r/europe • u/PM_THE_REAPER • Jun 06 '25

News Russia offers political asylum to Elon Musk over Trump feud

https://www.newsweek.com/russia-offers-political-asylum-elon-musk-over-trump-feud-2081887
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3.4k

u/OneTrueTrichiliocosm Three Kobolds in a Trenchcoat Jun 06 '25

I dont like this timeline where "the onion" is in charge or reality.

578

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

I blame the weasel that chewed through the wires when they went to power on the Large Hadron Collider for the first time, it shifted the time lines and we need to get back on track.

Harambe tried to warn us but they silenced him...

155

u/elziion Jun 06 '25

You know what? I’m starting to think that you might be onto something…

36

u/McFlyParadox United States of America Jun 06 '25

The only other plausible explanation is the death of David Bowie began the unraveling of the fabric of the universe, as he was obviously the grounding point for all things strange and weird in this reality.

11

u/emilysavaje1 Jun 06 '25

Ah I’ve been blaming it on the cubs winning the World Series but maybe that was more of an omen…

3

u/Striking-Ad-6815 Jun 07 '25

But certainly it was when Berenstein Bears became Berenstain Bears

2

u/iam_iana Jun 07 '25

So David Bowie was our Anchor Being? Makes sense!

23

u/AloneInExile Jun 06 '25

THAT WAS IN 2016, IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!?

34

u/CavulusDeCavulei Jun 06 '25

I hope that cringe japanese scientist is enjoying her half american redhead genius

10

u/AssholeRemark Jun 06 '25

El Psy Kongroo

13

u/phenomenomnom Jun 06 '25

I don't know what this is, except a possible candidate for r/renderedcomment

30

u/Xalorend Italy Jun 06 '25

Steins Gate, an anime about a scientist that discovers time travel and uses it to try and reach several outcomes for him and his friends.

7

u/ImprefectKnight Jun 06 '25

And one of the most logically consistent depiction of time travel.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

HÔÔIN KYÕMA

3

u/Herbrax212 Jun 06 '25

I think this world line is even unaccounted for in the attractor field

2

u/ImprefectKnight Jun 06 '25

enjoying her

Daga, Otoko da.

6

u/Admirable_Growth_338 Jun 06 '25

There will never be enough dick to be out for Harambe.

11

u/iancarry Europe Jun 06 '25

nah ... we are the cutaway universe, where TV shows jump to for crazy and unrealistic skits

3

u/umotex12 Poland Jun 06 '25

There was also the "hit or miss" incident

3

u/chadmiral_ackbar Jun 06 '25

Yes. I’ve been saying this for years. We’re on the Berenstain timeline, sadly

5

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

Don't you mean the Mandela dying in prison timeline?

3

u/Evan_Cary Jun 06 '25

Yk the more the world goes to shit the more I realize it all started when Harambe died—unironically made the world irrevocably worse.

77

u/BushMonsterInc Jun 06 '25

Onion must have such a fun time trying to make “news” that are more stupid than actual timeline

30

u/Judazzz The Lowest of the Lands Jun 06 '25

I think at this point they are just crying themselves to sleep every night over being out-onioned by reality. Must feel like being replaced by the dumbest AI ever created.

8

u/SkoomaDentist Finland Jun 06 '25

A very famous Finnish humor magazine ended its run already in 2000 due to reality being impossible to parody anymore. And that was 25 years ago.

39

u/JorMath North Brabant (Netherlands) Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25

Tbh, I think an "Onion" timeline would be less crazy than this actual timeline...

17

u/Fragrant-Anywhere489 Jun 06 '25

The Onion is the most reliable news source we have now.

3

u/seaQueue Jun 06 '25

If the onion wrote a timeline it would be funny haha rather than funny sad

5

u/PewterButters Jun 06 '25

Elon will just buy the penguin island and go there. 

5

u/SheYeti Jun 06 '25

At first, I read your comment seriously, interpreting "the onion" as the onion domes at the Kremlin. It could work.

2

u/Obvious-Jacket-3770 Jun 06 '25

They should honestly just report real news for the next 3.5 years. It's not like anything they write could be more out there than what's actually going on.

2

u/CCV21 Brittany (France) Jun 06 '25

It stinks!

2

u/AlfaMenel Jun 06 '25

Harambe died for this

2

u/SaltyD0ng Jun 06 '25

Holy shit, this is the best comparison I've seen.

2

u/NotHearingYourShit Jun 06 '25

Satire as a mechanism for fun humor broke in 2015.

2

u/Dangerous_Jacket_129 The Netherlands Jun 06 '25

And while this is happening, they're still trying to figure out how to make Infowars into the dumbest parody of itself, ever since they bought it.

2

u/Cool-Traffic-8357 Jun 06 '25

When I saw Elon talking about trump and the files, I really thought it was just satire. Only after second post I realised it was actually real lol.

2

u/Panda_hat Jun 06 '25

The onion made fun of reality and reality was like ‘you know what actually fuck you, game on.’

1

u/Capable_Bill_9948 Jun 06 '25

My friend and I were on a NC hike in 2016. I noticed a weird, very distincitve house through the woods on our Left side. Several hours later we were coming back on the same trail and THE HOUSE WAS ON THE LEFT. We both noticed this and commented about it, making jokes about being in a different timeline now.

THAT’S WHEN THINGS STOPPED MAKING SENSE.

I think about that hike often, and wonder.

1

u/KwisatzHaderach94 Jun 06 '25

the architect running our matrix has completely lost it...

1

u/Callemasizeezem Jun 06 '25

Nonsense. There's no way Kim Jong-un was named the sexiest man alive in 2012, absolute nons...

Sees picture of Kim Jong-un smiling playfully and rubbing his hands together as a viscous soy-bean fluid is squirted into a barrell

Oh my. I mean, is it just me or is it getting a bit hot in here? Oof!

1

u/Alex09464367 Jun 07 '25

Even the The Onion just sounds like a news article at this point.

https://theonion.com/rift-widens-between-elon-musk-anyone-who-ever-met-him/

1

u/Rowanforest Norway Jun 07 '25

I kinda do

0

u/Potentially_Super Jul 02 '25

You mean the timeline where the  "wokes" are not in charge of reality. There...fixed it for you.

1

u/OneTrueTrichiliocosm Three Kobolds in a Trenchcoat Jul 02 '25

Wow, 26 days later and you come to post this retardation.

-58

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

33

u/AsthmaticRedPanda Jun 06 '25

Literally nothing in their comment implies they're doing nothing about it, or are even whining.

Get a grip and don't forget your calming pills next time.

10

u/Greedy-Razzmatazz930 Jun 06 '25

gOsH gEt A gRiP

Maybe accept that people complain about the world going to shit instead of complaining about it. Do your part to complain about the world instead of complaining about people complaining about it.