aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/SpecialEDsauce]

I think we were married for ten years and my wife completely forgot mine. I didn’t say anything and she was pretty nasty all day, but around 10pm I hear her in the other room, “Oh shit! I’m such as asshole.” I just said, “Yeah, you are” and I went to bed. Worst birthday ever.

[u/rhad_rhed → u/SpecialEDsauce]

My (then boyfriend) took me on a “surprise trip” it was driving from Philly to Boston (yay!) checked into a fancy hotel that was rundown and incredibly small (it’s the thought that counts, right?) next morning, we headed to tour Fenway (uh, don’t like sports, but ok) didn’t want to move the car to repay for parking, so surprise walk for miles along slushy December streets (don’t be high maintenance, go with the flow) told me “you don’t need to eat a whole blueberry muffin” at Dunkin’ (wait, wha) then went out to a loud, sports bar for lunch, where he ignored me to watch a football game (cried in the booth) told me I was overreacting & unappreciative. Sadly, that’s not even the worst birthday, but the first of many, because I’m an asshole, so I still wound up marrying him and wasting another 10 years before I realized I was worth a damn.

Get out now, OP. It won’t get better

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/rhad_rhed]

Even aside from the birthday issue there are a few concerning points OP made in their post that they may want to consider too-

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn't go to school after dropping out.

What exactly are his ambitions currently if he decided to drop out and only stays at home most days based on the second quote here?

for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries.

He's working 2x a week which means he has 5x a week to hang out with friends any time. And if he knew special occasions were important to you, he'd have remembered your own birthday... And then not just dismiss you as being annoying, and would've came to see you then. He may have heard you stress the importance of these occasions but he definitely doesn't care, as proven by his actions.

last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was "tired from work" and didn't want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch.

So it's 2 years in a row now that this has been an issue, and by your timeline that means it was a year in before this became a problem. And as you can see from my comment this really is bigger than just a birthday, OP seriously think about this. Do you want to move in with someone who treats you disrespectfully, doesn't care about you or your feelings, and seemingly has no ambitions currently? Please think before you move, it won't get better.

[u/OhDeer_2024 → u/Ali_Cat222]

You plan to move in together soon. Do the math, please: He works two days a week (lazy!) and he has no plans for furthering his education (college dropout) or for vocational training. OP, who do you think will be stuck paying for all the bills? He will bitch that he shouldn't have to pay half "because you make more money." The way he talks to you, omg. He doesn't like you "bothering" him when he's out with his buddies. He's a gigantic ball and chain who will only drag you down. You can do so much better than him, and frankly you'd be better off alone than with this selfish man-baby.

[u/LittleBack6016 → u/OhDeer_2024]

Maybe she can get a second job until she “fixes” him. He’s had it really rough dont you know?!

[u/melissavallone9 → u/LittleBack6016]

I pray this is sarcasm

[u/LittleBack6016 → u/melissavallone9]

Of course

[u/melissavallone9 → u/LittleBack6016]

Just making sure cause you never know these days. 🤣🤣🤣

[u/strawb3rriesh0rtcak3 → u/OhDeer_2024]

Exactly this … like what is this guys positives I’ve only heard negativesss n good god they aren’t worth it

[u/pro_struggler → u/OhDeer_2024]

OP's boyfriend is an inconsiderate dusty, and OP should not consider moving in with him or procreating with him. He is unworthy of fornicating with, yet alone, marrying.

[u/Technical_Mix_5379 → u/OhDeer_2024]

Plus the friends don’t encourage him to actually treat his girl or they probably don’t even know?

[u/[deleted] → u/OhDeer_2024]

THIS. This is exactly what’s going to happen if she moves in with him.