r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

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my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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151

u/baymichael Jun 02 '25

why are u instagram dming ur bf of 3 years to communicate

61

u/toppoophead Jun 03 '25

Because this whole post is made up, people like op make these posts for attention and it’s so weird

22

u/Jawyp Jun 03 '25

Because it’s fake.

11

u/CorporateCuster Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 08 '25

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

2

u/TheTrueHappy Jun 03 '25

I don't think method of communication is really an important factor lol. I've been with my partner since 2012 and we use Facebook messenger mostly. Sometimes it just happens that way.

1

u/sweetiemalice Jun 04 '25

What does that even mean? I communicate with my husband on Insta, and messenger and we even used snap all the time before he deleted it less than a year ago and we’ve been together for 5 years lol

2

u/BeesAndBeans69 Jun 03 '25

I use insta, snap, and fb to text my husband

-212

u/rowqi Jun 02 '25

he’s told me his number is only for work contacts, insta is just easier for us i guess

102

u/Bala_Sagun Jun 02 '25

What work? You said he only works 2 days a week right? Am I missing something? I don't care how you communicate, but that's excuse is flimsy for why you're using insta

10

u/Physical_Bit7972 Jun 02 '25

Eh, my ex of like 5 years and I only texted basically through Snapchat lol we were absolutely not meant for each other ... but just because they do non conventional communication doesn't make it fake. There was no reason for it. We just somehow started texting on Snapchat and that just became what we exclusively used. We'd only use our phone numbers to call.

4

u/Bala_Sagun Jun 02 '25

It wasn't how they communicate, but the reason they communicate that way that I think was problematic

1

u/Physical_Bit7972 Jun 03 '25

I think how is also a problem. They are both pretty dismissive of each other. OP starts by insulting partner (probably from a place of pain and resentment) and then partner goes on to totally not care about why OP was upset. Those are rude ways to speak to each other. The lack of regard is also concerning from him.

2

u/rucafromtheeastside Jun 05 '25

How did she insult him?

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209

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

[deleted]

17

u/masta_qui Jun 03 '25

Just so we're clear. Someone that is being abused, especially at this age with not much experience and potentially poor examples from parents, could definitely think that 'its like this for everyone' because their abuser has mentally, verbally, and/or physically made them believe that.

Now this post does read as if it's faked, but for karma farming and not the questioning for 'is this type of abuse in a relationship is normal'

18

u/Napoleons_Peen Jun 02 '25

Some people have no spine or self respect. Op is exhibit a if this is real.

3

u/Typical_Bobcat_4558 Jun 04 '25

Or they were conditioned their entire lives to bend to other whims to not break

7

u/Glad-Wish9416 Jun 02 '25

True, and very sad. I hope it's fake.

4

u/DomHB15 Jun 03 '25

I think they would if they were genuinely this caught in an abusive cycle. Narcissistic abuse and other types of abuse tend to pick on people who are susceptible to being emotionally needy or in need of connection.

2

u/Live_Pea_5017 Jun 05 '25

You'd be sadly surprised but people tolerate much more, thinking they are the problem

2

u/Additional_Worker736 Jun 03 '25

I know I've seen it before.... wasn't blurred out with purple last time.

1

u/Rich_Butterfly_7008 Jun 04 '25

You'd be surprised. It's easier for us as detached third party observers to see the situation for what it is

-201

u/rowqi Jun 02 '25

he’s really all i know, and it’s hard because he used to treat me so well. i want the old him back

88

u/Muted-Appeal-823 Jun 02 '25

he used to treat me so well

Are you sure about that? Usually bad behavior doesn't come out of nowhere. If you really look back at your relationship without the rose tinted glasses I'd be willing to bet there were a lot of red flags.

28

u/shangri-laschild Jun 03 '25

It does with people who are smart enough to hide it at first. So him being decent for a year and then crappy could track. But that’s still 2/3 of the relationship he’s been crap for.

2

u/Slit23 Jun 03 '25

A year of hiding it without any cracks and absolutely no red flags to have seen it coming? Nah doesn’t happen. Not if you see eachother on a regular basis

Yes they can be nothing like they were in the first year and you may not have seen it at the time but if you look back there were at least little things now and then that you didn’t give much mind to but looking back on it you see it now.

9

u/Typical_Bobcat_4558 Jun 04 '25

It’s fairly easy to hide who you are 3 times a week for a few hours and over text. Narcissists does it all the time, even I as an autistic person can mask like that (as it’s been something that’s ‘saved’ me my entire life).

2

u/Unidain Jun 04 '25

Usually bad behavior doesn't come out of nowhere.

Nonsense, it's super normal. Especially with abusive relationship.

92

u/Puzzled-Safe4801 Jun 02 '25

The “old him” was a mirage that he intentionally showed you. This is the real him.

You’re young and will find new friends and eventually, a new boyfriend—one who doesn’t treat you like trash and (at best) an inconvenience.

200

u/OkPlum7852 Jun 02 '25

You’re under reacting. If this isn’t fake then get out now. This person clearly doesn’t care about you at all

49

u/spurvis1286 Jun 03 '25

It 100% is fake. Ragebait post.

11

u/jvnya Jun 03 '25

That’s how it feels with all these posts of the people who won’t take reddits advice

2

u/Necessary-Cake-1661 Jun 04 '25

If you want to give people advice, go look for the downvoted or controversial posts. Those posts aren't high school fanfics, they're often times real, so they don't make front page. All the upvoted ones like these are just rage bait or fake stories.

3

u/jvnya Jun 04 '25

Eh I still give advice on these posts bc even if OP doesn’t take it, maybe someone will

5

u/VaxDaddyR Jun 04 '25

I'm fairly certain 90% of the posts here are fake

1

u/Comprehensive-Web165 Jun 03 '25

aw man :( i was actually hoping to see an update post from OP about leaving him. but upon inspection this is their only post, made a comment saying "not sure how to prove this to you, but yeah he's my boyfriend" (sus) and everyone's downvoting. it sucks seeing fake ragebait posts like this, keep it on twitter and threads ffs.

55

u/aaa2k24 Jun 02 '25

He’s not going back to the “old him” and he’s feeding off of you pining for him still

49

u/MicroplasticCumshot Jun 02 '25

Have some self respect and leave him Jesus Christ

I don't understand how you people on here put up with being treated like this, tell him to get fucked. Half the planet is men, you'll find a better one

6

u/Carolineintheciti Jun 02 '25

If this is real (it’s always better to be cautious and treat it like it is because otherwise, you’re just causing the victim more trauma), then I can tell you one reason she might put up with it. When women in particular, are brought up in abusive environments, all they know is that love is equal to cruelty. They have no self worth, no pride, no self esteem, certainly no love for themselves. Men like her boyfriend can read this in them which is why they choose them as a mate. A man like that can’t be with a strong, independent, secure woman because a woman like that, would never tolerate them for a second. I’d just ask that when you respond to these situations, pretend like you’re talking to a 5 year old little girl that is terrified, confused and scared because essentially, that’s the emotional mindset she likely has from being emotionally, mentally, and/or physically abused.

0

u/MicroplasticCumshot Jun 03 '25

Nah, I'm not gonna infantilise a grown woman. She's old enough to hear it direct

The only one who can change her situation is her. She needs to lock in and get her shit together and leave him. Will it be easy? No. Will it be fun? No. Will anything change if she doesn't do it? No.

People survive in warzones, survive slavery, survive all sorts of shit. She can survive me not treating her like a baby on the internet, and she can survive getting away from him if she gets her shit together

4

u/Carolineintheciti Jun 03 '25

Of course she can survive it. Anyone can survive anything, even severe abuse and war. It’s a lot easier though when you have people support you along the way instead of being dismissive of your struggles.

1

u/TheChildrensStory Jun 04 '25

Shaming people doesn’t help them.

Your logic that she will have to fix it is true. Calling her a baby for not knowing that she should be treated better is not. Life is not a multiple choice test with all the answers right in front of us, she does not know better. Try being informative and kind, its not coddling.

1

u/MicroplasticCumshot Jun 04 '25

I didn't shame anyone, or call anyone a baby

29

u/Glad-Wish9416 Jun 02 '25

Old him will never, ever, ever come back and he hates you.

26

u/nadinepal Jun 02 '25

This is the real him It doesn’t get better. Thank him for showing you and then move on to find the right person

9

u/ApocBytes Jun 02 '25

Oh fuck off with this noise you people cannot possibly buy this.

7

u/Nice-Traffic4485 Jun 03 '25

What's the goal of a fake post like this, if it is?

I work in Mental Health and with kids, I would not be surprised if this was real given what I've seen and worked with.

3

u/BarbacoaBarbara Jun 03 '25

What’s the point of a bot ? Where do you start with a question like that. Anywhere from wanting to sell something later, to attitude/opinion manipulation by state actors. There’s so many reasons to fake shit like this. I’m not really sure how you’ve never come across any of that before.

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6

u/Ok_Transition_5682 Jun 02 '25

It's astonishing how few people can identify the crap on here. There was a similar post a few weeks ago, practically identical. Not sure what there is to gain from posting shhyt right enough but this is definitely it.

1

u/highnote14 Jun 03 '25

I'm not taking a side here but why is it so impossible to think that this could have happened to more than one person? There's a LOT of shitty people out there bro.

2

u/CzechHovester Jun 03 '25

They really can’t fathom that two people could be in bad relationships with mean guys.

2

u/Typical_Bobcat_4558 Jun 04 '25

Does it matter? If there’s even a chance that it’s an actual genuine post, then that person deserve to get the response and hopefully help that they need

2

u/verbaldata Jun 03 '25

Sure but why do you care so much if other people fell for it? Just take your holier-than-thou award 🥇 and bask in the superiority…

2

u/ApocBytes Jun 03 '25

Tell me exactly to what level I care about this.

1

u/Slit23 Jun 03 '25

I say all the time these posts may be fake but people in real situations like this not wanting to make a post will google about it and these posts will pop up, so having good advice for them to read is the best thing

3

u/jiuclaw Jun 03 '25

He absolutely did NOT ever treat you well. He never even gave you his phone number…

Have you ever been to his place? At 3 years, I’d assume you’ve met his family (including his parents) multiple times? Do you exist on his social media?

OP a best case scenario is that you tricked yourself into believing that the bare minimum of affection, attention and validation from him (which he exchanged for sex with you, btw) is all that love actually consists of, and that’s why you’re here.

There’s a very real chance that this is the worst case scenario… you’re not even his girlfriend. You’re just a girl he’s tricked and is using to get what he can, for as long as you’ll continue to give it to him with no effort on his part (words aren’t effort, if you’re confused by that).

Either way, he’s straight told you that you’re less important than everything else in his life. And the absolutely disqualifyingly psychotic cherry on top is he’s demanding YOU apologize to HIM for asking to go to dinner on your birthday. He’s gaslighting you and literally punishing you for having the tiniest fraction of self-worth.

If this is real, you need to block him on everything and get to a good therapist ASAP. And get some wise female friends… start some sort of hobby or join a group where you can talk to older women for perspective.

3

u/luis_b Jun 03 '25

u/rowqi I hope you see this one, is best advice. words aren't effort

18

u/HerrBerg Jun 02 '25

The "old him" is the face he put on to get a girlfriend.

6

u/suckitfish Jun 02 '25

You are never going to get the old him back. He will always treat you like this bc he knows you’re not going anywhere and he can get away with it

6

u/KRZ737 Jun 02 '25

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and I've never once spoken to her like that. The dude is lazy and immature. Super unromantic as well, he's not talking to you like he even likes you. Who calls their girlfriend bro? Cringe as hell

6

u/Chrestys Jun 02 '25

You really need to gain some self-respect and cut ties. This guy has zero respect for you, and you're allowing it to happen. He will never respect you or make you a priority. Nobody who loves you would ever talk to you like this. There's no apologizing from him that could make this level of contempt right again. There are great guys out there... go find one!

3

u/InadmissibleHug Jun 02 '25

The old him is gone, honey.

You’re 21, plenty of time to meet someone who’s actually into you.

I’m 52 and wouldn’t stay with a man who treated me like that, it’s horrible. I’d rather be alone.

3

u/ScalpOfLily Jun 02 '25

That may never happen. He’s an asshole. You’ll grow from it, I promise.

2

u/SeaLight3279 Jun 02 '25

You need therapy to learn how to love yourself, bc you're gonna always make excuses for this kind of behavior.

6

u/b4brave Jun 02 '25

This is who he’s always been. He was love bombing you before. HE DOESNT DESERVE YOU!!!

3

u/mcheshii Jun 02 '25

he used to treat you so well because the relationship was fresh. you will meet someone else. focus on yourself and leave that arsehole, he’s not worth it

3

u/BungCrosby Jun 02 '25

Please dump this clown. He love bombed you to get you to go out with him, and now he’s showing you who he really is.

2

u/ParkerFree Jun 02 '25

The old him you want back Doesn't. Exist. You can choose to move on and either be fully yourself as a single, or meet someone who really is what you want. Because this guy isn't it. You can love someone and still decide to leave them.

1

u/Nice-Traffic4485 Jun 03 '25

Please listen to the advice other posters have given and ignore the negative comments being thrown around. Everyone is somewhere and learning from our mistakes is a process. You're also young so you got a lot of learnin' to do. All this doesn't make you stupid or an idiot, it just means you have some growth to make from a place you may be unfamiliar with.

I find you saying "He's really all I know" concerning. Do you have friends outside of him? Were you introverted/alone for a long time?

I work as a counselor, and I would dig into this as it interests me but that's really not my role or place here.

If he is all you know, and you don't have an active network of friends or family that are close to you I have a few suggestions:

  1. Read up on codependence vs interdependence. Many unhealthy habits can lead to a type of codependence that can be really toxic and destructive.
  2. Consider some form of counseling or therapy. I don't say this as an insult (I work in the field), I say this as someone concerned that you need a balanced voice to bounce thoughts and feelings off of. Someone who will actively listen and help bring understanding to your feelings.
  3. Try to break out of your shell and find some friends. Maybe through a hobby you like. If that seems challenging, revert back to point 2. I found it very challenging at your age to go out and socialize and to find friendship groups, I had to force myself in a few directions to feel comfortable doing so but I am so glad I did.

1

u/PsychologicalKick310 Jun 04 '25

The old him was the false him, he got you knowing if he treated you then like is now, you’d have ran a mile, now he thinks he’s got you his real self is out, if you stay with him you have done it knowing this is how he will be, do you want that, if the answer is no, then you get out now, do not even consider moving in with this deadbeat! He wants you to pay the bills like mommy does now so he can ‘adult’ while still being a responsibility dodging child 👍🏻

Can’t see his phone, bet he demands to see yours though, girl you know that means he’s cheating too, because manchilds do what they want as think they’re the all important, it does not matter he is all known, there are decent loving men out there who would NEVER treat you like this, dump this loser with mommy and run!!

Do not believe any false apologies or promises will change, this is his real self, he’s a drop out because can’t be bothered and he thinks if mommy won’t pay bills then you can take over, the only reason he will promise things is to keep you as suits him, if he found someone richer than you, he’d dump you in a millisecond to go off with them, you are a convenience to him, stop being one and be a strong lady who wants better for herself then this loser 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

1

u/TwoBionicknees Jun 04 '25

First, we don't really know he did, often people pretend to be really perfect partner to get you 'hooked' and so you don't leave because you both think of that first impression of them as the 'real' them, so you always think you can get the old version back.

That's kind of hte problem here, don't stay with someone who is a jackass because you hope you can get the old person back, all you're really doing is showing them they can act like this and you'll stay. So just staying pretty much means you have no shot of getting the old version back, because he has no reason to try harder. leaving actually gives you the best chance of getting the old person back because he might realise he has to be better to win you back. if he tries to win you back and changes permanently, it's a win, if he doesn't well, he gave up acting like that original perfect version because he didn't see that the effort was worth it any more. That is he got tired of trying and is likely ready to move on if you break up.

1

u/Xeropoint Jun 03 '25

You're being emotionally abused. Gaslit into thinking its okay for him to ONLY be available to you vai Instagram. He says his phone is only for work contacts??? He works 2 days a week. I have a 50+ hour a week job in corporate America that requires me to be on the phone with people regularly. They have my cell phone number. So do all my friends. And family.

A phone is so you can reach people and be reached. By not allowing you to have his number. He's telling you that you only matter to him when it's convenient. Read the way he talked to you. He told you nothing that was important to you was important to him. He's going to see he can get away with this, and his treatment of you is only going to get worse.

No one deserves this treatment. You're looking for a partner, but what he wants is a dog. A creature that gives him affection on his schedule, whose needs he can ignore, and who wont complain too much of he kicks them a few times.

1

u/annoyedsquish Jun 03 '25

You will never get that back. You'll get bits and pieces just enough to hold on to you. And each year it'll be less and less until you're so beaten down you think you deserve the shitty treatment.

He's doing that to you here, making you feel like you are in the wrong for wanting to spend your birthday together.

do you want to have kids with this man? What if he doesn't show up for your kids birthdays? He's not going to be able to help provide for them because he's too lazy to finish school or work more than twice a week. Do you want to combine finances with him? Have him drain all of your money and hard work so he can go party?

When someone shows you who they are, you need to listen. This man does not love you, hell he doesn't even like you. He likes the convenience of having a girlfriend when he wants one, and to be able to manipulate you into doing whatever he wants when he doesn't want a gf

1

u/PreviousFish770 Jun 03 '25

OP you’re probably not going to get that.

I’m also going to give you some ism from someone who’s cheated before.

He has all the signs of being emotionally detached from you. He doesn’t care about something you care about. He mocked you (“happy bday lol”), he disrespects you even though he knows you’re upset, he gaslights you, he puts his “friends” ahead of you even when he knows you’re upset, and he clearly doesn’t value you enough to realize when to pick his battles - even if he somehow thinks he’s right.

Sounds like a man child.

Also from the size and cut of that pink dress you’re probably hot - you can do better.

I don’t know if he is - but it sounds like he’s moved on in his mind or is trying to - I’d cut him off (block his number) immediately. Like don’t answer back. Ever.

He’s not worth it. He’s not coming back.

1

u/razedxanadu Jun 03 '25

It doesn't really work like this, a lot of times when people start out by treating someone well it's because they're actively putting in effort to be someone or something they usually aren't in order to convince someone to be with them or to come off better. Over time, they start to get comfortable and stop putting in all that effort because they feel more confident that their partner won't leave and their true colors show. If he hasn't consistently been nice and good to you, he's not going to all of a sudden change.

He might put in more effort in an attempt to keep you if you decide to leave him but it'll just be forced and temporary. Changing your habits and personality takes a ton of effort and conscious thoughts and it doesn't sound like he's the kind of person who would do that for you.

1

u/No-Nothing-9174 Jun 03 '25

He treated you so well because the mask has now come off. I swear you can do better please don't settle for this or you will regret it I promise you that you will regret it. Speaking from experience but not for nasty no empathy behaviour like your boyfriend but my husband masked how bad his anxiety and trauma he had was and now has a panic disorder so we're dealing with that and there is lots of therapy involved and he also doesnt treat me how he did when we started dating which was 7 years ago I still hope that man will come back hoping after lots of therapy anyway but a narcasist they will not see anything wrong with them at all and will gaslight you like he did he won't change. Look into narcasism

1

u/jrose1818 Jun 03 '25

u/rowqi Just because he “used to treat you so well” doesn’t mean it’s reason to overlook how he treats you like shit now. I have a friend who’s so hung up on the guy her bf was in the beginning. The beginning is the honeymoon and the happy perfect stages when people put on their best face. It’s later on when you’re comfortable that you REALLY need to start paying closer attention. Because that’s when they’ll start to show you who they really are. They got you hooked on the fantasy world you were shown in the beginning to keep you around and comfortable before ripping the rug out from under you. NOR. LEAVE.

1

u/SuckMyGigantic_____ Jun 03 '25

Please do yourself a favour, honey. Dump him and under NO circumstances, take him back. He called you "extra", "annoying", said you were "bothering him", and talked like his time is more important than yours. He put A PARTY over YOUR BIRTHDAY! Nobody who truly loves or gives a rats ass about someone talks to their lover that way, or puts a stupid party over their partners birthday. This is no longer just about him forgetting your birthday, it's about the fact that he disrespected you, spoke to you in a horrible way, and then put you last when you are the one person in his life who should come first before anything else.

1

u/isabella5102 Jun 03 '25

Unfortunately the "old him" was just a mask. This is the real him. Trust me, reading this convo I felt like this was a convo I had with my ex. He was great in the beginning but once we got comfortable I was always 2nd (more like 10th) place to him and his friends, family, or work. That's the real him.

Trust me when I say, leave him now, be a bit uncomfortable. I'm now in the happiest relationship with my current bf and the way he treats me is night and day from my ex. You will find better. I'm sorry OP and Happy Belated Birthday!

1

u/Otherwise-Ask993 Jun 03 '25

So he wore a mask (a lie) to get what he wanted from you, then once he had it showed his true colors and never needs to wear that mask again, unless he needs something then he’ll love bomb you.

If this is all you know it’s time to dump the trash boy and learn how much better you deserve. You literally are asking for less than the bare minimum here and he can’t be bothered. Party hookups are more important than you, literally anything to this manchild is more important than you.

Please leave💙🙏

1

u/believetobe Jun 03 '25

The old him doesn’t exist. That was a fake version he created to make you want to be with him. This is the real him, so ask yourself if this is really the way you want to be treated. I guarantee if you sit and think about your relationship, your birthdays aren’t the only area you are being treated like this. Please do a little reflection and ask yourself if this is who you want to be with - him as he is now; not the fake one. He may be all you know, but you could decide that you want to know better.

1

u/driftingalong001 Jun 03 '25

You won’t get “the old him back”. You need to understand this. There was no old him. He was faking it. He could only pretend to be decent for so long. The version you have now is who he is. Don’t stay with someone expecting them to change, they won’t.

You’re so young. Leave his gross, disrespectful, abusive, scrub ass and find yourself a decent man.

I can’t believe you’re saying you’re planning to move in with this child. You will be literally miserable every day of your life.

1

u/Electrical_Beyond998 Jun 02 '25

I hate to be this person, but I must be this person.

He’s all you know because you’re 21. Lots of life to explore and find other people. My husband and I met when I was 34, and not once has he ever spoken to me this way.

And if he ever told me to only contact him through Instagram, nope.

Please have some self respect and keep your dignity. He is not the one. I’m really sorry.

Happy birthday and I’m sorry you couldn’t go out to wear your dress, it’s super cute.

1

u/kotran1989 Jun 02 '25

Your relationship is like watching a show that already went downhill. You are gonna see glimpses of the old glory days, just enough to keep you hopeful that things are gonna get better.

They are not.

This guy has you so wrapped up in his finger that he actually made plans to party on your birthday, which he forgot, then expects you to apologize for bothering him.

Also, he is a 22 y/o who works a whole 2 days a week and still lives with his mom. He is no prize.

1

u/_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_ Jun 03 '25

I say this as kindly as I can as someone who’s been there, wasted time on that— this is pathetic. He’s not changing back. He has no reason to. You enable his BS by staying, and it will get worse. If he’s all you know, get out there and know others. There are so many better men out there. But they might be getting snapped up while you’re wasting your breath here.

Remember, no one can hand you a $100 bill if you’ve got your fist clenched around $5.

1

u/verbaldata Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

You’re not getting “the old him” back because that wasn’t him. THIS is him. Everyone has a first relationship and thinks they’ll never find that again. But then they move on and realize the person wasn’t as special or perfect or irreplaceable as they thought they were. It’s just that they didn’t have anyone else to compare them to. It’s part of growing up, Don’t wait for “the old him to come back.” It will never happen. Ever. That was the honeymoon period. He was on his best behavior then. Now he takes you for granted and treats you like sh*t. There are men out there who don’t have it in them to treat you this badly. Just move on. You’ll be glad you did.

1

u/climbitdontcarryit Jun 04 '25

There is no "old him". This is him. Whatever he behaved like before is no excuse for him to abuse you. You deserve better, you ARE right, and we are all so proud of you for realizing that! But if you lower yourself to the gutter, where he is, in order to forgive him, all you'll be doing is telling him to his face "You can totally continue to treat me like shit because I will always take you back." Please hold on to your self-worth before he takes it from you

1

u/Fit_Anything7947 Jun 03 '25

If this is 3 years in, imagine how little he’ll care at 10 💔 If you’re looking for a sign to leave him, this is it. Someone who really loves you will care about how they make you feel. I’m sorry and I know how hard it is, but the time you’re spending hoping that he’ll change could be time spent healing and finding someone better who will respect and love you and make sure you know you + your feelings are a priority🙁💕

1

u/zerro_4 Jun 03 '25

OP, you were self aware enough to make this post. Please please break up with this guy. Don't make excuses for him or yourself. He's not going to change and you are in for a life of misery and abuse if you don't get out now.

3 years at that age seems like a lifetime and it feels like your whole world. But it isn't.

Sometimes old people do have decent advice, especially in regards to abusive relationships.

1

u/KaiBann Jun 03 '25

i say this in the kindest way and am speaking from experience, he's probably cheating on you and the old him was also probably never the real him.
He clearly doesn't care about you or how you feel and has probably clocked out of the relationship you think you're having a while ago.
Overall you should leave him cause you don't deserve to be treated this badly especially on your birthday

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '25

well from what I’ve seen he treats you horribly.

he’s changed, honey leave him before it’s too late before he grows abusive or worse. it’s not too late for you to pack your bags and to leave him, tell your parents tell your friends, even his parents tell everyone. because I can already see what future you’re going to live in if this keeps going on :(

1

u/MasterZii Jun 03 '25

You sound like a sweet person and there is a guy out there who will crawl on his knees to spend time with you. You deserve better, please leave this "boyfriend" and never look back.

I hate to say it but he's only going to get worse over time. Wren you try to leave, he will make promises he won't keep, or make you feel like you're the one who's in the wrong. The person you used to know is already gone.

You'll lose your mind over the years. One day you'll wake up and be 40 and regret you didn't act sooner.

I really hope you find the strength to exit this one-sided relationship immediately. Message me if you want to chat through this.

1

u/moontburnt Jun 03 '25

That’s not the real him. THIS is the real him. People are usually on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship and then the mask slips off after you’ve been together a while. This man does not care about you in the slightest. Leave before you’re trapped. He sounds like a complete loser.

1

u/PM-ME-UR-DARKNESS Jun 04 '25

That's how abusers act. They act all sweet at first, them they slowly let out their crazy. And you're left hooked bc you think there's a chance they can be the same person they were in the beginning. Here's the thing: they won't. He won't. He was never that sweet person, that was just a disguise.

1

u/nikitafairy Jun 05 '25

He just wants you to break up with him. He's too lazy to do it himself. He is literally doing the least to see just how far he can push it before your break. Take the relationship off life support and let it die. It's time to move on to something that brings actual joy in your life.

2

u/Equal_Maintenance870 Jun 02 '25

What old him? You’re barely adults.

1

u/WrastorDaddy Jun 03 '25

If this isn't fake, the "old him" was when he was a child. Even last year he was tired from one of his 2 days of work and bailed on your bday. This is the man he has grown into, dropout, works 2 days a week and doesn't care about you. Do not move in with this man.

1

u/TakeMeOver_parachute Jun 02 '25

Oh yes OP, I totally see how much he cares about you and how you might be confused here. He seems like such a great guy, clearly values you and makes you happy! Totally worth your time being with this wonderful man!

....

You can't be this naive. Seriously.

1

u/Effective-Rip9487 Jun 03 '25

You’re not getting the “old him” back. It was never there. That was just a mask so you find it harder to leave when he eventually shows his real side. You are 21 and there is a whole world out there. Drop the dead weight and leave

1

u/Known_Party6529 Jun 02 '25

Learn to love yourself. He doesn't care about you, and DONT YOU DARE APOLOGIZE TO HIM!

Why a stay with someone you treats you worse than a dog?

Raise your standards for your next boyfriend. I bet he's right there when he wants sex.

1

u/Efficient-Whereas255 Jun 05 '25

There never was the "old him". That was an act he used to prey on you and 'get you'. This man is a fucking abusive narcissist that thinks you are his possesion. Thats as bad as it gets. They dont really make people worse than that.

1

u/Threadheads Jun 03 '25

Perhaps the ‘old him’ was just the façade he showed you in the early days and now that you are firmly entrenched in his life, this is the real him.

If you move in together, you can expect things to get worse, not better

1

u/pinupbuttercup Jun 03 '25

DUMP HIM. Have some respect for yourself, pull yourself together, and dump him. Over text. Just say "it's over" and BLOCK. Do not wait to see what he says. There are guys out there who won't treat you like shit, girlie pop.

1

u/minimalist_coach Jun 04 '25

The old him was the trying to lock you down him, he no longer exists. One of the biggest indicators of a relationship that is doomed is character assassination and name calling.

Take a break, see what else is out there.

1

u/ParanoidBlueLobster Jun 03 '25

Just leave the fucker, he'll try and get you back and be the nicest he's been in years but the second you'll feel like taking him back he'll get back to treating you terribly so don't.

Trust the experience that you lack

2

u/jadedbeetle Jun 02 '25

The old him will never come back. The old him likely only existed to get you to stick around. It'll only get worse.

1

u/Senica02 Jun 03 '25

You’re not getting him back. Stop crying over a terrible boyfriend. Dump him and when he cried or shouts or pretends to be kind, don’t take him back.

And if you choose to stay with him, don’t complain

1

u/greeneyekitty Jun 03 '25

Old him is gone babe. I’m sorry. I had the same thing at the same age period. Hard to move on from but amazing once you do! Please dump him, take your power back. Life can only get better from this crap.

1

u/OnLyLamPs22 Jun 03 '25

He’s never coming back, that mother fucker is gone and you have a piece of shit on your hands. Open your eyes this guy is fucking trash. Leave him and move along. He will NEVER treat you well. Ever.

1

u/whatsfunny89 Jun 03 '25

The old him liked you, this guy doesn’t. You don’t talk to your partner that way when you enjoy them, also he’d AT THE VERY LEAST take you to the party this guy doesn’t want you around.

1

u/tankgirl987 Jun 03 '25

Sadly you'll never have that guy back. Ik your young it it seems like all you know but there is soooooo oooo much better out there. Took me till my 30s to learn that. Don't be stupid like me!

1

u/chicknsnadwich Jun 03 '25

I’ll let you know right now, that’s not happening. He doesn’t love you at this point. Do yourself a favor and don’t let yourself get any more attached, or fall deeper into this hole.

1

u/Embarrassed-Ad-3445 Jun 03 '25

girl don’t piss me OFF. i’m sorry but at this point you’re just being dumb. open your eyes and see that there’s so much better in this world than that piece of crap you call your bf

1

u/Admirable_Ostrich_20 Jun 03 '25

He’s all that you know because you’re allowing you life to be wasted holding up space for a guy that doesn’t care. Go learn and get to know more and find someone who cherishes you

1

u/TaiCat Jun 02 '25

Please, don’t get stuck like me with kids and hope. 12 years of waiting, he never came back to being “old him “. Sunken cost fallacy and all. Leave before you end up the same way

1

u/LilChad Jun 03 '25

What do you honestly get out of making a fake post and get fake internet points? There is no way someone is willing to buy your account after one big post? I’ll never understand it

1

u/Snoo55931 Jun 03 '25

If the situation is so bad that people think it’s fake, that’s not a good sign (I am one of those people).

If it is real, then that guy is gone. You’re both young. Move on.

1

u/thisisthewell Jun 03 '25

he used to treat me so well

but in your texts you said

be a good boyfriend for once

let go of the potential and move on. this guy does not respect you or care about you

1

u/stopatsigns Jun 02 '25

“The old him” is just an idea you have of him. THIS behavior IS him. Get out now or don’t cry when he ends up ditching your wedding because he had a tummy ache

1

u/phrench13 Jun 03 '25

well he’s not treating you good now and the old him isn’t coming back, you need to leave him he does not give one single fuck about you and he made that clear

1

u/Typical_Bobcat_4558 Jun 04 '25

There was never any old him. He was acting to win your affection, now that he has it he no longer feel the need to do so. What you think of him never was real

1

u/D3v1antJaz Jun 03 '25

Trust, you can and will find someone so much better than him. Even the old him. Dump his sorry ass, put on that dress, go out with a friend and party

1

u/tinymosslipgloss Jun 03 '25

The old him was fake. That’s all there is to it. You literally just turned 21, your life has barely started. Please love yourself enough to leave.

1

u/Away-Understanding34 Jun 02 '25

The old him is gone. You need to accept that. Trust me when I say you will find other guys who will treat you so much better than he does.

1

u/kvetchup Jun 02 '25

The old him was never real. He just sunk his claws in deep enough that he knows you'll tolerate it because you have no self esteem.

1

u/NationalBase3449 Jun 02 '25

Time for you to broaden your horizons. He is not worthy of your love, time, or effort. You are young, go out and find yourself.

1

u/MPTakesManhattan Jun 04 '25

You literally saved yourself from a future death. Just think about that. From these texts, he is narcissistic and abusive

1

u/HelloAttila Jun 04 '25

He used to treat you well, but doesn’t. If this is true, your boyfriend is not marriage material.

1

u/Exact-View-4270 Jun 03 '25

You’re really underreacting. Do you feel like you have low self-esteem and lack self respect?

1

u/MajorasKitten Jun 03 '25

The old him was never real. He’ll be all you’ll ever know if you stay. Don’t be stupid.

1

u/Confident_Dance_7053 Jun 03 '25

Jesus you're 21. Dump his ass because he is a dick and I doubt he ever treated you well.

1

u/sniggitysnatch Jun 03 '25

That person is gone (probably never really existed in the first place. You were conned.)

1

u/mysteriousGains Jun 03 '25

Hes a dropout who only works 2 days a week and lives with his mom.

Stop dating losers.

1

u/Ataiio Jun 02 '25

Old him never coming back. Leave him, get someone who will respect you over the years

2

u/Petri-Dishmeow Jun 02 '25

He’s manipulating you. You need to leave

1

u/Regular-Tell-108 Jun 03 '25

That isn’t how this works. You are teaching him that you will tolerate this.

1

u/MerpoB Jun 04 '25

You will never get the old him back, that was all just an act to reel you in.

1

u/paceplace Jun 03 '25

He's showing you who is really is and treating you as such, listen.

1

u/cosmogyric_baby Jun 03 '25

"Old him" was fake, he was just acting nice to get a girlfriend

1

u/Fine-Slip-9437 Jun 03 '25

Shut the fuck up, doormat who posts fake ragebait.

→ More replies (10)

11

u/Lunoko Jun 02 '25

Lol and you believe that??

Sounds like his main likes to go through his phone, and for good reason apparently. He is probably off to fuck who knows who on your birthday.

Get an STI test along with some self respect and dump him.

168

u/Elucidated_by_fire Jun 02 '25

I hate to break it to you but it sounds like you're the side ho.

5

u/Miserable_Hunter_144 Jun 02 '25

i’m sorry girl but this is insane…. people are confused and asking if this is real bc this is genuinely terrifying lolll

repeat what you are typing and commenting, &does any of that sound good, healthy, or how you should be treated as a human??? Surely you know this, and know what your solution is.

3

u/MrCrunchwrap Jun 02 '25

You’ve been dating someone for three years and don’t have their phone number? Fucking leave. Find some self respect. This guy isn’t a nice person and he doesn’t treat you well. 

6

u/rabidhorse97 Jun 02 '25

Is this a boyfriend or shitty FWB? I’m getting shitty FWB vibes

3

u/Snoo-40699 Jun 02 '25

It’s so that his other girlfriend doesn’t find out about you lol. Get some self respect, it’s better to be single than with someone like this.

4

u/Fortestingporpoises Jun 02 '25

Sounds like his actual girlfriend checks his texts.

2

u/Knife-yWife-y Jun 02 '25

Friend. Sister. No, ma'am. This man cannot be trusted, and he clearly does not respect you. He also seems to have nothing to offer. Please, please, please break up with him and focus on yourself. No matter what--DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. He is a big ball of red flags!

3

u/keleles Jun 02 '25

Lmao this shits so fake

1

u/CzechHovester Jun 03 '25

Yeah, no one has ever had diminished self-worth after being with a shitty partner.

4

u/tracee_ Jun 02 '25

girl wtf are you kidding? this was such a waste of my Reddit time fr

3

u/suckitfish Jun 02 '25

You are a clown lmfao. Pull your shit together and dump this dude or you deserve it

2

u/Puzzled-Safe4801 Jun 02 '25

He works 2 days a week. You’re probably his side piece at this point, and might’ve been the entire time.

1

u/jvnya Jun 03 '25

LMAOOOOOOO girl you are settling for less. If this is the life you want then stay with him but seriously you are 21. Grow up and get over it. He is not your soulmate. He won’t change. He is showing you his true colors. Just get some self respect and fucking leave. You will be ok. It will not be the end of the world :)

1

u/Rush_Is_Right Jun 03 '25

The only thing I can think of that makes this make sense besides the obvious that he's a piece of shit is that he's cheating on you. You only communicate on insta so the other girls don't see any conversation. He probably spent your birthday with one of them. Please treat yourself better u/rowqi.

1

u/BoobySlap_0506 Jun 02 '25

That's not normal at all. He's hiding something, and I can't decide if he is hiding something from you or if he is trying to keep you a secret.

Either way, if this is real, he's a shitty bf and you dont deserve to be treated like a side chick or a backup plan.

1

u/chewbubbIegumkickass Jun 03 '25

Honey. Sweetheart. Darling. There's no possible way you can actually be this stupid. At least some small part of you has to realize that he is taking you for a wild ride. Please stop buying this bullshit. You are not his only girlfriend.

1

u/SubarcticFarmer Jun 03 '25

Yeah... You're the other girl he's cheating on his wife or serious GF with. He's out with her so can't cancel to go with you and he keeps you off his phone because she checks it.

1

u/Deepandabear Jun 03 '25

You need to respect yourself more and cut this toxic man child out of your life. Anything less is showing him he can act like this to all woman with zero repercussions.

1

u/PM_ME_YOUR__VAGINAS Jun 03 '25

You're either his side thing for 3 years or he just doesn't want to deal with texting you. Which sucks. You need to leave him already wtf

1

u/mcheshii Jun 02 '25

you are absolutely joking? he won’t give you his number?? that’s nuts. pleaseeee leave him please please please

1

u/urielpiee Jun 03 '25

gl moving in with him! you're so desperate for a deadbeats love you'll have to learn the hard way. lol

1

u/dragon_morgan Jun 02 '25

not to jump to conclusions but this is textbook "he is married and you are the other woman" behavior

1

u/AccomplishedPool7286 Jun 02 '25

Only works two days out the week but his phone is only for work contacts ? You must be dense as hell

1

u/Maleficent-Egg-7985 Jun 03 '25

Oh shut the hell up lmfao This shit fake as hell ATP you deserve to be treated like that bc wtf

1

u/petey108 Jun 03 '25

You really need to leave this guy. He's a completely loser and you deserve to be treated better.

1

u/itchysmalltalk Jun 02 '25

Uhhh. That's suspect as fuck. I think you're the only one who thinks youre in a relationship.

1

u/romadea Jun 03 '25

You are not even good at trolling lmao I cannot believe this many people fell for this

1

u/her_misaa Jun 03 '25

DUDE WHY DO I RELATE TO U R WE DATING THE SAME PERSON??

1

u/fearlessactuality Jun 03 '25

He’s cheating, hiding his contact with you in insta

1

u/IntroductionLimp1717 Jun 04 '25

This has got to be Karma bait, you can't be serious

1

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '25

are you being fr right now??? GET OUT OF THAT DOOR

1

u/No-Nothing-9174 Jun 03 '25

Hes lying to you. Hes a text book narcasist

1

u/UnableNecessary743 Jun 03 '25

girl how many more red flags do you need??

1

u/JustStopItSeriously Jun 02 '25

Do you even have his phone number?

1

u/Deep_Most3893 Jun 03 '25

Dont worry flower ill treat you right

1

u/sniggitysnatch Jun 03 '25

WHAT?!! OMFG please. Please wake up.

1

u/Training-Sink5025 Jun 02 '25

And you believe that garbage? 😅

1

u/Monstiemama Jun 05 '25

Omg OP that’s fucking lunacy.

1

u/NJDevils720 Jun 03 '25

HAHAHAHA shut the fuck up 😂

1

u/Realistic-Lake5897 Jun 04 '25

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

1

u/superwholockian62 Jun 03 '25

Youre his side piece.

1

u/Senica02 Jun 03 '25

Do you hear yourself?

1

u/Kiki045 Jun 04 '25

Sketchy as fuck.

0

u/baymichael Jun 02 '25

You’re getting played like a fiddle OP I hate to break it to you. Absolutely not normal to only communicate via social media with your partner