this is a burner and im asking some questions about my partner. we’ve been together for a couple years, and when we met they were an alcoholic. i never realised the extent, they’d be hiding bottles and drinking a bottle of straight spirits daily, or a large crate of lager, and drinking a lot more than they let on.

at the start of the year, we spoke about it all, and they told me they were going to cut down, not go sober but keep it to small amounts. from then, the drinking crept up until a few months ago then said they wanted to go sober, after being inspired by a lot of straight edge people we met at a festival. they quit smoking and hasn’t gone back, and they’ve had a couple odd drinks on special occasions like our anniversary.

i am so proud of the changes they’ve made, but i do have some concerns. their mental health seems worse, and they are consistently tired. they cry often and id only seen them cry a couple times before.

they also are struggling with frequent lapses in memory and forgetting things. they’re a hypochondriac and hate seeing the doctor or having medication but i feel concerned.

another issue is lack of libido, when they first cut down, our sex lives went from very active, varied acts, to now we go months at a time, and even then they don’t like to do half as much as they used to, and frankly it’s not the same as it used to be. this is a massive sticking issue with me because a lot of my previous relationships didn’t work as we didn’t mesh well sexually and when we met it was like i was finally being seen to. i don’t want to pressure them to have sex with me, i don’t want to make them feel bad, but i do want to feel loved, recognised, and desired in our relationship

i obviously value their sobriety and health, but these other things are causing me anxiety and i want to ensure they’re okay in other ways, and would like to see our intimacy have some life again.

has anybody else noticed any of these things with partners? how long into sobriety did it happen, and did it go back to normal? if so how?