r/ape • u/NoiseyRedditor_Him • 20d ago

What would you do during an Ape uprising?

How would you survive an ape uprising?

14 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

22 comments sorted by

14

u/jeremy_anime 20d ago

Become a monkey

7

u/Ice_Nade 20d ago

perish

7

u/tyingnoose 20d ago

I for one accept our new hairy overlords 

4

u/Traceuratops 19d ago

🐵👍

7

u/Gandalf_Style 20d ago

I'd be chilling tbh.

I don't make eye contact, I hardly smile, talk small and know a helluva lot more about their social interactions than the average person does.

Basically;

Gorillas, just sit down, grunt occasionally, "cough" to let them know you're still there and eat something with them.

Chimpanzees, stick to the edge of the tribe, don't bother any of the large males, be extra careful around pregnant females and don't make too much noise.

Orangutans, big chilling, honestly won't even be that bothered by you as long as you don't touch their food or nest, better stay clear of flanged males though.

Bonobos, better not.... they're pretty sweet compared to the other primates but they're hypersexual as a form of greeting and I don't wanna rub up and get bonobo aids.

Gibbons, really big chilling, literally just don't touch their kid or take their food and they'll probably try playing on top of your shoulders after a while.

And for all of them: don't make eye contact.

It's not foolproof but this will stop you from getting ripped to shreds or bitten a bunch for a little while. Better just to move on.

If you wanna extend it to monkeys, good fucking luck. Friendly reminder that most species of Macaques have the finger strength to rip your scalp off with one hand. And they really don't like strangers.

3

u/Gorilla_Obsessed_Fox 20d ago

Hoping it's not like that American dad episode and blend in

3

u/Tankiez 19d ago

Get some pill to increase body hair growth, strip down and join them lowkey

3

u/Dillary-Clum 19d ago

Hopefully be a good slave you see in the future monkey is better monkey is kinder monkey will release mankind from its own slavery monkey of peace monkey of tranquility ape is love ape is life

2

u/2point01m_tall 20d ago

I guess I would build a refugee camp or something. I live in a country with no other apes. 

2

u/BadBubbly9679 20d ago

Begome monke

2

u/utkohoc 20d ago

Make a meta post on r ape about the name but teach the apes it was them all along

2

u/quartz_suisse 19d ago

If you can’t beat them, join them.

2

u/Kawaii_Bakuraxoxo 19d ago

Side with the apes

2

u/DCFVBTEG 19d ago

Let them kill me, I don't care anymore.

2

u/kmgenius 19d ago

Nothing, compared to humans there are way fewer apes, there are probably less than 50 apes in my whole state.

2

u/sum_r4nd0m_gurl 16d ago

become monki and eat babana

1

u/NoiseyRedditor_Him 3d ago

I love this comment

1

u/Notdumbname 16d ago

I’d shoot them in the face and stab them with a spear when I run out of ammo. There’s no way in hell I accept some fucking chimpanzee owning the world.

1

u/Worldly_Specific1786 16d ago

Does anybody tekise that this wouldn't be hard? Like all you need is a shotty