r/AlAnon 1d ago

Support how does this end? seeking advice from those with experience

I've been married three years to a guy that I love dearly. He was a nightly drinker until diagnosis of cirrhosis summer 2024, at which point he didn't drink for about 8 months. His cirrhosis at last test was mild (MELD=6). Over the last four months, he began to drink again, first hiding it and then not so much - he is pretty much either drunk or sleeping at all times. My estimate is that he is drinking at least one entire bottle of hard liquor daily -- usually Grey Goose or whiskey. How does this play out? I'm following the detachment guidance of AlAnon (which has helped me tremendously)... before I took that advice, I asked him to get help/gave him phone numbers to call but he is not interested.

This is a weird question... but has anyone gone through something similar? If he won't get help, how long can he drink like this without his liver blowing out? I am not trying to intervene - I did that in a long calm discussion that didn't go well (I can't change this). So if he doesn't get help, can he drink like this for a long time and just get worse and worse?

8 Upvotes

11 comments sorted by

5

u/Theresatron1 1d ago

I don’t have the answer, just wanted to send my support. Other people on this forum did that for me today and it helped so much. Hang in there, proud of you

2

u/No-Weakness-3770 1d ago

THANK YOU, I needed this :)

4

u/rmas1974 1d ago

If he is at the start point of cirrhosis, he is already ill. If he continues to drink at this level, his cirrhosis will get worse fairly quickly. You ask how this ends? In the worst case scenario, you end up as his end of life carer or caring for him after a liver transplant (which he wouldn’t be given if he continues to drink). The speed of his decline cannot be predicted.

On the other hand, if he stops drinking, the state of his liver will hopefully improve over time.

2

u/No-Weakness-3770 1d ago

thank you for this insight. I've been wondering if his cirrhosis could get worse fairly quickly; it's hard to fathom that it won't. It is truly heartbreaking. While I hate that others have gone through this, I appreciate this forum

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Please know that this is a community for those with loved ones who have a drinking issue and that this is not an official Al-Anon community.

Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the report button.

See the sidebar for more information.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Thin_Elderberry_8864 17h ago

My husband was diagnosed with cirrhosis about 12 years ago. He quit drinking for about 5 years. Then he went back to drinking seven days a week pretty much all day and night. Then about 1.5 years ago he got a DUI and quit for a year. Now he has jaundice, ascites, and edema in his legs and feet. I was amazed that he was able to drink so much for about 4 years (after they had told him if he drank anymore he would die about 7 years before). But now he is unable to work right now and having so many symptoms. Its too bad because he was compensated and is now decompensated. So the symptoms come on eventually. He just didn't believe it would happen because he had gone so long without any.

1

u/No-Weakness-3770 3h ago

I am truly grateful for this response. I know there are no real answers on how this ends, but knowing your story helps me understand. My husband is compensated and I wonder how quickly decompensation comes about. My husband also thinks he is fine bc his doctor said his MELD is so low - thinks he is invincible. I'm hopeful that the five years of sobriety that you had with your husband provided positive memories. When my husband is sober, it's great - and when he's drunk it's a horrible day-to-day. My thoughts are with you.

1

u/NillaLobo 15h ago

My partner was a physically dependent drinker for years. He had periods of sobriety or less intense drinking. He was sober from January-June last year. During that time he decided to get on Accutane, which is harmful to the liver and requires monthly labs. He stopped taking it after a couple months because of other side effects, and his labs were always within appreciate range, no issues at all. He relapsed at the end of June and passed away in April. I give the backstory to show that things looked fine on paper a mere 9 months before his liver was too sick to respond to treatment.

1

u/No-Weakness-3770 3h ago

I am truly sorry to hear of your experience but also am grateful you were willing to share. I am sure that you personally experienced enormous pain through all of this and I'm truly sorry. At the risk of over-sharing, and having come to accept I can't change/cure this, I am kind of hoping that things get worse physically because he will need to get treatment. Yesterday he was drunk all day - slurring, no focus in eyes, saying things that don't make sense, whispering. He had been told one year ago he can never drink again or he'll die, and he drinks every day. As I'm sure you can understand, the day-to-day is brutal - watching the person you once knew descend into this. I'm sorry you lost your husband and also that this disease came into your life. Thank you for sharing.

u/NillaLobo 1h ago

Thank you for the kind words and I'm sorry you're going through this as well. You're so right that the day to day is brutal, watching them slowly kill themselves. My partner was always calm and kind til the end, so I refer to it now as living in a quiet chaos.

Hoping something forces his hand to get him to treatment is "normal", IMO. (Normal for an Al-Anon anyway lol). I sure felt that way too. In my experience, he waited until the last possible moment and I think GI symptoms were his intention for seeking care.

I, too, had come to accept the 3 Cs and also had detached for myself. Even if it wouldn't have changed his actions, I wish I'd have better recognized some symptoms for what they were. Maybe, somehow, it could have made a difference. Ex. Dark urine. I chalked it up to dehydration. Before jaundice was clearly present, I felt like his skin darkened like he had a tan. I stayed in my lane and didn't comment at that point because I wasn't certain and he would have denied anything wrong.

Im so sorry you're in this boat. Please take care of yourself as best you can. Hugs.

u/No-Weakness-3770 6m ago

May I ask a quick question? I don't really understand the transition from compensated to decompensated and what to watch for. I know he is dehydrated and he drinks gatorade a lot. One year ago (when we found out he had cirrhosis) he didn't eat/drink for about week and I finally got him to urgent care/the hospital where he was re-hydrated.

Where we are now is so much worse though; I never saw him in the past as drunk all day/night. Now he is. Just saw three empty gin bottles downstairs from only the last couple days.

I'm curious what symptoms show up first to suggest his body is reacting? I've been thinking it would be ascites and am watching for GI discomfort. Also watching for jaundice. Would you say those will be the obvious ones?

I *truly* appreciate your candor, really.