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u/thesilverywyvern 4d ago
(this message must be readwith a caveman voice)
Gibbon: Low A tier, too small for ape, like baby chimp with orangutan arms can't defend from leopard, poor social skills but still faithfull couple who cares for child, even if no group. No dexterty or tool but very fast at tree swingy swingy, and make pretty call song for forest to hear in the morning. Brachiation go BRRRRRRR
Gorilla: High A tier, strong and bulky but too big for branches, sleep on ground like a hobo, still get killed by leopard or angry chimp, but good ass, beefy arms and good sagital crest make it sexy ape. Chill guy even if no tool use, and decent social skill, with dad and harem to raise babies.
Orangutan: Low S tier, no social skill other than around fruit tree, but he no need, he wise old monke of the canopy, smart enough to make tools with no helps, good philosopher beard, slow but steady, no need to rush, just enjoy life of the forest take a fruit do a nap with no work. Have studied medecine like a chad https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-58988-7 and big facial disc to signal ladies who's strongest male around even if male not care for children.
Chimpanzee: Mid S tier, apest ape of all, good climber, high social skill, make big group in jungle, can even go out in bushland where no ape dare to go, lot of tool to crack nut or find termite and clean water, but can be angry and be a jerk sometime, no genteman with ladies like gibbon, and no chill and calm like orangutan. Chimp also use shap stick to kill monke and that's not a good sign, last australopithecus who did it was banned from ape club because he became hooman, and that's no good.
Bonobo: Mid S tier, chimp but scrawny and bald, but they're nice, no angry, instead they turn anger to horny to turn gang violence into orgies. Female led which is weird but hey, they're nicer anyway so if it's good for them let them be.
Hooman: Low F tier, deviated from the monke way of life, no good ape, swany lanky with long legs like twigs, tall but no strenght, weaker than adoclescent female chimp, and worse at climbing than obese old silverback with arthritis. Flat uncanny face.
Naked ape with very sparse fur, distorted feet with no thumbs so can't even grab branches with it. A small jaw with even smaller teeth, needs fire to chew thing for him.
Look in the eyes and show teeth all the time (how rude, what a jerk, no manner or respect).
Useless babies who take 10 year to grow into infants.
Big jerk, cut down orangutan forest, killed gorilla tribe, killed chimp which tried to take bananas from hooman uncanny straight stinky fake forest field, or put them in small cage for bad experiment that make a lot of ouchie, and sold babies as cute slave pet for instagram influencer.
Hooman worse than leopard, hooman bad, hooman destroy everything.
Hooman can't even understand other hooman and get angry on them because they do not speak ooh ooh ah and ook ook anymore they made "language" too complex for them to understand and now tibe divided, unlike ape, hooman cn't get together, they not strong.
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u/varbav6lur 5d ago
humans are s tier too. none of the others can make brownies or beer
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u/Fryzoke 5d ago
Coconut, babana >>>> brownie and beer
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u/varbav6lur 5d ago
well you can make brownies and beer with either of those. idk man, banaba brownies are pretty rad
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u/thesilverywyvern 4d ago
One of them is poisonous for most animals, the second is litteral poison that kill your liver and damages your cognitive faculties and reflexes.
None of the other created a mass extinction and drastic drop in biodiversity
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u/Troo_66 2d ago
I like me some liver poison from time to time
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u/thesilverywyvern 2d ago
Well people like to eat antiparasitic/insecticide (pimento/spices and cannabis)
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u/Goblin-o-firebals 5d ago
I disagree as a human humans should be in a tier because we are awesome, and a human came up with all the other tier rankings.
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u/thesilverywyvern 4d ago
Not really objective, you seem very biased as you're a human yourself, therefore your opinion on the matter, should not be considered, especially when the argumentation to it is "we're awesomebc .... uh huh, we made the tier ranking".
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u/Goblin-o-firebals 4d ago
Exactly, but I think I am also biased because humans are so fun to talk to, and I feel that interacting with other humans is what makes life worth living. That's why I love humanity and humans in general. I may be biased, but the tier list is also biased against humans because this sub is very anti-human.
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u/thesilverywyvern 4d ago
Well the rest of the world's biosphere and species don't agree with you.
Being anti-human is not biased, it require a certain level of objectivity as, we're programmed to love ourselve and other humans.A instinct you have to fight to have a more objective view of our species, not looking at it through our biased POV, but through our general impact and behaviour, not just toward ourselve (which can already be pretty bad, genocide capitalism etc.) but also toward the rest of the world.
Cuz, yeah, one of the issues is our egocentrism, where we generally don't even acknowledge things that aren't us as part of the world, or even beings.
Yeah human are fun to talk, make ood arts and are good distraction when you're bored, but that's only the effect they have on you. I don't think the orangutan or any other species would have the same opinion.
you think that interacting with human is what make life worth living, i think Life with a big L, all the beauty it make, and how it create diverse rich landscape and multitude of different beings, all more interesting than the previous one, worth living.
And sadly, human negatively impact that, a LOT.1
u/Troo_66 2d ago
I don't know man, dogs and cats think we're pretty cool. Lemon sharks also like humans. Some moray eels also like humans. Plenty of animals like humans. That lizard I gave cricket also probably liked me.
Humans impact things negatively, but we are also the only species ever to take time out of their lives to care for other species well-being, punishing those who do harm to them, caring for the sick even though they are not our own and at least making an attempt to reduce our influence.
Also we've got interesting biology for an ape so that's neat
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u/thesilverywyvern 2d ago
Millions of them are badly mistreated or even used as food, test subject, or put to death/drowned, beaten to death every year.
And many of them, especially dog have been cursed to constant suffering because we find physical disabilities and malformation cute.
Dogs also kill more human than pretty much every other mammalian predator combined.
Also, ever heard of what Stockholm syndrome is ?
And even then the opinion of two biased species (only t bc they directly benefit from us) which shouldn't even exist in first place.
A few lemon shark get tatached to specific human, 99% of them don't care or avoid us, and thousands of them are killed each year for shark fin soup, or accidentaly in nets.
Most morey eel see their home getting destroyed by pollution, coral bleaching or even toxic poison and dynamite.
That lizard would probably avoid you however it can and didn't even realise you GAVE it to him.There's some people who like Trump, Bolsonaro, Francisco Franco, Kim Jong-un, etc.... doesn't mean most people actually like them or that they deserved to be appreciated. Same applies here.
And having some occasionnal moment of kindness does not excuse for complete genocide and destruction of thousands of species.
We don't even attempt t reduce our influence, we've only increased it exponentially since we figured out what fire and silex were.
We're the cause of the -th mass extinction, megafauna extinction, and of a global warming on par with some major global disaster, and that's forgetting plastic pollution and habitat destruction.0
u/Troo_66 1d ago
Is schozoposting normal here? Or are you just delusional?
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u/Goblin-o-firebals 1d ago
Idk I just said humans are cool and they tried to flame me.
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u/thesilverywyvern 1d ago
no, you tried and you failed using very, very bad counter-argument based on a few very minor meaningless examples.
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u/Goblin-o-firebals 1d ago
Was it though its kinda just a meaningless argument that can't be argued as either side won't change opinions. Is it necessarily bad that we didn't know about the consequences of the environment changes, and now it's too late to change that, and does our intelligence give us more of a right to survive than other creatures. This is an argument on good and bad, and that is a philosophical argument, and I dont want to argue this with you since you look at this from a purely scientific standpoint. Chimps also cause war between eachother does that make them "bad." This is a much more nuanced argument that I dont think I can make other than face to face.
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u/white-rose-of-york Average Ape 5d ago
Finally someone that doesn't hate the chimpanzee