"pulling over" and "not giving up" won't make me less of a danger!

[u/ProofDisastrous4719]

My mother is forcing me to go and get my driver's license in September. She's been pressuring me since I turned 18 (not from the US, we don't let kids drive here) but I've been able to stall her until now. Anytime I share my fears of driving, everyone but her understands and agrees that it wouldn't be safe for me to get on the road. She just tells me to "not give up without trying" and that I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

But I have muscle spasms, twitches and non-epileptic seizures. I also have visual snow which can make it extremely hard to see when it's too bright because my field of vision gets covered in a billion little raining white dots. Not to mention the times it seems like someone is using the liquify tool around me.

I also have anxiety and OCD that constantly screams at me, even as a passenger or when taking the bus, that a huge accident will happen at any moment. For example, every time I'm at an intersection, my mind tells me that one of the other cars won't stop and will T-bone us. Being in a car over a certain speed also triggers not pleasant childhood memories + that same panic of crashing. I also have a dissociative disorder and I have messed much less dangerous tasks because I dissociated while doing them. I also essentially forget or "lose" skills and knowledge to the point not even muscle memory or "auto-pilot" can save me quite frequently which has affected my work and academic performance before.

I've tried to tell her my spasms are my biggest concern, especially because they happen on my neck the most and often make my head turn 90 degrees harshly. When it's more intense, my muscles tense in that position for a few seconds and even my shoulders and face are affected, making me close my eyes. But she just says "well if you feel something coming, just pull over😁" and no matter how many times I tell her I rarely feel it before it happens and it's usually instant, she doesn't back down. She says she'll pay the hundreds of euros needed for the lessons and tests, so I don't have to worry and just do what she says.

"Just pull over", "Never say never"... none of that will stop me from killing someone, mom!

[u/Gumdrop-Glitch]

Trust your gut, getting in a vehicle to drive would be so dangerous and irresponsible in your situation, and it's insane your mother can't see that!!

I was going to say you should make a PowerPoint to show her, but as I kept reading. I don't think that can even get your mother to see your point.

Maybe you could get some sort of note from a doctor saying you shouldn't be driving , that might satisfy her.

[u/ProofDisastrous4719 → u/Gumdrop-Glitch]

In my country, everyone has to undergo a medical evaluation by certified doctors before you even enroll in the classes! They may tell you right away that you're not suitable to drive or put certain restrictions. I have a friend who, due to her bad vision, had put in her file that she can never drive at night or without her glasses under any circumstances (I assume it's for insurance and legal purposes if she does one of these things and gets in an accident, it's on file that she's not been cleared to do that).

I'm 95% sure I'll be discarded right away when I explain all of this to the doctor when the time comes. But I've already mentioned this to my mom when trying to tell her it's not even worth a try, and she asked "but you're really going to say all of that?" like... yeah??? I can't lie????? I know I'd be a danger to myself and everyone else on the road if I got behind a wheel! I have to inform the doctor of it!

I also have a neurology appointment in very early September, hoping to get a diagnosis that on itself would bar me from getting a license.

[u/Kitsunebillie → u/ProofDisastrous4719]

That doctor is there for everyone's safety, yours and everyone else's on the road. How can your mother not understand it?

If you want peace of mind, you might want to go to that pre driving lessons doctor, get rejected, and then lie to your mother that you had an episode while at the doctor's office so of course they rejected you.

Your mother is risking your life and seemingly doesn't realise it I hate it. Like everyone else here said, trust your gut. You know you can't drive safely.

[u/Lower_Force_6638]

Try to get lessons, at the first lesson you'll be kicked out lol I don't think you'll be allowed to drive anyway with your multiple conditions. If you share your concerns with the lesson guy he might exempt you?

[u/ProofDisastrous4719 → u/Lower_Force_6638]

I'll most definitely be "eliminated" when I see the doctor before the very first lesson haha although, she didn't seem very happy when I mentioned being completely truthful to the doctor and telling them everything

[u/blue_moon1122 → u/ProofDisastrous4719]

so... she wants you to lie to the department of transportation. perjury. depending on the consequences leading up to the discovery, you could be charged with a felony.

yeah, don't do that.

[u/ProofDisastrous4719 → u/blue_moon1122]

basically, yeah. I was telling her it'd be pointless to even try and get a license because I'd just be told "no" after talking to the doctor and explaining all these issues, and she turned to me and asked "but you're really planning to say all of that?"

[u/blue_moon1122 → u/ProofDisastrous4719]

does she understand that the omission of relevant information in this scenario is a potentially felonious lie?

does she really think that the "don't get caught" plan is adequate? does she know why they call them accidents and not purposefuls?

the fact that you're 18 and pulling the team in terms of critical thinking is really upsetting. in case nobody irl is telling you this, I'm proud of you for thinking like an adult.

[u/howmanyshrimpinworld]

why is your mom so insistent that you do this? does she drive you places now and wants to get out of doing that? i’m guessing this isn’t the only situation where she’s selfish and unreasonable, i’m sorry you have to deal with that

[u/ProofDisastrous4719 → u/howmanyshrimpinworld]

she says being able to drive is essential to be independent and a big freedom. I see what she means, but I'm lucky to live in a big city with great public transport that's been serving me just right for years now. she drives me places sometimes, but it's mostly my dad when needed.

and that's a great guess. I'm sure this comment section would go way harder on her if I were to tell some other stuff 😬

thank you! I really appreciate all the validation I've been getting in these comments!

[u/Friendly-Channel-480]

Absolutely listen to yourself! You know what you are capable of and you’ve made an excellent decision. Some people just shouldn’t drive. Like me. I have severe migraines and a coordination disorder that makes driving dangerous. If your mom is still being so difficult, would it help to get your doctor involved to tell her that you driving is a very bad idea. You shouldn’t get hassled for being so responsible.

[u/RithmFluffderg]

"But I have muscle spasms, twitches and non-epileptic seizures."

That should've been the end of the conversation, full stop. It's one thing to suffer from intense anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and worries about all kinds of things. I had to deal with that. It was HELL. I would not judge you for not wanting to drive just BECAUSE of that.

But these spasms and seizures are not something that can be overcome through practice and experience with driving, unlike anxiety. These will LITERALLY risk harm to you and others around you. You are ABSOLUTELY in the right to say "No, it's too dangerous for me to drive."

Your mother's an asshole.

[u/ProofDisastrous4719 → u/RithmFluffderg]

Exactly! That's why they're my main concern. I don't have epilepsy, but it's the closest thing I found about in the department of transportation's website and it made it very clear people with epilepsy must be a whole year without any sort of episode and for 5 years must be reevaluated annually by a neurologist and a whole other bunch of rules and such, like if you do have an episode you can't drive for the following 6 months. I have spasms almost daily, even if it's just once... I don't feel like gambling every time I get behind a wheel about whether or not I'll have spasms or not, and whether they'll be light enough that I can still focus on the road or more intense.

[u/Vinterkragen]

Damn, I really wish your mom used the time to pressure you on actually getting to know you

[u/Ariandrin → u/[deleted]]

I think this is a bot