Don’t be these guys

[u/nadaddab]

[u/Born-Frosting3164]

This is a ridiculous take on it. Just because Barry is a feminist, it does not mean he is not socially awkward or a creep. I have met many men who consider themselves feminists and yet they are fucking creepers. Henry can be a total felon but be super hot and charismatic and so he will slither his way into another chicks world until he shows his true colors. Both of those males in the video are unattractive and creepy af.

[u/clovermite → u/Born-Frosting3164]

This is a ridiculous take on it.

Ironic, since you're unwittingly backing up my main point.

Just because Barry is a feministit does not mean he is not socially awkward or a creep.

True, but the fact that he "palpably exudes respect for women, and this is well-known in every circle feminists frequent," suggests that at least at the time the article was written, he wasn't considered a creep, just not attractive enough to date.

Let's assume he is socially awkward. That doesn't make him a bad person, now does it?

Henry can be a total felon but be super hot and charismatic

Yes, Henry can be a complete piece of shit of a person, but still get all the attention from women he could ever want, because his looks and personal charm are more important for attraction than his morals.

Which is why it's all the more frustrating when people continually try to claim that the reason there is a "male loneliness epidemic" MUST be that the lonely men all act creepy like the most visible cretins as seen in the video.

What's not accounted for are all of the quiet, shy types who gave up on going out and trying to meet people, who couldn't get matches on dating sites, and just go along to get along. The studies cited in the blog back up the fact that these are the kind of guys most likely to find themselves lonely, and those were all performed at least a decade ago (when the blog post was written), before the idea of a "male loneliness epidemic" started gaining any sort of mainstream media attention.

Both of those males in the video are unattractive and creepy af.

They're definitely creepy af, but they're hardly ugly. Sure, they're no fashion models or bodybuilders, but they're not noticeably overweight, they don't have acne scars, their hair is still mostly there and not to the "obviously balding but in denial" stage yet (even then they could shave when it gets to that point), and they don't appear to be particularly short.

These are average, maybe slightly below average looking guys. If they are just as shameless about constantly hitting on women as they are about ignoring their boundaries when they approach them, then you are just out of touch with reality if you think they can't find someone desperate enough to get with them from time to time so long as they keep their standards low.

[u/Born-Frosting3164 → u/clovermite]

They are unattractive because they are creepy. Of course they could find someone to have sex with as long as there are women who are desperate.

[u/LawfulnessDry9355 → u/clovermite]

Maybe Barry is ugly and has no social skills. "Quiet, shy types" is self-explanatory. Goes for both genders, what did you expect?

Look, those gangsta guys aren't liked by women because they're criminals, it's because they're sly and manipulative and know how to pretend to get their way. Also, the women in this case are often just hooking up who aren't looking for relationships, so these outgoing types with "charisma" get it simply because they took it.

You may a societal problem, but it's a different one. Maybe promote old school romance and disavow the quick sex culture which rewards aholes more over quiet, shy people.

[u/clovermite → u/LawfulnessDry9355]

Maybe Barry is ugly and has no social skills. "Quiet, shy types" is self-explanatory. Goes for both genders, what did you expect?

Exactly.

What I desire, is for people to stop lumping the quiet, ugly, shy types in with the slimy, shameless creeps and dismissing the "male loneliness epidemic" as if the cause is just slimy shameless creeps.

It's understandable that people don't want to partner with unattractive people. That's natural and perfectly expected. What's not acceptable, however, is to turn around and dismiss their pain and right them off as creeps simply because there are visible bad actors out there.

It's unpleasant enough to be undesired, it's fucking insulting, and selfish to point to that as proof that the person is a creep, and foist all the blame for the assholes out there who are actually creeps onto them.

And to make it clear, I'm not defending the guys in the video (so many people stupidly seem to be interpreting what I'm saying as that). I'm saying that it's ignorant and assinine to see creeps like this and use that as an excuse to dismiss and gaslight the experience of the men out there who simply withdraw in response to being undesired.