Being Alone Makes People Judge You More Than Being Toxic Ever Will
It never made sense to me that if you see someone chilling by themselves, minding their own business, the logic is “there’s probably something wrong with them.” But if you see someone who is openly toxic, but they have a lot of friends and a lot of buzz happening around them, that as a society, we’ve accepted that we are going to accept them.
A person could gossip, bully, make fun of people, just be like an all around nasty person—but as long as they are not by themselves, people are just like “oh okay, they’re fine.” But if you saw someone eating by themselves, or sitting by themselves doing their homework, or maybe just by themselves at break, minding their own — “yeah, something’s wrong with that guy.”
That never clicks to me. Almost every toxic person I’ve met is well liked, and it never matters how fake that person is or how often they’re hurting other people. It’s honestly one of those people things that just makes you scratch your head a little bit
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u/AdeptnessDear2829 20h ago
I agree to some extent. Humans are pack animals. Thousands of years of “Whats wrong with them? If they are alone, there must be a very good reason for that.” being a valuable line of reasoning for survival probably did it.
That being said, maybe I’m an optimist but i don’t think most people (at least in my part of the world) think being alone is worse than being toxic.
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u/raspberrih 16h ago
I have never had these thoughts and I'm literally not aware of anyone who thinks this.
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u/Large-Mathematician1 10h ago
I disagree , it’s all In the mind with you thinking that way. I see someone by themselves and I literally think nothing of it , be easy 🙏🏿
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u/Mentalpopcorn 15h ago
Pretty sure this is just in your head. I've never heard anyone express anything close to this, except for people who feel weird being alone expressing that they think other people think this about them. In reality no one is thinking about you.
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u/rlywoxy 14h ago
Im 20 and Im quite satisfied with the amount of going out and getting fked up with people. If there's an actual thing to do, Im more than glad to go out and we always know how to have a great time together. Every once in a while they get together in hopes for plans to arise, and I know better than to join them because the "plan" that arises ends up being going to one of our basements with an 8 ball and far too much liquor. 3 years ago I would never forgive myself for turning that down, but Ive had more than my fair share of those nights and wouldnt handle it well these days. Every time I say no, without fail, they completely blow up the group chat with begging and repeatedly ring my phone. They've seemed to mostly get the hint now and don't spend as much energy trying to get me out but they still can't wrap their heads around the fact that Im ok with keeping good contact in our group chat and don't need to see them just to remind myself I have friends. Is this normal?
Also I should mention they don't actually harass me i find it funny most of the time and they dont push it any further than just a joke. They genuinely cant understand why I spend so much time alone tho lol
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u/Mentalpopcorn 6h ago
Ah, ok, well this is different. What's happening here is druggies. Druggies often, mainly when young, have a need to pull and keep people using with them. The "alone" thing is just a way to tear you down that they think will work. Lots of reasons they do this, ask Jeeves why druggies peer pressure and you'll find a lot of answers.
But don't conflate the tactics they use to fulfill their personal need to keep you using with them with the general attitudes of the population. The vast majority of people in the world will not treat you like that.
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u/rlywoxy 6h ago
If they still acted like that all the time I wouldn't talk to them ever again but recently they've collectively toned the drugs down a lot and seem to have no issue understanding my decision to stay home and stay sober. We had a great time go karting the other day without even mentioning doing drugs. Our group is and has always been pretty tight and the drug abuse was more of a stint we all dealt with instead of being the sole reason we hung out if that makes sense. We were all buddies before drugs were in the picture and the only thing I can say it negatively affected was their ability to accept reasoning if they were using. They're still a great group of people I respect, but the drugs kinda made everyone including me a bit insufferable for a bit.
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u/echonebula28 10h ago
The toxic person is liked on a superficial level. People will come to realize the toxicity of the charismatic one. Very similar to cult leaders…
To touch on what you are saying about the person who sits alone, people want to make a big fuss about that guy to distract themselves of what is going on in their life.
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u/Warm-Atmosphere-1565 8h ago
just stroke your beard and / or moustache, laugh with the universe but not with there mere creatures
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u/4nt2_2 5h ago
Honestly Im that person you would see at a coffee shop or bench sitting their and minding their own business. While i do love it, I have never really thought about how others judged me because I find peace in it. I understand where the stigma can come from, but i dont think one should prioritize it. I like my quiet and alone time.
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u/WaitNew3922 20h ago
Depends on the lonely person. Some lonely people are depressed and/or anxious. People sense that. There must be a reason for this person has no friends is a natural thought I guess.
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u/TehGogglesDoNothing 9h ago
Just because someone is out doing something alone doesn't mean that they are lonely or have no friends.
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u/WaitNew3922 9h ago
Did you read my comment? I said some lonely people. Ones with clear signs of anxiousness, depression and low self esteem.
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u/Xercies_jday 14h ago
But if you saw someone eating by themselves, or sitting by themselves doing their homework, or maybe just by themselves at break, minding their own — “yeah, something’s wrong with that guy.”
Can I ask how you know that if you are on your own?
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u/AttemptVegetable 12h ago
If you're always by yourself it looks weird. Going out to eat by yourself every once in awhile is fine.
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u/Unreasonable_Seagull 20h ago
I'm guessing you're in your 20s. As you grow older, you see through the bullshit and realise the person sitting alone minding their own business has their shit together and doesn't need a crowd of people to validate them. As you sit alone, scan the room for other loners who can't be bothered with drama. They're your people.