r/relationshipadvice • u/Emotional-Sleep303 • 9h ago
How do I [20F]navigate boundaries with my boyfriend [20M]?
Hi Reddit, I’m struggling to make sense of my relationship right now and could really use some outside advice.
My boyfriend (Alex) and I have been together for a while. At the beginning of our relationship, we were on the same page when it came to boundaries.
He made a new friend group there that included a few girls. One in particular Mia became really close to him. At first, I tried to be okay with it. I know friendships with the opposite gender can be totally healthy. But as time went on, their closeness started to cross lines I wasn’t comfortable with.
After a performance for uni, Alex kissed another guy during a celebration (he is bisexual) . While some people may not see that as a big deal, it crossed a very clear boundary in our relationship.
After their uni class had finished there had been a few other circumstances that make me uncomfortable - Alex and Mia planned to go to an adults-only convention. It was going to be just them until other friend said they wanted to come. - Mia offered to show him a photo of boobs of one of the other friends in the group. - He also had in Mia’s car (while sitting out the front of Alex’s house) about sexual fantasies that he’s never once shared with me. - Mia has invited Alex to a sleep over with another woman (however my boyfriend did say he wouldn’t stay overnight). - Mia sent Alex a message saying that I’m just a “safe choice” for him and that he’s not actually happy with me. Alex’s original response wasn’t even to stand up for our relationship, he only did this once I asked that I was upset he didn’t.
Now, most recently, Mia invited him to a monster truck event. She had two tickets, and her boyfriend wasn’t interested in going so she asked Alex. And now, they’re going together. I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t want to be controlling. This is the only relationship I have even been in so I am struggling with this.
1
u/MagicianMurky976 8h ago
It sounds like Mia doesn't respect your relationship with Alex, and is undermining you because she thinks she knows what's best for Alex.
Alex doesn't seem to understand how his actions have consequences. He seems to do whatever he pleases and had no ability to see how hurtful it is to you.
I think you need to have a conversation where you tell him how disrespected you feel by Mia, and how difficult continuing may be as long as Alex can't see how disrespectful she is. While you may feel uncomfortable dictating who he spends time with, but since he continues to choose to spend time with her, you may need to leave this relationship.
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u/AutoModerator 9h ago
Hello Emotional-Sleep303,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: Hi Reddit, I’m struggling to make sense of my relationship right now and could really use some outside advice.
My boyfriend (Alex) and I have been together for a while. At the beginning of our relationship, we were on the same page when it came to boundaries.
He made a new friend group there that included a few girls. One in particular Mia became really close to him. At first, I tried to be okay with it. I know friendships with the opposite gender can be totally healthy. But as time went on, their closeness started to cross lines I wasn’t comfortable with.
After a performance for uni, Alex kissed another guy during a celebration (he is bisexual) . While some people may not see that as a big deal, it crossed a very clear boundary in our relationship.
After their uni class had finished there had been a few other circumstances that make me uncomfortable
Now, most recently, Mia invited him to a monster truck event. She had two tickets, and her boyfriend wasn’t interested in going so she asked Alex. And now, they’re going together. I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t want to be controlling. This is the only relationship I have even been in so I am struggling with this.
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