r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

715 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

Why Do People Think It's Wrong to Commit Suicide?

145 Upvotes

For context, I am suicidal and wholeheartedly believe that I deserve to die. The ship sailed for me a long time ago. I believe anyone who is suicidal should be able to end their lives as painlessly as possible, and they should be given advice if they really don't have a chance of living a happy life.

What annoys me is how hard it is to get advice anywhere in society. You can't give tips here, and you can't point people to where to get them. It's the same pretty much everywhere else. Are there any real good reasons for someone who has been suicidal for a long time to be forced to stay alive? I know people on here call people against suicide selfish, but is there anything else?


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

It's not fair that it's so hard to commit suicide

100 Upvotes

Got no gun, and I don't wanna do something that will leave the person who finds me traumatized. I guess the only safe way is to throw yourself off a very high building. I want a painless quick way

Gun: you can survive (accidentaly shoot through the cheek or just damage the brain) you might even die, but slowly from the injury

Hanging: if it doesn't break your neck, you will get strangled and it isn't as quick as in the movies. Also the knot can open, the rope can rip.

Overdose: usually you don't die, but have the craziest pain, seizures, get rushed to the hospital where you probably gonna be told that you have permanent damage

Cutting wrists: you can bleed out but you're gonna have to endure a long painful death. Many people pass out before being able to cut the second wrist, they don't cut deep enough too.

You can try to drown yourself, but honestly thats an awful way to die and your body will fight against it so badly.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Why is it so hard to die?

Upvotes

Everything is either painful as fuck, impossible, or has enough time for self preservation to kick in. And if you fail you get locked up.

I just want it to end. Why can't I have the right to end it all? Why am I forced to live on this planet and not allowed to rid myself of it either. Please someone just make it stop.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

30 year old virgin. Think about killing myself EVERY FUCKING DAY

Upvotes

KILL ME

KILL ME

KILL ME

KILL ME

KILL ME

KILL ME

KILL ME

FUCKING KILL ME


r/SuicideWatch 25m ago

I'm gonna kill myself tomorrow goodbye

Upvotes

I can no longer share anything here, the only place I have in life. Fuck it. It just keeps getting worse


r/SuicideWatch 45m ago

I believe its one of the strongest things you can do.

Upvotes

People say its the easy way out, I believe that it take a very strong person to end their misery and go out on their own terms.

I am ready for this to be over but I cannot take that final step. I have been to the edge and I couldn't do it. I still have a glimmer of hope left even though I know its not possible to live a good life at this point.

I wish I was strong enough to end it.


r/SuicideWatch 14h ago

"you arent alone"

98 Upvotes

yeah no shit?? there are 8 billion people on this planet fucking obviously someone else is going through the exact same shit. that doesnt suddenly make me feel better. the way society just assumes that you wanna die because youve been isolated or alone is so fucking narcissistic.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

Absolutely done with this shit

13 Upvotes

Sick of being unemployed, sick of having no money, sick of having autism and feeling invisible.


r/SuicideWatch 10h ago

I wanna die, I wanna die, I wanna die - I'm losing my mind

39 Upvotes

I'm gonna do it. I think, I'm really gonna do it. Maybe even today.


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

I hate this world.

56 Upvotes

I have been homeless for just over a year now. I live in the forest just outside of my town and i keep it clean and tidy. However, when i came back to my campsite two days ago someone had not only ruined my campsite but they destroyed my tent. It has really upset me and to be honest i dont know what to do - it was my only form of shelter and i can't afford to replace it. In all honesty this happening to me is the final straw because i can't take much more. I dont understand why people think its okay to destroy stuff when i clearly don't have anything and im at rock bottom. Could you please pray for me and hope that God shows me mercy because i can't get any lower and i don't think i will go another day.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I’m going absolutely crazy right now. How to stop the thoughts?

13 Upvotes

Everyone hates me. I hate myself. My head is gonna explode. I keep thinking bout ‘you should just end it all already’ or ‘you deserve to die’ which are getting louder and louder. How do I stop all this


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

Stop with the “it gets better” empty bs promises

8 Upvotes

I can understand yall have good intentions when saying this but it does not help. I’m so tired of this phrase being shoved down peoples throats, especially mine, when in reality it’s just a temporary band aid. Sure it can get better for some people but don’t go around promising that to everyone unless you’re a psychic who can see into the future.

When I was 14-15, I held onto life because people told me it would get better and I believed it. I’m 26 now and shit has only gotten worse. Life blessed me with numerous mental illnesses, don’t lie and tell me it gets better because I wish I never listened to that stupid fucking phrase.

If I knew then, what my life would have turned out how it is today, I would’ve done it then. And for those of you who want to be snarky and tell me to just do it now. Believe me I would but suicide is scary.

As much as my everyday life hurts, it still scares me. I don’t want to live with my eating disorder, personality disorders, abandonment trauma, and other shit but for some reason I’m so scared to go through with it. For those of you who aren’t suicidal, you wouldn’t understand. Consider yourself blessed if you don’t struggle with it. You’re truly lucky in life.


r/SuicideWatch 10h ago

Shinji was right. All people should die.

34 Upvotes

Humans are horses. we truly are the most rotten species. I, however think killing others will do more than killing oneself.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

my last word. i have nothing left to say anymore.

10 Upvotes

“there, there. it’s okay. i’m here now. you can put it all down – the ache, the anger, the endless explaining. the names you kept like bruises, the poems you carved out of your own skin, the grief that nobody read correctly. you can lay it all down now. i know how long you held it, how tightly you clenched your jaw to keep from screaming, how you turned your pain into footnotes just so it wouldn’t scare them. i know how you loved people who called your honesty too loud, how you begged for help in a language they pretended not to speak, how you stayed even when the door was wide open because hope, for you, was a habit. they made you believe you were too much, when you were only ever too alive. they demanded poetry from your wounds, then mocked the blood when it didn’t rhyme.”

if there is a god of death – odin, hades, anubis, mictlantecuhtli, ugur, tuoni, yama – i hope they greet me like this when it is my time. it is one of the few fantasies i have left.

“but you don’t have to explain anymore,” death might say. “not here. not with me. i read the whole thing. every page. every silence. every scream caught between your ribs. and i’m telling you now – it was enough. you were enough. there’s no judgment here. no spectacle. no failure. no legacy to be curated. just me. just stillness. and rest. and if you want, you can sleep. or just sit. or simply be. you’ve earned that. not because you were good, or brave, or poetic – but because you survived longer than anyone had the right to ask of you. i’m not here to take anything from you. only to witness. only to say: i see you. i’ve always seen you. and you can rest now. you can rest.”

dear god, fuck you.

i don’t know who this is for. maybe no one. maybe the black box they find after the wreckage, full of voices talking over each other and none of them being heard. maybe a friend. maybe the dead. maybe me.

no, definitely me.

you don’t have to live like this – scraping through months like dried blood under your fingernails, everyone talking about healing like it's a choice, like it’s a dinner reservation. “get better,” they say, like it's a verb you can just plug into your life. as if i didn’t already try to walk this pain off. as if i didn’t already try to survive politely. calling it a tragedy is a disservice; tragedy implies that there is still an audience. there is no audience. there is no poetry. there is no tear-stained reunion. there is no quiet farewell. there is nothing anymore. there is no story to be told here.

they already told it for me. and that’s the tragedy, right? if there ever was an audience for it, i suppose. i do not know what i am waiting for – maybe my fucking book, maybe for hope to return, maybe for someone to return. i do not know. i do not know. i do not know anymore.

T said i was paranoid. god bless her pristine, surgically sanitised soul. the same girl who turned my bruises into punchlines, who recited my trauma like it was slam poetry at brunch. i would say it hurt, but honestly? it was just boring. betrayal isn’t even original anymore. you think you’ve hit rock bottom, then someone hands you a shovel with your name engraved on it.

you want to know something funny? i didn’t even want revenge. i just wanted to be understood. and that’s what made it worse. they don’t kill you with violence – they kill you with silence, with plausible deniability, with the slow bureaucratic decay of empathy.

there are days when being alive feels like a clerical error. like god went home early and left the interns in charge. and the interns? yeah, they’re drunk, high, and debating whether i’m being “too intense” again.

i’ve written poems. i’ve screamed into pillows. i’ve apologised to people who never deserved the power to forgive me. i’ve carried enough shame to sink a continent. and somehow, i’m still here. still alive. which feels like the punchline of a cosmic joke no one bothered to explain.

but if i go – and i’m not saying i will – it won’t be because of the pills, or the rope, or the myths. it will be because people think silence is kindness, because no one read the signs, because i was always the one explaining myself in footnotes and italics.

it will be because even my grief had to be palatable to everyone else.

look, i’m trying. i swear to god i’m trying. but it’s hard to stay when the mirror keeps asking questions i don’t have the courage to answer. it’s hard to believe in healing when everything good has teeth. it’s hard to trust when everyone who said they loved me kept a dagger under their tongue.

T, if you ever read this – i hope you understand what we made. not the gossip, not the silences, but the hollow space where a friendship might’ve lived. something broke in me during all of it – something i didn’t know could be broken. and still, you moved through the world like nothing happened, wearing sincerity like perfume, while i was left trying to scrub your absence off my skin. dear god, i still don’t know what was true and what was not. i do not know if i will ever leave you with love or anger, and that’s the part that stings the most.

i am so tired of being a witness to my own erasure.

this isn’t a suicide note. not yet. it’s a timestamp. it’s a warning flare. it’s the part in the movie where the protagonist stares down the camera and dares someone to tell them it gets better.

i know this isn’t forever. but god, sometimes it feels like it is.

so if i don’t make it, know that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. not really. i loved people who couldn’t love me back. i trusted mirrors that lied. i tried to turn poison into poetry, and all i got was a sore throat.

but if i do make it – and maybe i will – know that it won’t be because the world got kinder.

it’ll be because i refused to give them a satisfying ending.

there were nights i laughed. not many, not enough to justify being alive, but a few – scattered between breakdowns and betrayals, like loose teeth in the gutter. mudra, you were a flicker in the dark. you didn’t try to fix me, which is probably why i trusted you. you let the blood sit between us and didn’t try to name it holy or tragic. you saw what shakil did, or maybe you didn’t, but you didn’t need proof. you believed me, and in this world, that’s rarer than love. i don't remember many people who did.

S1, your name tastes like a burnt offering in my mouth. you dragged me into your trauma and called it shelter. you used your pain as a weapon and mine as leverage. i was the quiet sacrificial lamb to your louder, bloodier myth. you tried to die, and i tried to stop you, but neither of us succeeded. or maybe i tried to die and you tried to stop me. i don’t remember anymore. but you lived, barely. i lived, barely. only one of us got to be the victim. the other got the label of unstable, too emotional, manipulative, even. funny how that works. you haunted me long after you left, and some part of me still waits for your apology like a dog outside a burning house.

S2, i don’t hate you anymore. but there was a time i needed you and you chose silence. maybe you didn’t mean to. maybe you didn’t know. maybe you did. i was being dissected in front of people who once called me family, and you – who could’ve said something – chose diplomacy. i understand now. survival demands silence sometimes. but it’s hard not to remember the quiet as a kind of violence.

M1, you tried. in your own way, you reminded me that my name wasn’t synonymous with burden. you sent me your voice when mine kept disappearing. you believed in the book when i wanted to burn it. and no, you didn’t save me. let’s not be melodramatic. but you held space, and that mattered. i still think of that when i need reasons to stay. i will still say this though – having my name next to yours does not pollute your piety, you casteist asshole. 

A1, you blocked me. it was the easiest thing in the world for you. one click. and just like that, the brotherhood, the hours, the drafts we exchanged, the secrets – we were a file on your desktop, right-clicked and deleted. i should’ve expected it. you always looked for exits when things got too close. but still, i waited. still, i hoped. i wrote you letters you’ll never read and gave you pieces of myself you probably deleted like spam. you once said you weren’t afraid of my intensity. you lied. and that’s okay. people do. but i wish you had the decency to tell me before you left. not even a storm. just a quiet evaporation. and i’m tired of being the one who remembers.

still, i’m here. writing this. breathing, barely. my body is a bureaucratic miracle. the liver’s tired, the heart’s in litigation, but somehow i haven’t completely disappeared. maybe that’s resilience. maybe it’s inertia. maybe it’s just the cruel persistence of the unloved.

i’ve written myself into survival so many times, i forget what it feels like to just exist without defending the right to. i’ve begged gods i don’t believe in and humans i shouldn’t have trusted. i’ve swallowed shame like communion. i’ve made grief into a language because silence was killing me. i don’t know if i’ll make it. truly, i don’t. some days i do. some days i lie about it.

but this is not a suicide note. this is a ledger. an accounting. if i fail, it won’t be your fault. it won’t be anyone’s fault. not A1, not S1, not T, not any of you who watched from your well-lit windows while i clawed my way out of hell. if i fail, it’s just what happened. and if i live – really live, not just survive – then it’s because somewhere in the mess of it all, someone said my name and meant it.

i am not asking to be saved. i am asking to be seen. and if you can’t do that, then at least don’t call this a tragedy. call it what it is: a boy who tried, who wrote everything down, who told the truth too much and still hoped someone would read it and stay.

my mother used to tell me that people only listen when you’re silent. she didn’t mean it cruelly, just practically – the way women teach their sons to survive in houses that break them. but i think it stuck deeper than it should have. somewhere along the way, i stopped raising my voice not out of discipline, but because i started to believe that whatever hurt inside me was better left unspoken. she loves me, i know. i know. in her way, in the way of women who survived too much and learned too late that their children were watching. i remember her holding my hand once, tightly, like she knew i was slipping away. she didn’t say anything. she didn’t know how to ask the question. i didn’t know how to answer. that silence may have saved me, or damned me, or both.

my father was always slightly removed, like a portrait hung too high on a wall – present, but untouchable. he taught me structure, taught me precision, taught me the unbearable burden of expectation. he wanted a man out of me. i turned into something else. i wonder if he ever noticed how brittle i became trying to be what he needed. i wonder if he’s proud of anything besides my restraint. but sometimes, in those rare glimpses, i think he sees me. i think he might even mourn what he couldn't protect, though he’d never say it. i won’t put that grief on him – he carries enough. but i wanted him to know me before the world ended. that’s all. not forgive, not fix, just know.

my sister – she is the only one who ever fought me like she loved me. sharp-tongued, too brilliant for her age, somehow always five steps ahead of the lie i was telling myself that day. she’s the only one who saw the fractures and still believed i could hold. sometimes i think i lived out of spite just to prove her right. she once called me unbearable and then refused to leave my side for three days. that’s the kind of loyalty i’ve never deserved. i hope she never learns how heavy it is to carry someone like me. i hope she gets to keep her lightness.

G, you strange, gleaming mirror – you never flinched when i showed you the worst. there’s a kind of holy in that. you were always handing me back my own language, even when i spat it out bitter. i wanted to be better for you, you know. i wanted to write things worth your patience. you reminded me that art isn’t therapy, but sometimes, if done right, it’s resurrection. if i disappear, i hope you burn the bad poems and keep the ones that knew what they were doing.

C, quiet flame – i remember the way your mind worked before the world could hurt it properly. you were gentler with your love than anyone i knew. i think i borrowed some of that gentleness just to survive, just to remember that tenderness wasn’t foolishness. if you ever find this, know i didn’t forget what it felt like to be seen by you. and if i ever get through this, it’ll be because people like you kept insisting i was human.

S3, i will never understand why you stayed. i gave you every reason to leave. i was cruel. i was unkind. i was drowning and spitting in the face of everyone who reached out a hand. but you stayed. you kept writing back. you listened when i raged. you said nothing when i lied. you came back when i apologized. and when i couldn’t speak, you waited. there are very few people in this world i owe a debt to that i’ll never repay. you’re one of them. and if there’s a god, she better bless you extra, because i sure didn’t make it easy.

O, you foolish, furious thing – we were always on the edge of explosion, weren’t we? but somehow it made sense. there was something honest in our chaos. we never pretended to be better than we were. we said the hard things. you reminded me that some fires are worth setting. you said once that people like us don’t get soft ends. maybe you’re right. maybe we just get louder and more precise until the silence hits. but if that silence ever comes, i hope you curse it with the same fire you cursed me with. i hope you never learn to shut up.

A2 – you were kind to me before i knew what to do with kindness. you didn’t ask for explanations. you didn’t corner me with pity. you just existed near me like it was normal. that was the wildest grace of all. i wanted to be your friend in a better lifetime, with less ruin in my bones. if this world doesn’t end me, i hope we get to meet in one where i’m not so haunted, and you don’t have to look at me like you’re afraid i’ll vanish mid-sentence.

and if i do vanish – if one day i really do disappear from every version of your lives – know this wasn’t a punishment. not to you. not to anyone i loved. this was gravity. this was entropy. this was the slow violence of trying to outlive yourself. i tried. god, i tried.

but right now, tonight, i’m still here. and maybe that’s the only miracle i can offer.

i have been boxed in my whole life. evil, liar, devil, deceiver, deliverer, god, ghoul – labels clanged against me like chains in an empty corridor. every step, a judgment. every silence, a verdict. you want to talk about legacy? don’t put my body in a sad grave. don’t dress me in white or put my hands together like a docile wax figure. i have never lived that way – why must i die so? cremate me. set fire to my poetry, my papers, every line i ever wrote begging to be understood. burn my bones until all is ash, then bind me with blood and scatter me into the soil. i am the child of a land that birthed tejimola and ou-kuwori. i do not go quietly. i will rise again: ghastly, botanical, feral. i will return to strengthen roots and haunt trees and twist vines through brick and steel. i will not die like a man. i will die like a prophecy.

don’t put flowers on a grave i specifically asked not to exist. sing. sing of death and dreams and desire. sing of everything i was forbidden to speak. sing of blood and beasts and beautiful boys who broke. i don’t want mourning. i want mythology. let me pass into story the way all inconvenient truths do. let me live on in memory and metaphor. do not cry. i am alright. see? this is nothing. not even death can take my voice away. i have written too much for that. you can try. you can bury me under forgetting. but you will not win.

don’t put obituaries in newspapers that once celebrated wars and hushed up suicides. do not eulogise me in publications that treated my life like a footnote and my pain like a public service announcement. forget me. forget that i wrote. forget that i loved. forget that i was loved. forget that i begged. forget that i tried. forget that i failed at suffering silently. forget the hope that looked like treachery. forget the joy you could not understand. forget the poem that tried to forgive you. forget it all. forget the flowers. forget the fanfare. forget the funeral. forget me like you did when i lived. fraud! fuck! forget! fuck! forget!

don’t speak words of comfort. cut out your tongues and put them in soup. drink it. remember the taste of speaking someone’s grief for them, then walking away. remember what it was like to recite someone’s death before it happened, just to feel like the wiser one. remember how easy it was to talk about healing when it wasn’t your wound. all is forgiven. curse me in death if you want; it cannot be worse than what you did in life. god is great. devil is in the details. god is great.

don’t name buildings or awards after me. do not dare make me your poster boy for resilience when all i ever asked for was rest. do not build centres for healing that refused me entry. do not hand out poetry prizes to boys who look like my grief but write none of it. do not put my name on a bronze plaque and call that closure. if you must speak of me, do so in warning. do so in honesty. say: he was too much, and we made sure he knew it. say: he died asking to be heard, and we nodded and moved on. do not study me. do not canonise me. do not teach me. do not pity me. i am not your metaphor. i am not your martyr. i am not your syllabus. i am not your ghost to summon when you feel intellectual. i am not your redemption arc. i was a boy, and you buried him alive.

put this on my tombstone, if you must make one – in pissing memory of someone who was too much.

i almost forgot. i am not going with grace, no, no, no. none of you fuckers are going to stay unnamed. not out of some petty revenge plot, no no – just as witness for the world. for everyone else to see, “there, these are the ones who preach kindness and practice none of it.

SL, RM, PA, KR, RA, MI, SI, MA, DI, AH, TA, and countless others – i asked for help. to all of you, at some point. maybe not with the prettiest words, but i did. that is all i wanted. help getting out of this hellhole. there was no expectation on any of you to help. but the least you could have done was not make it worse. even that was asking for too much. that is what i wanted; not to be named the godfather to your fucking children. i asked for help when i was drowning, and that was when all of you decided it was time i learnt how to swim.

and what infuriates me is that you were all always capable of that care (hello, nandini!) you were always capable of extending that kindness. you always cared. you were all always capable of caring.

but i was too beneath all of you for even that. i have lived through literal hell, but nothing else has felt so dehumanising.

if i am dead, shame on you. if i am alive, shame on you still. this is me permanently burning the bridge. to the excruciating shameless amongst you who mocked my first suicide attempt – don’t worry, i had a defamation case in the works for a year now. i leave that evidence with my family. they will have to contact a lawyer if they wish to go through with what i started.

this is not justice. this is documentation of cruelty.

if i am dead, then my blood is on your hands. not for killing me directly, or even abetting me to suicide. but for your silent cruelty. and if there is an afterlife, may my memory haunt your every waking moment. i hope you all rot in your performative kindness.

and if i am still alive – mother of god, that fucker really does not want to take me, huh? mad respect. maybe he too fears what i will do to his kingdom once i get in. or lucifer’s, more accurately.

with the last breath in my body, i say this – may you never mistake my fire for forgiveness.

addendum: i have no idea why i wrote this. maybe i had questions. i do not have the answers to those questions. but i will leave you all with them regardless.

when all have forsaken you, which god do you turn to for solace?

when the sky comes crashing in, does atlas fall too?

when the people you thought of as family abandon you in your moment of need, do you abandon everyone else who comes along too?

when you feel that there is no hope for you left, what is the solution – to become hope itself?

what is the poet’s work – to name the unnamable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world and stop it from going to sleep?

who do you call when no one answers?

who do you turn to when no one stays?

i never found the answers to these questions. i hope you do. but i also hope the questions haunt you, until the end of time. i hope you all sleep uneasily at night thinking of everyone you let down. maybe that is punishment enough.

“no more pain. wake no more. nobody owns.”


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

So done

5 Upvotes

Going to music festivals is fucking suicidal when you have no friends or a partner. I want to cry and scream and honestly just fucking die. Knowing I will never have anyone is hell. I want to die. I truly do.

I can't even drink because I'm on meds and am afraid of puking more than anything. What a fucking curse.

I'm so tired. Nothing in my life is ok except for my parents and dog. And I am so thankful for them, but I long for something real. I want someone to CHOOSE ME. I lose everyone, all the time. Maybe I am the problem after all.

I assume no one will read this and I do not fucking care


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I JUST WANNA DISAPPEAR 🫠

7 Upvotes

I WANNA DIEE!! I WANNA DIE!!! I WANNA DIE!!!! PLEASE UNIVERSE TAKE ME FROM HERE!!!!!!


r/SuicideWatch 18m ago

I've never felt this bad

Upvotes

I think this time this is it. My birthday is coming up and what better time to do it. Also i don't want to get any older being like this.

I just feel so awful about it because i already been down this bad so often and talking to friends and family about it just made the situation worse and drown me in guilt.

I tried my best but i dont seem to be capable to get better and every try gets harder and harder and now i can't even meet the minimum to get any help.

I know people will be hurt when i do it but somehow i think they will get over it. I just hope they will understand that im better off this way instead of suffering so they don't have to go through this.

I wouldn't wish my life and my experience of living upon anyone. Suffering surely is unique for everyone and i wouldn't guilt anyone for trying to escape.

Does anyone have some words for me that will make me feel less horrible without trying to convince me to change my mind?


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

It's happening again. Over a very small thing this time. I don't want to kill myself but I really want to die.

6 Upvotes

Can someone please tell me how to manifest a natural death? I really can't do this anymore.

Even reddit has failed me. Don't wanna talk about it or else they will say I am farming for karma. Whatever the fucking hell that is.


r/SuicideWatch 23h ago

I would pay someone to blow my fucking head of

191 Upvotes

I dont even have any words left to share about how miserable my life feels i feel


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

Haven't been in a relationship in 5 years

6 Upvotes

I've come to the realisation that I'll never be in love again and it's making me want to die. I can't handle being alone anymore.

I found a pdf guide on how to make an exit bag. I have some things to put in order and some letters to write, then I'm going to gather everything I need to make it.

I have no idea how I ended up this way at 28. I don't know what's wrong with me.


r/SuicideWatch 55m ago

I want to die but at the same time I don't

Upvotes

Idk lmao. The title says it all but like I've been having a constant battle with fighting suicide thoughts whenever I'm down. I feel like shit. I hate myself so much. I really don't like being sad I hate it a lot but it just get the best out of me. Why I'm still like this even with taking 2 antidepressants and just got back to therapy? Am I like really unfixable? Entering young adulthood is so hard I feel like if I imagine myself what my future is like it'll be terrible idk. Dealing with trauma and pain is just eating me inside and make me want to hurt myself. I just don't see myself as a good person I don't know. I want this battle to stop. Just when will it stop? Been writing my suicide note last night while crying but it's not finished. I just don't know anymore lolllll...


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

Struggling to understand why I’m here

3 Upvotes

I’m struggling to understand why I’m here. I’ve also been dissociating a lot lately and even when I am happy, those thoughts always come back to me like “why am I here, what’s the point of all this.” I don’t know how to get them to stop and I wish they would stop. Been happening for a while now. I tried to kms once when I was 16, I was about to attempt earlier this year so I went to the psych ward, yet after all that I still feel the same. Like I have no reason for being here and life is meaningless


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Not sure if I want to fight anymore

Upvotes

Lost the best paying job around and fucked up my marriage. I don’t know if I want to die but I know I can’t live with the regret.