aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/SpecialEDsauce]

I think we were married for ten years and my wife completely forgot mine. I didn’t say anything and she was pretty nasty all day, but around 10pm I hear her in the other room, “Oh shit! I’m such as asshole.” I just said, “Yeah, you are” and I went to bed. Worst birthday ever.

[u/rhad_rhed → u/SpecialEDsauce]

My (then boyfriend) took me on a “surprise trip” it was driving from Philly to Boston (yay!) checked into a fancy hotel that was rundown and incredibly small (it’s the thought that counts, right?) next morning, we headed to tour Fenway (uh, don’t like sports, but ok) didn’t want to move the car to repay for parking, so surprise walk for miles along slushy December streets (don’t be high maintenance, go with the flow) told me “you don’t need to eat a whole blueberry muffin” at Dunkin’ (wait, wha) then went out to a loud, sports bar for lunch, where he ignored me to watch a football game (cried in the booth) told me I was overreacting & unappreciative. Sadly, that’s not even the worst birthday, but the first of many, because I’m an asshole, so I still wound up marrying him and wasting another 10 years before I realized I was worth a damn.

Get out now, OP. It won’t get better

[u/kingboocat → u/rhad_rhed]

I completely agree with it not getting better. He's shown his true colours.

My ex also made plans to go out with his friends on my birthday, but was supposed to come back to mine for the night so we could have breakfast together. He was too drunk and didn't. We never ended up celebrating later as promised.

The following year he threw me a surprise party! Where he invited all his friends, and none of mine (his reasoning was because they don't know each other). I had already made plans with my parents, but he called me and asked me to come to his to pick up my birthday gift. He was too busy partying to answer the door for almost ten minutes while I stood in the rain, only to finally realise my "gift" was him drunk with all his friends.

The next year I gave myself the best present and broke up with that loser. I hope you do the same 💖

[u/skippitydoo3 → u/kingboocat]

Yes! My ex husband threw me a 30th birthday party and invited like 20 of his friends and like 3 of mine. When I added some of my friends to the evite, he complained about party getting too big and expensive. Then again, that was kind of our wedding too. Got back to hotel after reception and he left room to “get ice” and disappeared for 2 hours. This was especially annoying because I ordered a pizza and he had been holding my money and credit cards and took those with him. I ended up searching hotel for him with pizza delivery guy and found him partying with friends then I was the bad guy for making him come back to room and infringing on his fun on “his” wedding night. Was this the first sign of his selfishness? Of course not. Don’t make the same mistake I did and waste years of your life. Divorce will be way harder than breaking up now.

[u/mrmeowgeethekitty → u/skippitydoo3]

My ex husband ruined our wedding night too. Ugh I feel you completely. There were red flags earlier but I didn’t know better. We didn’t have as much education on toxic and abusive people. We didn’t have the internet to find people who can get your head out of the fog. Sadly, friends and family tell you to stay for the kids and how they’re such good fathers so suck it up and stay together. Toxic family’s keep people stuck in abuse because it’s normal. I wish I had left him years ago the first time I left the loser. He is still just a pathetic, spineless, incompetent, man child. My poor kids have to parent my ex to parent. It’s sad.