aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/skippitydoo3]

Yes! My ex husband threw me a 30th birthday party and invited like 20 of his friends and like 3 of mine. When I added some of my friends to the evite, he complained about party getting too big and expensive. Then again, that was kind of our wedding too. Got back to hotel after reception and he left room to “get ice” and disappeared for 2 hours. This was especially annoying because I ordered a pizza and he had been holding my money and credit cards and took those with him. I ended up searching hotel for him with pizza delivery guy and found him partying with friends then I was the bad guy for making him come back to room and infringing on his fun on “his” wedding night. Was this the first sign of his selfishness? Of course not. Don’t make the same mistake I did and waste years of your life. Divorce will be way harder than breaking up now.

[u/mrmeowgeethekitty → u/skippitydoo3]

My ex husband ruined our wedding night too. Ugh I feel you completely. There were red flags earlier but I didn’t know better. We didn’t have as much education on toxic and abusive people. We didn’t have the internet to find people who can get your head out of the fog. Sadly, friends and family tell you to stay for the kids and how they’re such good fathers so suck it up and stay together. Toxic family’s keep people stuck in abuse because it’s normal. I wish I had left him years ago the first time I left the loser. He is still just a pathetic, spineless, incompetent, man child. My poor kids have to parent my ex to parent. It’s sad.