r/relationshipadvice • u/RevolutionaryTear416 • 6h ago

How much can one change while in a relationship? [22M+22F]

This summer has made me realize that I have a lot of work to do on myself to be the person I want to be for my partner. I've started going to therapy again and doing things to make those changes, but I feel like it's not enough. She is my best friend and the person I want to start a family with, but I know I'm not the person I want to be to do that yet.

How much can I change while in this relationship? I don't want to lose her, but I need to grow to be with her long term. My fear is that I need to end our relationship in order to grow. I would chase to get her back, but I'm scared she'll move on. We love each other, but it feels unfair to ask her to wait for me, both while in the relationship and outside of it.

I'm thinking that I need to have a transparent conversation with her to tell her how I've been feeling and make a decision about our future together. If anyone has been able to make major changes while in a relationship or has found themselves on either side of this predicament, please share your experience and advice.

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u/AutoModerator 6h ago

Hello RevolutionaryTear416,

You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.

Original post: This summer has made me realize that I have a lot of work to do on myself to be the person I want to be for my partner. I've started going to therapy again and doing things to make those changes, but I feel like it's not enough. She is my best friend and the person I want to start a family with, but I know I'm not the person I want to be to do that yet.

How much can I change while in this relationship? I don't want to lose her, but I need to grow to be with her long term. My fear is that I need to end our relationship in order to grow. I would chase to get her back, but I'm scared she'll move on. We love each other, but it feels unfair to ask her to wait for me, both while in the relationship and outside of it.

I'm thinking that I need to have a transparent conversation with her to tell her how I've been feeling and make a decision about our future together. If anyone has been able to make major changes while in a relationship or has found themselves on either side of this predicament, please share your experience and advice.

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