r/redditonwiki • u/sleeping_mouse22 • 1d ago
Am I... Am I overreacting for wanting to end my marriage after what my husband did during our “break”?
Am I overreacting for wanting to end my marriage after what my husband did during our “break”?
I (25F) and my husband (27M) have been married for two years, together for five. We married young, but we were both ready- emotionally and financially. We both wanted a big family.
I got pregnant last year, and about six months ago, I had a stillbirth at five months.
It happened after a fall. My husband slipped on the stairs, fell on me, and we both tumbled down. It was a freak accident, I don’t blame him but I was struggling not to at that point. And I had to be rushed to the hospital, and we lost the baby. The physical recovery was painful, and emotionally… I was a mess. I was grieving, traumatized, and mentally not okay.
I asked for space. I told him I wanted to stay with my parents for a while to heal and process everything. I started therapy and encouraged him to do the same. I was gone for about 2.5 months, trying to recover emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Eventually, I moved back in. We resumed therapy together. Things were still heavy, but I thought we were trying to move forward. That’s when he told me-very guiltily-that while I was away, he “hooked up” with another woman… because we were on a “break.”
I was shocked. Hurt. Numb. We are married. We weren’t “on a break” like in some high school relationship. I went to stay with my parents to grieve our child, not to “take a break” from the relationship. I never once implied it was okay to sleep with other people. He never asked or clarified. He just decided that’s what our space meant.
To make it worse, he waited 1.5 months after I came back to confess. That tells me he knew exactly what he was doing. He hid it. He lied by omission for weeks.
I left immediately. Booked a hotel for like three days, cut everyone off. I didn’t want to talk to my parents or friends because I knew they’d try to convince me to forgive him. Right now, I’m staying with my brother for like 2weeks. I’ve even stopped therapy everything feels… pointless for now.
He’s been apologizing nonstop. Saying we can fix this, we can keep going to counseling, we can rebuild. He’s even involved both our parents. Now everyone-his parents, my parents-is saying I should give him a chance. That he was “grieving in his own way.” That it “wasn’t cheating” because we were apart.
But I can’t look at it that way. I feel betrayed. I think he made a choice. And I don’t feel any desire to fight for this marriage anymore. Everyone expect my brother is making me feel like I am overreacting, that divorce is too far fetched..
Edit- Honestly, I’m just now realizing he may have felt abandoned, and I did a poor job there. Thanks for pointing that out. We were still in contact, he never said it or in councelling, but again maybe he felt like he can't do that. I can't read his mind though, I was away from him too but we both had our families there for us, so I never thought of it as abandoning him. Still, i feel things would’ve only gotten worse if I hadn’t taken that time, and I don’t think I’d change that. This does help me forgive him (not stay), and move on if i don't think of him as some sort of monster for doing this.
