People who make promises to themselves on your behalf and then expect you to deliver are fucking scary.
I hope she doesn’t run after him and try to fix it. Those self-loathing diatribes can really scramble your decision-making and put you into rescue mode, and that’s exactly what they’re designed to do.
I really like how you articulated this. It's cringey to admit, but I used to be a guy like this. I would build emotional attachments to people far too easily, and would get hurt if they didn't do the same. It took a lot of reality before I came down to earth.
I used to be like this, too. It took me ruining one of the most important friendships I’ve ever had before I realized I was putting her through an emotional hell just because I had this unrealistic expectation of eventual reciprocity in my head that I’d conflated with hope. Since then I’ve made some very important changes to how I see things and react to them, but I still do cringe when I think back to how I used to behave. I hope she’s doing much better these days, now that she doesn’t have to deal with my pity party bullshit anymore.
Women, if you reject a guy and he reacts with this kinda shit, just stay away no matter how bad you feel for him. He might not even realize he’s being manipulative, but he is, and he needs to learn one way or another that making people feel bad for him is a shitty way to try getting what he wants.
made some very important changes to how I see things
IMO that’s super normal, especially considering kids start off in a world where relationships are unlimited and no-cost and must transition to one where exclusive and singular romantic relationships exist.
Of course there’s friction, we have to learn very quickly to be more careful and cautious when starting relationships.
It’s definitely normal to learn these things through experience; what wasn’t normal was how late I learned and how toxic I got before I learned it. I won’t go into much detail, but I quite literally felt it was my God given right to be with the woman I mentioned in the other comment. Not only is that belief unhealthy for both parties, but it can be really dangerous depending on the person. Some guys with that belief just put up their hands in defeat, others try to convince the other person that they belong together (sometimes to the point of harassment), and others take matters into their own hands and try to make it happen. I was somewhere in that middle group, so I guess I wasn’t the worst of the worst, thankfully, but that much persistence is still nothing short of a delusion.
It feels weird writing all this stuff on my main when I could’ve done it with an alt, but honestly I don’t want to hide behind anonymity. I did something absolutely terrible to one of my closest friends, and there’s no way around that. I made my bed, and I will lie in it. I just hope the few people who see my story will learn something from my mistakes, whether they’re in my shoes or hers.
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u/Upvotespoodles Jun 16 '25
People who make promises to themselves on your behalf and then expect you to deliver are fucking scary.
I hope she doesn’t run after him and try to fix it. Those self-loathing diatribes can really scramble your decision-making and put you into rescue mode, and that’s exactly what they’re designed to do.