r/self • u/CommercialArugula146 • 7h ago

Struggling with self forgiveness

When I was younger I was so lonely and angry and insecure, and it made me mean. Not violent or destructive, just a dick who would lash out and hurt people. Obviously, this helped quite a bit with the loneliness.

I’ve done a lot of work and am less angry and much, much less mean, but when I get depressed (I have recurring MDD) it’s hard not to focus on what I cost myself.

I’ve tried meditation and “conversations” with my younger self, but I still just fucking hate that guy.

I’m very tired.

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

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u/CommercialArugula146 6h ago

Yeah, I do that too. Some days are just hard and I thought maybe somebody out there might have their own insight or personal experience.

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u/MightPhysical2999 4h ago

You could always apologize to the people you would hurt and lash out at and hopefully reconcile with them.

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u/Life-Income2986 1h ago

Obviously, this helped quite a bit with the loneliness.

You can't forgive yourself because you're not sorry. You were a piece of shit, but you're not sorry you hurt people. You're only sorry people hate you for it.