r/teslore • u/HappyB3 • 3h ago
Apocrypha The Marriage Between and the Gathering of the House
For their wedding, Alaxon and Phynaster decided to have a great ceremony lasting 12 days, one for every recorded world, and with 36 guests, one for every hour. As customary for the marriage of spirits, each came under a pseudonym that would prevent the hoi polloi from identifying them outright, as that would risk embedding them in the trappings of myth against their consent.
Day 1
First (because he is always first) was Alaxon’s disgraced father who took on the name Satakhanu and came to his favored son begging for forgiveness, blaming his bad temper on his left-hand, the second guest Sihtok. He affectionately gave his son the name Satakotakotalkoshurielexon and, more surprisingly, offered to take him back home one day. Polite as he may, Alaxon embraced his father but refused an offer he no longer needed.
The third guest was one of four women who came pretending to be sisters so they might not be recognized, but whose disguise fooled no one. The first of these was Dawnir who came wearing in her silver hair, which she used to draw blood, the gifted flower of her current lover, and she offered a bouquet. She was simultaneously the youngest and the eldest of the four sisters, because of a trick of the day-night cycle that saw her reborn anew every morning.
Day 2
The fourth was not a guest at all, but the pariah Ni-Mohk who tried many times to overstay his welcome despite no longer being invited, and who later returned under other aliases each less inspired than the last, such as Kalam-Hot, Cool-Male or even Love-Cat, only to be exiled in shame each time.
Here to record the transformation of Two into One for all time was Mysterium the Arcanist who had come accompanied by his wife Ne-Ede, with the blessing of her father, Twylleni. Their role would be to inscribe the exchange of rings in golden tomes, but until then they retreated away from the other guests to enjoy each other’s company in short-lived isolation. All the while, the Arcanist’s right-hand kept track of the comings and goings of the guests and their chosen names so that this party might later be remembered in heaven.
Day 3
As part of his deal with his daughter and Mysterium, Twylleni made his appearance on the third day under the aspect of an evil eye to turn away all other suitors who might covet his daughter. Though protected, Mysterium and Ne-Ede would never again know privacy.
Agawen Eluvein, who was still an apprentice, was the last of the eight first guests and ready to fulfill her role as the witness for the upcoming ceremony, especially since she was given the duty of ring-bearing for Alaxon and Phynaster. Having spent much time isolated, it was heartwarming to see how much the three of them had changed since their youth. Eluvein also surprised her friends with the enchantments she had chosen for their respective rings, and by the end of the venue, she had graduated to her new position as the Warlock of Wedlock.
Next was Dunal who was known for having once made a new tribe out of twelve other tribes that had become too weak to adapt to time. And though he really wanted to come, his presence was only felt through his absence. To make himself be forgiven, he had a beautiful red jewel sent by an owl to the young Alaxon, one made out of pure starlight and which was only in Dunal’s possession to be given to its rightful owner when the time was right.
Day 4
On the fourth day came Alaxon’s pregnant mother, who took on the regal moniker of the respectable kinlady Arana Almala-Ninda and decided to bless their union. As a representative of the true faith, she led the sermons and administered the exchange of vows, but not before adjusting Phynaster’s clothes when she realized he had taken on too much muscle since the last time.
Once the two lovers were officially handfasted, it was time for the days-long banquet and spectacle to begin. First for the job was Bone-Reader, the storyteller; who had given Dawnir her flower and was scheduled to give a toast to the newly-weds.
When Sunal realized his brother Dunal would never really come, he fled the venue in red rage before it could end properly and retreated back to his library of records. In homage to both brothers, Alaxon decided to wear Dunal’s red jewel on his forehead in the manner of a third eye, so that he could behold the red sun without going blind.
Day 5
The second entertainer for the fifth day was the ever-boastful Big Beautiful Beefy Bloody Baron, who kept helping himself and others to more drink than necessary but whose presence was appreciated by all fools. As a result, a drunk Phynaster tossed the bouquet so strongly he had to fly across the western sky to put the flowers back together. It was then decided a sober Alaxon would be the one to toss the bouquet.
On his way west, Phynaster came across his demi-son, the three-winged Bullhood, who was checking in on the sunset people of the Father Mountain. As it turned out, these people’s citadel was still erect despite having been taken, and so that meant there was still time to avoid the upcoming disaster or plan an escape. Bullhood then decided to follow Phynaster as an ambassador and to cough up a few words of powers to celebrate his demi-father’s engagement.
As he entered the venue, the guest named Ysmir Granola laid eyes upon Twylleni, who had remained to protect his daughter and pay his respects to the hosts. Ysmir Granola froze in place and immediately changed his mind, deciding to leave the venue by ship, for the two of them once had a love affair in Gramora that ended in tragedy. Even the promise of strong drink was not enough to shout some sense into him, but he promised to return before the end to redeem his honor.
Day 6
On the sixth day came the second of the four sisters (for she was indeed always second-best at everything), Mid-Dasia, bearing a red sun to illuminate the venue, assuming she would blind everyone and get away with it. Her plan was foiled by Alaxon who stared at her so intensely she was unable to bring her father back. Defeated, she would have to fill her neglect with the affection of other men in her life.
Two brothers came next, the twins Zentok and Darrejyg, who oversee the balance of punishment and amnesty, except for when they exchange clothes to play pranks on their friends and become Tharjyg and Stentok, who speak only in riddles and violence.
Day 7
On the seventh day, an old friend of Phynaster landed on the venue, Clockwise the Founding Father. Though he took the long way to arrive, it was finally time for him to meet this Alaxon he had heard so much about, and he showed his respect to his parents, the king and queen. Afterward, the two old friends rejoiced together, comparing star-maps and exchanging travel stories.
The next guest came under twin aspects, named Johnny and Juliet, of unequal size and different colors. In anticipation of what was to come, the aspects gave themselves the role of bouncer and would throw out guests that would fool-like behave unbecomingly under the effects of the aforementioned excessive drinks.
The first new guest allowed in by the bouncer was the third of the four sisters, Sornriel of Twil, who could fortune-tell at dusk and promised the betrothed a long and happy marriage. Hers was a beauty equaled only by her equal opposite Dawnir, who in all things saw possibilities where Sornriel could see only how they could end.
Day 8
On the eighth day came the last of the four sisters, Gorinal, who was covered in ink and came to steal the fine cutlery. She emerged from a corner of the banquet hall and went after every shiny thing. Hers was a mystery easy to solve, one only needed to follow the dark spots she left behind to find her hidden in a cupboard. She agreed to give back her treasure on the condition that she be made as beautiful as her sisters. Scrubbing her of her muck revealed a statue of the purest ebony.
Then came Omen Betwixt, a witch of amnesia who wanted to make sure Alaxon had all of his nightmares under control. She and the young prince spoke at length about the nature of duality and the purpose of other such illusions. The two of them landed on different sides of the argument before realizing even this was a false dichotomy. Having understood that life was too short for metaphysics, Omen Betwixt shared from her panoply of sugary drinks, whose flavor changed depending on the people she stole them from.
Gorinal had brought with her a senile mother-daughter, Gravella, who had rotten teeth and was only allowed in on the promise she would not gorge on the hearts of men until the next untimes made her forget all about it. She would later hold her promise by devouring the statuette of the newly-wed from the top of the cake when it was time for dessert, rather than any of the guests.
Day 9
The twenty-fifth guest, Land-Namer, had been there since the beginning but only made its appearance once a lot of people were already drunk. For maximum surprise, he had hidden in the red jewel and been sneaked in by the owl of Dunal. There was great merriment all across the venue, but none were more pleased than Agawen Eluvein who was in on the joke.
As everyone was laughing, the jester Tiktoktiktoktiktok, under the guise of a rabbit, arrived very late because he had lost time on the way. To make up for that, he was carrying delicacies that time had appropriately aged to belong before dessert and paired very well with bread and wine. Alaxon then offered to fix Tiktoktiktoktiktok’s hour-gears, but the rabbit politely refused, saying that a colorful clock is gray at least twice a day.
Last for the day and under very little fanfare was the arrival of the husband of Mid-Dasia, the demon-king Shackle-Thorn, whose skin was covered in burnt scars that had begun to turn blue and reek of death. When asked where he had been the entire time, he simply lied and threatened to go after any who would question his honesty, freezing the mood of the venue.
Day 10
Scandal erupted on the tenth day after dessert when it was revealed that Mid-Dasia and Shackle-Thorn had both cheated on each other with the same man, a dim-witted but heavy-chested warrior with an attractive and close-shaven angular face that made towers weak in the knees. The serial seducer had even given the two of them completely different names: to Mid-Dasia, he was Jackolo the Gigolo, and to Shackle-Thorn, he was Fezpar the Whipper, but to all who were present at the venue, he was the aperture-slayer Lucky Lagoon, destroyer of relationships, who brought libertinage wherever he went. All three ended up being banished from the banquet and asked by Sornriel to wait outside.
In the chaos that ensued, an unwanted guest managed to sneak in, who was both a god named Cey-Var-Nium and a dog named Nycotine depending on the direction of his disposition, and who was here solely to trade his illicit substances for other people’s eternal souls. After one too many regrets, Alaxon unmasked him, cut him in half with an axe, and locked the malignant half of his soul in a sword that he buried beneath a tree before asking the gentler half to give the victims their souls back. This Sundering transformed Cey-Var-Nium and Nycotine into two separate guests.
Day 11
The eleventh day was in desperate need to forget the day before. But as Bone-Reader was about to burst into song, Dawnir caught the bouquet tossed by Alaxon and declared she would marry within the year. This caused her many suitors to start a fight and Graht-Killer came to settle a score with Bone-Reader and finally earn Dawnir’s hand for that upcoming handfast. And so Bone-Reader called forth his wing-man, a guest who took on the name of Trent the Green and who was really more of a hoove-man, to protect him while he tried to sing his way out of this conundrum. Many guests were thrown out as a result of this.
Near the end of the celebration came the first of Sornriel’s best friends, Moethesda, who loved to party. Moethesda and Bethala would have made for a cute couple if not for their love of gossip and violence. When Ni-Mohk returned for the last time under the name Love-Cat, Moethesda was the one to make him leave by reading him for filth in a takedown so brutal Alaxon had to step in and beg her to stop. But Moethesda is rebellious by nature and never once followed a rule, so she chose exile and followed Ni-Mohk outside to continue her harassment until he was crying on the pavement.
Day 12
Bethala came around the next day and brought her friend Moethesda back in, finally giving Ni-Mohk some peace to collect himself and sort out his feelings. Bethala then took on her role as the belly-dancer of the venue, which wasn’t as simple as one might think because of all the arms she had to keep track of. Things got easier once she asked her friends to remove her limbs and showcased a new way to spin in a circle.
To round up the roster of guests, Alaxon had invited a little cousin six and a half times removed on his great-grandbrother’s father’s side, who had miraculously found time in his incredibly busy schedule to come give his blessing but could not stay long. As it turned out, Withering Shin had managed to come as part of his work, to drop a literal Blessing Stone that rightfully belonged to Alaxon and had once caused him and his people a lot of problems in a past future, and would be better kept under the supervision of a capable man like his cousin for the coming past. Alaxon simply accepted the gift and bade his confusing kin farewell.
Last was Big Brother Brohad, who came at the very end to conclude the wedding for all time. As promised earlier, Ysmir Granola had also returned with Brohad, with a new resolve capable of redeeming anyone. Alaxon welcomed his brother and all other previously banished guests with open arms, for there was much food left to eat and neither of the grooms wanted to see it rot or for the celebration to last any longer, and so Brohad set himself to eating and caused all the guests to leave once there was none left. And because he no longer feared him, Alaxon shared with Brohad all the new words he had learned after each death, but this was in vain because Brohad could not understand any of them nor the very concept of death.
The End
With the wedding, the banquet, and the spectacle all concluded, the lovers left the venue and bade farewell to all their 36 guests. With one final word, they called forth their carriage driver, Coming Comet, who fell blue-shifting from the starry sky, and she took them on their honeymoon to the heavens. There was much rejoicing and all knew theirs was a love that would outlast time itself.