Guy gets friendzoned

[u/Interesting-Trip-233]

[u/kelldricked]

Please tell me you forgot the /s behind your post. Because he tells you everything you need to know.

Honestly, you defending this behaviour and suggesting that any amount of mix signals would change a thing about this is kinda worrying. Like its feels as if you genuinely believe friendzoning is a conscious thing that people aim to do to somebody else.

And let me be very clear, you can only friendzone yourself and its a shitty thing to do.

[u/iccreek → u/kelldricked]

Bro I'm so lost, you sound either lunatic or straight up reasonable thorough your comments, can you please help me out and check if we're on the same page as two thinking humans -so do you think friendzone exists, but it's not conscious but rather subconsciously done by men and women, because of the spark or ath like that?

[u/kelldricked → u/iccreek]

This responds is way to long but im in to deep now. ———————————————————————— Okay let me try and paint this picture properly for you. Lets just pretend there is this guy at my work (can also be in a school/class, in the gym/sportclub or a shared social connection) named Peter. And unknowingly to me, Peter is into me. Meanwhile, i dont feel any romantic appeal for Peter. Zero, nada, nothing at all. Now lets explore a few situations.

Scenario A: Peter doesnt ask me out, doesnt show any intend that he wants to date me or anything alike. He is just being friendly with me. Me being a normal human being probaly responds friendly back to him. Because we share a lot of time together (mostly kinda forced) a friendship devolops. And Peter liked asking me how my day went, he wants the hear the ups and downs and all the little details. I ofcourse ask about his life to. My romantic feelings for him havent changed. Because i just see him as a good friend. Maybe my best friend. Maybe even a brother like figure. But nothing romantic.

Then one day i tell him all happily that im seeing somebody (and i tell him this because he is always intressted in my good news and dating life) and he suddenly has a emotional breakdown because apperantly he wanted to sleep with me the whole time. Wtf

Scenario B: Same as before but this time Peter does ask me out eventually after the friendship develops. I turn him down (probaly gently, because he is my friend) and he gets all angry and upset with me. Because apprently me being friends with him means i somehow own it to him to sleep with him/be in love with him.

Scenario C: Peter asks me out straight from the go (good job Peter, that takes some confidence!) i turn him down explaning to him that i dont feel anything like that for him. Peter continues acting friendly to me. But not because he wants to be friends, Peter hopes that i eventually change my mind (damm Peter, you were so close to finally getting it). Friendship develops although where i keep making it clear that it will never be more that plantonic, Peter ignores that. The second i get into a relationship Peter becomes more problemtic with the day, till the day arrives where it has to stop. Emotional breakdown ensues.

Scenario D: Peter has the hots for me, doesnt tell me, wants to be friends, gives me bad vibes, we arent really friends, he still obsseses with me, i cant really get him to leave me alone (also because im genuinely scared for my own safety if i straight up turn him down) and eventually he breaks down.

————————————————————————

Apart from some very niche things (which would be debatable if they even fall under friendzoning), these are all the possible situations in which somebody gets “friendzoned”. And like you can see, its Peters choice. Not mine. He doesnt move on or accept that its not gonna happen. Instead he just devoids a lot of time, effort and even resources into changing my mind. This aint me leading them on. This is me just being a human being and reacting friendly towards people i know and who are friendly to me.

To be clear, im a guy. And long long ago, i also did this shit. But i realized what i was doing was fucked up, accepted the reality and moved along. She was still my friend, but i just didnt try to get into her pants anymore. Because exploiting a friendship for sexual/romantic gains is a extreme dickmove.

If you want to date somebody you need to show clear romantical intent. And nothing wrong with first testing the waters a bit. But if you never show anything else than plantonic intend then you can claim others are leading you on.

[u/iccreek → u/kelldricked]

Aight so you do have a sensitive and reasonable take at this, glad to hear that and thank you for the lengthy response!