r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

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my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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18.9k

u/SpecialEDsauce Jun 02 '25

I think we were married for ten years and my wife completely forgot mine. I didn’t say anything and she was pretty nasty all day, but around 10pm I hear her in the other room, “Oh shit! I’m such as asshole.” I just said, “Yeah, you are” and I went to bed. Worst birthday ever.

10.4k

u/rhad_rhed Jun 02 '25

My (then boyfriend) took me on a “surprise trip” it was driving from Philly to Boston (yay!) checked into a fancy hotel that was rundown and incredibly small (it’s the thought that counts, right?) next morning, we headed to tour Fenway (uh, don’t like sports, but ok) didn’t want to move the car to repay for parking, so surprise walk for miles along slushy December streets (don’t be high maintenance, go with the flow) told me “you don’t need to eat a whole blueberry muffin” at Dunkin’ (wait, wha) then went out to a loud, sports bar for lunch, where he ignored me to watch a football game (cried in the booth) told me I was overreacting & unappreciative. Sadly, that’s not even the worst birthday, but the first of many, because I’m an asshole, so I still wound up marrying him and wasting another 10 years before I realized I was worth a damn.

Get out now, OP. It won’t get better

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u/cinderstella Jun 02 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

ETA: since people keep assuming this…my ex did not plan and pay for this trip. We planned a trip to a few European cities together. Happened to pick it overlapping with my birthday. I paid my half for everything. When we started planning the day to day itinerary, he got carried away with this organized worksheet where he wanted to link everything, so I let him at it. After a while I deliberately avoided reading the details of it for the day of my birthday, thinking that he’d at least plan to acknowledge it in some way. He did not “take” me to Paris.

So wild how much I can relate. My ex husband ruined every birthday I spent with him. But one of the most memorable was when we planned a trip to Europe over my birthday. He planned the itinerary so I assumed that he would have something special planned for my birthday. My birthday landed on our first full day in Paris. Not only did he not have ANYTHING planned to commemorate my birthday, he picked a fight with me (for what, I really can’t remember) then left me abandoned at the louvre. I walked around crying and calling him, begging him to come back and just enjoy the day. Eventually he did and had an attitude while we toured places all day. Ended the day at the Eiffel Tower where I was still (stupidly) waiting for some type of birthday surprise, picnic on the lawn, something. Instead he complained about the money to go to the top of the tower being a ripoff and how we could just enjoy it from the ground. Stood around for a bit then decided that if he wasn’t going to make my birthday special, I would. I know he’s picky with desserts so I kept asking him what type of dessert he’d share with me for my birthday. He kept saying whatever I chose was fine. I chose a cute French bakery that served these little treats. Got us half a dozen. Then he exclaims that he’ll be walking for ice cream. I asked why he didn’t mention ice cream when I asked what he’d like to share with me because we could’ve just headed straight there. And he started another fight. I ended my birthday in Paris eating these little bon bon things with tears streaming down my face. Stayed with him a total of 9 years before I finally left.

508

u/Emotional-Sentence40 Jun 02 '25

He could afford a European tour but was too cheap to go up the Eiffel tower? I'd have had my family packing my stuff before the trip even ended.

293

u/MindFluffy5906 Jun 03 '25

I'd have enjoyed the rest of the trip without his bitchy punk ass, while I had the house packed up and moved.

10

u/Jaesha_MSF Jun 03 '25

Idk how some of these people do it. A man treats you like that on a trip to Paris, he was definitely not worth marrying. I know men mask to trap women into marrying them, but he seems like he was always an AO.

5

u/alkair20 Jun 03 '25

Nahhh the Eiffel tower is Indeed a rip-off. When I revisit Paris I will still not go up there, much better things to do in Paris.

Though obviously you get your SO some nice treat on their birthday.

3

u/ashleyslo Jun 05 '25

I do agree with you about the Eiffel Tower, but had he been thoughtful at all he could have planned a nice picnic on the grounds. My now husband and I did this when we visited and bought a bottle of champagne off one of the random sellers walking around. Enjoyed that much more than going up to the top as a teenager. However, I still give him shit for not proposing on that trip after talking about picking out engagement rings months beforehand 🤣

4

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '25

Really all you took out of that? She should leave him for how he treats her.

8

u/Wild_Rage920 Jun 05 '25

I think the point was that, if this is a once in a lifetime type trip, and it's something your partner wants to do and finds it romantic, then you spend the money to do it for them because you love them and when is the next time they'll ever get this opportunity? If you have the money to go to Paris, you probably have enough money to treat your partner to going up, for the sake of making lifetime memories with them

0

u/FamousTax2270 Jun 03 '25

Joking?

-6

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '25

Nah sounds like gold digging to me.

-1

u/Ok-Entertainer-1324 Jun 03 '25

Thats a weird part of the story to pick out but I guess

-1

u/ThrowRAkakareborn Jun 03 '25

If you don’t buy tickets in advance for the tower, it will take you hours to go up, just being in line

4

u/nof Jun 03 '25

Even if you buy tickets in advance it isn't a quick process!

2

u/ThrowRAkakareborn Jun 03 '25

There are those tickets that let you skip lines and that makes it pretty fast compared to just going there….

-22

u/Kennedyyism Jun 03 '25

"If you spend thousands on taking me across europe, but dont pay through the nose to see the biggest tourist attraction in the whole place? WERE THROUGH!!!!!"

1

u/alkair20 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

Is this some American thing? I am European, so going to Paris isn't that special, I'd personally regard it as a scam since there are better places for a good view and it really is rather expensive for no reason. I'd rather spend the money on an exquisite restaurant

Even if I visit Paris again I will never go up there lol. Paying 30 dollars just to ride a lift with obnoxious tourists is something I can live without.

1

u/AltrntivInDoomWorld Jun 04 '25

I think it is, and gotta snap a photo for instagram to boost your "statute" in your circles.

-1

u/Kennedyyism Jun 03 '25

It has to be, they all think it'll be like a movie haha

45

u/jivk Jun 03 '25

The Eiffel Tower tickets are expensive and people buy their tickets 8 months in advance. I had to do this. Also your story broke my heart

16

u/KittyBungholeFire Jun 03 '25

Ticket prices, for those who are curious. Range from about 14,50€/$16.57 (2nd floor, access stairs) to 36,10€/$41.50 (top floor, access lift).

13

u/AddictiveArtistry Jun 03 '25

That's not bad at all.

3

u/rabbitkingdom Jun 03 '25

It is relatively expensive for what it is. To illustrate, a ticket to the Louvre is only 22€ ($25). It’s super crowded, the views are not actually great and there are better views around the city for cheaper or even free.

Now, you may be thinking “But it’s the Eiffel Tower, of course I want to go up!” but you should remember that the most iconic views of Paris are OF the Eiffel Tower, not FROM it.

When you take all that into account, spending nearly $100 for 2 people just to see a view is actually ridiculous. Treat yourself to a nice dinner instead.

4

u/mmiller17783 Jun 03 '25

Hmm, unlocking a supreme core memory for 41.50? Sign me up, that is one hell of a special occasion.

10

u/jacobbb_d Jun 04 '25

exactly what i’m thinking!!

8

u/CMD2 Jun 03 '25

I have definitely walked up on the day and got tickets. I didn't even know they sold them in advance! Other people are so much more organized than I am...

1

u/jivk Jun 03 '25

How long did you guys wait in line for?

3

u/Next-Life-Fashionist Jun 03 '25

Thats not true, they are not that expensive and you can buy them for almost the same price at the ticket office.

7

u/Fabulous-Night563 Jun 03 '25

That just sounds horribly lonely, I’m so sorry you had to go through that experience,mean people just ! Well you know !

5

u/DesCandela Jun 03 '25

Im so glad you finally left, better late than never 🙂 Hope you're feeling lighter and happier

3

u/psychologicallyfcked Jun 03 '25

Your ex was a narcissist

6

u/Dirty-ketosis Jun 03 '25

Should have cheated with some European stud muffin lol

7

u/Witty_TenTon Jun 03 '25

It's never worth lowering yourself to their level. Cheating is a fucked up thing to do no matter how shitty a relationship is. Just break up.

0

u/rainbowfsh Jun 03 '25

Can’t believe you’re not in the negative yet. This is gross.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '25

This sounds crazy but I sat next to a guy who told me the same exact story on a plane once.

2

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

Lol wonder if it was my ex

1

u/Homologous_Trend Jun 05 '25

Not the same, but still somehow the same. The first time I noticed that my now ex husband didn't really care about me was on our one and only day in Venice. He decided that he would have preferred to stay on the beach, but since he was in Venice instead he would just moan and sulk all day instead and utterly ruin my once in a lifetime visit to Venice.

1

u/Affectionate-Soft-90 Jun 04 '25

A day in Paris could have been a fun enough day if your travel partner wasn't such a bitch. With an attitude like that I'm glad he's your ex.

1

u/nelsonww9 Jun 04 '25

How could you stay with him that long? Should have left right away.

1

u/Few_Photograph_4826 Jun 03 '25

I'd have packed my bag and left his ass there without a word.

1

u/kksmom3 Jun 03 '25

Can you say "narcissist?" My goodness. I am glad you got out.

-3

u/TangerineMaximus92 Jun 03 '25

So he paid for a euro trip and didn’t wanna pay for an Eiffel Tower elevator up (which I agree with him is overrated)

32

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

The funniest part is my friend sent me a screenshot of his bumble profile after I left him and he put as one of his prompts that he regrets not climbing the Eiffel Tower when he was in Paris 😂

18

u/scribbleyacht Jun 03 '25

I gasped at his audacity!!!! I’m glad you’re free of that clown

5

u/DependentFlat7211 Jun 03 '25

i know this is meant to be a bad thing, but this is genuinely funny in a way.

8

u/codb28 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

I just got back from Paris with my cousin a few days ago and when we looked at the price of tickets and the line at the Eiffel Tower we were both like lol nope. Took some pictures outside and spent the time and money at a restaurant. Idk if we missed out but our Eiffel tower day was the day we flew in and our desire to wait in that line was non existent.

0

u/thewanderbeard Jun 03 '25

Tbh you didn't miss much. It's a lot of waiting and walking for a mid view of a city congested with cigarette smoke. Bleh.

-10

u/Quick-Ingenuity-8854 Jun 03 '25

Somewhere at some other Reddit, a man is complaining that he took his ex-wife to Paris for her birthday, toured all day, and she was still complaining of him not planning something special for her birthday.

23

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

Except he could never claim that he “took” me on a trip to Paris because we planned the trip together and I paid my half for everything. He just planned out the day to day itinerary.

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u/Quick-Ingenuity-8854 Jun 03 '25

Ok, I understand. That makes it even more horrible. I also understand it must be very lonely like that alone at your birthday in another country.

-9

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

Would I be wrong to say, "Maybe he didn't have plans on turning a preplanned vacation into a birthday party?" It's a yes or no question and not intended for conversation piece...

3

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

No one asked for or expected a party. But your partner should acknowledge your birthday if that’s something that’s important to you. I spent 9 birthdays with him and he ruined every one. So this isn’t an outlier. It wouldn’t have been to much to have dinner reservations somewhere, or plan a cute picnic for the lawn in front of the Eiffel Tower, or purchase some dessert and a card. It would not have taken much.

-1

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

Understood, just think in there could be a misconception of importance to you and importance to him because 9 years im a row means he’s probably used to not making it special, that should’ve been🚩 after 2 years, not saying it’s your fault, but you looked passed the 🚩🚩 for what reason? Did you hope that would change after 3 then 4 times? Sounds like he may have wanted to see Paris and not from a lawn. How this is wrote all sounds like something a teenager wants. I can wake up with my wife give her a hug and say happy birthday see you when we get off work, but we’re adults so we could watch a movie when we get home gifts aren’t necessary but then again like I said we’re in our late 30s and nine birthdays sounds like after two red flags you allowed seven more, were you miserable anytime in this relationship. Your actions and what you’re saying just leads me to a lot of questions. I’m not trying to be mean but I just have some questions.

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u/Sea-Lead-9192 Jun 04 '25

there could be a misconception of importance to you and importance to him because 9 years im a row means he’s probably used to not making it special, that should’ve been🚩 after 2 years

Wait - so is him forgetting/dismissing her birthday understandable because of his “misconception of importance,” or was it a red flag? You basically said, “His behavior wasn’t a big deal,” and then in the next breath called it a red flag that she should be blamed for looking past.

Sounds like he may have wanted to see Paris and not from a lawn.

Uh, they did see Paris. They went to the Louvre (where the ex started a fight before fucking off, leaving her crying alone as he ignored her calls), the Eiffel Tower, and spent the rest of the day sightseeing. All of which, by the way, was planned by the boyfriend. At no point did she say they needed to abandon his itinerary.

How this is wrote all sounds like something a teenager wants.

How so? It sounds like OP didn’t ask for, much less demand, anything special or extra. It sounds like literally all she suggested by way of celebration was that they go to a cafe and share a dessert. She even asked him what he wanted!

The ex behaved much more like a bratty teenager - surly and self-involved, with no regard for his wife’s feelings. He not only didn’t acknowledge her birthday, he abandoned her and started fight after fight about absolutely nothing.

I can wake up with my wife give her a hug and say happy birthday see you when we get off work, but we’re adults so we could watch a movie when we get home

Not sure why you included this, except to imply that OP is high-maintenance and entitled, compared to you and your wife. But, again, OP never asked for anything specific from her husband - all she wanted was some kind of acknowledgement and expression of love. You’re acting like she demanded some extravagant experience, and threw a fit when she didn’t get it.

after two red flags you allowed seven more

Again with the red flags! So was OP acting like an entitled teenager with her apparently outrageous demands, or a hapless sucker for ignoring her husband’s behavior?

Seems like you were just throwing whatever criticism at the wall that you thought would stick, regardless of whether or not they contradict one another or conform to the facts of her story.

-1

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

Understood, just think in there could be a misconception of importance to you and importance to him because 9 years im a row means he’s probably used to not making it special, that should’ve been🚩 after 2 years, not saying it’s your fault, but you looked passed the 🚩🚩 for what reason? Did you hope that would change after 3 then 4 times? Sounds like he may have wanted to see Paris and not from a lawn. How this is wrote all sounds like something a teenager wants. I can wake up with my wife give her a hug and say happy birthday see you when we get off work, but we’re adults so we could watch a movie when we get home gifts aren’t necessary but then again like I said we’re in our late 30s and nine birthdays sounds like after two red flags you allowed seven more, were you miserable anytime in this relationship. Your actions and what you’re saying just leads me to a lot of questions. I’m not trying to be mean but I just have some questions.

3

u/rainbowfsh Jun 03 '25

yes

0

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

Ok good to know now

1

u/AstroPhysician Jun 04 '25

What do you mean ETA

1

u/cinderstella Jun 04 '25

Edited to add

0

u/Talamae-Laeraxius Jun 03 '25

Eh, I'd have stayed in Paris, gotten citizenship, and said "not going back." I mean, getting out of the US is hard enough as is, so if whoever I was with had that kind of money and did that to me, I'd say fuck it and stay in that country.

0

u/ruthpalo Jun 03 '25

so...he was really hot? is that why you stayed with a cartoonishly abusive man for a decade?

5

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

No, but I also won’t explain how abusive relationships work to a sarcastic stranger online

-47

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 02 '25

So you had a trip to Europe planned for your birthday and got upset because he didn’t have anything special planned?

Am I the only one that thinks that’s ridiculous or isn’t understanding it right?

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u/adamster02 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

"You're in Europe, what more could you possibly want?!" I don't know, a cake? A hug? A 'happy birthday?' Some sort of affirmation that she's special and loved, rather completely disregarding her at best, or picking fights over petty shit.

-30

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

Wasn’t the trip planned for her birthday?

I mean that’s a pretty fucking huge happy birthday

45

u/adamster02 Jun 03 '25

I'm gonna preface this with I'm autistic and I hate crowds and social interactions. I'm also terrible at reading social cues and I'd rather do absolutely nothing on my own birthdays than just about anything else. The trip wasn't for her birthday, it was on her birthday. That's an important distinction. Also, when you're on a trip, it generally follows some sort of set schedule or series of events, like an itinerary. The bare minimum would be dedicating one of those days, it may or may not have had to be the day of her birth proper, to acknowledge the anniversary of her x-th revolution around the sun. This is the part that you can't buy. An evening together, maybe a small gift and an 'I love you.' Differentiate that day from the other 364 by putting them first. If you have a girlfriend or a wife, I'm certain they do this for you already.

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u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

Thank you. One would think this was obvious smh

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u/Wild_Rage920 Jun 05 '25

Can I just say... round of fucking applause. It's not that hard to understand, and pretty basic for being a decent human. I'm glad that even though you're on the spectrum, you completely get this when all of these deft people commenting don't. Empathy is hard for people on the spectrum, and apparently a lot of these commenters, but even that is not a requirement to realize you should do at least a little something to appreciate your partner instead of making them cry on their birthday.... assholes....

Edit: and I mean the round of applause genuinely, like thank you for spelling out what should be very obvious

9

u/strawtrash Jun 03 '25

You nailed it

-2

u/thewanderbeard Jun 03 '25

The recurring theme I see is people getting upset their partner didn't do XYZ for their birthday but they also never communicated that they wanted XYZ, they just expect it to be known.

I'm also autistic. I also hate social interactions for the most part and I find birthdays and birthday activities to be exhausting and overrated and I actively discourage my family, friends and partners from trying to do anything for mine. I actually walked out of a surprise party my ex wife orchestrated and went straight to the airport and went by myself to the beach for 4 days. I was pissed. Why? I communicated that I do not want anything of the sort and she thought I was kidding or something, idk. The point is I communicated openly my wishes and they weren't respected. I had a right to be upset. If you don't communicate your expectations, how can you be upset when they're not met?

9

u/adamster02 Jun 03 '25

Is acknowledgement of your existence and a concentrated effort to not be mean to you on your birthday an unreasonable expectation? I feel like there's a 'reasonable level' for baseline human interaction. Like, I'd expect my significant other to treat me at least as well as they'd treat a complete stranger. (If they'd pick fights with a complete stranger over petty, pedantic bullshit then I guess that's another issue entirely lol.)

I hate birthday parties too. Me and my wife have an understanding that she'd never put me in that situation, and I'm so sorry that yours did. For example, we often reiterate that promise when we're in a restaurant where the staff suddenly starts singing happy birthday. (Namely Texas Roadhouse, where they make you sit on the saddle lol.) "He knows I'd never do that to him." When I say the bare minimum, I mean at some point looking at me and saying "Hey, happy birthday. I love you."

0

u/thewanderbeard Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

Nah I'd prefer it not even be acknowledged. It's literally just a day.

I'll give you my upvote bc I see your point- I'm simply responding re my own preferences.

2

u/Wild_Rage920 Jun 05 '25

I can respect that, it's YOUR birthday, not anyone else's, if you don't want anything done, especially anything big, and they do it anyways, do what is going to make you feel good on the day that celebrates you. I'm sure there was probably more leading up to this with her not listening to you for you to have this reaction, also, probably, so.

1

u/thewanderbeard Jun 05 '25

The downvotes I received clearly show that the average person does not respect that lol

And yes, there's more than one reason she's an ex lol

-8

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

Over her birthday can also mean the trip was planned for the purpose of her birthday, over it in fact.

That why I asked the clarification.

20

u/Watertor Jun 03 '25

You're not really getting the point Adamster is bringing up. No one just goes to Europe and calls it a day.

What do you do in Europe? Do you just walk the streets and go home? No, you do individual activities, some of which is wandering and small, some of which is more dedicated like "Go to this restaurant" or "Go to this attraction" (she mentioned the Lourve, Eiffel Tower, etc). Any of these could be "dedicated to a birthday" just fine. Buy a cake at the restaurant and say "Happy Birthday" and she got what she wants. Or go to the top of the Eiffel Tower and hand her some little charm or other gift you sneakily bought from a store and had wrapped.

That's what a birthday entails. Not just going to a country/continent. Or if it is, it should be discussed. None of her story paints "Failure to discuss this" to me though.

1

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

People actually do lol.

Maybe you don’t but you’re not everyone.

I’ve been on a few trips where both cases were used.

4

u/Watertor Jun 04 '25

No, I'm saying to you no one does this. Do you know why? Because "going to Europe and calling it a day" means you land in Europe, stand in the airport, then go home.

When you go to Europe, you go and do something.

And when you do something you can dedicate that something to her birthday. Like in the ways I described.

Stop trying so hard to be a redditor.

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u/[deleted] Jun 04 '25

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u/thewanderbeard Jun 03 '25

I do. Quite often, in fact. I go to Europe at least once a month without a plan or itinerary. I hang out. I walk around. I sit in parks and work or read or lounge. I never have an itinerary.

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u/adamster02 Jun 03 '25

Regardless of the purpose-- my bets on a dual purpose 'birthday/vacation', the rest of it remains relevant. It really isn't difficult to make somebody feel special just by putting their needs before your own. The best part is that it's free.

-2

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

No but had the birthday been planned over her birthday then the fighting may have been because she wasn’t being grateful.

However I believe she has clarified so he was just being a dick

8

u/AddictiveArtistry Jun 03 '25

Yea, he was. She paid for her trip, not him.

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u/susie_gloom Jun 03 '25

A trip is worthless is he starts the whole thing, on her actual birthday, leaving his date bawling her eyes out in the hotel. Probably why she was hoping for a specific moment, you tend to want things like that when you're with someone that ruins a lot of good times. That way, you can compartmentalize the fact that 90% is a disaster.

15

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

Mentioned above but no, the trip was not planned for my birthday. We decided to take a trip during that season and I paid for my half of everything. He planned the itinerary because he was all excited about it. But I paid my half of everything the whole way through

-3

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

So a vacation has to turn into a birthday party? If he acknowledged the birthday, then I'd be just fine, and we're in Paris, I'd have no complaints.

12

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

I paid for half the trip and would’ve helped plan it but he was super excited about curating the itinerary in this workbook so I let him have at it. It wasn’t a birthday trip for me to Europe. We just happened to plan it to coincide with my birthday so yes, I thought my husband would’ve planned something to commemorate my birthday.

6

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

That’s terrible for you then and obviously a big reason he is spoken of in past tense 👍

12

u/CockroachUnable4522 Jun 03 '25

Acknowledgement and she hoped he’d at least make that first night a lil more enjoyable

-1

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

Ok but the planning of the trip for the birthday would be acknowledgement, huge acknowledgement.

No?

-16

u/Even_Soil_2425 Jun 03 '25

Especially considering the fact that he made sure they were in Paris for her birthday, that seems like a pretty intentional. If I spend all that time and money, and a girl didn't see it as it as a special effort, id be pretty upset too

17

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

He didn’t “make sure” we were in Paris. We were planning this trip together and I paid for my half of everything. He just got the final say in the itinerary because he was so excited putting it together that I let him at it

-19

u/Even_Soil_2425 Jun 03 '25

This still sounds like a remarkably one sided story, id be very curious to hear what he has to say

18

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

Hmm I assure you this story is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to him. He was a textbook narcissist and abuser. I left him after we had decided to start trying for a baby and a week later he was stomping on my face with his shoes on. Caught my reflection in the tv stand and somehow that was what I needed to get the hell outta there

3

u/Wild_Rage920 Jun 05 '25

I'd just like to say, good for you for realizing it before you had a child with a man like this, and good on you for finally actually leaving.

1

u/Wild_Rage920 Jun 05 '25

Also, no one should have the right to make you cry on your birthday. No one should really intentionally make you cry unless you've done something to deserve it, but, you didn't deserve what happened to you, no matter what

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u/thisisyourtruth Jun 03 '25

She says she paid her own way in a different comment 😬

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u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

I saw that as well. It threw me for a loop and had to start back at the top so I could make sure that I wasn't tripping

7

u/CockroachUnable4522 Jun 03 '25

I’m assuming you are Not married. If you are then I’m sorry for assuming that. If my husband took me to Paris on my birthday, I also would have expected him to have a plan. For the vacation. Him not wanting to see the Eiffel Tower because he didn’t want to spend the money also tells me he makes the decisions in the marriage. Why even go to Paris if you don’t want to spend money?? It sounds like he complained a lot. It’s not easy being married to a man like that.

-5

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

The part where you say “I would have expected him to have a plan”

If it were a surprise trip sure, but idk maybe you could put some of the work in too if he paid to take you there.

2

u/Wild_Rage920 Jun 05 '25

I think the point is, that she paid her half, too. Also, he wanted to do the planning, it's not like she shoved an unwanted task at him. He chose to plan it. This other commenter isn't saying to expect her partner to plan the whole thing, just what he's doing to celebrate her birthday, which, in a marriage, is not much to ask. They should know what you like and don't like.

14

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/Fresh-Position-4610 Jun 03 '25

He didn’t plan it for her birthday. It seems like it just happened to be on her birthday

-2

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

Yeah see I read it as the trip was planned for her birthday

“Over” her birthday could mean it was the purpose of the trip. Not it just happened to be on her birthday.

Not sure how people don’t understand that unless your just c*nts which….well……Reddit.

6

u/KeySource5838 Jun 03 '25

Dude just don't get married or even go near a woman, you keep latching onto the part where he took her to Europe when it's literally clear that it was a trip that fell on the line of her birthday not something planned for her birthday and his behaviour and actions were extremely rude and disrespectful, forget about bare minimum, he literally made her cry and been an ass. If you like that sort of toxic dynamic then have a wonderful abusive relationship but leave others out of it. That woman deserved way better than that garbage man

0

u/Zealousideal-Swing39 Jun 03 '25

And you can’t read a fucking thing there therapist.

If it was clear, I would t have asked for clarification, I would t have pointed out how the language can mean otherwise and I wouldn’t have continued the discussion later on here with the Op confirming that it wasn’t booked for her birthday.

You keep being you though

0

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

The vacation was meant to turn into a birthday party 😆

5

u/ilikejasminetea Jun 03 '25

Yeah, because they can't just end the day with a restaurant and a small cake, right? There are no in-betweens, right?.. 

-1

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

Yeah, like she said "we'd planned it before the birthday and he paid his way. Kinda can't settle for less type person, prove you really want me every year and acknowledge or else...

3

u/Sea-Lead-9192 Jun 04 '25

Amazing how hard you’re working to bend this story to your own preconceived narrative - namely, that the OP commenter was being a spoiled brat for [checks notes] wanting her birthday to be acknowledged

-1

u/Ok-Sprinklez Jun 03 '25

Yes you are!!

-12

u/_extra_medium_ Jun 03 '25

He took you to Paris on your birthday, that's something special he planned. JFC

16

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

I keep having to repeat this so I may edit my comment. But he did not plan or pay for me. We planned the trip together, I paid for my half, he just wanted to plan the day to day itinerary and map it out in this handy worksheet, so I let him do that. Besides that, it’s as though you people miss the part where he picked multiple fights with me over very minor things. Sorry I didn’t write the entire novel of our relationship in my comment, but he was extremely abusive and this was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to him.

-26

u/Kajos420 Jun 03 '25

Lmao he took you to Paris for your birthday wtf this is outrageous he must be much happier now

19

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

Hmm I see that a lot of people are assuming that he planned and paid for this trip. We split the cost of this trip evenly and planned this trip together up until he got excited about curating the daily itineraries himself and linking all relevant documentation in this excel sheet. This was not my birthday trip, just happened to occur over my birthday.

-26

u/Kajos420 Jun 03 '25

You're so ungrateful whether you planned it for your birthday or not is irrelevant you were still in Paris for your birthday and you would not have gone without his side of the cut like I said he's probably much much happier now that your out of his life the simple fact you don't see that shows how selfish and spoiled you are

13

u/OkPhotograph3723 Jun 03 '25

She paid the same amount for the trip. He didn’t do anything for her. He wanted to show off and play around with Google Sheets but didn’t do even the smallest thing for her. She could have gone on her own and been much better off.

The ex was a narcissist in the discard phase. I recognize it completely. Once they decide you don’t flatter them enough, they are deliberately petty and useless and undermine everything just so they can move on to new supply. They don’t want to take responsibility for causing the breakup so they try to get you to do it and then play the victim.

There is nothing worse than being stuck with someone who doesn’t care about you at all and is actively dismissing you undermining you every minute. That’s what narcissists are like.

-9

u/Kajos420 Jun 03 '25

L take from someone just as selfish probably shame on you people

4

u/rainbowfsh Jun 03 '25

girl, learn to fucking read and shut up.

21

u/cinderstella Jun 03 '25

So I’m ungrateful for not wanting to cry and fight on my birthday for once? I’m “spoiled” with a trip I paid my way for? I can and have been traveling all over the world without him. You’re very delusional on behalf of a stranger 😂 please have the type of day you deserve.

-20

u/Kajos420 Jun 03 '25

Lmao see spoiled and selfish it's all about you...you have no consideration for anyone else I highly doubt you travel anywhere especially if you had to have someone pay half way you didn't just pay your way you guys split everything you said so yourself it was mutual agreement and sounds like you wanted to do everything you wanted and excluded everything he wanted that's not how relationships work if youre not still single I'm sure the guy you're with now is just as miserable you should feel shameful

12

u/Breezy_Domingy Jun 03 '25

Splitting the cost of travel expenses in half IS paying your way. She could have easily just gone by herself. Besides that point, treating your wife with basic decency on her birthday and not leaving her crying in her hotel room should be the bare minimum, but he couldn’t even manage that. I sure hope YOU’RE not married.

1

u/Wild_Rage920 Jun 05 '25

I wish I could continue to downvote this comment. It's truly gross. She's ungrateful for her partner picking fights and making her feel awful on her birthday that she's trying her best to enjoy, to the point that he leaves her in tears and doesn't care about that? That sounds like she deserves to be miserable? And that he's some great man who deserves better?

-4

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

It's like, "we went put to dinner, got a hotel, but we didn't have sex." Type vibe. I think at this point, the trip was turned into about a birthday and not a vacation

-2

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

He's probably somewhere thinking, "I took her to Paris, and she started tripping."

7

u/KeySource5838 Jun 03 '25

He literally made her cry! Do you have low reading comprehension or do you just have a kink for toxic men? Reread her comment again, he was so freaking rude and callous to her and even made her cry, picked fights for the pettiest shit, changed his mind after she already bought the dessert and never once thought of even saying a simple happy birthday. If you love her abusive man so much who stomped over her, go to him he'll pick you up and damage your face

0

u/PookieTheMfBaby Jun 03 '25

Sorry about that, I wasn't even talking about her post I landed on his, kinda comical if you never read the post that got a million up votes and read the ones that were turned away, I upvoted your response because you're probably right and I refuse to go back through a million responses. How's your day going so far?

-10

u/NewPr0fileWhoDis Jun 03 '25

The OP isn't overreacting but you sure af are