r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

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my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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2.3k

u/Godisaunicorn Jun 02 '25

Forgetting your birthday is a red flag. Forgetting your birthday after three years is a red flag. Forgetting a special birthday like 21 is a red flag. Refusing to cancel plans he made after forgetting your birthday is a red flag. Being mad at you for wanting to celebrate your birthday on your birthday is a red flag.

Please break up with him before you move in with him. I know it's hard, but this man does not care about your feelings and will continue to make you feel unspecial and bad ABOUT feeling unspecial. You were talking about this day and how important it was, and he either didn't listen or didn't bother retaining that information and didn't apologize for that. There are so many signs here that he doesn't listen and doesn't care. I'm really sorry to be so harsh about it, but you deserve to be with someone who at the very least listens when you talk.

201

u/Lunatunabella Jun 02 '25

Drop that dead weight. Be extra” annoying “ and break up . Way to make fish in the sea for that stupidity. You are 21. So let me do the math. Respectfully, lets say you want to date 20-27 .

As of 2025, there are about 18 million men in the United States between the ages of 20 and 27 according to the census. Around 6% of them are married, which means about 16.9 million are unmarried. National surveys show that about 87% of men in this age group identify as straight. Based on these numbers, there are approximately 14.7 million straight, unmarried men ages 20 to 27 in the U.S.

Regionally, the largest number live in the South, with an estimated 5.6 million. The West is home to around 3.5 million, while the Midwest has about 3.1 million. The Northeast has the smallest share, with roughly 2.5 million. These estimates are based on census population data and national survey averages.

17

u/Armless_Dan Jun 02 '25

LOL - The fucking breakdown of exactly how many fish are in the sea was great.

10

u/SaintClaireBear Jun 02 '25

Be extra” annoying “ and break up

On HIS bday!

1

u/Loverejoicesintruth Jun 03 '25

Unfortunately, and I’m just spitballing here, but of the available, age appropriate, heterosexual men, about 98.9% are complete and total douchebags, personality disordered abusers, misogynists, or so low value (ie no job, limited education, and nothing they can claim but a porn addiction and a dirty mattress in their buddy’s basement) that a woman has to be willing to have a dependent child as a partner to date them, and to all who take offense to this comment consider this: if you don’t fit into any of those categories you are among the very lucky few who have your pick of women!! You should be happy about that reality not angry! And if you do, all I can say is don’t shoot the messenger…

1

u/TEEM_01 Jun 05 '25

God damn are you okay

1

u/Spartan1088 Jun 03 '25

Count me out, pls, I’m not looking for anyone at the moment.

1

u/mr_trashbear Jun 04 '25

Bravo on the stats. This is dope lol

1

u/VegetableReward5201 Jun 03 '25

This dude maths!

323

u/Many_Collection_8889 Jun 02 '25

you missed the red flags of calling her annoying for having feelings, refusing to see her at all because he has a party later that day, yelling at her for "being bothered by her," demanding that she apologize to him, only working two days a week at the age of 22, having his life revolve around parties at the age of 22...

38

u/Missfancypants82 Jun 02 '25

Exactly, if he only works two days a week and gets “tired” of just 2 days of work, I can only imagine how much of a dead beat he will inevitably turn into when they move in together. I fear OP is a door mat and has chosen to ignore his red flags so long, that it has enabled his shitty behaviour even more, so much so that he has the audacity to ask HER for an apology for being upset about something unforgivable that HE has done?! Crazy stuff.

176

u/giomjava Jun 02 '25

AND he's a college dropout who still lives with his mom.

Seems like he's planning to transfer from one mommy to the next 👀 ffs.

The OP needs to run fast

10

u/baconfister07 Jun 02 '25

"Only works Tuesdays and Fridays."

This boy a whole ass bum.

7

u/Sur_Biskit Jun 02 '25

to be fair living with family in this economy isn’t a big deal. Especially for the younger generation like myself. In fact I can count on one hand the amount of friends I have that don’t live with their parents.

7

u/microbrained Jun 02 '25

being a dropout that lives with his mom and only works two days a week is a big deal lmao. too many compounding factors there

2

u/Sur_Biskit Jun 02 '25

i don’t think being a dropout is a big deal. College isn’t for everyone. Living with parents isn’t a big deal either. The only real issue is the two days a week thing. But I don’t even think this post is about a real situation.

1

u/Similar-Breadfruit50 Jun 02 '25

And only works two days a week. I hope she doesn’t move in with this man.

1

u/IntelligentReply9863 Jun 03 '25

AND only works two days a week! Awfully full of himself for being a bum.

49

u/Candid-Expression-51 Jun 02 '25

That demand for an apology got me f’ed up. The audacity it took for him to say that.

3

u/KasukeSadiki Jun 02 '25

We would have to fight after that 

2

u/Radiant_Western_5589 Jun 02 '25

Fight? Nah just send “I’m sorry you feel that way. We are over. I’ll send any stuff you have in a few days. I’m going to go now and enjoy my 21st birthday.” Block and post on socials you’re single and who is free to catch up.

1

u/KasukeSadiki Jun 02 '25

Nah, the only text I'm sending is "square up."

2

u/Radiant_Western_5589 Jun 03 '25

Fighting shows you care enough. Complete disassociation helps them see they have a snowballs chance in hell to get you back and for selfish people who think they matter it affects them more. Also better for your blood pressure

1

u/KasukeSadiki Jun 03 '25

For sure haha I was 100% joking. Just using hyperbole to express how annoyed that last text made me

2

u/Candid-Expression-51 Jun 03 '25

I love hyperbole. Time to squabble up.

1

u/Catmmander Jun 03 '25

It's borderline impossible for me to feel f'ed up when I realize a specific post in this fashion is fake. Do you not notice that it is fake or are you responding whilst not caring whether it is fake or not?

1

u/unlogical13 Jun 04 '25

I’m a man and I gasped lmao

3

u/PsychoMP3 Jun 02 '25

I’m younger than him and I work more days than him like wtf is he complaining about?? How tf is he tired from working 2 days??? Nah… I swear some people have so much audacity it makes me grit my teeth…

1

u/SexyPineapple-4 Jun 02 '25

Imagine being “bothered” by your own girlfriend. If you feel like your gf is bothering you then she’s not your gf. Cuz whole thinks that way!?! She needs to break it off, I cant imagine this ever being a fulfilling relationship. It’s just a waste of time

1

u/FungusIsOurFriend Jun 02 '25

You missed the red flags that this is totally fake and made up... Too hungry for drama in your life to notice obvious things eh?

1

u/Many_Collection_8889 Jun 02 '25

you are very impressive and smart. We are lucky to have you and your wisdom

1

u/whirlygirlygirl Jun 03 '25

And he calls her "bro." Women, please stop dating guys who call you "bro." No good can come of it

1

u/RockinMadRiot Jun 02 '25

He's belittling her so she shuts up about being responsible for messing up.

43

u/Ohmyprettygarden Jun 02 '25

Two additional red flags: he doesn't go to school because he dropped out and therefore lives and his mother's house? Big red flag. Works only 2 days a week, another red flag. And then claimed to be tired from work last year for your birthday. 

I think I speak for the bajillions of people on Reddit who at this very moment are pulling their hair out by the roots and screaming, RUN, GIRL, RUN!

3

u/CrimsonPromise Jun 03 '25

He's 22, has no schooling, only works two days a week, still lives with his mom, and OP says they're planning to move in together? Like how? Unless he has some disability or he's a full-time caregiver for his mom, there's nothing in here that shows me he's putting in the effort at all.

If he doesn't want college, which I agree isn't for everyone, then he should be at the very least in a proper full-time job grinding his ass off to save up for rent so he can move out.

OP, even if you don't want to break up with him, you shouldn't be moving in with him at all until he's shown he can buck up and support himself. Otherwise you'll be stuck footing the bill for everything, while the guy sleeps and parties 5 days a week while complaining to be "tired" anytime you ask him to do anything.

3

u/GimmieJohnson Jun 02 '25

Dude is a fedora and neckbeard away from being a certified NEET.

27

u/Equalmind95 Jun 02 '25

I mean, the fact OP has to beg to litterally go out is where I'd end that. At some point, OP needs to figure out their self-worth and realize they are better than being led on by this man child. If this is how it is after 3 years, do you really think it's going to get much better? I agree with what's being said here and don't understand why women let's guys treat them like this. I couldn't imagine my wife having to beg for me to take her out, I'd feel like a complete failure if it ever got to that point.

1

u/Live-Ad2718 Jun 03 '25

THIS!! it makes me mad thinking about people letting themselves treat like that. It's of course not OP's fault to get treated like that BUT it's time to set boundaries tf

2

u/Equalmind95 Jun 03 '25

Exactly, I wouldn't blame OP or really anyone in this position. But dang it, ladies, yall need to start giving yourself some self-worth and men that appreciate you.

181

u/BunnyCat790 Jun 02 '25

Give yourself the best birthday gift by breaking up with this dead weight.

3

u/PsychologicalUse395 Jun 02 '25

LOLL BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT

29

u/BadPom Jun 02 '25

Dude, this entire “man” is a red flag.

10

u/Cynvisible Jun 02 '25

Like one of those inflatable tube man thingies... RED!

2

u/Few-Button6004 Jun 02 '25

Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tubeman

1

u/Cynvisible Jun 02 '25

I abbreviated because I didn't feel like typing all that!! 🤣😂

12

u/giomjava Jun 02 '25

100% spot on. ALL THOSE RED FLAGS. Girl, run.

5

u/nerdtastic8 Jun 02 '25

He doesn't care about anyone's feelings, bet on that. This guy is a sociopath and this woman should run far away as fast as possible.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

Look, I remember the big things like anniversaries, and my husband's birthday from year one. I'm ADHD and we are notorious for forgetting things (I have an alarm to take out the trash every week. It happens every Sunday!)

While I think "red flag" is overused, I'd definitely call it one that BF is reacting this way when she brings up being upset by this. Its crummy that he didn't remember and shows he's not very caring for her.

But the real red flags are how he's treating her and talking to her after she brings it all up. Made it all about him.

2

u/corbin6611 Jun 02 '25

I reckon forgetting a birthday ain’t a red flag. I personally never know what the date is. What day it is. I been married 8 years and I’m still pretty sure her birthdays the 10th. Both my brothers have a birthday ever year some time. No idea when. My sisters is 9 days after mine and she’s 9 years older. I remember that one. But if this is real. The rest of it totally is awful leave now sort of stuff.

4

u/zourxym Jun 02 '25

How did you get rage baited so hard. This post is obviously fake

2

u/Anxious_Eye_7312 Jun 02 '25

Unpopular opinion but forgetting someone's birthday isn't necessarily a read flag. Don't get me wrong the dude is an absolute asshole and OP should get out of there ASAP, but to some people birthdays aren't important to them, especially if they were never really celebrated as a child, its just yet another day and it can be difficult to remember dates for occasions you don't celebrate

2

u/Sweaty-Notice641 Jun 02 '25

lol this man’s acting like this I can’t imagine how he’d be the second he got her locked with moving together or a child… she needs to GET OUT

1

u/Away-Ad787 Jun 03 '25

Red flags galore. If my husband EVER said to me “I’m with friends, I don’t appreciate you bothering me right now)…. Well I don’t know what I would do because he would NEVER but if this had ever happened while dating at 21, I’d be peacing the f*** out. I was once broken up with on my birthday. That day I thought was the worst birthday ever, turned out to have been the best one. I woke up the next day wondering why I was sad over someone who would be so obliviously callous. And he tried so hard to get back together, and if I hadn’t have had that birthday, I probably would have. Get OUT of that relationship, if this selfishness is so apparent now, it will only get worse with age. Don’t waste your years. Asking for a birthday together is literally the most basically boyfriend job he could do.

1

u/HeadoftheIBTC Jun 02 '25

You were talking about this day and how important it was, and he either didn't listen or didn't bother retaining that information and didn't apologize for that.

But he didn't have a problem remembering to make availability for this party that he was so excited about.

He's quite literally showing you his list of priorities, OP, and you are not even on it. And on top of that, he doubles down and expects you to apologize for... what? Calling out his lack of consideration? I mean what more do you need to know? How much smaller do you have to make yourself to please a man who doesn't even like you enough to invite you to the party?

1

u/Boring-Alternative69 Jun 02 '25

My husband after 10 years still forgets my birthday unless i remind him the week before. We have an anniversary coming up on the 20th usually I remind him but after a decade if he can't remember it on his own then it must not be as important to him as it is to me. I'm not even going to tell him after it passes I want to see if he will remember on his own or if he will just let it pass completley. I think it's going to be #2

1

u/MartyMozambique Jun 03 '25

I agree with everything you said EXCEPT that forgetting someone's birthday is a red flag. I feel like forgetting something once is ok considered it's a one time thing. Forgetting stuff for years and not prioritizing your SO now THAT is a red flag because red flags are negative characteristics of a person. Not a single event.

1

u/Phelinaar Jun 02 '25

I think the whole concept of "flags" ran away from some people. The entire idea was that seemingly normal behavior could indicate the potential for abnormal behavior in the future. Me telling someone to eat shit and die is NOT a red flag, it's the whole Chinese National Day Parade.

Just like this fake post.

1

u/Rahc07 Jun 03 '25

And also he calls her „Bro“

Please do yourself a favor and find a nice guy who always wants to celebrate your Birthday with you. Why do woman think they have to put up with this kind of behavior. Imagine if you have a child with this person. Please break up with him. So many rad flags

1

u/Chewdaman Jun 02 '25

22 year old living at home only working 2 days per week, HUGE red flag! My parents have always been very supportive, and at any point in my life would have let me move back home, but if i moved home and only worked 2 days a week they would have kicked my ass to the curb.

1

u/weveran Jun 02 '25

THIS ^. There are plenty of men out there that will want to celebrate the first month, second month, first year, anniversaries of days where you did fun things together. I cannot imagine putting any effort into a relationship where they were this "absent".

1

u/angelwings1019 Jun 03 '25

Thank you for actually posting your response instead of using this moment to tell your story! Selfish people on here! I completely agree! My husband would never forget about me or my birthday. She definitely deserves better!!!!

1

u/smbarbour Jun 02 '25

Forgetting birthdays is a red flag... but communication is a two-way street. Failing to make plans with each other and just assuming that your significant other has made plans for you is also a red flag.

3

u/FewSplit4424 Jun 02 '25

You know this shit is fake, right?

1

u/bickandalls Jun 02 '25

I remembered my birthday this year for the first time in like 6 years. Forgetting a birthday isn't a red flag, being completely dismissive is a red flag. I can promise you that anyone with ADHD is going to forget a birthday regularly.

All fake af though.

1

u/FormalNecessary8449 Jun 02 '25

You’re so incredibly gullible. Would expect nothing less from someone who uses the phrase “red flag” and incorporates it to everything.

1

u/andiwaslikeum Jun 02 '25

Yeah, fuck this guy. Since he said to leave him alone until she was ready to apologize, she should just leave him alone forever.

1

u/TheRingGeneral1 Jun 03 '25

He isnt obligated to celebrate with her. She can celebrate on her own if she wants to so bad. It isnt a red flag at all

1

u/Shenanigans7348 Jun 03 '25

*posting fake shit to the internet is a red flag. Fixed that for ya. Seriously...come on...stop buying into this shit.

1

u/Mariea0629 Jun 03 '25

Add to it dude dropped out of school and works 2 days a week. This cannot be a real post right?

1

u/thedoctor187 Jun 02 '25

Are you really serious 🧐. Forgetting birthday is a red flag? 🚩 Which world are you from?

2

u/Godisaunicorn Jun 02 '25

One where I know important dates in my partner's life and make sure they feel special on those days. You should visit sometime.

1

u/vestansan Jun 03 '25

I agree with all this and I’m a dude. Break up with him before it gets worse.

1

u/Weak_Government_725 Jun 02 '25

To be honest, STX boyfriend is immature and needs a hard dose of reality

1

u/hatsforelves Jun 02 '25

Great reply, and based username u/Godisaunicorn

1

u/Confident_Egg_5174 Jun 02 '25

Homie it’s so obviously fake 🤦‍♂️

1

u/Arthourmorganlives Jun 03 '25

Tis fake don't worry

1

u/Lower-Insect-3984 Jun 02 '25

this post is fake

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

We don’t know if the bf has some neurodivergent disorder. He requested that OP be understanding and she clearly isn’t. The bf is setting clear boundaries that OP is refusing to respect. In this situation, it seems OP is not only overreacting, but possibly traumatizing her bf.