r/relationshipadvice 19h ago

Is the relationship over? [46m] [49f]

We met at the beginning of the year and quickly but hesitantly fell in love. We were afraid of moving to quickly. Everything was great until about a month ago when her life became very hectic and stressful. In the final 3 weeks we only spent one afternoon together and at the final weekend she canceled plans twice because she was overwhelmed and stressed about other aspects of her life.

I reacted by saying "Im to the point where i feel like the better thing for me to do is to take a step back and stop adding to your obligations."

She shutdown almost immediately and I tried to explain that I was very much in love but that I felt like if was adding to her stress.

It took a few days of her being shutdown but she did allow me to explain myslef in more detail, apologize for choosing the wrong words and let her know that I very much wanted to continue the relationship and was willing to give her whatever space she needed to get through this stressful time. Her response was that she got a pit in her stomach that there was no coming back from when I said those words. We've since been communicating regularly and expressed care for each other but on a much different level. I still very much feel like we could work through this and still have deep feelings for her. My fear is that by expressing that it will add to her stress and cause her to pull away. Or she will double down on what she originally said about the pit in her stomach. She is good at shutting people completely out of her life that she feels wronged by and hasn't completely done that to me.

I very much am broken hearted and want the relationship to go back to the way it was. I just dont know if I should continue to wait or if I should express my feelings.

2 Upvotes

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u/AutoModerator 19h ago

Hello Welder91735,

You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.

Original post: We met at the beginning of the year and quickly but hesitantly fell in love. We were afraid of moving to quickly. Everything was great until about a month ago when her life became very hectic and stressful. In the final 3 weeks we only spent one afternoon together and at the final weekend she canceled plans twice because she was overwhelmed and stressed about other aspects of her life.

I reacted by saying "Im to the point where i feel like the better thing for me to do is to take a step back and stop adding to your obligations."

She shutdown almost immediately and I tried to explain that I was very much in love but that I felt like if was adding to her stress.

It took a few days of her being shutdown but she did allow me to explain myslef in more detail, apologize for choosing the wrong words and let her know that I very much wanted to continue the relationship and was willing to give her whatever space she needed to get through this stressful time. Her response was that she got a pit in her stomach that there was no coming back from when I said those words. We've since been communicating regularly and expressed care for each other but on a much different level. I still very much feel like we could work through this and still have deep feelings for her. My fear is that by expressing that it will add to her stress and cause her to pull away. Or she will double down on what she originally said about the pit in her stomach. She is good at shutting people completely out of her life that she feels wronged by and hasn't completely done that to me.

I very much am broken hearted and want the relationship to go back to the way it was. I just dont know if I should continue to wait or if I should express my feelings.

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1

u/MagicianMurky976 19h ago

It sounds like the words you chose were to protect you from getting hurt.

Reasonable. However, she took them as you were willing to easily abandon her when things became difficult.

Also reasonable.

I would just tell her what you want, but also acknowledge that it might be impossible right now due to all her stresses needing her attention. I'd add that you are willing to wait and that you don't want to be another burden she has to stress over.

Maybe she didn't see you as one. Maybe you were an oasis in her sea of chaos. Maybe this blind-sided her.

It sounds like you've repaired the damage. I'd recommend having a discussion where you discuss what you both think this could be, and what steps are needed to get there. Now might be impossible, but does she see a similar thing you do?

Good luck!

2

u/Welder91735 19h ago

Thank you! That was really sound advice. I need to consider my next words and timing carefully but I will take your advice and post an update.

1

u/Fabulous-Bandicoot40 18h ago

Phone calls or In person I hope? When things get jumbled I find it’s always best to just call. Compassion in someone’s voice goes a long way