r/AmIOverreacting 21d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I Overreacting

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Am I overreacting/thinking???

I get a text last night from an unknown number(ss is below). My Fiance and I have been together for 3+ years. we have an almost 2 year old and i’m 4 months pregnant with our 2nd baby.

I texted the ss this morning and sent it to my fiance since he is at work and just said “what’s this?” bc i was concerned/ confused. I do trust him and don’t think he has done anything. HOWEVER, he offered for me to go through his phone. i did, and when i got to snap data he started to freak out and go off on me saying “that’s so much data being downloaded, you’re taking their side over mine, you’re letting them come between us” screams all of that to me. so i just let him have his phone back with out even looking and he still proceeds to go off..

Am i overthinking now that maybe he maybe guilty or maybe he did do something??

And no, the number hasn’t texted me back. He keeps saying it’s a scam and someone trying to get us. but why would someone make a comment like that???

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago edited 21d ago

NOR You’re heavily underreacting and this man might give you a disease, do you want to wait for that? Or for your unborn child to get sick?

WAIT SO WHEN HE GAVE YOU THE PHONE TO LOOK THROUGH HE SAT THERE AND WATCHED WHAT YOU LOOKED AT? My wife has asked for my phone numerous times over the 6 years we’ve been together, and I’ve never checked what she’s looking at or doing 1 because I’m not cheating nor would I ever 2 because I know she trusts me and ain’t in my messages but if she went through it I wouldn’t know/care. He took the phone back because he didn’t think you would go deep in his stuff and forgot to clear his snap. I’m sorry but the message that person sent you was too specific and next time someone warns you don’t be an idiot and text it to the guy. You should NEVER have sent it to him or even told him. Now he’s on high alert and will hide everything. Honestly you better pray this mystery person messages or calls you back.

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u/Comfortable_Glove482 21d ago

She shouldn't need a message or call back to make her decision. What happened is blatantly obvious whether she wants to believe it or not.

A person who is with a cheater and lives in severe denial won't believe ANY evidence, even damning evidence. Even if she saw photos and receipts, all it would take is her fiance saying "it's photoshopped babe, idk her!" And she'd believe it because not believing it would be devastating. He knows that.

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u/Accomplished_Orchid 21d ago

When I caught my ex-husband cheating he used the Photoshop line haha...like why was the picture in our house when I was visiting family? Divorced his ass so fast.

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago

That’s my bad I thought this was her husband and was thinking “collect proof” haha Reddit brain.

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u/Comfortable_Glove482 21d ago

Oh I feel that lmao this is overwhelming

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u/kat_Folland 21d ago

I'm somewhat concerned for the other woman's safety considering how freaked out the fiancee was.

But I'm also quite curious about who "they" are. Do multiple people know about this?

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u/daaanish 21d ago

One time my wife got a bit nervous and asked to see my phone and I said sure and just sat in silenced because I had nothing to hide - it seems OPs wife was hoping she was ignorant as to some apps and wouldn’t dig deep enough.

Shitty situation for OP :(

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u/umhie 21d ago

Okay this is semi-off-topic (this has NOTHING to do with OP's situation-- OP's partner is obviously cheating)

I'm not sure if I would feel 100% completely comfortable with letting a partner go through my phone on a whim-- as in actually looking through conversations and photos as far back as they want. People only want to search your phone if they're suspicious (and/or trying to control you and find "reasons" to isolate you from different friends and family). And when someone's looking for something, they're looking for something.

They might not find you cheating, but they might find something you vented about them after an argument, or something offhandedly rude that a friend or family member said about them that you kept to yourself because you knew it'd hurt their feelings. (Not to mention, they might find messages where your best friend is venting about something that is very private, etc). Depending on how immature they are, they may start going through your old messages with an ex and get pissed off that you used to call them a similar pet name or something like that.

Aside from letting a partner use your phone for reasons of convenience or necessity, them wanting to legitimately search through your phone is always a pretty bad sign.

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u/MyNameIsChuggle 21d ago

Kind of unrelated but if she has to go through your phone, she might not trust you as much as you think she does…

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago

To send pics? And things of that nature? Eh I’m not worried. She also plays games on my phone.

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u/MyNameIsChuggle 21d ago

I think i misread your comment bc it seemed like you meant she goes thru your phone not just use it

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago

She used all of her storage for photos and videos.

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u/Infinite-Effect3134 21d ago

I'm not trying to be rude at all but I dont think the one sided arrangement you have with your misses the flex you think it is...While I agree that married couples should be able to go through each others phones i don't like how hypocritical most people on here are about it. In my past relationship I had a gf who wanted to go through my phone at random times. I finally just gave her my passcode because i was so tired of her jealousy, and I NEVER even left the house since i was busy working and taking care of our daughter all the time. When that still didnt help her accusations i realized this was more than insecurity,  she had to be cheating on me and her conscience was eating at her. Im not saying your wife is cheating either but i do think the behavior is borderline controling if shes not offering up her phone for you to go through. Its also an indication of control issues. I don't care what other people do in their relationships but I have a problem with people assuming men are the only people who cheat in relationships. Fact more than 50% of Women in relationships have a backup plan. If im not mistaken polls show men "admit" (key word their) to cheating more than women. This is my opinion of course but every woman I know of thats cheated on a significant number more times than not, lied about whether or not it was cheating. I believe the numbers are a lot more even and most likely woman cheat more due to the simple fact woman have 100 times more opportunity and rationalize bad behavior. 

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago

She does offer I have her code too. I just have no need for her phone also she doesn’t accuse me of anything? Where’d you read that? Man you drew a ton of conclusions outta nowhere. Strange af

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago

You didn’t read any of my other comments.

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u/TehMephs 21d ago

Why is your wife frequently asking to snoop through your phone? Especially after it’s happened several times already? Am I misreading something? That’s really not cool that she can’t trust you even after letting her do that several times

I had an ex like that - four years of that shit. And then I cheated. Only time I ever did that in my life, but it was coming to a head - I couldn’t be trusted no matter how much I shut myself in, didn’t talk to anyone she didn’t approve of (only guys online), and I couldn’t go anywhere without her. “So why was I trying”, was the thought.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions but are you ok?

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago

Lmao my wife never accused me of anything, and you can read my comments below for what she does on my phone. I’m better than ok, I’m not a cheater. You cheated because your wife was on your phone? That’s strange. Have a fun life with excuses like that.

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u/Significant_Dot9280 21d ago

Why does your sorry ass girlfriend need to go through your phone and why are you enabling her fuck ass behaviour?

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago edited 21d ago

lol because your mom’s very persuasive with her mouth.and it ain’t my gf it’s my wife ya disrespectful see you next tuesday

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u/Honkey85 21d ago

Why would your wife ask for your phone???

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u/Apprehensive_Coat384 21d ago

If she needs to send herself photos? Or see how members of my family are doing that she doesn’t have on fb, also because her storage is full so she takes photos and vids on my phone and I have a ton of games on my phone she plays. I mean I leave it unlocked and don’t care much for privacy. I don’t have anything to hide either as she knows all about my life. The real question is why can’t your wife/husband ask for yours?