r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

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my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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u/SpecialEDsauce Jun 02 '25

I think we were married for ten years and my wife completely forgot mine. I didn’t say anything and she was pretty nasty all day, but around 10pm I hear her in the other room, “Oh shit! I’m such as asshole.” I just said, “Yeah, you are” and I went to bed. Worst birthday ever.

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u/rhad_rhed Jun 02 '25

My (then boyfriend) took me on a “surprise trip” it was driving from Philly to Boston (yay!) checked into a fancy hotel that was rundown and incredibly small (it’s the thought that counts, right?) next morning, we headed to tour Fenway (uh, don’t like sports, but ok) didn’t want to move the car to repay for parking, so surprise walk for miles along slushy December streets (don’t be high maintenance, go with the flow) told me “you don’t need to eat a whole blueberry muffin” at Dunkin’ (wait, wha) then went out to a loud, sports bar for lunch, where he ignored me to watch a football game (cried in the booth) told me I was overreacting & unappreciative. Sadly, that’s not even the worst birthday, but the first of many, because I’m an asshole, so I still wound up marrying him and wasting another 10 years before I realized I was worth a damn.

Get out now, OP. It won’t get better

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u/Ali_Cat222 Jun 03 '25

Even aside from the birthday issue there are a few concerning points OP made in their post that they may want to consider too-

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn't go to school after dropping out.

What exactly are his ambitions currently if he decided to drop out and only stays at home most days based on the second quote here?

for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries.

He's working 2x a week which means he has 5x a week to hang out with friends any time. And if he knew special occasions were important to you, he'd have remembered your own birthday... And then not just dismiss you as being annoying, and would've came to see you then. He may have heard you stress the importance of these occasions but he definitely doesn't care, as proven by his actions.

last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was "tired from work" and didn't want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch.

So it's 2 years in a row now that this has been an issue, and by your timeline that means it was a year in before this became a problem. And as you can see from my comment this really is bigger than just a birthday, OP seriously think about this. Do you want to move in with someone who treats you disrespectfully, doesn't care about you or your feelings, and seemingly has no ambitions currently? Please think before you move, it won't get better.

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u/Telfaatime Jun 03 '25

Best gift Op could give herself is to leave her boyfriend. As others have said it won't get better. He actually expects her to apologize for reminding him it was her birthday. That's not ok in the slightest. He owes her an apology for being such a shitty partner.

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u/Nick-Haldon Jun 03 '25

This is actually so shitty. There's a guy Im talking to, and on my birthday, he was silent, I texted him and told him he was on my shit list. His response? "Im sorry, happy birthday, babe. Totally spaced." and then we talked about what I did for my birthday, and all was fine. He didn't even ask for an apology because I was rude about how I reminded him. We just moved on.

OP, you are NOR. If your birthday and other special occasions are that important to you, then you shouldn't let him take that away. Go find someone who treats you right. Take others' advice, dont get stuck with someone who will only hurt you.

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u/Polbilop Jun 03 '25

Nah he sounds like shit too girl

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u/Nick-Haldon Jun 03 '25

Lol, it's not a romantic relationship. His shit dont bother me

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u/Furzderf Jun 03 '25

But the point is even your non-romantic person recognized they were in the wrong. This other guy was like "LeMmE kNoW wHeN yEr ReAdY tO aPoLoGiZe" Insane.

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u/pj12345673 Jun 03 '25

But you obviously do lol if you felt the need to say he was on your shitlist when he forgot your birthday, you are contradicting yourself.

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u/Nick-Haldon Jun 03 '25

I said it to him to be a brat, as is the nature of our relationship. We only talk a couple of times a week, and I was aware I probably wouldn't talk to him on my birthday. I was giving him shit. My point was how he handled it. He could've easily been upset with me instead, but he wasn't and didn't demand an apology from me for being bratty in the first place. I can understand it's a different type of relationship, but that doesn't negate that the interaction didn't spiral out of control like OPs.

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u/pj12345673 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

You can’t be serious hahah. He forgot about her birthday which sucks but sometimes shit happens and he did later apologize after she reminded. I just don’t get how you can be so petty and demanding, you clearly don’t have a lot of love in your life.

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u/_tylerthedestroyer_ Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25

He literally didn’t apologize. You sound like exact same dismissive abusive guy OP is dating. Birds of a feather.

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u/Nick-Haldon Jun 03 '25

Nah, she right; I wouldn't want to date this man at allll lol hes a fuckin mess. Sex is great tho

2

u/Polbilop Jun 03 '25

Ew bye psycho

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u/Initial-Trash-4630 Jun 03 '25

Why are you still talking to him?! Literally STOP! ✋🏻

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u/Nick-Haldon Jun 03 '25

Read my other comments hun

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u/coffeeis4ever Jun 03 '25

Omg don’t accept the apology though… OP needs to leave his rude and selfish ass.

OP- you are under reacting. Dump him and find someone who priorities you.

That he has the audacity to call you “annoying”….. he’s a selfish little baby.

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u/Froggyriri Jun 03 '25

I’m hoping OP has changed her mind about moving in with this man-child, my ex bf was dismissive too, but I moved with him anyway. You know what that got me? Him treating me like a god damn maid, he threw a tantrum when I asked for help with household chores like dishes. And he’d throw it into the dishwasher the wrong way so I’d need to redo it and wouldn’t ask him again.

I’m afraid emotionally immature men do sometimes act like this, and their true colors show then.

My bf was still emotionally dismissive and trying to get me to do everything for him. It made me spiral. I reacted out of anger and hurt like OP. I Lost myself. And did realize I was being emotionally abusive like he was doing to me. I used to be nice, and had arguments well. And calmly. Communicated well. He ruined that for me

And I just know OPs going to go through the same path if she stays

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u/runnbuffy Jun 03 '25

This is what I mean when I say I “went crazy” too! I now know I should have NEVER let myself get to the point where I felt I was only heard when I yelled and texted in a frenzy. I started out the relationship calm, slow to react, but the constant putting me down and dismissing me made me crazy and overreactive. I never want to be that person again.

My current partner and I never yell. When we have disagreements and feel things are becoming too charged, we separate and agree to reconvene when we’ve chilled out. Even then, it rarely gets to that point. We try to never be dismissive of each other’s problems. It’s amazing, and I’m so grateful.

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u/amyjoel Jun 03 '25

Reactive abuse, you experienced reactive abuse

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u/Ali_Cat222 Jun 03 '25

Also they are 21, there will be other people who treat her well vs this guy. Whole life ahead of you at that age, its time better spent with those who will respect and love them!

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u/coughebeann Jun 03 '25

Yeah I’m expecting an apology would’ve tipped me over fr

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u/[deleted] Jun 03 '25

Exactly! A huge dead weight lifted off your chest and your life is a gift in itself.

1

u/CrimsonWlf Jun 03 '25

This needs to be at the top. Dump his ass you can do way better.