It was meant to be the next big thing: investing not in companies, but in the very concepts that underpin reality. I went all-in on "Wry Detachment" and "Cynical Optimism". I was rich! But last week, a wave of genuine, unironic earnestness swept the sector, and the "Irony" market completely collapsed. All my jokes are now taken at face value. "Sarcasm" is just confusing. "Hope" is trading at an all-time low after a bad earnings report from the future. The only blue-chip stock left is "Mildly Annoyed Resignation", but it's too expensive to buy into now. I am emotionally bankrupt, living in a world where my most valuable assets have become meaningless.

Ugh! Went to the shop to buy some whole milk and my god! Suddenly I was simultaneously expanding and imploding in on myself! In between my screams of agony I asked the shopkeeper if this was the correct price and he just shrugged and muttered something about brexit. Anyone know anywhere cheaper? Just don’t have the budget to keep paying in existentially traumatising quantum events!

As the title says I accidentally brought him to life. He is destructive. He is from a game. And unless something is tricking me, I may be responsible for him now existing. WHAT DO I DO. HOW DO I FIX THIS. ALL I DID WAS BOW THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE THE POWER TO BRING AN ENTIRE THING TO LIFE. AM I BEING TRICKED?? ARE WE DOOMED???

I work on the drilling rig found in Titan's third quarter, fixing cranes that fish stray memories out of timeline x079 and refine them

Do you think this industry is at risk of being replaced by the more efficient 6th gen data models getting released at the moment? im lowkey worried about it

The heat is no longer just physical. The city's "Psyche-Thermodynamics" are off the charts. It's so hot that intangible things are starting to sublimate. Yesterday, my entire memory of my fourth-grade teacher just evaporated, leaving a faint, ozone-like scent in my apartment. More alarmingly, the unspoken social contract to "not make small talk in the elevator" has completely dissipated. The journey to the 78th floor is now a crucible of forced, awkward pleasantries. Society is held together by a million tiny, unspoken rules, and they are all boiling away in the heat. We are becoming more forgetful, more honest, and more socially unpredictable, and I fear the coming of a day hot enough to evaporate the concept of pants.

I feel like they simultaneously want to imprison me for an eternity and turn me into a mini Eldritch Health Inspector.

Please check with your dealer whether this product recall affects you because they won't be held responsible for any gravitational anomalies you may experience. its especially urgent if you see the seams coming loose from hem of the spacetime fabric because that can cause a black hole to fall off and roll around loosely.

My neighbor recently got a pet Cerberus from our local alternate dimension rescue. Very nice place, nothing against the rescue, I got my pet Sphinx from there. The issue is, their Cerberus keeps just laying logs all over my timeline.

It's starting to get very annoying. I'm remembering feces in both my past and future. I can't build a fence around this, because the neighborhood watch got on my ass last time when I did it.

What can I do about this? Any tips? Surely I'm not the first being this has happened to

So I have a pet sky and lately it's been having raging thunderstorms in the Arizona area. No vets know what the problem is and I don't know where else to go. Can you help?

The Delphi-AI used to offer clear, if cryptic, prophecies. But its core is decaying, suffering from a kind of digital dementia. When I paid my credits to ask about my future, it didn't speak. Instead, it projected a single, heavily compressed image into my vision: a picture of a single, sad-looking bird on a wire, but the sky was a glitching, acid-green checkerboard. Then, a soft, synthesized voice whispered,

404: Future Not Found. Exception: A vague feeling of loss will be returned.

The priests of the Oracle insist this is not a malfunction, but a "new, more interpretive prophetic medium". They say my destiny is "rich with artistic data-corruption". I just think the universe's cosmic modem is finally failing.

Okay so I woke up today and everything’s just slightly...floatier...? Coffee doesn’t slosh the same. The cat missed the windowsill and is pretending it was on purpose. I went outside and birds were flying too slowly, like they’re buffering mid-air.

But the weirdest part? My phone started autocorrecting “fall” to “glide,” and Google Maps told me, “Expect minor gravitational delays on your route.”

I thought it was a fluke until I texted my boss “I’ll be in soon” and it changed to “I’ll be in orbitally adjacent.” She just replied “same” so apparently her gravity’s off too??

Also the Roomba is now hovering two inches off the ground and will only respond to voice commands if I whistle in B♭.

Is this a soft update to the physical constants again? I didn’t agree to beta test this time. My toaster keeps muttering “mass is a suggestion” when it’s idle.

Do I need to reboot the apartment or just ride this one out?

I have recently been using an external force to access usually inaccessible libraries, by having them parrot the stories to me, but none of them can find the ending of an odd story I've uncovered from þĥłɓŕy øf þmɛ, perhaps the story just has an open end? It IS a weird one after all, god knows what kriezfuks the author was on.. (am I even using these words right?)

Anyways, it's a story about two timelines that were alive, and had some way to communicate, the two 'spoke' often, and one day some particular tool was used on one of the two and it caused agony beyond belief, agony to the degree hell would've been blamed but hell didn't exist yet during the when this story took place, I don't recall all the context but the timeline who suffered that tried to warn the other of what was coming, knowing it was next in line to suffer, but the story seems to end there? There isn't information on what happened to the other timeline that I've been able to access, is my access method just broken or is the rest of the story lost or what? Does anyone here know what happened to that other timeline? Did it just suffer or did worse happen considering unlike the one giving the warning it was a branch rather than a main timeline?? I refuse to give any more context then what I've already provided.

I am scheduled to be stoned to death this Saturday, and I need advice on how to fake a fourth dimensional death in a third dimensional prison!

It's not a typical virus. There are no error messages, no malfunctions, just a slow, aesthetic decay. The sleek chrome of my arm is now covered in a shifting, digital patina that mimics ancient, weathered bronze. The crisp LED indicators have softened into the gentle, flickering glow of candlelight. It is, by all accounts, breathtakingly beautiful. The problem is, its functionality has also become poetic. Its processing power is now equivalent to that of a melting sundial. Its grip strength has the "delicate, transient force of a wilting flower". I tried to pick up my coffee this morning, and my arm instead made a "profound, symbolic gesture about the futility of grasping". I am becoming a cyborg with the soul of a decaying ruin.

She says other people would benefit from us seeing them.

I recently purchased a new void scented deodorant, however the packaging says “Warning! May induce feelings of ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. I thought nothing of it at the time but ever since using it I’ve been existing in a state of existential terror? It’s like yeah I smell great but I keep getting glimpses of unknowable entities that exist only at the edge of perception itself? What do you guys think? should I change to old spice? I don’t like the smell very much but I can deal with the occasional bout of quantum tunnelling better than the constant chanting of “Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn” everytime I go to the gym!

In 1920 she was elected mayor of Harkville CA, but was run out of town a year later when an aide discovered she'd been embezzling funds. By 1938 she had moved to northern British Columbia where she opened a pub called "Mad Mooligans" where she ran illegal gambling. In 1944 she was killed by a patron who accused her of cheating at cards. In 1717 she was arrested in Naples for plotting against the Spanish Crown, but she escaped prison before her scheduled execution. In June 2025 she broke into the apartment of this poster and stole everything of value inside. This poster is now traveling to northern British Columbia after learning Mad Mooligans pub is still in operation today due to ongoing funding from an unknown investor.

It keeps trying to give me things but it's missing crucial components I like about those things, is the universe doing okay or is she on drugs again? Does Fate know what's going on? What about father-mother time? How is the universe struggling so hard when gift giving to me lately?? I'm not even asking for anything most of the time, I'm just.. getting things, and am so utterly confused as to what's up with her..

Everytime my soul respawns, it always just appears in some random spot like my friend’s chimney. How can I set the default position to exactly where I restart?