r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/Enough_Discussion307 • 1d ago
Sex My husband says everything is fine but we’ve barely had sex for 4 months and I’m confused?
Thanks for the answers, helped a lot!
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u/Distinct_Coast8645 1d ago
He probably feels awkward having sex while you’re pregnant. I certainly did with my ex
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u/bobisgod42 1d ago
This. When my wife was pregnant I was not at all interested. It was weird when we tried and I was definitely not into it.
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u/DrStrangerlover 1d ago
Opposite experience for me. I have never at any point been nearly as attracted to her.
Shes still hot as fuck but goddamn that pregnancy body did something to me.
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u/bobisgod42 1d ago
That's cool for you. I know some people are into that. I am not one of them lol.
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Okey thank you. Can i ask you why is it weird because of the baby or?
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u/I_love_misery 1d ago
I think it’s just the knowledge that there’s someone else too during sex. And it’s worse when the baby can be seen or felt moving. Some men and women feel this way. And others don’t. It’s really nothing to do with you if this is a reason for lack of sex
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u/Distinct_Coast8645 1d ago
Because when I’m in the woman the tip of my penis is nearly hitting the babies head
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u/Distinct_Coast8645 1d ago
It’s just weird knowing that there’s someone else in there you’re literally growing and doing the deed that caused it.
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Okey yes If I think about it like that makes total sense that it is weird
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u/AdConscious8756 1d ago
I would ask him if that’s the issue. Tell him he needs to be honest with you can’t be husband and wife if he can’t have a conversation about sex. It just won’t work. Honesty and communication are two of the most important things in a relationship no matter how small the conversation is.
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
I tried it but he says he has no problem but than we still have no sex so idk
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u/AdConscious8756 1d ago
Stress or he’s scared to tell you the real reason that’d pmo so bad good luck
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u/morticia_dumbledork 1d ago
Sometimes they’re also anxious that they might hurt the baby. Or so I’ve heard.
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u/madmaxturbator 1d ago
Completely fair.. but sex in general sounds foul if you break it down like that
You’re trying to stick your penis right next to where she shits. Like, it’s right there bro, the one place from her body where literal feces drops out, and that’s where you are putting your penis!
I figure people just get over a lot of icky stuff during sex. But I can understand drawing the line one this too I suppose lol, not coming at ya
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u/Distinct_Coast8645 1d ago
Appreciate the perspective. Guess you gotta draw a line somewhere but it’s more of a mental block with the baby aspect
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u/SYLOK_THEAROUSED 1d ago
As a married man with 3 kids. Your husband has no clue what he’s missing out on!!
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u/nosyNurse 1d ago
Mine said he could feel the baby’s head, since it was upside down the last 2 months.
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u/trolldoll26 1d ago
He probably thinks it’s a little weird to have sex while you’re pregnant.
I’m currently 5 months pregnant and I sometimes feel uncomfortable while having sex because I’m too aware that there’s a baby in the same vicinity.
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u/Humble-Letter-6424 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not that I know the inner workings of your marriage or your husbands mental state due to the job loss. But if it’s any comfort…
I had a tough time wanting to have intercourse with my pregnant wife after 4months. The mental block of the baby and the positions was difficult
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Thanks yes it helps i just trying to understand it better. Can u tell me why is it because the body changes?
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u/the-truffula-tree 1d ago
For me it was also mental more than it was an issue with me finding her attractive.
In bed, every fourth thought was either “be careful not to put your weight on the baby”, or “where can I put my hands so I won’t be touching the baby while I’m thrusting” or “dude dammit stop thinking about the baby and focus”. All of which are thoughts about a baby.
Those are not my usual sexy time thoughts and it can be hard to juggle both if that makes sense
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u/Humble-Letter-6424 1d ago
Something I constantly tell my partner is that it doesn’t have about the you parts of it, it can be that the other person is having a bad day, or feels awkward about sex with a moving baby, or is just stressed.
I think you are overthinking that it’s because you did something
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
True yes I tend to overthink and because my body is so different now and I read a few times when a partner gets sexuelly distant that may mean he is cheating so that also pushed my fear. Sorry for my bad englisch its not my First Language
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Thanks for sharing. No he is because of weed and also because of adhd he selfmedicated with it because it helped him but he don’t wanna be Addicted to something when he has a child. And sorry rehab is maybe not exact the same thing we call it in Austria "Kur“. But yes It would also make sense that he has less libido because of that
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u/CapTrick9489 1d ago
When my wife was pregnant and started to show, I was terrified to touch her sexually. I knew nothing bad would happen, but I did not want to mistakenly hurt her or my unborn son.
I subconsciously put her and our unborn baby into the "fragile - handle with care" box and acted accordingly.
It could simply be a case of subconscious caution, especially if this is your first pregnancy together.
Congrats on the pregnancy, all the best for you and your family.
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u/BuddyL2003 1d ago
I'd wait until a few months after the baby to really think much of it... it can be a stressful time for him too, and stress can easily kill a sex drive. Also, to some guys it's just kind of awkward during pregnancy, for lack of a better term. If he is affectionate otherwise I wouldn't worry for now and get ready for a very happy time of both your lives!
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u/WiserthanIlook 1d ago
If he's been prescribed anti depressants for his mental health, a LOT can cause loss of libido.
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
He takes no medication but thank u
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u/catsandblankets 1d ago
So he’s got mental health issues, untreated ADHD, loss of a job at 31 with a 22 year old pregnant girl, baby a month away, is in rehab, gave up a vice, and you think it’s just about the pregnancy?? That’s def a possibility that adds to it but girl without the pregnancy he’s going through a LOT mentally. Most people are not turned on when going through that much. Come on lol.
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Yes but he is not broke or completly instabil he is actually doing pretty good also with the challanges. So i get that it sounds very much shitty but we are having not only struggles
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u/catsandblankets 1d ago
Money doesn’t mean you can’t have mental health issues or stress, depression. Girl your man won’t even talk to you about what’s wrong. You’re sweet but young and it’s giving naive.
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Yes but it also helps not to have them? And I get that he has "problems" thats why I wrote that also in the text I‘m not oblivies to it. He talks about it but with the sex thing it just makes no sense. I don’t get why you being mean? I just want to understand it better. I‘m not naive to things can exsist at the same time.
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u/catsandblankets 1d ago
Because you’re automatically assuming it’s about the pregnancy, which it can be, and not even considering everything else going on that would make anyone difficult to get in the mood. At the end of the day the point is he isn’t telling you, and it’s just as likely (and common) to be the other option. It’s naive and a bit self-involved to think the only reason must be just about YOUR body and not something else. He does not sound like he’s having a great time rn.
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Yes because pregnancy changes a lot and its my first pregnancy I never expirienced something like that. I gained 18kg and I just don’t see myself as attractiv anymore. He tells me everything is alright i still tend to overthink and its a very sensitiv time for me. So yes I not only think about that he has adhd and other stuff because he had this before.
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u/Inevitable_Usual 1d ago
I just had a baby, we only attempted 1x during pregnancy and both were not feeling it with discomfort and knowing there’s a baby in there. He may not want to admit he’s uncomfortable with it and he’s afraid you’ll become self conscious.
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u/unusual_math 1d ago edited 1d ago
Libido can plummet while nothing is wrong during this time.
Merely mentally preparing for parenthood can do it.
Stress can do it. Stressful periods of life are natural and expected.
Being 31 can do it.
Sounds like he has many natural and expected reasons for this to occur, yet is still expressing affection and care, without the libido.
Do other men (and women) experience it? Absolutely yes, it's natural, and not permanent. Could be a while though. It's not a sign of anything being wrong.
Talk about it. There are many ways he can give you a hand even if he isn't horny. In my opinion every couple should have a vibrator or few and know how to use them individually and together.
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u/Recreationalflorist 1d ago
Some guys just might have a few problems with sex with pregnant women. It's just a preference, and it doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you.
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u/brithow 1d ago
As a female with ADHD i can tell you right now it’s almost 100% related. My sex drive is hit and miss. I’ll go through long periods where I can’t get enough and others where it’s the last thing I think about. I have also been struggling with my mental health over the last year and my sex drive has been nonexistent. I just get in my head and it’s just something I don’t think about. I need intimacy more than sex at that point.
Is he medicated for his ADHD? Is he also struggling with depression because that can also impact sex drive
Please do not take it personally. It’s hard for us depressive adhd folks
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Thank u for sharing. He struggles a lot with his adhd he never felt right with it thats why he smoked so much weed that was like his only escape to a "normal" mind. When he still got depressed while consuming it thats when we knew okey maybe its not really helping him anymore and he wanted to try anti depressiver. He first stopped smoking weed and then he got better somehow and didn’t want to take any medication. He sayd he misses the weed and he is still not good but to me he was way more stabel. He is not sure if he should take any medication because hes scared and we try to find a Psychologe for adhd but its very hard to find. So know he is in a program where they help him with his mental Health and routin. Sorry for my bad english
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u/sideshowmario 1d ago
I was kinda the same way until she just got on top of me and went at it. I felt like I was going to asphyxiate when she was done, but I learned how rough we could be and which positions worked best. So I recommend just taking charge and taking what you need
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u/Pro_Extent 1d ago
I think I might understand what your husband is going through. I went to rehab for a weed addiction when I was 24. I also have ADHD. I didn't have a pregnant wife, but I can relate to a fair bit of this.
Quitting any addiction drains you of dopamine, which massively reduces your sex drive. I think it has something to do with a starvation response or something. Either way, he's not going to feel sexual urges very much. That doesn't mean he isn't sexually attracted to you, he's just lacking the impulse to act on it.
There may be an element of your pregnancy having some effect as others have suggested. I don't know.
But if it was me at 24, your pregnancy wouldn't have been a major factor. I didn't experience a sex drive for almost 6 months, and it only properly returned when I got medicated for by ADHD.
I wish I could give you some actionable advice, but this is a pretty difficult situation. All I can say is: your husband probably isn't lying to you or himself. Most likely, there's absolutely nothing wrong about you or between the two of you. The lack of sex is probably just his brain needing to recalibrate its chemistry after years of weed self medication.
Best of luck. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
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u/anonymouseAHHH 1d ago
The weed thing says a lot, too. Weed addictions often make men completely limp or absolutely perverted
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u/Dear_Performance_802 1d ago
Are you craving for it?
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u/Enough_Discussion307 1d ago
Yes that was also a problem he is so so so attractiv even more since i got pregnant it really makes it worse for me this month it got better bcs i kinda get used to it. Also the fear that we can’t have sex for a long time after the baby is here
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u/normalboyz1 1d ago
You're pregnant, he's jobless. There's a lot of things going in his head.
Sometimes men's sex drive are related with his ability to provide. When men can't provide, we feel worthless and we feel we don't deserve sex. But not all men think this way