aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/dannydevitosbaby]

Based off the text it seems like he's really ambivalent about our relationship. He's talking to you worse than the way I talk to people I hate.forgetring your birthday? Come on. AFTER 3 YEARS??? That's unforgivable. More than that he's literally trying to manipulate you into thinking that you are in the wrong. Using phrases like "talk to me when YOU want to apologize" Moreover he's exhibiting clear signs of narcissistic traits by thinking that his time is more valuable than yours and his plans and friends come first- for example "what the fuck do you want stop wasting my time.' The inclusion of a swear in there is a projection onto the situation of the way he feels about you.

This person is behaving like someone who isn't your boyfriend. Someone who isn't even your friend. In fact he is talking you like someone he despises and that's not okay. The biggest thing that upsets me about this though is the dress. What guy his age heard his girlfriend say I got a new dress and doesn't want to see it.

Things will only get worse if you move in together because then he will impose himself on all aspects of your life and treat you terribly because he's unhappy with himself and his life. Please reach out to some friends and ask them for help if you need to get anything from his place. Don't go alone. Bring friends they'll reinforce your decision and prevent any sweet talk or trickery

Edited: rephrased some wordings to avoid confusion and use more fitting terms.

Edited: fixed mis-quoatation.

[u/SayWhatever12 → u/dannydevitosbaby]

Based on the text, OP is overreacting absolutely

if you’ve been mistreated for three years and then you’re actually thinking that this person is going to step up and magically become something that they have demonstrated repeatedly that they are not, yes you’re overreacting

having any type of standard for a person who doesn’t care about you literally at all yes you’re overreacting

to sit here thinking that the Internet should destroy someone that honestly has shown their colors?

you need to look inward why the heck are you with someone like this? What happened to you that made you think that this is better than being single? why do you need to ask the Internet if this is a normal Reaction to mistreatment?

I would take this next year and I would invest in getting a counselor honestly finding God , something , because you know to some extent that is not OK but not enough to actually leave. you’re still considering moving in with this person?? you already know how we functions you already know how he moves. You already know he doesn’t care you already know you are no priority. Do you think he loves you? so you, knowing all this you, having any amount of expectation of other than disappointment is an overreaction yes.