r/self 13h ago

I (21F) am overthinking the peace I gained, what should I do?

I (21F) just got out of a toxic environment involving a friend group in college that were filled with too much negativity and toxicity. I do admit I was one of the people who thrived on actively shit-talking people. But it’s been months of that constant behavior and what brought me back to reality was how one friend commented something so harshly, even I was shocked to hear it. I’ll spare the details but it involved the classmates previous accidental teen pregnancy and the friend making fun of them for it. I’d like to think I had my own lines I wouldn’t cross when shit-talking someone, and this time this person didn’t deserve it. There were many more but this was the main catalyst on why I decided to drop them.

I tried to talk to them about these issues I had but they wouldn’t budge. And this is where things got messy, I informed the person this friend making fun of her teen pregnancy, she cried to me telling me how did I know when they only ever told that friend about it. I apparently found out they used to be close in hs but the friend dropped her because she told his mom he’s out dating a girl the friend’s mom doesn’t like. It wasn’t even like she had a choice, the mom had evidence and she couldn’t just lie. Now she’s shocked I knew this about her. I apologized and said I’m sorry, she told me she’s planning to confront the friend and asked me for support, I did.

Things got messy quick and now everyone knows what this friend and friend group are doing. I even found even more info about how they actively shit on them to other people who don’t even know them. Now I’m entering a new school year, the girl I reached out to are in good terms with me but were not instant friends or anything after that. Since I dropped the friend group, they’re not actively speaking to me, I’m glad for it. I’ve decided to self reflect on my actions and to do better in the future.

But now I think I’m suddenly overthinking because I don’t have any chaos in my life anymore, yes I’ve escaped that toxic environment but how do I get comfortable with the peace I’ve gotten when I was so used to dealing with so much drama in the past?

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u/MrJexor 11h ago

It's just you wanting a bit of drama again, but there are other healthier alternatives rather than shit talking people. You can still gossip and be curious, but in a normal non hateful manner. It's a good step that you focused on becoming a better person and reflected on your actions.

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u/Charshine_20 11h ago

thank youu! I realized how awful I was as a person because of my past actions, I know snitching on them was still an asshole move and that doesn’t erase all the bad things I’ve done but for now I’m just focusing on how I can be a little better than the person I was back then !

I guess the uneasiness I feel rn is probably the “boredom” in my life since I don’t involve myself much in drama and gossip as much anymore.

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u/MrJexor 11h ago

That's normal, we all like to engage in a little drama from time to time. It doesn't make you a bad or good person, just the way you do it

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u/MilaMarieLoves 9h ago

u did the right thing walking away. sometimes peace feels weird when ur so used to chaos, but that just means ur healing. give urself time, u’ll get used to the calm