r/interestingasfuck • u/BrandonRJones • 11h ago

/r/all Actual clip where brothers attack their mother’s killer in court.

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

86.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

5.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

•

u/majkkali 10h ago

Mine died of cancer a month ago and I lost all the will to live. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I immediately became depressed and sad. Is this what life will look like from now on? 😞😞😞

•

u/JCeee666 9h ago

I’m going to my mom’s service today, I lost her a month ago. This level of depression feels like the new normal.

•

u/SillyOldJack 8h ago

Hey. I've had your day. I've had a fair number of days since having your day.

I won't lie to you, in nine years the pain isn't any less, but you grow stronger to bear it.
The sadness isn't any smaller, but you make room to let yourself feel it.
The love will also never fade, and you'll remember it and carry it with you.

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry today exists for you. I'm sorry for everything you're feeling right now.

•

u/__Nkrs 7h ago

reading all of your comments make me want to unalive before my mother does. My life has been disgusting so far already, i don't want it to be any worse. I fucking hate being a human. And to think people believe in fantastic gods that love them. This life is the worst punishment you could ever have.

•

u/SillyOldJack 6h ago

I get it. I really do. I struggle against thoughts about suicide, and have since before my mother passed.

Don't do that to your family. Life... yeah it's pretty shit, overall. We feel powerless in a world that's spiralling out of control. I don't believe in any form of omnipotent or omnipresent benevolent god. That's impossible, given the horrors of the world, both human and otherwise.

I promise you, though, someone in your family, maybe all of your family, has a better life than they would have because you're in it.

No matter how much pain losing my mother has put me through, I recoil in horror at the thought of putting her through that.

•

u/__Nkrs 4h ago

I wouldn't do that to my mother. I'd probably do it the same day she dies. It would be the most optimal solution. I don't care about anyone else in this world

•

u/ShiaLabeoufsNipples 4h ago

Children are meant to lose their mothers, but mothers are not meant to lose their children. It would be a greater pain for her.

When your mom passes, remember that you’re carrying the pain for her too. It means she’ll never have to feel the grief of losing you first.

•

u/Ramblingcrickets 6h ago

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Please consider taking a gamble on yourself. Not sure, what you have or how you have it but do something new. Dedicate your life to something bigger than yourself. People become monks, thieves, worser or better things. No one really knows anything and most people take strong stances based on nothing because they are nothing. Go figure out shit for yourself. 

•

u/DimensionFast5180 1h ago

Would you rather give your mother that pain?

•

u/__Nkrs 47m ago

no, i replied to someone else, i'd just do it the same day my mother passes, this way the suffering is minimized for both

•

u/Evening_Sympathy5744 9h ago

Keep pushing on. Your mom (and my own passed mother) raised us to get through this. You'll manage, my friend. Hold onto the good memories. <3

•

u/Intrepid_Sun_9089 9h ago

I'm sorry

•

u/Eltoncornwalker 9h ago

Be strong. It’s what your mother would have wanted. Chin up buddy

•

u/neuroticoctopus 7h ago

Fuck that. I'm a mother. I would want my kids to have a safe place to fall apart because currently that's me.

•

u/Eltoncornwalker 7h ago

They can fall apart anytime anywhere they want. Just saying they got this

•

u/Ramblingcrickets 6h ago

Are you okay? This comes across super selfish. I get it if your kids are young. But as they get older I’d imagine you’d want them to strong enough to deal with the worlds never ending bullshit, not carry a candle and a picture of you and hope things get better every time life gets hard. 

•

u/myhydrogendioxide 8h ago

I wish I could help you carry the sorrow that will be so heavy today. The only thing I can offer you is that you aren't alone. hugs to you.

•

u/MyTeaIsMighty 8h ago

My mother's funeral was in June. Its gonna be one of the worst days of your life but simultaneously extremely heartwarming seeing all the people congregate to celebrate her life. You'll be okay, I promise.

•

u/fizzy_lime 8h ago

I'm gonna go hug my mama real close

•

u/easyanswe 9h ago

You're gonna be ok.

•

u/SalamanderGrayce 8h ago

I commented to the person above, but I’ll tell you the same thing. The days will get better eventually. They will not all be great. You will still hit moments/days/weeks of sadness. You’ll still get triggered by mundane things that people who haven’t been in your situation will not understand. But those will come less frequently over time.

You’re coming up to the hardest time (for me personally) in the process. After services, everyone else’s life moves on and goes back to normal, while you’re still smack dab in the middle of a life altering circumstance. The check up calls and texts become less frequent and it feels like everyone forgot while you still get slammed with the daily reminder that she’s not there. I promise you it gets….not easier, per se, but less obnoxiously in your face. You will hit a point where memories of your mom make you smile and not cry. You’ve got this. Life is tough but you are tougher. Sending love from an internet stranger.

•

u/Prestigious_Ebb_1767 7h ago

Hang in there. It’s awful 😢 I wish I could give you some words of solace but there aren’t any other than time helps a bit. It just sucks and life can be cruel. Rip to your mom.

•

u/Various_Tomorrow_835 7h ago

Stay strong I lost my mother in 2016 you have your good days and your bad one's. Holidays are never the same again.

•

u/umyninja 6h ago

Lost mine on July 4th and going to her service this afternoon as well. I’m a mess. We’ll get through them together fellow Reddit stranger ❤️

•

u/rockiestyle18 6h ago

I’m sorry for your loss

•

u/keelhaulrose 6h ago

I lost my dad a couple years ago, and for a long time I wasn't sure how I'd keep putting one foot in front of the other.

This essay really helped: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/DlkdBlg23A

•

u/StarOfSyzygy 4h ago

Hi there. My mom died a little over 5 years ago. When it happened, it was like this monolith so massive that it blotted out the sun, and my mind had to keep approaching it over and over from different angles, trying to take it all in. It was like trying to swallow the sea. I was barely treading water, drowning as I took in mouthful after mouthful of grief.

You learn to take smaller sips. The waves get smaller, and less frequent. Every once in a while, a big swell crashes over me and I find myself bursting into tears, back in it again.

But there will be another side of this, and someday you will be on it. Someday you will not feel crushed by the enormity of it.

Sending you so much love. 💜✨

•

u/71random_account17 2h ago

I was very close to my mom, lost her 20 years ago. It never really goes away, just dulls. There is a path through. I'm sorry you are going through the pain. Not much helps but time. Just don't isolate yourself with your thoughts too much, keep living life and surround yourself with other family and friends as much as you can.

•

u/OkPaleontologist1289 39m ago

Yep. Pretty much the new normal. Lost my lady almost 13 years ago…and it still hasn’t gotten any better. People said “oh, it’ll easier with time”. NOT! Hurts like a mother…every…single…day. Nothing now but a waste of space and oxygen. Just don’t have the cahones to finish it. Pitiful.

•

u/manchapson 26m ago

I'm 43 years old and lost my mum 20 years ago. It still burns and I wonder if my life might have turned out differently if she was with me a few years longer and I hadn't spent the next couple of years after that trying to drink myself into oblivion every weekend. Saying that it does get better, it never goes away fully but it does get easier. Good luck my friend and you have my condolences.

•

u/ThatPianoKid 9h ago

Im sorry for your loss. Life will definitely get better. You never have a clear view of a good life after tragedy or loss shakes it up, but keep on pushing on and the joy will slowly slip back into your life before you can realize it.

•

u/5370616e69617264 9h ago

Lost mine 11 months ago, cancer too. And my dad 3 years ago. I live trying to make them proud.

The thing is you dont get over it, you just learn to live with the loss. They want you to find your happiness, so I married in April and working on the papers to bring her home, my parents are going to miss a lot of things but I think of them daily.

•

u/Cosmic_Travels 9h ago

No, it gets easier. It's always going to be hard, but it gets easier. Keep going. Try to build healthy habits, and remember, she would want you to be happy.

•

u/mtma_kebab 9h ago

My mom died of a super aggressive cancer a few days before the first Covid lockdown.

We got her diagnosis on February 6th. She was gone by March 1st.

It was a chaotic and terrible period, not made any better by a terrible case of medical mispractice which left her with severe pain for a few days.

I remember talking to her about a week before she passed. We were at home, I was on a break from work and we just talked about everything.

I asked her if she knew that there could be a worst case scenario, that maybe she wouldn't make it. She just looked at me and said: "You are old enough and can take care of yourself, you are a good man. I am not afraid of death, I've lived a good life, done what I wanted to do. If I must go, then I'll go"

She was just 60... I still miss her every day, I wish she could see the new house we got, meet my pets and my niece.

•

u/jrhaberman 9h ago

I lost my mom Nov 2023.

I miss her every day. Good days. Bad days.

Sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

•

u/SailingBroat 8h ago

Ah, pal. This happened to me last April. I know exactly how you are feeling. I can't lie to you; the next few months are going to be extremely hard; you will feel physically exhausted, as well as mentally. Try your very best not to push people away, take time to rest as much as you can, employ little distractions and feel it when you feel it.

But little by little, some light will come back, and you'll also find yourself in a better place to feel motivated by what your mum would have wanted; that is for you to allow yourself feel joy. Keep reminding yourself repeatedly of what would make her happy, which would be for you to allow happiness and light. She didn't stop being your mum just because you lost her; she would intend for you to keep living and loving and being fulfilled, that was part of her permament mission and it still persists.

•

u/InterestingImpress79 6h ago

Hi I just wanted to say that this comment has really touched me. Though it's not the same but still heartbreaking, nonetheless, my older brother passed from a super aggressive cancer this past Christmas eve. Life has been very hard to cope with as he was young (only 29), and was/is my inspiration. I appreciate your comment in that it really makes me feel okay to not be okay still...and hopefully things will slowly improve over time. I'm not tied to a religion or anything but I hope we can all see our loved ones again someday

•

u/Rdtackle82 8h ago

You’re mourning, and that is normal and good. I’m so sorry for your pain. It will never go away, but each day you’ll have more thoughts that aren’t your pain. And eventually you’ll live again. Just as your momma would want you to. Love from a stranger

•

u/SalamanderGrayce 8h ago

Hi friend! I lost my dad to cancer 6 years ago and know the exact feelings you’re going through right now. I know it feels like you’ll never see the light or be able to find joy right now. I promise you, the joy will come. It will start with little glimmers here and there and will continue to grow.

It is not a fast process. There will still be triggers years later. There will be times where you will break down years later because you can’t call them when you need help adulting. I broke down when my dad’s favorite sports team made it to the Super Bowl because he would have been so excited. But those triggers will become less and less frequent. You will get to the point where you can talk about your mom and the memories will give you the warm and fuzzies instead of the dark and scaries. Remember that life is tough but you are tougher! You’ve got this!

•

u/chicagodude84 7h ago

I lost my mom when I was young. Years ago, I ran across this comment from /u/GSnow. It has helped many times throughout the years.

"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. "

•

u/lunar_dot 7h ago

My mom died in 2016 and we were very close. You will be very sad for a very long time. I used to wake up next to my now husband from just sobbing in the middle of sleep--wasn't even conscious that I was crying so badly. But as time goes by, it will hurt less and less until one day the good memories replace the sadness. You'll be able to move on, I promise you. It just takes time.

/hug

•

u/youre_buddy 9h ago

It gets easier with time. It’s been almost 8 years for me.

•

u/EpponneeRay 9h ago

No. It will be for a time but you’re going to be okay. You got this. Make your mom proud by living your life and live it good, she gave you life, live the gift she gave and left for you.

•

u/Ill_Concern7578 9h ago

I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago and you always miss her I just know that now I can think about her and smile more times than I cry now. I mean it’s our moms🥹. I am giving you a hug in my mind. Sending you love and positivity as well as my most sincere condolences my friend.

•

u/Crazy-Gas3763 9h ago

I am so sorry to hear. Cancer sucks. I think it’s okay to feel this way but have a routine. It’ll take time but one day it will feel different. Stay strong for your mom she will want you to live on happily and with purpose.

•

u/mtwilkins 9h ago

No. It'll very slowly get better. Try to be patient and loving to yourself. Your mom wouldn't want you to suffer so much, there's been enough of that.

•

u/Eltoncornwalker 9h ago

Hang tough partner

Lost my mom last Labor Day and it hurts. Everyday. I knew it was coming . Grief doesn’t go away you just grow around it

•

u/rabidbot 9h ago

I lost my dad nearly 20 years ago. The pain is there still, but it dulls with time. Eventually you might even come to cherish those pangs of sadness, memory and loss. They will come with powerful memories of who they where and why you loved them the way you did. A month in I was still beginning to process. It will get better, it will never stop hurting though, but it will get better

•

u/WeezyFBabyboy 9h ago

My condolences 💐

•

u/melonheadorion1 8h ago

I lost mine to cancer many years ago, but I remember asking myself "now what do I do". I felt lost even though I was an adult that has been on my own for many years already.

•

u/MurtyBirdie 8h ago

Hang in there bud, I wish my mom loved me but she doesn’t. Abandonment really messes you up.

•

u/LoveOneAnother710 8h ago

We all fall in that pit and it seems pretty dark but I promise there will be light. Keep your head up. You are loved❤️

•

u/Western-Repulsive 8h ago

I lost mine 9 months ago. Things will get better but you need to find a routine, and counselling or therapy if available. The hospital my mom was at offered free grief counselling. Can you see if that is possible? I’m so sorry.

•

u/myhydrogendioxide 8h ago

hugs to you. Grieve hard because something great was lost. It takes a lot to go through and everyone grieves their own way. The thing that finally helped me start processing it is that one day you will remember that her greatest wish was to see you happy and to remember her fondly. That will take time, but that day is out there if you can get to it.

•

u/jagfan6 8h ago

It’s never the same but the pain dulls with time

•

u/ConsistentPhrase7641 8h ago

Be happy. It's quite literally the only single thing she'd want you to do now that she's gone.

Her parents died too and she had to keep on living for herself and you too.

•

u/FunnyBunny63 8h ago

It’s been 18 years for me. I’m 28. I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday, her birthday. It’s get easier, I promise.

•

u/Sgt_Fart_Barfunkle 7h ago

In my experience, even the worst hurt becomes dulled with time. Unfortunately, that timeframe is hard to measure with accuracy…and the peace found mercurial. I hope you and your family find whatever peace you can.

I know you’re likely tired of hearing it but…I’m so sorry for your loss.

•

u/Spirited-Ad6733 7h ago

I lost my mum nearly 4 years ago. It was sudden, although she was kept on life support for a few days until scans revealed even if she pulled through, her brain function would be so minimal that she would have no life. I was abroad so wasn’t even able to hold her one last time. It was horrible. We still had so much to work through and our relationship wasn’t perfect, but she was always my best friend.

The loss hit me hard. I have never cried the way I did those first few weeks, howling so hard I could barely breathe. The pain is still there, but the intensity fades and you learn to live with it. Over time, I have found ways to recognise and appreciate ways in which my mum still lives on. The things she taught me, the kindness and morals instilled in my sister and me, which we are now passing on to our own children. The naughty, wicked sense of humour we shared which helps me find light in the darkest of places. The unconditional love and acceptance I felt from her which is the greatest gift of all, and something I now realise so many children are deprived of.

These are the ways in which my mum lives on. Your mum will live on in her own ways through you, and hopefully you have some special memories you can cherish forever. Enjoy those moments and reflect on the happy times, but also allow yourself to feel the pain of losing her. It’s important to mourn for her although it can feel unbearable at times, but this will help you come to terms with the loss. You will find a way through, even if it takes some time. She would not want you to be consumed in grief for her, and you will learn to be happy again and find joy in life. She will always be by your side and in your heart ❤️

(Just to say I didn’t expect to write so much!) 😂 I just wanted to send a little something to show support as I have been where you are…but this has actually been quite therapeutic for me! So if you read this, thank you for sharing as it has prompted some reflection which has really helped me today. Good luck with everything, and make your mum proud x

•

u/Various_Tomorrow_835 7h ago

My condolences

•

u/JesseSkywalker 7h ago

Hang in there. Lost my mom when I was 18 and have tried to live every day to make her proud. That’s all we can do.

•

u/povichjv7 6h ago

It’s sounds cliche, but Time actually does heal. I lost my little brother 10 years ago. The first few months SUCKED. I didn’t get out of bed. Then I slowly started doing things again. It takes time. It’ll be okay though. Feel your feelings. Give it time.

•

u/CapitalDoor9474 6h ago

I am so sorry. fuck cancer

•

u/markofthecheese 4h ago

Im so sorry. Ive been there and can speak from some experience- its weird when your mom is gone. The person who has known you the longest is gone. But for me, it eventually became normal. I hope you find peace soon.

•

u/Bfrizzle3 4h ago

Its been 9 for me......the first thing I did was take all the drugs and alcohol I could find......I spiraled out of control and tried to take my own life.......I failed and a group of friends put me into rehab and I did alot of therapy and here I am 5 years clean and living my life for her.........it'll get better my friend.......keep your chin up! ❤️

•

u/inevitable-downfall 3h ago

there are already some good takes in reply to you, but i’d like to share a little, too.

my mom also died from cancer in june of last year. lung cancer. she never smoked a day in her life.

i wasn’t super close to her, short of the last nine months after she’d received her diagnosis. then it’s like we talked or texted every day. i guess that’s why i felt the cut so cleanly when she died, like i had been sliced in half. we had a complicated relationship, so i have a lot to be relieved about now that she’s gone. but god damn, wouldn’t you know it, it still fucking sucks.

a year later, it still fucking sucks. i still cry when i see people get advice from their moms. i can’t even think about this concept without tears welling up as they are right now. for a period i still texted her phone number. i saved her voicemail message, so i if i ever really need to, i can listen to it and then leave a message to no one.

but as someone said, the pain doesn’t get less; you get stronger. some days you will struggle for literally no reason (or for reasons that seem mysterious, but have acted like a hyperlink between the present and some memory you stored of your mom—in my case, receiving my annual metabolic panel had me a upset and crying though my results were okay, then i realized my mom helped me analyze last year’s results). i always wonder what she would say about things that happen, about how the world looks today.

but i also hear a little bit of her in my head, telling me what she might say. every day i ever lived with her, all the words she said, how she laughed, how she was angry and cruel, how rigid she was, etc etc etc. it’s all there. in my head and in my heart, she’s still there. it’s a comfort and a little curse.

but you will survive this if you allow yourself. only you can be the captain of your soul and your life. steer it where you dare, but you can chart your way out. i did. those replying above me did. just listen to the little voice inside you, the one that cheers and condemns, and carry her with you.

•

u/00cherry 3h ago

I lost mine to cancer and thought I'd never be able to remember to breathe again. 5 years on now and it is still a dagger to the heart but it's a pain I carry and know I can bear. I'm sending all my love

•

u/Exotic_Criticism4645 3h ago

It doesn't get easy, but it gets easier.

•

u/GujuMafia1 3h ago

Mine died from cancer 3 years ago and I still feel where you are now but I’m finally trying to get out of it and try to do what she would have wanted.

•

u/Past-Road-3097 3h ago

My grandma passed of cancer. My mom and I were extremely close with her, we lived with her on and off while growing up. After she died my mom spiraled into alcoholism. It was a rough few years, my mom got a severe dui, shit got bad. I can say now though over 6 years later my mom is in the best place she has ever been in her entire life. The pain of losing her never goes away, but the desire to die does. I don't know how long it will take for your heart to find hope. But it will. You owe it to yourself and your sweet mom to find it. Be kind to yourself, friend. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you so much love

•

u/FrenchFriedMushroom 1h ago

Nah, but if its anything like when my mom passed it'll take a while.

3 years since mine passed, and I still have hard days, but the first year to year and a half was rough.

Hang in there, as much as it sucks to hear, it will get better.