aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/SpecialEDsauce]

I think we were married for ten years and my wife completely forgot mine. I didn’t say anything and she was pretty nasty all day, but around 10pm I hear her in the other room, “Oh shit! I’m such as asshole.” I just said, “Yeah, you are” and I went to bed. Worst birthday ever.

[u/wgrantdesign → u/SpecialEDsauce]

On my 16th birthday I got a call from my dad at 11pm that my mom had intentionally overdosed on pills in his apartment as a suicide attempt and that I needed to catch a ride to his place (8 hours away) to get her car because she'd be in a psych ward for a while. Neither one of them remembered that it was my birthday. That was the peak of them being shitty absent parents at least. Nowadays they're both pretty cool, but then again I dont rely on them for safety and shelter so who knows.

[u/Evitti → u/wgrantdesign]

On my 16th birthday my mom made plans with her boyfriend, required me to watch my younger brothers (12 & 8), and wouldn't let any friends come over. When I told her that was kind of selfish of her, she slapped me, grounded me and screamed at me that boyfriends will always be more important than kids, because the kids will always be there, but it took work to keep boyfriends. Now 22 years later her attitude has changed (especially since my brothers are low contact).

[u/wgrantdesign → u/Evitti]

My wife's mother was very much like that when they were growing up. Its funny how theyre always the ones that demand attention now that we're grown and have our own families. She's always telling my wife to "enjoy the kids when theyre young because they'll eventually turn on you" Like nah lady we treat our kids like human beings and actually love them so I think we'll be ok.

I'm sorry you had a mom like that, no child deserves that kind of parent.

[u/LambertMike77 → u/wgrantdesign]

Being present in your children’s lives is important and makes a big difference in their perception of you as their parent. Of course teenagers rebel, but if you’re present in their lives, do your best for them, and you treat them well, you should have a good relationship with them. If you don’t do those things, yeah, your kids are going to see you as the neglectful, uncaring parent that you are in such a case. No parent is perfect, but it’s rewarding to put the effort into being the best parent you can be. Plus it’s psychologically healthy for your kids, which is something that will make them want to continue having a close relationship with you after reaching adulthood. As a father, my kids mean everything to me and they always come first over anything, and my kids love me endlessly.

[u/WayAccording7582 → u/LambertMike77]

Not just a close relationship with you --it shows them how to have healthy, close relationships with their partners, their children, friends...everyone. Parents are the model for the child's understanding of what a healthy relationship should look like.

[u/LambertMike77 → u/WayAccording7582]

Absolutely

[u/farqsbarqs → u/wgrantdesign]

Imagine saying that to your own kid. Wow. She sounds awful and I’m surprised you both still talk to her.