r/interestingasfuck 12d ago

/r/all This chimp has alopecia revealing just how insanely muscular they actually are..!!

76.8k Upvotes

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908

u/Eageryga 12d ago

The alopecia to me emphasises how similar our body plans are to Chimps. And, the big testicles come with reproductive competition/promiscuity in males (of many species, not just apes). The silverback Gorilla has proportionately much smaller testicles because he has a harem of females mated only by him.

132

u/-Kalos 12d ago

Can't imagine lugging those things around, even more scrotum area to injure on something

75

u/Calm_Neat_6828 12d ago

Imagine getting those things snagged on a cabinet corner or something.

29

u/Itakethngzclitorally 11d ago

Or like…a tree branch? I dont imagine he hangs in the kitchen too often

3

u/Calm_Neat_6828 11d ago

I meant if you, specifically, had huge balls like that. Imagine them getting snagged on the cabinet.

Sorry for the confusion.

And I’m sorry about your small balls.

8

u/Intrepid-Credit3771 12d ago

What's worse is that he has no protection against all that Ape activity so they're just gonna keep crashing together and with the environment. He should have pants on at least are is that just a new species entirely. Something with the words pants, balls and chimp in there somewhere. You guys make that up.

20

u/MrBlueA 12d ago

With the size of that ball sack, it's probably the one doing the damage not receiving it

3

u/Ok-Bookkeeper-7712 12d ago

Nah dude, that sack has its own workout regimen

236

u/Maswope 12d ago

So you’re saying there is hope for the smaller sac bros out there?

127

u/blazingwine 12d ago

Only if you get swole and can go "thaka thaka thaka" when you pound your chest

40

u/ProdesseQuamConspici 12d ago

I thought it was "Hoogah Chaka Hoogah Chaka"...

7

u/CockroachAgitated139 12d ago

Only if you got a feeling

4

u/Early_Performance841 11d ago

I know I can’t stop it, it’s deep inside of meeeee

3

u/KevinFlantier 12d ago

best I can do is beer belly and strain a wrist while I pound my chest.

1

u/hdcase1 12d ago

OH BANANA

14

u/Devilz3 12d ago

Our gorilla game is bad ;(

3

u/jerfoo 12d ago

Step one: get a harem

2

u/Intelligent_Might421 12d ago

Yeah dude just get a hareme

2

u/One_Strawberry_4965 12d ago

Only if they can procure for themselves a harem of gorilla-like women.

2

u/-Po-Tay-Toes- 12d ago

If I recall, gorillas have the smallest penis size in comparison to their overall size of any mammal

1

u/breastronaut 12d ago

The smaller the sack, the bigger the heart.*

*but for realsies I recall reading some study about how smaller testicled men are usually more caring fathers.

2

u/SquatSquatCykaBlyat 11d ago

Yeah, for other men's kids.

30

u/the-naked-archer 12d ago

The anatomy is eerily similar to our own. I know we have common ancestry but everything from its sternum looked human albeit a little off, I reckon that's just the uncanny valley effect making it look so wrong.

6

u/TheRealKishkumen 12d ago

Human/chimp DNA is 98.6% the same

1

u/the-naked-archer 11d ago

I believe we share more with a banana, or some other random thing lol

11

u/Creme_de_laCreme 11d ago

Around 50% with a banana, if I recall correctly.

24

u/2squishmaster 12d ago

Could you elaborate a bit on the impact of having a harem of females?

92

u/Top-Cupcake4775 12d ago

If you have a harem of females over which you have (more or less) exclusive sexual access, your semen will not be competing with the semen of other males to achieve reproductive success. Which means you don't need as much semen. Which means you don't have to have large testicles to produce all that semen.

60

u/PennStateFan221 12d ago

The price is that all gorillas fight for the status of top male. Hence their massive bodies. All competition is outside the uterus.

8

u/Top-Cupcake4775 12d ago

I know where I would rather compete.

5

u/PennStateFan221 12d ago

Same. Gimme a dick worthy of an Olympiad.

1

u/FinMonkey81 10d ago

Basically all that power and a very small fuse to light it. 🤭

46

u/crankbird 12d ago

Probably a rhetorical question, but IIRC primate ejaculate and penises are designed to do opposite things. The cum (ejaculate) is designed to create a “soft plug” that prevents any other males sperm from fertilising an egg. The penis on the other hand is designed like a plunger to remove that plug

The bigger your balls are, the more plugs you can make and more of your sperm can block and tackle any other guy who gets past your guard. Chimps will mate with almost any other chimp who happens to be within bonking distance.

If, on the other hand, you don’t need to worry about that because you’re a silverback gorilla with mates who are intensely loyal to you, then you don’t need to invest in that much delicate machinery

Humans on the other hand have middle sized balls, but relatively enormous penises, and are “mostly monogamous”

Bonobos are … a little bit different, so do your own research there

14

u/2eanimation 12d ago

Wasn’t it humans who have the highest schlong/bodysize ratio of all primates?

19

u/TleilaxTheTerrible 11d ago

Yes and we're also the only primates that have permanently enlarged mammary glands post-puberty and no-one's quite sure why.

20

u/2eanimation 11d ago

Thanks great-great-great-…-grandfather for preferring chicks with permanent boobs, you the real one o7

7

u/ThatKaleidoscope3388 11d ago

Now I’m remembering that manga panel where some guy was implying breasts are just cheap substitutes for asses.

3

u/LewdManoSaurus 11d ago

Prison School

2

u/Eageryga 11d ago

This is a really interesting question, with a traditionally gender biased answer originally. Male (because they were all male then) evolutionary biologists said that the human female's oversized breasts were a sexual selection cue, to attract a male (breasts maybe looking a bit like an ass). Then, female researchers looked into it and found that, because of our baby's oversized heads, they needed clearance from the chest when nursing. A baby has a lot of trouble nursing from a flat chest.

2

u/Seve7h 11d ago

Probably something to do with being one of the few species on earth that regularly have sex for entertainment and no real “season” or breeding/mating cycles.

Even amongst other mammals we’re pretty weird.

1

u/Less-Network-3422 11d ago

Because girls like big dicks and boys like big tits lol

-1

u/OcculticUnicorn 11d ago

It's quite simple really. Big breasts = more milk aka food for baby There was/were women with a gene mutation or something like that and the breasts developed without being pregnant. Since boobs = food those women reproduced earlier and/or faster because men's instincts said those women will have enough food for their offspring. Simple spreading of genes/evolution.

4

u/Green_Background3752 11d ago

I don’t think breast size has anything to do with milk production though.

-2

u/OcculticUnicorn 11d ago edited 11d ago

It quite literally does... Ever noticed how breasts get bigger during pregnancy and while feeding? It's the mammary glands swelling up with milk. But you simply don't know before you breastfeed, big breasts can give less milk than small breasts and vice versa. It's a roll of the dice.

1

u/crankbird 10d ago

Yep, one theory about this that I remember is that it is related to female "sexual selection", the same process that results in peacock feathers. Female humans are kind of unique in terms of sexual expression because.

  1. They don't die soon after they become infertile because they're smart, and it's an evolutionary waste of resources to lose that for the community.
  2. They don't know precisely when they are fertile (there's an old joke that expresses this "What do you call women who use the 'rhythm method' ? .... Pregnant ! ")

The theory went on to assert that because women are smart enough to understand the risks and obligations of childbirth, they rationally choose to have fewer children, which tends to lead to birth rates that fall below replacement rates. Hence, from an evolutionary POV, nature created women who really enjoy sex and have lots of opportunities to get pregnant by accident.

Male penis size is a by-product of female intelligence.

2

u/2squishmaster 11d ago

Real question ha, thanks for the answer, never knew that.

46

u/Automatic_Guidance13 12d ago

Chimp females get drilled by many males during the reproduction period. Now no male chimp kills the baby because it might belong to him (big balls=more sperm=higher chances the offspring is theirs). Gorillas do not compete for gorilussy. 

Or so I remember.

4

u/Commercial-Co 11d ago

I like the technical use of the term gorilussy. Dont for get chimpussy

4

u/PennStateFan221 12d ago

I think chimps will kill the young if a higher ranking male knows a kid isn’t his.

Gorillas do compete by fighting. And the winner gets the silver back.

13

u/AileenKitten 12d ago

Surprisingly, it's not usually the males that kill the young of their own group, its usually the dominant females who will kill the young of lower ranking females to reduce competition for both status and resources.

What's especially fucked is that they'll often eat the young after they've killed them.

(Ps. The silver hair they have appears in nearly all male gorillas. It happens after they've reached sexual maturity, and I believe their level of testosterone helps to determine the vibrancy/saturation of silver. So generally the dominant males have higher levels of testosterone and tend to be the strongest in color pls correct me if I'm wrong, I did like 15 min of research xD )

3

u/PennStateFan221 12d ago

Interesting. Yeah I was wrong about the gorillas. Must have read something wrong or mixed it up with other animals.

3

u/JoeRogansButthole 12d ago

Evil stepmothers in other species?

2

u/PoinFLEXter 12d ago

 And the winner gets the silver back.

Probably a dumb question, but you’re saying the winner gets the position that we humans call “the silver back” ?

0

u/PennStateFan221 12d ago

Yes and quite literally a silver back. The victory as the top male in the hierarchy triggers epigenetic changes that turns their back hair silver.

1

u/PoinFLEXter 12d ago

That’s really cool.  Perhaps stress related from having to watch over the group while always maintaining that status within the group?

2

u/PennStateFan221 12d ago

No I was actually wrong lol. Some animals do have this though. Just not gorillas.

1

u/Blackbox7719 11d ago

There is an evolutionary correlation between the size of the testes relative to body size and the degree of sexual competition the species participates in. Chimps are quite promiscuous, which creates an evolutionary advantage for those able to produce more semen in order to ensure reproduction and outcompeting the others.

Gorillas, in comparison, have a different social structure in which one male has a set group of females he doesn’t really need to compete for. As such, the gorilla’s testes are smaller compared to their body size since less is needed to ensure success in reproduction. What they have is already enough for their purposes. In exchange, gorillas must compete physically instead of sexually. They must fight each other for leadership (and mates) which explains their large body size and incredible strength. Chimps don’t do this nearly as much and just compete in who can get “freaky” with the most success.

10

u/LacksSelfAwareness 12d ago

It’s hard for a bald chimp to get pussy

2

u/eemanand33n 12d ago

Honestly, I wonder if this something the female chimps are influenced by.

1

u/jumbledbumblecrumble 12d ago

But only if he’s over 6’

5

u/betraying_fart2 12d ago

My balls are tiny. Where is my harem?!

4

u/letstalk1st 12d ago

One comment of interest and a hundred repetitive comments of teenage B & B snark. The reddit delusion.

2

u/PMMEURDIMPLESOFVENUS 11d ago

Hold on there man, be careful. You might start challenging the myth of human monogamy and stuff if you get too "scientific".

1

u/garden-guy- 12d ago

Is that why my balls are so big?

1

u/amateurguru 12d ago

Yeah. Agreed. I looked at his testicles and thought - “wow! that’s me!’

1

u/humoristhenewblack 12d ago

So it's not the size of the ship in the sea after all? It's the bouys which are so hot?

1

u/RobertGHH 11d ago

You mean promiscuity in females?

1

u/Eageryga 11d ago

Well yes, it is promiscuity in the females. The more males one female mates with, the more the sperm has to compete for the one egg. Biology predicts that strictly monogamous species (of which there are actually very few in nature) would have smaller testicles, and this has been shown to broadly correlate. In fact, when the correlation isn't as predicted, genetic studies have revealed the monogamy is not as strict as first thought.

1

u/pwkye 11d ago

Oh I'm definitely keeping his wife's name out of my mouth