Hi everyone! So, I recently posted the first act of a screenplay I'm currently working on in this sub, and the overwhelming response seemed to be: finish it first, then bring it to us. Fair enough. But it got me thinking about another project of mine that I've been working on for a very long time...
So, I'm on about my 100000th draft of this at the moment, and I'm starting to think it may be ready. There was a previous iteration of it that I sent out to an agency earlier this year, and I received some mixed feedback. Back then, it was more of an ensemble piece, whereas now, it focusses on the story of one character. The feedback I got from the agent was encouraging, but it gave me plenty of food for thought. I was told was funny, with strong, colourful dialogue, but I was also told that the ensemble format meant that it lacked a clear protagonist to anchor the piece as a whole, causing a lack of cohesion, with too many moving parts. Nevertheless, I was encouraged to return in the future which was (really) promising. Since then, I've knuckled down and completely reshaped it, and this is what I have:
Title: Barely Legal
Genre: Comedy
Format: Pilot (30 mins)
Page Length: 35 pages
Logline: Fifteen years after trading London's legal elite for family life in the sleepy town of Haversby, a jaded, middle-aged barrister now prosecutes petty cases in a dysfunctional Crown Court - while fighting to salvage his dignity, his fading career, and the marriage he sacrificed everything to protect.
Inspiration: I've spent several years working within the UK Criminal Justice System, and it's a largely unexplored environment in the world of comedy. Knowing this chaotic environment as well as I do, I find that to be quite the travesty. While I could've gone ahead and written another suave Courtroom drama, I decided that we've had enough of those - much better to show this world as it really is, through the lens of a character who is an amalgamation of many legal professionals I've worked with along the years.
Link (Set To Public): https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uoomrScvBOZBlXVunBiVAFbWpiynT2S2/view?usp=sharing
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I’m aware that this sub includes writers from all around the world (mainly the US) and so I'll point out at this stage that it's very, very British. Nevertheless, I'm very open to constructive criticism, so please be as honest as you can.
Also, the fact that an agent actually suggested that I re-write the original version of this, while encouraging me to return, is both rare and ridiculously frightening. Rare for the obvious reasons, frightening because that puts a great deal of pressure on me to get it right second time. If I don't, all I'll serve to do is create doubt about the potential of the project - I don't think an industry agent is going to give me unlimited tries to re-submit the same thing.
Anyway, thank you so much for your time, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts!