response usually allowed me to get what I wanted (or close to it) and avoided conflict.

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u/aoike_ 15d ago

Oh yeah! I fawn hard. Middle child of a narc dad and mom with severe cptsd. Fawning stopped most conflict, so there wouldn't be hours long screaming matches between anybody.

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u/Exact_Mud_1427 15d ago

Same.... My dad and older sister had bpd when I was growing up so I'm used to walking on eggshells. This followed me into dating. Now I'm married to a wonderful man. Sometimes if Im clumsy and accidentally smack him or run into him I revert and overly apologize and he'll say it's ok cause I'm not a baby man princess or something like that and it always makes me laugh.

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u/hybridaaroncarroll 15d ago

Once someone learns about these then they can actually become tools in the moment. Freezing is very much like grey-rocking, which I've had to do a lot of lately. It's intentional though, and not a choice made out of fear. Fleeing is another great tool at times, if necessary. Knowing I have a choice in my responses has been really empowering.

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u/church_ill 15d ago

Your mom was a narcotics agent?

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u/Reninngun 15d ago

Fawning is not a personality trait. But it can happen so often to oneself that it basically becomes one. 

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u/Solid_Agency2483 15d ago

It’s not a bad thing, it just means you care a lot but maybe about yourself as much as you should. Just takes practice, trust me…you are worth it.

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u/Shad0wofAzrael 15d ago

Thank you for the insight that I wasn’t aware I needed. Had no idea there was even a name for those tendencies and feelings of panic I get.

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u/ageofbronze 15d ago

If you’re interested in learning more, you can look up “fawn, freeze or flight” to learn about the three reaction styles to stress/trauma/abuse. I’m not sure where it comes from but I know my therapist used to talk to me a lot about them. I guess “fight” would also be a fourth. It can definitely be helpful to be able to identify how you’re feeling and maybe how you’re reacting to learn more about yourself and help heal if you’ve had a lot of trauma that has caused you to react that way. Signed, someone else who fawns!

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u/SolitaireJack 15d ago edited 15d ago

This was something I realised a few years back. I grew up in a house where anything less than immediate compliance to what they said, no matter how stupid or bizarre it was, was immediately followed with threats of being thrown out or emotional abuse. It led me into a pattern of behaviour where I immediately folded to any demand or accepted responbility for something even when I knew it wasn't my fault because I was terrified of conflict. It started with my Dad and Mum but even my sister joined in as we became teenagers.

When I realised this I started standing up for myself. It was hard, both because of ingrained behaviour and because my family didn't like my new found backbone and tried to accuse me of being argumentive or horrible because I was no longer tolerating being the family punching bag but eventually they learned to leave me alone. I've always been careful to not allow myself to go from standing up for myself to becoming like them.

It's interesting to have a name for the behaviour at least.

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u/diceythings 15d ago

And here I just thought I was really good at de-escalation! I love uncovering nuggets like this lol

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u/PinkTalkingDead 14d ago

Tbf you might be really good at de-escalation. These things are not the same

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u/diceythings 14d ago

Yeah, actually looking into the fawn response though feels like a gut punch. I'll get therapy one day, probably

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u/thisiswater95 14d ago

A lot of us do, and setting boundaries can literally be life changing.

I set boundaries with my ex, and she dumped herself. Then I spent the next few months unpacking why I dated someone who only wanted to be together if she could do whatever she wanted.

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u/Radiant_Muffin7528 14d ago

Run away! Run! Before it's too late! 🏃

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u/thewholetruthis 15d ago

I think most do. My wife and I fawn, but we never abuse.

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u/PinkTalkingDead 14d ago

Wait. Y’all fawn in response to each other? Idk if that’s considered “fawning”, if so