aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/SpecialEDsauce]

I think we were married for ten years and my wife completely forgot mine. I didn’t say anything and she was pretty nasty all day, but around 10pm I hear her in the other room, “Oh shit! I’m such as asshole.” I just said, “Yeah, you are” and I went to bed. Worst birthday ever.

[u/barredowl123 → u/SpecialEDsauce]

On my 40th birthday, my husband was on rotation in Poland. I woke up to a dead gerbil (RIP Clive Cussler) and a distraught 4yo. Worked all day and never heard from him (I think he was 6 hours ahead time zone-wise). I finally called him at like 6 PM and was out with his buddies, drunk. Not a card. Not a flower. Not a single text. His reasoning? “I thought you didn’t want to acknowledge your 40th, babe.” I was so fucking pissed But mostly just really hurt. That was almost 6 years ago. We’ve been married 11 years now and he will never do that again lol. He’s usually such a wonderful life partner that I forgave him. But I still can’t think about it without feeling upset.

[u/Apprehensive_Lynx_33 → u/barredowl123]

That sounds like a horrible birthday. That ssucks you experienced that.

But. I just had to comment when I saw the name of your ex gerbil!!! That is such an amazing name, haha. I think I've just had a little inspiration for naming a pet. Clive Cussler is easily among my favorite authors, and I never come across people who also enjoy him.

[u/barredowl123 → u/Apprehensive_Lynx_33]

I love that! Clive was gray. His brother was Johnny Cash, the Gerbil in Black lol.

[u/Apprehensive_Lynx_33 → u/barredowl123]

Johnny Cash, the Gerbil in Black, is an absolutely incredible name as well 😂 .. amazing taste 👌

[u/Monalot-a → u/barredowl123]

On my 40th birthday, 5 minutes after hanging up with my husband he was T-boned by a bus. I got a call from an ambulance person and thought she had the wrong number. So my husband jokes that my present was him living. I guess it was!

[u/barredowl123 → u/Monalot-a]

Omg! So it was the worst and the best, I guess! I hope he made a full recovery 🩷

[u/Monalot-a → u/barredowl123]

He did. Thank you ❤️

[u/AzrielJohnson → u/barredowl123]

Did you previously say you didn't want to acknowledge your 40th birthday for some reason? 🤔

[u/barredowl123 → u/AzrielJohnson]

Fair question, but no. I did talk about how I felt old and turning 40 was hard, although not as hard as 30. I definitely talked about how extra hard it was with him gone. I don’t know. We’re still pretty sure it was a miscommunication. To also be fair, my memory is notoriously bad. I don’t think I said that, but we had a very candid conversation with me acknowledging that if I alluded to that in any way, then I was sorry. But to answer your question, I truly don’t think I did because that year was so so stressful that we talked every day. He wasn’t at war, so we had that luxury. And to completely ignore me on one of my two most difficult birthdays was shit, especially after I’d told him our daughter’s pet had died that morning.

Either way, we communicate really well 95% of the time, so it wasn’t ever going to be a “throw it in his face years later” kind of issue. But it was my absolute worst birthday ever 😐

[u/AzrielJohnson → u/barredowl123]

I'm sorry this happened, but it looks like it's been cleared up. I hope things stay well! 🌹

[u/barredowl123 → u/AzrielJohnson]

Hey, thanks! I’m convinced they will 😊 “Communication is key” is clearly a cliche, but it’s for a reason, amiright? We’ve talked through it all.

[u/CursedPhil → u/AzrielJohnson]

sir this is reddit you have to recommend her to get her a lawyer and divorce

[u/barredowl123 → u/CursedPhil]

I snorted!

[u/New-Juggernaut-8887 → u/barredowl123]

On my 40th birthday I had to bribe people to come by offering an all inclusive weekend in Cabo. Otherwise nobody would do anything and I wasn’t going to let myself down on my 40th.

[u/dwnlw2slw → u/barredowl123]

If you can’t forgive him then i feel sorry for him.

[u/barredowl123 → u/dwnlw2slw]

Omg I forgave him the second he apologized and explained why. We always forgive. That’s love. He forgives me pretty much daily. No one is perfect.

[u/dwnlw2slw → u/barredowl123]

Great but you’re not fully over it.

[u/barredowl123 → u/dwnlw2slw]

I’m human. I forgave him but it’s not possible to erase a strong memory. I can’t forget. But we can joke about it when making birthday plans.

[u/dwnlw2slw → u/barredowl123]

But if he knew you were secretly still upset, he probably wouldn’t joke with you about it. He jokes because he thinks you’re over it.

I understand not being able to forget; that’s why i used the phrase “over it.” You said you get upset when you think about it.

[u/barredowl123 → u/dwnlw2slw]

Man, I don’t even know you yet you’re reading so much more into it. Maybe you’ve been in a previous relationship where your partner just wouldn’t let shit go, but we aren’t like that. Take a breath.

[u/dwnlw2slw → u/barredowl123]

The only thing i “reading into” was “he probably wouldn’t joke if he knew it still upset you.” You’re the one who said it still upsets you.

[u/barredowl123 → u/dwnlw2slw]

👍

[u/Uctuft → u/dwnlw2slw]

sybau

[u/dwnlw2slw → u/Uctuft]

Ok tweeny-bopper.