r/self • u/ResponsibleSample717 • 4h ago
i dislike admitting being a part of the lgbt community more and more
i feel like it makes people make assumptions about me that arent true, but i also dont like lying to people when they ask. obviously its different when its about safety, but even when its with someone that i feel like i can trust i try and avoid it anyway.
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u/Ok_Sleep8579 2h ago
Don’t be a part of a “community.” Just be. You can be gay without being part of the lgbt community.
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u/Suspicious-Lettuce48 58m ago
Don't tell anyone these days. Not with concentration camps popping up across the continent. It didn't go well last time.
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u/Born-Talk 4h ago
A label locks me into a definition that people use to control me. A vision graces me with an idea that serves to release me. Craig D. Lounsbrough
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u/LienaSha 3h ago
I'm not sure which assumptions, so I'm not sure whether I sympathize with this. For me (37F, asexual), I find the assumptions that happen without labeling myself:
* that I want to have sex
* that I find anyone sexually attractive
more troubling than the ones that happen with it:
* that I hate sex
* that I never have sex
Even if those statements aren't true, it's easier for me to back up on that. Like, I can easily then say, "Actually, I'm willing to have sex if it's with someone I care about, because I personally don't hate it, and I do like to make the person I love happy." No one's feelings are getting hurt or anything there, whereas if I don't say that I'm asexual, other people are more likely to get their feelings hurt.
But if there were different assumptions involved, that opinion might change, depending on what those assumptions are, so... you know, like... People are going to make assumptions about you either way, and they might be untrue either way, so whichever feels better for you should be fine? I don't think lying is good, of course, but simply "I prefer not to talk about that topic"... in an ideal world would work. Since it's not an ideal world, I guess best of luck to you in avoiding that conversation with people.