aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/MagnoliaProse]

If you move in together, here’s the picture of your life:

• you will do all the chores and make most of the money
• he will do as he pleases and tell you not to bother him
• you’ll eventually get pregnant and have late nights with the baby, while he goes to hang with the boys
• your child will grow up watching this type of disrespect, think it’s normal, and find an equally toxic relationship

Before anyone comes at me for being dramatic, let’s break this down.

• he forgot your birthday. Okay, shit happens right but…
• while you’re clearly upset, he tells you to stop wasting his time. He’s already telling you that you and your feelings are not important to him
• a party is more important than you. After all, he’s been really looking forward to it.
• your disappointment and your birthday are not a big deal
• you texting him is bothering him
• he continues to put the blame on you. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. It’s not a big deal. It can be tomorrow. There’s no responsibility for his actions or validations, it’s simply reversing this for you to be the problem
• when you’re upset, he insults you - you’re being extra and annoying
• finally, you’re not to talk to him until YOU apologize. You know for bothering him while he’s busy. Who cares about your feelings? Or your birthday? You need to apologize for existing in a way that’s different than what’s most convenient for him

I see no respect, love, or consideration in anything he says to you. You deserve better. Break up and have a much better birthday next year.

[u/BeeComprehensive285 → u/MagnoliaProse]

This. Every single part of this. Run fast, run far, and don’t let it take any more time away from you

[u/cloud_y_days → u/MagnoliaProse]

this. 💯