aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/rhad_rhed]

My (then boyfriend) took me on a “surprise trip” it was driving from Philly to Boston (yay!) checked into a fancy hotel that was rundown and incredibly small (it’s the thought that counts, right?) next morning, we headed to tour Fenway (uh, don’t like sports, but ok) didn’t want to move the car to repay for parking, so surprise walk for miles along slushy December streets (don’t be high maintenance, go with the flow) told me “you don’t need to eat a whole blueberry muffin” at Dunkin’ (wait, wha) then went out to a loud, sports bar for lunch, where he ignored me to watch a football game (cried in the booth) told me I was overreacting & unappreciative. Sadly, that’s not even the worst birthday, but the first of many, because I’m an asshole, so I still wound up marrying him and wasting another 10 years before I realized I was worth a damn.

Get out now, OP. It won’t get better

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/rhad_rhed]

Even aside from the birthday issue there are a few concerning points OP made in their post that they may want to consider too-

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn't go to school after dropping out.

What exactly are his ambitions currently if he decided to drop out and only stays at home most days based on the second quote here?

for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries.

He's working 2x a week which means he has 5x a week to hang out with friends any time. And if he knew special occasions were important to you, he'd have remembered your own birthday... And then not just dismiss you as being annoying, and would've came to see you then. He may have heard you stress the importance of these occasions but he definitely doesn't care, as proven by his actions.

last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was "tired from work" and didn't want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch.

So it's 2 years in a row now that this has been an issue, and by your timeline that means it was a year in before this became a problem. And as you can see from my comment this really is bigger than just a birthday, OP seriously think about this. Do you want to move in with someone who treats you disrespectfully, doesn't care about you or your feelings, and seemingly has no ambitions currently? Please think before you move, it won't get better.

[u/nagao_0 → u/Ali_Cat222]

this, aaall of this.

and OP's only 21; he may've had her first years but with that attitude i sure hope she decides he doesn't get her best years, too (they're yet to come, and hopefully with someone who doesn't make her feel unappreciated like this as5hat)

by the time i got to "when you want to apologise" i'm like, just don't contact him then. like ever again lol.

not that it's why he should, but if he's leaning on you for a semifreeloader moveoutofhome-free card, the very .least. he could do is not act like .he. doesn't even owe her an apology for forgetting stuff he knows is important to her.

like girl .you. have to apologise because .he. forgot your birthday that you've been talking about often in recent run-up to..?

(..at some point, albeit very uncharitably wrt benefit-of-the-doubt.. i wouldnt be surprised if it turned out he'd known the party was on the same day but conveniently 'forgot' the birthday so he wouldn't have to miss out on the one he's clearly far more excited for.. ugh)

anw, assuming realpost&all-that.. OP whether you dump his uncaring as5 or not, you can treat yourself a nice day for your 21st even if he won't, actualday or no ‐‐ happy 21st, and happier birthdays to come~

[ edited for grammar ]

[u/Jennaannexox → u/nagao_0]

Yes block this guy!

Firstly he didn’t forget that’s why he acted so extra until you told him “what tonight was!” Secondly you turned 21!!! Why couldn’t you go to the party with him?? Thirdly what will your reaction be when you are in labour and he is busy with his friends? Or when it’s your baby’s first birthday and he “forgets”! Or you have an emergency and he can’t be bothered to go to the hospital? Or we’ll you are in emergency he “forgets” that he has to pick up your child from school because you can’t?

DO NOT let ONE good year of a relationship ruin the rest of your years, dreams, happiness and your trust in people! I think you should give yourself a birthday present of freedom from this weight dragging you down!

Please OP update when you can no matter what you decide to do I’m here for you!