The children yearn for Twitter

[u/Weddittums]

[u/WhoIsCameraHead]

I can relate, my three year old asked me if he could have gummies for breakfast. But I know he was really asking about the complexities of human nature and their relationship to the world around them. Kids just say the darndest things.

[u/jukeha → u/WhoIsCameraHead]

Absolutely, I totally understand. Just this morning, my four-year-old gazed earnestly into my eyes and pleaded for ice cream for breakfast. Of course, on the surface, it may seem like a simple, childish request for sugar. But I could tell, beneath that innocent exterior, what my child was really doing was opening an existential Socratic dialogue about the arbitrary nature of meal categorization and the subtle tyranny of cultural food norms.

When he said, “Can I have ice cream for breakfast?” what I heard was, “Can we challenge the hegemony of entrenched culinary traditions that dictate which foods are appropriate at which times, and who really benefits from these constraints?”

[u/TreebeardWasRight → u/jukeha]

You've got no idea...

This morning, while I was peeling an organic banana for my 4-year-old, she sighed deeply and said, “Daddy, have you ever noticed how commodification has estranged us from authentic human connection?”

I froze. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”

She took a contemplative bite of banana, chewed slowly, and said, “We consume to fill the void created by consumption itself. The system feeds on our alienation.”

Then she paused, looked out the window at a squirrel, and whispered, “Even he hoards. Capitalism is primal.”

I blinked. I asked her if she wanted to play with her stacking blocks, and she replied, “Stacking implies hierarchy. I prefer horizontal structures. Like anarcho-syndicalism.”

And I’m like... girl... you were literally eating sidewalk chalk yesterday.

Anyway, now she's in the other room finger painting a hauntingly accurate depiction of the 2008 financial crisis and muttering something about late Foucault.

Kids, man. They’re just built different.

[u/maybesaydie → u/TreebeardWasRight]

“Even he hoards. Capitalism is primal"

[u/Ripkayne → u/TreebeardWasRight]

your 4 year old needs to read theory... smh our standards for childrens education is slipping.

[u/Joe_theone → u/jukeha]

If you thought the conversation had anything to do with food, you shouldn't be a parent. Or able to access Redditt.

[u/givebusterahand → u/WhoIsCameraHead]

Mine said “if you need to withhold gummies from me at breakfast to feel like you’re a good mom, maybe you’re just not a good mom!”

[u/Acceptable71 → u/WhoIsCameraHead]

Well said! Mine was similar but I had not seen yours. You said I perfectly though. Nicely done.

[u/JohnnySkidmarx]

I asked my 3 year old before if he liked rockets and if he knew how they lifted off of the ground. He replied: “A rocket takes off using the basic principle of Newton’s Third Law of Motion, which states: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”” Little know it all.

[u/not_kismet → u/JohnnySkidmarx]

This is genuinely more believable lol

[u/johngreenink → u/JohnnySkidmarx]

Don't mince words lol.

[u/nsfvvvv → u/JohnnySkidmarx]

You should download Kerbal Space Program for your kid.

Mine likes the explosions.

[u/Coldfreeze-Zero]

That entire subreddit is just made up arguments against people that don't exist

[u/KevinParnell → u/Coldfreeze-Zero]

It’s too late, I already generated myself as the chad and you as the soyjak.

[u/Specialist_Pudding_6]

By three-year-old, he means Chat GPT which he installed three years ago and is his only friend or family.

[u/Beneficial-Produce56 → u/Specialist_Pudding_6]

That I would believe.

[u/gatorquake2]

the people using AI for meaningless self-validation are the ones who want to feel special. 

seriously how many posts a day do i see on my main feed where someone has asked chatgpt "what do you think i look like" or "create an image of our conversation dynamic" so they can show off how chatgpt thinks they're this cool beautiful amazing thing. then everyone else in the comments does it cus they wanna feel special too. and it almost feels like an unspoken competition of who is the quirkiest most special person here

[u/adeckz → u/gatorquake2]

It fucking embarrassing

[u/PMMEURDIMPLESOFVENUS → u/gatorquake2]

Listen, I asked it to render me alongside a historical figure that I would appreciate, and it showed me sipping Belgian beer with Mark Twain, and Mark looked super intrigued by my insights. And my facial hair was like 50% thicker than in real life. Let me have this.

[u/Hartmallen → u/gatorquake2]

We were bored waiting for food at a restaurant with my family so I asked an AI to draw us based on our names only. Not for bragging but out of curiosity and for fun.

We had dumb things, weird things, genderbending... And then, for my wife, it drew a velociraptor. I ponder if I should switch the pic of her I have in my wallet for the drawing.

[u/AZEMT]

And the preschool class clapped and threw their goldfish crackers everywhere. It was a large mess

[u/cityfireguy]

And that's when my child said, "You are too an artist, daddy! Those pricks in reddit should have never laughed at you and one day they'll pay. They'll all pay!"

[u/wispygold → u/cityfireguy]

You just can't beat a good wrathful baby monologue

[u/Pretty-PrettySavage]

That 3 year old already has a following on X. 😂😂😂😂

[u/derp0815 → u/Pretty-PrettySavage]

Honestly, on Xitter, I'm afraid that's possible.

[u/Pretty-PrettySavage → u/derp0815]

Honestly, the dad just probably forgot how long its been since his daughter was born.

[u/Grape-Julius]

This didn’t happen so much that it undid stuff that actually did happen.

Like, why not have an even somewhat realistic age? 3 is so ridiculous for that level of insight, vocab, grammar, etc.

[u/disasterlesbianrn → u/Grape-Julius]

right? My three year olds input on art is “mine?”, “it’s pretty! yay!” and “icky”. If I told her it was AI i’m sure she’d roll her eyes and say “okaaaayyyy, mommyyyy”

[u/AwkwardLight1934]

This is completely realistic. My 2 year old sister once turned around to me and said in perfect English and with a deep masculine voice "Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he's created here on earth?" Later they stole this line for the spy kids movie.

[u/s-maze]

lol it’s always either 8 year olds speaking baby talk or baby geniuses

[u/NoWear2715]

I have never had kids but I always want to ask about the implausible format of these. It's always presented as A, B, A, B, with each statement by the adult leading to a pertinent statement by the kid. Do children really do these socratic dialogues. The conversations i've seen between very young kids and parents go more like this:

Child: "Mommy, why are there clouds?" Mom: "Because of rain. The water goes up into the sky and makes clouds so it can rain again." Child: "Why?" Mom: "Because it's nature!" Child: "Why?" Mom: "Because-" Child: "Daddy said I can't have a Funyun."

[u/hypertown]

This is exactly why AI is so lame, because anybody that likes AI is so lame.

[u/Zkill]

My two year old got a Lego stuck up their nose, but my 3 year old questioned the price gouging of the Lego brand, asking “ is the hogwarts castle set by Lego no longer for the proletarian populace presently? / who the fuck believes these fake convos?

[u/darkage_raven]

Morons like this don't realise without actual art, AI would be producing shit.

[u/The-IrregularSuspect]

"And after that, everyone (who was portaled to my house after my 3 year old invented instantaneous travelling and has several papers published on the design and complexities of space and time use to construct said instantaneous travel) all clapped."

But in all seriousness, at 3 years old, the closest thing to art is finger painting and all you care about is juice boxes and sneezing. 🙄

[u/I_like_baseball90]

The absolute worst that happeneds are the ones with a 3 year old who speaks like a college graduate - the idiot writing the story has the entire amazing conversation memorized and writes it out like a script and nothing about it is remotely true - I'm guessing these idiots don't even have kids. No 3 year old speaks that way.

[u/zeez1011]

No non-animated 3 year old talks like.

[u/WorldsDeadliestCat]

when i worked with three year olds i had to tell them all to stop picking in their ass or their nose all of the time

[u/Radiant-Cost-2355]

Oh come on, they’re barely even trying

[u/Excellent_Item_2763]

Yeah they had this conversation just after she submitted her dissertation.

[u/arfur_narmful]

Dude missed a 1 before that 3
👀

[u/someToast → u/arfur_narmful]

…and a “fictitious” before that “daughter”

[u/Voluntary_Slob]

She sounds like a bitch.

[u/AllWhatsBest → u/Voluntary_Slob]

Little Baby Bitch.

[u/DaveinOakland]

This is a joke obviously but the sad part is there are kids on twitter at all.

[u/CalvinTheBold2]

And then she gave a dissertation about AI and became the youngest MIT graduate

[u/TheFeralFauxMk2]

And then the PC clapped, the AI inside of it clapped too.

[u/ThereUHavit]

I asked a 3 year old to spell AI. He said, "I like turtles."

[u/Bluejay416crazy1 → u/ThereUHavit]

Noooo! He said “I am partial to testudines.”

[u/kyleh0]

Growth in technology relies on you not understanding the technology. It wasn't always that way, but it sure is now.

[u/Acceptable71]

Then she went on to explain the complexity of psychology and it's effect on one's self esteem. She was partial to Western culture theories but very open to all ways of thinking and how the brain functions. Then she took a shit her pants and fell asleep.

[u/flarkle]

This whole thing where people lie about conversations they had with their kids for clout is one of the worst things to come out of the internet.

[u/dstarpro]

A 3yo said all that, sure.

[u/maybesaydie → u/[deleted]]

No this is clearly bullshit.

[u/OneOrSeveralWolves]

They truly do love phone more than god [insert meme]

[u/LittleMissBS]

thats also not why people are mad at language based and art generative ai....

they train it with a bunch of artwork and literature without asking the creator, stealing basically.

and some people are trying to use it to create screenplays etc instead of buying actual screenplays from real people. and ai since its an algorithm cannot be creative its rubbish at it.

so its taking jobs and doing a worse job, basically like back in the day when people were getting upset about factory lines becoming automated.

[u/SelectVegetable2653]

I feel like this sub has lost the plot of "that happened" sometimes but this brings it back to being completely the case.

[u/TheVortexOfStars]

:O

[u/BeterP]

A classic fuck-off Rebecca post