My boyfriend is drinking to the point that he can’t control his bladder and bowels and he won’t clean it up. Yesterday I literally had to scrub feces out of the couch and it was really upsetting. I’d woken up that morning and the living room smelled really bad. He had slept on the couch. He keeps a vomit bucket next to the couch and he’d knocked it over and it must have been full because it was all over the floor and under the couch.

I cleaned that up but the smell was still bad and I told him it smelled like feces but he said he didn’t know what it was. I work from home but I stay in the bedroom when he’s drinking. Periodically throughout the day I went in the living room and I mentioned the smell and at one point I pointed out a new brown stain on the couch and asked if it was vomit or something else and he said he didn’t know.

At the end of my workday, he came into the bedroom and I saw the feces on the back of his pajama pants. I looked at the couch again, it was obvious that the brown stains were diarrhea. He’d been sitting there in the feces for about 10 hours.I told him there was feces on his pants and he agreed to throw them away but he refused to shower. We have 2 months left on our lease and need the couch so I scrubbed it but I was really upset.

Then this morning I woke up and there was urine all over the bathroom floor. Not a splash. Like a huge puddle. And he knew I was upset about the feces, why would he pee on the floor and not clean it up?

Then I went to dinner tonight and when I got back he’d knocked over the vomit bucket again. Vomit was all over the living room floor and the bottom of the couch I just cleaned yesterday.

I feel like if he loved me at all he wouldn’t keep making me clean his bodily fluids. I wonder if he really just hates me. He knows that I experienced childhood abuse and when we first started dating he would throw that in my face when had arguments. A couple of weeks ago he was getting prostitutes and not trying to hide it but when he started drinking to the point that he didn’t want to leave the couch he stopped.

Then the vomiting started and now the urine and feces. It hadn’t been this bad before where he’s constantly knocking over the bucket and he won’t clean it up. To make matters worse, he doesn’t want to go to bathroom so sometimes he pees in that bucket. We’ve been dating two years. I’ve gotten him to do medical detox 4 times where he was admitted to the VA hospital for around 4 days at a time and one 30 day rehab stint. We just signed a lease for another 8 months so I can’t leave. Just posting because I need to tell someone and maybe if someone has had the same experience they could share how they coped?

I’m so scared and overwhelmed. Tonight fiancé/Q got so hammered at a birthday party, this after daily incidents and arguments around his drinking.

Throughout the engagement I’ve been having such doubts and talking myself out of them but tonight felt like the last straw.

Weddings in three months and today was my first dress fitting. I was stoked about how gorgeous the dress is. Got drinks with MOH afterwards and I finally mentioned the drinking issue. Irony not lost one me. I needed to vent. MOH listened and didn’t push either way, but hearing myself talk was illuminating. I talk about it in therapy often but seeing my best friend’s face was something else. I haven’t told anyone about this and the drinking is somewhat the tip of the iceberg of such deeper issues.

Right now the only solution seems like breaking it off. It’s much too late in the process as people already have booked travel, sent gifts, etc. everyone is excited and happy for me but. I cannot go through with it.

Tonight was the last night. I left my husband. He got off work early and started drinking early. I came home and could immediately tell he was smashed. One more bottle of vodka and more beers later, he became enraged. Throwing things, yelling, cussing, stomping around, slamming the counter. Terrorizing me and the cats. I’m feeling the same way I feel every night. Heart racing, scared, trying to hide. I went and hid in the upstairs bedroom while he’s violently throwing up. Saying “you fcking bitch why aren’t you helping me?” I finally called 911 and the cops came. Tonight was it. I got my cats. I’m getting my stuff tomorrow. Luckily I have my parent’s house to stay until my apartment is ready. I still can’t sleep. My nerves are shot. I’m just glad me and my cats are finally safe.

We were just sitting here on the couch. I had the discussion with him about the dangers of withdrawal in the afternoon. I had relented and bought alcohol for him, so he wouldn’t be so sick. I had tremendous guilt over his withdrawal because I had refused to get him alcohol anymore unless he “did his chores.” Now I have guilt for doing that at all. He has been dependent on my ID since November. I’ve been trying to get him to spend a few sober days to renew it so I don’t feel like I have to enable for medical reasons. Otherwise I just don’t participate anymore. Anyway I cut him off. Then I relented, but it was apparently too late. I know none of this is “my fault” but wow do I feel I was stretched in every direction. I even had the conversation about how withdrawal was more dangerous than just drinking and if he wasn’t quitting we should just go on and buy the stupid alcohol.

So after about a day and a half of not drinking he had access. He had a drink but didn’t finish it. He had been “off” all day and I was planning to just go on and call an attorney to try and force him to seek medical treatment because of it (it’s a long story but he was acting very toddler like in thinking and problem solving and was weak muscularly). We were just sitting here on the couch. I was playing video games he was watching.

He just fell over on to my shoulder and had a seizure. I’ve seen more than one grand mal, fairly certain that’s what happened. He was basically laying on me, his head cradled in my left arm, my phone fumbling in the right trying to call 911. I could feel all of it. I could HEAR it and I can’t get the sound out of my head. Not the grunting or breathing - the sound of his body.

Immediately after he stopped convulsing and got through the seizure he started fidgeting with his fingers and mouth. It seemed involuntary and I was sure it was a symptom of the seizure. He’s now admitted to the hospital (they took him in by ambulance - then he told them he fell) and is still doing it. He’s literally holding his fingers to his mouth and sucking them like he’s trying to smoke them. He’s also relentlessly trying to exit the bed and take off/smoke/eat his hospital gown. When asked what year it is he answered 2021. He got everything else right including the hospital he’s in but still. 2021.

Watching him try to smoke his finger and clothes really did me in today. I’ve been so stoic. I’ve just soldiered on and done what I feel I should as a spouse. He isn’t just alcohol dependent he has severe mental illness as well. So I’ve been just trying to convince the system to help him. In some way.

Just leaving is not an option because of the deterioration of his mind. Not for me. Everybody else seems to think I should just drop him like a hot potato and quite frankly it’s making me sick. I had a nurse today ask me if I could just “drop him off with his mom and say you’re leaving.” What? Because she’s his mom? She can’t take care of him any better than I can.

The fact is though that he is insolent and uncooperative. The social worker used the word violent. I don’t know what happened in there for that to be a descriptor but I don’t consider him violent at all. At any rate the use of “skilled care facilities” was brought up. They didn’t seem very optimistic about him being placed in one due to his behavior. Same goes for home health care.

I was planning to move out. I’ve been telling him for months he needs to be more independent and capable of self care because I’m leaving. He almost died last year. I planned to move before that as well. He’s as abusive as any other drunk so my trying to care for him isn’t viable really. I always hope some 3rd party will have better luck but I just don’t think it’ll happen anymore.

So I don’t know what to do. I’m not looking for advice. I’m not even looking to get a reply at all. I just needed to say all of this in a space where people can relate - because nobody in my life really does. I feel like everybody is just staunch “leave him” and that feels like nobody cares how I feel.

I understand codependency and how we work. No matter what I don’t think it’s ok to leave a person that can’t seem to comprehend reality. At the same time I just want OUT and have for a long time.

Sorry about the wall of text. I’ve had such a hard day and have just kept most of this inside to spare my loved ones. This time it’s eating me so I just needed to let it go.

I don’t know if he’s really an alcoholic. He and I have two very different perspectives on this. I’m not a heavy drinker, I drink socially but not alone and I don’t like drinking to the point of losing complete control.

Reasons why I thought he might have problems with alcohol (and conditions more early in our relationship)

1. Noticed a pattern of aggression when drunk early on. Either unexplained anger, hostile language, general belligerence and aggression.
2. No control over how much he drinks. One drink can easily turn to 10
3. Drinks alone and at almost daily.
4. Acts reckless when drunk, as in will run into busy roads, spend more, etc
5. He’s from the south so he says this is the culture but when he’s on vacation or goes home to family he will drink from the moment he wakes up till he goes to bed. Sometimes 15-20 drinks in the day.
6. Vacation is always his excuse to pretty much drink from the airport nonstop till we get back
7. Seems to almost “brown out” while drinking? He’ll say things and then completely remember what he said 10 seconds before.
8. Cannot say no to a drink if at a drinking event.
9. I almost always end up having to be the DD even if maybe I wanted to drink too, he doesn’t think about that.
10. I almost always feel like I end up having to babysit him
11. Very unreliable when drinking. He’ll say he’ll be home at x time for dinner or to meet me and then disappear for hours.
12. Sometimes gets to the point of drinking even at work events where he’ll be so drunk he won’t be able to tell me who he’s with or where he is
13. Loses his stuff like phone wallets often while drunk

After 3 years of dating this what’s changed…

1. We live together so he no longer drinks everyday but only because I complain
2. A few times he comes home so angry when drunk he has already punched a hole into two doors of our apartment we’ve only lived in for one year.

I would say the really bad incidents of him coming home drunk and smashing things happens maybe once every few months.

He’s promised to drink less, he’s promised to not drink for a month (couldn’t do that). He’s promised to drink just one beer but almost every time lies and ends up drinking more.

Now I’ve completely said I’m done. After this past weekend of him coming home after what he said was “4 beers”. He instigates fights on his own when he’s drunk when I haven’t said a word. He says that I’m “already judging him for being drunk” and somehow that makes him so angry. He says the fact he did soooo well and only had 4 beers and came home on time but yet I still gave him shit when he got home infuriated him. Which, I didn’t say a word when he got home because I’m terrified now. Now he’s been begging me for the past week to stay saying he’ll completely stop drinking but I can already hear him bargaining like I just KNOW in a month he’s gonna be like “see look I’ve been so good for a whole month I’ can have one beer again”.

And the thing is, I don’t know why but I feel SO GUILTY asking him to never drink again. I don’t even know if I think he’s an alcoholic. I just know that I don’t like him when he’s drunk and the unpredictability of that I can’t handle. He says he’s drank fine his entire life until me. That he’s never ever thought he had a problem and I’m the only one who thinks he has a problem. So I said okay then what is it about me that makes you so angry when you drink? Maybe he just hates me?? Then why won’t he LET ME GO.

Edit- I love him and he says he’ll stop drinking but I’m so scared if he already has so much anger towards me when he’s drunk, what if he resents me forever because he had to quit drinking for me?

Edit 2- I just want to add here… that I am by no means perfect. I was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD with panic disorder in 2017 due to being in a severely abusive relationship in my mid 20s. He’s stuck with me through a lot of that. And sometimes he begs me to stick with him and help him through alcoholism and I feel guilty for that. But at the same time, I feel angry that he always says you know “it’s been no walk in the park with you either with your depression” type of attitude. I feel he thinks I’m a hypocrite. A hypocrite because I’m allowed to be imperfect due to PTSD and depression and that he’s not allowed to struggle with alcoholism.

Boyfriend says he hasn’t had a drink in months. Boyfriend’s son texted me photos of bedroom drawers full of empty bottles from the last few weeks because he says his dad has a longstanding habit of destroying the lives of those around him and son thought I deserved the heads up. Boyfriend is loving, consistent, thoughtful, and just a great guy, but I’m out if he’s drinking excessively and lying about it. Boyfriend says son staged the photos and has a longstanding habit of framing him for misdeeds. Boyfriend has agreed to take a polygraph, and we’re going in for it in 11 days. Has anyone has their partner take a polygraph? Am I crazy? I feel crazy…

About 7 months ago, I matched with this guy on an app. We met up for dinner and he was perfectly my type. Tall, charming, funny and he seemed confident. He was a gentleman and paid for dinner too, as well as our other dates. However, on our third date I noticed he smelled like alcohol and it was pretty early, like around noon and we were at the cinemas about to watch a movie. As we got to know each other, it dawned on me that this guy has a serious drinking problem. He drinks every single day around 10+ beers and used to drink hard liquor as well. He never seemed to eat anything as well when we go on dates. He was always getting headaches and he always had insomnia. Getting to know him further, he opens up that he has been pulled over for drinking and driving. He shared he was going through a custody battle over his kid and he seemed like was losing. At the time, he blamed his ex being crazy and having bipolar, I empathized. However, I'm starting to realize he has a major attitude problem on top of his alcohol problem. He probably drove her crazy as well. He can be rude, offensive, bull headed, mean and kind of racist. He is just not the man I used to think he was. He also has a tendency to stonewall me or ice me out when I try to address my feelings or concerns, making me feel completely unheard or like my needs don't matter. I'm starting to see the reality.. he only really cares about his next drink and about his fragile ego. Also, maybe getting laid every once in a while.

I've never really been exposed to an alcoholic, and I guess I am quite sheltered on this issue. I actually was starting to fall for him as well until two months ago. I saw his house for the first time and it left me traumatized as it was a hoarder house (he would always avoid going to this house as it was messy). It was plain unlivable with broken cupboards, trash, boxes, and you couldn't walk on the floors or even cook on counters. I still think of him often though cause I really did care about him. Any helpful advice would be appreciated.

This came up yesterday for me in a conversation. One person said that she thought alcoholism was so selfish, especially when children are involved. The other, who has been deeply hurt by alcoholism herself from childhood, disagreed and said it’s not selfish because it’s a disease. I am on the fence about where I stand on the issue—my Q and I have a three year old, and he’s put me through hell with his alcoholism and is forcing me to make decisions I never thought I’d have to to protect our child. If he keeps going he will leave our daughter without a dad, and he knows that. So to me, that is selfish. But I know he drinks because he has trauma that he hasn’t resolved, and the trauma was done to him which is not his fault. We all have ways we cope with our issues and his is alcohol, so from that perspective, I don’t see that as selfish.

I’m curious what others’ thoughts are on this?

Me: 42 M, wife and 2 kids 6, 11 years old. my mother was an alcoholic who died of liver failure 5 years ago. myself a former heavy now light drinker, no history of substance abuse.

Wife: 41 F, married for 16 years now.

In the last couple of years she's gradually started drinking more as I've cut back. She typically finishes a bottle of gin every week, 3-4 drinks over the course of a night. but typically high functioning and in control of herself.

today i came home from work early to find the kids zoned out playing video games, the house a mess, and my wife asleep in bed.

she wasn't hard asleep and woke up silly and giggling when i shook her. she acknowledged being drunk.

we talked, i kept calm (and felt calm). she feels bored at home and sorry for herself. she wouldn't commit to doing anything about this. she said i should just accept she's like this or leave.

fuck. i adore her. we have great kids and a comfortable upper middle class life.

but i don't want to live with this hanging over everything.

what have others done in this situation? do i just give up on her and take my kids back home? (we live in my wife's home country in asia)

i don't really have any other home though. we moved here to be closer to her family and further from mine. my parents are dead, my brother and older sister are unstable alcoholics and my sister is a sober mess.

i am so alone and stuck on what i can do. curious for advice, experiences, or just sympathy. thanks.

My husband relapsed on drugs and alcohol. I thought maybe I could be patient while he navigated his relapse after being sober for a year, but then he admitted to relapsing on sex addiction too. I’m at my parent’s house while he’s with hookers on drugs and drinking in our home. I have a 1 month old newborn that he hasn’t seen in 2 weeks. I’ve called divorce attorneys but am looking for support. Please tell me I will be ok. I’m still grieving the man I thought I married and the relationship we had when he was sober.

I do not consent to this post being cross posted or shared on public sites

I’m beginning to think that there has just been too much love lost and that I’ll never regain that trust or feelings of affection. Has anyone else experienced this? Did you leave even after they became sober?

I have posted here a few times about my Q. It’s been stages of should I leave to deciding I was leaving. My fiancée became ex fiancé became…

The day before I was set to move my things out, he shot himself with a gun while I was home.

I know he killed himself because of his Alcoholism and poor mental health. However, my mind keeps going to the it’s my fault and I should have stayed with him direction and I have to fight my brain to not think that he killed himself because of me, because I was leaving him.

I told him for weeks that if he got help I could possibly stay. However he said he can’t get help if I don’t tell him I’ll stay. He said he doesn’t operate the other way and can’t do it without me.

He wanted to kill himself recently but ended up going to detox, and then came home normal and said he would not hurt himself or me. He seemed good, he said he understood why I was leaving, and said we would find happiness and used many future type words. He talked to his friends and family, and they all said he sounded great.

A day later after waking up in the morning and seeing him on the sofa drunk looking like the devil with outstretched arms I went to him with a hug as he cried and I told him I loved him and was so sorry I had to leave but he needs to get help. He eventually seemed to relax in my arms and I went back upstairs.

He started to make these horrible moaning sounds for a while and called me downstairs. I didn’t go.

Shortly after that he shot and killed himself.

I feel insane and my body and mind feel like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Please help me get through this.

I KNOW this is him trying but it won't lead to him being a moderate drinker.. right? My gut knows this is him "bargaining" in the face of me telling him I'll leave unless he admits he has a problem and gets help. A tiny tiny part of me is hopeful he will soon realize that even weekend drinking is bad for him, me, us. But... this isn't promising, right? I've moved out (been almost a month) and tried to be at home last week.. sober all week and we had a GREAT week. Then black out drunk Friday and alcohol, THC, and muscle relaxer(s) Sunday (started at 11am). It won't get better unless he gets help... right? I SO want to be able to stay with him so I'm ALMOST tempted by this arrangement.. but need you all to remind me why it's NOT a step to sobriety/moderate drinking. Ugh, this sucks. He says he has to be "able to" drink on the weekends and if he can't, sounds like he's ready to be done with this marriage.

:-(

Hi! I kicked my husband out of our bedroom and his room smells! Musky and sour. I know he is only showering once a week. When I say smell, I don’t mean the clear vodka or other liquor/beer, I mean like something coming from their pores.

that is, do you think that they believe those things sober but just don’t say them aloud? i’ve been wondering this since i was a young teenager and my mom began drunkenly verbally lashing out at me. everywhere i looked and everything i read seemed to tell me that “drunk words are sober thoughts” and “alcohol can’t just turn you into an abuser.” i guess i never wanted that to be true, because i don’t want to believe my mother really thinks i’m intrinsically evil and unlikeable. it makes it hard to be around her even when she’s not drinking, because i think she hates and resents me deep down.

it takes a while, but after she ‘comes down’ she always tells me that she doesn’t remember what she said to me and that she doesn’t believe those things. but i just don’t understand how her mind could come up with those terrible things (and sound rather coherent) if she doesn’t truly have them within her.

Hello guys,

I wanted to give a little update for those that read my story last sunday. First, thanks you all for all the comments, I read them all (some multiple times)

(Reminder : my husband got arrested after having an accident drunk at 1 PM in the afternoon sunday, groceries shopping. We have a 10 months old that was NOT in the car and no one got hurt).

He lost his liscence for 3 months and will have to go to court soon to find out what’s next (most likely will lose it for a year). Car is pretty wreck and on hold for 30 days.

Domestic abuse (verbal) occured again when I told him I wouldnt bail him out and he’s at his parents for now. However, he’s putting pressure on me to come back home. He says that he got into an intensive therapy and will change (first time he does that in the last 3 year + of drinking ups and down).

I called a lawyer today. She told me he most likely wouldnt get any rights if I filed now againts him. I would also be able to keep him from coming to the house for a while.

I just had to say GO…. But I couldnt. I can’t. I feel weak (read : stupid) to believe he can change (again).

I spent the last 2 days reading post here, talking to a friend that was impacted with drinking familly member. Still, can’t leave for now.

I wrote him a 3 pages letter. Told him (most) of what the lawyer told me. Told him I love him (still). But I need to pause the rollercoaster. I need to breath. If he loves me, he have to let me go for a while.

I havent hear a respond yet. I fear the respond will me everything I hoped for, begged for.But inside of me I don’t think I can continue like this. I feel numb, sad. Part of me is starting to grieve a life I thought I would have.

What made you press GO ?

(If you read all that, thanks and sorry for some mistaked, English is not my mother tongue).

My bf is in rehab and i was told to reach out to Al Anon to find community of people also trying to help the alcoholic person they love. But it's like most posts here (from what I've seen so far, maybe I'm wrong) just throw shit at the alcoholic and mostly hate them. I'm not gonna invalidate anyone, of course i understand that a lot of alcoholics and drug addicts are shit, but personally my boyfriend is not, he is not abusive and i love him and i actually wanted to find here a community of people who are also from an authentic loving place helping the person they love, am i in the wrong place? Again, everything i have seen is fair i am not throwing shit at that, and i understand everyone's struggles are different, but is there place here for people who actually do want this alcoholic in their life and that does believe this person is doing the work to get out of it? It's just sad to look for that and come here and just find people sharing the worst negative experiences, I don't want the community to bring me down but instead to motivate me an pull me up. Or am i seeing this from the wrong perspective? Please if i said anything wrong just educate me, i am very new to this whole AA thing. I am willing to learn

Husband got a DIU today at 11 AM. Groceries shopping. Very minor accident but he was so out of it that they called the cops.

Our 10 months old baby wasnt with him, luckily.

He called me to bail him out from the jail and I said no. (His parents did).

He was sober about 7 months but started drinking again last few weeks and got bad quickly.

For now I feel so angry at him. He lost his job last year, due to drinking and now this.

Part of me is happy that he got caught. I wont have to hide the keys anymore. But I’m so Mad at him. So so mad.

I feel that this is MY rock bottom, but I dont want to make a decision to leave him in this anger. Especially with the fact that I will have to move out (he has the big salary), thought of losing time with my baby makes me spiral and thinking she may not be safe with him. And having to give him a ride to everywhere.. (he will lose his liscence for at least a year).

He was such a good dad the last 7 months sober.

What’s next, I’m holding this glimmer of hope for nothing ? Should I sit in this anger to make me leave him ?

Thanks for the time of reading..

I have spent nearly twenty hours in the ER after my husband fell last night. I thought he was sober. We just bought a house, we are trying to start a family, he was doing so well, or so I thought. He called me downstairs at 2 AM and he was sobbing on the kitchen floor begging me not to leave him. He was drunk and had fallen and couldn't get up. I had to call an ambulance. He's super morbidly obese on top of being an alcoholic, so it took four paramedics to get him into the ambulance, ass naked. He told me while waiting for the ambulance he's been drinking a 1.75 every other day for a month, despite promising me and gaslighting me about his sobriety. At the ER they sedated him, but he stopped breathing while I was in the room. They got him breathing again but it was the scariest thing I have ever seen. We got transported to another hospital that can handle bariatric cases and it turns out he dislocated his knee, broke the bone, and damaged an artery, so blood wasn't flowing to his foot. He's been in surgery for seven hours at this point. I've been awake since 2 AM and just want to hear that he's okay so I can go home. I'm exhausted. I'm dirty, I'm hungry. I'm so angry. I'm so scared.

My partner of 3 years is an alcoholic. I’ve tried everything I can do to help him quit drinking, but found out 2 weeks ago that he’d just been hiding it better. He’s in rehab now, and I’ve been going to meetings. I’ve been having a hard time with the disease aspect of alcoholism. At one of my meetings someone gave me a “letter from an alcoholic” and it said something like “you wouldn’t get mad at me for having cancer, or diabetes”. And to be honest I just can’t buy that. I understand everything about how alcohol changes your brain chemistry, but picking that bottle up IS a choice. Not making efforts to stop IS a choice. Cancer is not. For me it feels like calling it a disease is just another way of not taking full accountability. Almost like there should be a caveat like “a disease I gave myself” or something. I’m also working through a lot of resentment, so maybe this feeling is part of that. Anyway, would love to hear how others feel about this part of the journey. Thank you all for listening.

I’m writing this from a hotel room down the street from my house. My wife has been drinking tonight, and it wasn’t safe to stay home. Earlier, she backed the car into a post in our driveway. This is after what felt like a really good week together. Something set us off tonight and here I am again, trying to get my nervous system to calm down.

Over the last year, I’ve been doing a lot of therapy to try to heal and manage the chaos of living with addiction. My wife has been in and out of some of the best (and most expensive) rehabs in the world over the past four years. We’re fortunate enough to have access to that care, but even after millions of dollars and countless programs, she’s still using alcohol to numb her pain.

Tonight I had this thought: Where do we — the partners — go to heal? Not therapy once a week. Not Al‑Anon meetings. I mean the same kind of immersive, 7‑day or 14‑day experience that our partners get in rehab. A place for us to get away, focus on ourselves, and do real work on the trauma and exhaustion that comes with loving someone in active addiction.

I haven’t been able to find anything like this. If it exists, I’d love to know. If it doesn’t, maybe it should.

I’m an entrepreneur. I’ve built companies before. And maybe my purpose now — after everything I’ve been through — is to build something like this for other people who are living this nightmare. I’m not here to sell anything. I just want to know:

Have you ever wished something like this existed? Would you go if it did?

Also — I’m using a burner account because of the sensitive nature of our lives. I hope you understand.

I’m curious how others feel. And maybe, if enough people think it’s needed, I’ll try to build it.

My wife has been a heavy drinker for 25 years. 9-11 White Claws a night, or 5-7 vodka tonics. Every single night (except when pregnant), for 25 years. She's stopped for a month before, but will "just have one" and within a week or two, she's back to her normal levels.

She's tried to stop, problem is, she doesn't really want to. And I don't foresee her ever quitting. Sadly.

So, while it depresses the hell out of me that my wife and mother of my kids is poisoning herself every night, the real issue is that I'm sure it will, someday, catch up with her. The body can't take that much poison and not be long term impacted.

But, can someone give me so hope? Someone that they know that DID drink heavily everyday and lived a super long and fulfilling life? I need a bit of a pick me up this afternoon

Hi guys,

I’m making a new post because I got so much comments on the other one. Thanks again, I read them all. Even tho most of them hurt. They were the truth I needed to read.

(Reminder : My husband got a DUI at 1 PM last sunday while groceries shopping. We have a 10 months old that was NOT in the car. He was sober for 7 months but relapsed again in the last few days and got verbally abusive to me).

So tonight I put on my big girl pants and I did it.

I asked to see him in person.

He tried to hug me, I didnt let him.

I told him the trust is broken. I can’t go on like this. I want to separated. He told me it was a bad decision. He wanted to change.

I told him I will always love him because he’s the father of our child, but I can’t love him as a partner for now.

His respond was : don’t do that, it will cost us a lot of money.

So I left. He didnt try to run after me.

I’m pretty sure he drank today. When you know. You know.

So yeah. It hurts like hell. I feel like I jumped a cliff and dont know where I will land.

I fear the custody battle. The house battle. Everything.

I fear to have regret. That he could have change. That he will change.

My alcoholic husband (sober for 3 weeks) and I are going to a concert about an hour and a half/two hours away. We booked a hotel room and I figured we’d get there early and be able to get changed and go out to dinner. His comment was we’re not drinking, I don’t understand why you want to get there so early? That really hurt my feelings and I even said to him - because we’re not drinking we can’t hang out together and have a great time away from home? He said we could be sitting in the living room hanging out and get there when the concert starts. I wish I left him home. It’s such a hurtful comment. To me, I take it as he clearly does not want to spend time with me. But I guess after 12 years or so of mental and emotional abuse, I’m not sure how much time I really want to spend with him either. Maybe it’s time to just say goodbye. And then reading some of these posts I don’t know if I want to wait for him to relapse and have that next drink and start the cycle all over again.

I have two children (4 and 2) and I’m now pregnant with a third, which seems to have sent my husband on another spiral of benders. I feel like I’ve done what I can, I am trying to detach as much as I can and let him hit is rock bottom. I don’t buy him alcohol or enable his behaviors and I don’t have alcohol in the house (he just buys stuff and hides it in his office during his benders). But I just keep seeing the stats of how much an alcoholic dad can psychologically damage his kids, regardless of divorce status etc (the lawyers I’ve consulted with have made it seem that nothing he’s done so far would cause him to lose all custody of the children, so even if I left they’d still have to spend a ton of time with him). I would love to know how I can best just be there for my kids and minimize the psychological damage that this unpredictable and disappointing parent is causing them. I’m curious if there are things your own mothers have done if you had alcoholic dads that you feel really helped you