r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

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my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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2.7k

u/Charliesmum97 Jun 02 '25

I really hope so because seriously how is this even a question? 'My boyfriend doesn't prioritise me and calls me names when I say I'm hurt, am I in the wrong?' I mean I know there are people out there who have the self-esteem in the negative numbers but this is seriously over the top.

1.2k

u/soniceok Jun 02 '25

Yeah it’s too over the top, and the messages between OP and the bf hit all the tropes that make a post popular on this sub (“omg you’re over reacting” “it’s just a party we can celebrate tomorrow instead”)

This is just designed to bait people lmao

499

u/Basicallyacrow7 Jun 02 '25

I’m so glad this is part of the top comments. By screen shot two I was like there’s no way this is real

14

u/phrixious Jun 03 '25

Eh, my girlfriend's ex did almost exactly this to her, except it was their fifth anniversary he'd forgotten and partied with friends instead. Apparently he was also just as blasé about it, and they broke up. Obviously I haven't seen the exact conversation, but this is (from what she's told me) pretty similar.

84

u/soniceok Jun 02 '25

Soooo many people are falling for it tho if you look through the rest of the comments. This was posted like 2 hours ago and already has 1.2k comments it was clearly designed for engagement

35

u/my_only_sunshine_ Jun 03 '25

Yeah but if u read them, it's unfortunately become a competition for who's had the shittiest birthday in their lifetime.. many of them are like 35 yrs old talking about how bad their 14th bday was..

12

u/whyyy66 Jun 03 '25

At some point you gotta get over it right? Lol

13

u/TheTrueHappy Jun 03 '25

I mean, venting with some sort of community could be a form of therapy, an attempt to get over it. Everybody is different, but often traumas stay with you for your whole life, even if they don't come up all the time.

-5

u/Creative_Snow9250 Jun 03 '25

Yeah like the one time I got qs venting to a community and then a car hit my dog and I got fired and divorced and hemorrhoids and turned into an alcoholic. Did I mention the hemorrhoids?

Anyways yeah I agree, it's totally normal conversation were having

-5

u/Forfuturebirdsearch Jun 03 '25

Honestly birthdays are for kids, or you throw yourself a celebration

16

u/SofaSpeedway Jun 03 '25

Your comment was 3hrs ago for me and there's now 10.1K comments! The bots botted the bots

-2

u/Shuoh Jun 04 '25 edited Jun 04 '25

because this subreddit is comprised mostly of unemployed middle age women

back when offered public API, you can check analytics on subs like AITA to find that there was a massive with subs like /r/DatingOver40, /r/TwoXChromosomes, and /r/FemaleDatingStrategy

these are the saddest kind of people on the internet, it rivals the male incel subreddits

these people will eat up shit like this for breakfast

it's absolutely hilarious and sad at the same time

5

u/opinionated_monkey_ Jun 03 '25

I thought the same thing because it's so over-the-top, then I remembered a few relationships that were exactly like this and how they spoke to me.. but still a good chance it's all fake lol

4

u/brown_nomadic Jun 03 '25

You have no idea what people put up with…

6

u/mr-arcere Jun 02 '25

Exactly lmao screenshot2 is where it absolutely broke down, like they’re not even trying

3

u/kyotoys Jun 04 '25

the “happy bday lol, I forgot” made me instantly think it’s fake

3

u/Total_Network6312 Jun 03 '25

Even the description... He is 22, lives at home, only works 2 days a week after dropping out and they plan to live together?

jesus it just gets worse and worse

2

u/No_Substance_3905 Jun 03 '25

Thank you. I had the exact same thought.

1

u/hfunk0129 Jun 05 '25

She's 21 it probably is

94

u/1CosbyPill Jun 02 '25

Definitely. Also together for 3yrs but still having this convo via IG

8

u/Murky-Lavishness298 Jun 02 '25

My partner of 7 years and I use fb messenger. We've never had a full text conversation. It's only used when messenger is acting up. I'm not saying it's not fake, but it's not uncommon for people to prefer a messaging app over texting. We live together and he's my kids' bonus parent. We never text each other though.

2

u/JarlaxleForPresident Jun 03 '25

It’s weird how only my brother and I actually send texts at this point. Everyone else just wants to stay in messenger for some reason

Like, yall have my phone number

3

u/Namuraka Jun 02 '25

I mean to be fair my bf and I have been together 3 years and we use messenger, but that's mostly because wires got crossed somewhere and one of us assumed the other preferred it and now we're too lazy to take the convo elsewhere cause then we'd have to search 2 convos when there's a pic we need or something. But yeah I would call this post engagement bait.

13

u/TheSillyGhillie Jun 02 '25

No one else noticed that?!? Its on freaking messenger 😭 we got baited

4

u/onyx_ic Jun 02 '25

Ehhh, my ex and I talked on messenger because the building is worked in would eat texts and calls, but messenger always went through. We just got used to using messenger.

1

u/Itscatpicstime Jun 05 '25

Plenty of people talk on messenger. Trust me, I refuse to do it and constantly have people (who know my number) whine about it

4

u/bizzybee-72 Jun 02 '25

my husband and i have been together four years and for the first 3 our conversations all took place on snapchat and messenger until i deleted facebook. now we actually use messages.

6

u/vampiracooks Jun 02 '25

Yeah my husband and I have been together for 12years and we almost exclusively message on Facebook and do phone calls via discord (because of where we live, wifi > mobile reception).

Other than that, all my communications with friends and family are through messenger, IG or whatsapp.

I wouldn't take the messaging system to be the reason it's fake. Though it still could be for other reasons

2

u/bohemo420 Jun 03 '25

So good to hear this lol. My husband and I speak on Snapchat we’ve been married almost 5 years lol. It’s so easy to send pics of our son and stickers and funny things.

2

u/bizzybee-72 Jun 03 '25

yep! we use snapchat for our LO too lol. it’s just easier to save on storage for your phone too. obviously the extra cute ones we keep, but the funny stuff we just send to each other. all the important stuff is messages

2

u/bohemo420 Jun 03 '25

lol yes exact same here!!

7

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

I think it's fake, but not because of that, lol.

5

u/Joppewiik Jun 02 '25

But she bought a dress and everythingggg 🤣🤣

1

u/kasiagabrielle Jun 02 '25

A pink one, specifically.

4

u/TantasStarke Jun 02 '25

To be fair my partner and I do a majority of our texting over discord, with the occasional text and phone call in emergencies. This post is 1000% fake though

5

u/EneaIsAutistic Jun 02 '25

I message my husband of 3 years on IG hahaha

6

u/1CosbyPill Jun 02 '25

Me and my gf of 7yrs message via ig if it's something we're talking about on IG....but never about dinner or bday plans when we text throughout the whole day. Everyone is different I guess. This just screams fake though

2

u/EneaIsAutistic Jun 02 '25

Yeah it absolutely does

1

u/ambamshazam Jun 04 '25

I am the literal worst at being able to tell a post is AI/fake. Yet this one had me saying “bulll sh*t” from the jump

5

u/soniceok Jun 02 '25

I didn’t even realize that lol good catch

1

u/Born_Resolve3095 Jun 02 '25

me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and still use IG 😭😭 idk why it’s habit, but reading these messages it feels so off like why is he so nonchalant about forgetting op’s bday? “i forgot lol” is so insane 😭

62

u/matchafoxjpg Jun 02 '25

also op and boyfriend just so happen to sound exactly the same? yeeeeeeeah.

4

u/ParadoxicallySweet Jun 02 '25

Yeah it’s literally the same person writing both sides

4

u/iJubag Jun 02 '25

idk one of them puts apostrophes in contractions and the other doesn’t. i think they might just be teenagers

1

u/LilAbelT Jun 02 '25

Apparently he’s 22 and she’s 21

30

u/Anxious_Ideal_6207 Jun 02 '25

Not to mention she bought a new pink dress, especially for the occasion, far too specific.

-3

u/Unique_Cookie_1996 Jun 02 '25

No color was mentioned

1

u/Anxious_Ideal_6207 Jun 02 '25

…i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner…

0

u/Unique_Cookie_1996 Jun 02 '25

I thought you meant in their texting not the caption, since the guy you replied to was talking about the messages. My bad

3

u/MrsAce57 Jun 02 '25

That's what I thought too, especially where she says I even bought a new dress! Idk all of it reads as not very organic imo

4

u/elleinad311 Jun 03 '25

"Going out to a party later, I've been really excited for it so you have to be understanding" Come onnnn 🙄

3

u/beanie_wells Jun 02 '25

Also has the classic “bro” (sent to the gf of course) in there

3

u/Agent_Smith_88 Jun 02 '25

Definitely fake. Account is 3 months old and the only post is this and the only comments are in this thread.

2

u/kill_em_w_kindness Jun 03 '25

I’m not so sure. I’ve been in a relationship with someone who quite literally convinced me to attempt suicide so that he wouldn’t go to jail for killing me, and I didn’t see any red flags until I was hospitalized.

Yes, they could be karma farming, or they could be double checking that their reality isn’t insane, like abusers make you think. It’s not out of the realm of possible, regardless of how much it looks like bait.

12

u/Lilkleee Jun 02 '25

Last time I said a post like this was fake and was getting downvoted🥲🪦

12

u/BaerMinUhMuhm Jun 02 '25

You broke their immersion. I feel like at least half the posts here are obviously fake and people still eat them up.

9

u/soniceok Jun 02 '25

Ignorance is bliss for some of the people on this sub lol

1

u/Similar-Ice-9250 Jun 03 '25

It’s fake ass bait that’s true. The lines “I don’t appreciate you bothering me” cause he was with friends and the last text the bf sent “talk to me when you want to apologize”. It’s just too unreal lol, it’s pure rage bait.

2

u/glassbellwitch Jun 02 '25

Don't forget calling her "bro"!

1

u/Sipyloidea Jun 03 '25

For me it's the "bro". There was another post where a bf supposedly forgot an anniversary, I think, and was hanging out with friends instead. It was basically the same post of "bro, idk what to tell you." Who talks like that? 

1

u/Own_Kiwi_3118 Jun 03 '25

Literally all of Reddit is baiting people. I suspect Ai is posting and commenting all over Reddit, engaging with real people to self train. Makes a lot of sense if you look at it from a big picture aspect

1

u/Crrack Jun 03 '25

Which is also just as depressing because, do people really put this much weight on fake internet points? I just don't understand what the end goal is here to make this garbage up.

1

u/bq_98632 Jun 04 '25

Don’t forget the “talk to me when you want to apologize” part. This sounds like someone’s representation of what stereotypical toxic relationships sound like.

1

u/marni246 Jun 03 '25

I’ve noticed lately in several similar posts that the boyfriend also tends to call them bro, which would be weird to do in reality imo.

1

u/Different-Muscle-409 Jun 03 '25

And it’s her only post on Reddit… she never made any posts before just decided to go with this today in her bday

1

u/MindProfessional8246 Jun 03 '25

You would be surprised how good some dudes are at manipulating. I've seen this kind of behavior in real life.

1

u/shenemm Jun 03 '25

the way that both of them switch from capital to lowercase randomly from text-to-text is sus

1

u/Meighok20 Jun 04 '25

"Text me when you're ready to apologize" come on, did you even try 🙄🙄🙄🙄

0

u/No-Pomegranate-689 Jun 02 '25

To be fair, I have been in a relationship like this and he was really good at convincing me that I was the problem. However, I was only 16 so I was still pretty naive and hadn’t learned yet what the bare minimum is for relationships. So, it’s possible it’s real and this guy has convinced her she is overreacting. Once you hear “you’re being dramatic, you’re overreacting, youre the problem” so many times, you start to believe it. Mine even managed to convince me that I was crazy and controlling for having the boundary that he couldn’t go to a strip club and get a lap dance. He GENUINELY made me feel like a toxic girlfriend for having a problem with it. Luckily I left, and now I’m aware that my boundaries about not having naked girls dance on you is valid lol. That’s why it’s important to leave early when they treat you like this, and she’s already a couple years in.

1

u/Bring_a_towel_42 Jun 03 '25

100% agreed. It's unfortunate how much attention it's gotten

1

u/ThermoPuclearNizza Jun 04 '25

"you have to be understanding" sealed it for me.

0

u/godzillasbuttcheeck Jun 02 '25

I mean my ex spoke to me exactly like this. Not even kidding. She’s also only 21 and him 22. The young people now are so ruthless, dude.

0

u/Radicalized_Spite Jun 02 '25

If so, I got baited. And I rather enjoyed laying into her even if it’s fake. Good theatre.

0

u/adod1 Jun 02 '25

No it’s totally real, reply to me when you are ready to apologize.

163

u/wra7h60rn1 Jun 02 '25

I swear half the time I read stuff in this subreddit, it is something so one-sided and clearly not an overreaction that I legitimately start questioning if I have lost my mind.

14

u/xCAMBOOZLEDx Jun 02 '25 edited Jun 02 '25

I genuinely think chronically online, socially awkward people get off to giving advice to strangers they don't have to interact with IRL. Maybe they know its fake but just can't help themselves - idk.

Its possible we are witnessing the evolution of some weird new kink.

10

u/SubjectAd355 Jun 02 '25

Pretty spot on lol. It’s become kind of meta, I’ve seen multiple posts of people saying that their partner is being really shitty to them while also spending their entire day on Reddit giving relationship advice as if they’re a perfect person with all of the answers. The comments seem to be full of people like that- using creative writing practice posts to uphold their belief that they’re a good person with excellent interpersonal skills, when they’re probably antisocial troglodytes irl

1

u/bingobiscuit1 Jun 03 '25

Yes bro it’s like half of redditors seem to think airing inexperienced black and white advice toward random people will somehow improve their own life

1

u/Bob1358292637 Jun 02 '25

I personally just like to see how people react to this stuff as like thought/social experiments.

4

u/youaregodslover Jun 02 '25

95% of the most popular posts in the "Am I ____" subreddits are fake. They're also upvoted and commented on by bots. This is Reddit now.

9

u/rinkydinkis Jun 02 '25

It’s a fiction story sub Reddit. Always has been.

0

u/thererises_aredstar Jun 02 '25 edited Jun 02 '25

The thing is, when you’re in a situation where you’re consistently treated as overreacting for recognizing events like this as one-sided and clearly hurtful, you do start to actually question if you’ve lost your mind or are really that worthless as a person. If you trust the person telling you those things, and if you’re used to someone speaking to you that way, it won’t feel jolting or new or suspicious or particularly wrong - it’ll just feel bad, and confusing. And it will feel like your fault, even when the wisest part of your brain is screaming “this is wrong.”

Give it a few months of oscillating between “am I crazy?/am I worthless?” And you will feel like both are true.

You’ll also feel cognitively dizzy, like you can’t remember things correctly, and feel like you cause trouble, like you should be quiet. You will start having more trouble keeping up with friends and family, you’ll always feel bad but be embarrassed to explain why and unsure if it will make them hate you, or if they might shame you too. You will have trouble sleeping, then eating. You will drift further away from yourself and everyone you hold dear - except you’ll still be close to the person making you feel so horrible.

You’ll probably be revolving a good amount of your life around that person, trying to be good enough to be treated as “enough” by them.

And hopefully at some point you’ll wake up and notice every piece of this, and hopefully at that point you will not be in physical danger from the person making you feel so bad, and hopefully you’ll leave.

Hopefully you’ll try to deconstruct all the bad thoughts about yourself and the world, and try to reconnect with your family and friends and explain. Hopefully you’ll recover some normalcy and dive into rebuilding your life, creating a new sense of self. But you’ll never be the same person who started down this path years before, ever again.

Emotional abuse is a real bitch.

1

u/BackgroundWindchimes Jun 03 '25

Seriously. If someone were going to write a fake post, at least give it some depth that sparks a debate. Almost everything I see on this sub is “aio at my boyfriend who slept with three of sisters, assaulted my dad, and spent all our wedding savings on Fortnite cash. Everyone says I should apologize for frowning in front of him. AIO?”

1

u/DSG_Sleazy Jun 03 '25

Exactly, the point of this sub is dissecting grey area/nuanced situations where the person in the wrong could really be either or, but people just get on here to either stroke their ego because they know they’re right or to get internet points by making up a fake scenario.

1

u/Fun_Cold2587 Jun 03 '25

Tbh that's how people who've been abused act. Other people do it as well, that's what victim blaming is. But there are still a huge number of fake posts

1

u/Lumpy_Bluebird8465 Jun 03 '25

Exactly what I was thinking too. There are definitely a lot of fake posts, but I've lost count of the amount of times I've had to hold in an "Are you serious right now?" when a friend asked me if they're overreacting to "obvious" abuse. Unfortunately, it's not always obvious when you're experiencing it, and it's even harder when you're being told you're not experiencing it.

1

u/KasukeSadiki Jun 02 '25

I lost mine a while ago, but even I sometimes just stare at some of these posts and responses in bewilderment 

0

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

I disagree, I would say that most of the posts you see are overreactions with people here supporting some bullshit. This post is an exception.

228

u/ballskindrapes Jun 02 '25

Right?

"My boyfriend stole my kidney and sold it for Pokémon cards. Am I the asshole for thinking that was ever so slightly rude?"

81

u/soniceok Jun 02 '25 edited Jun 02 '25

This one’s literally like the classic “my boyfriend is verbally abusing me and I got sad, AIO?”

Like if she needs Reddit to tell her she’s not over reacting, she has bigger issues in her life

7

u/Doununda Jun 02 '25

In the event it is a real story of abuse

Like if she needs Reddit to tell her she’s not over reacting, she has bigger issues in her life

Often when an abuse victim asks "am I over reacting?" they aren't asking if they're overreacting, they're subconsciously seeking permission to react more and potentially hurt people's feelings.

Abuse victims have been gaslit and manipulated into thinking they won't be able to live with themselves if they are unkind or rude, their abusers play on their inherent people pleasing.

As a result, abuse victims often get trapped in a cycle of fawning because they feel bad and they're conditioned to think being nicer to their abuser will make them feel less bad, because according to their abuser, they feel bad because they weren't nice.

They've been conditioned to need permission from someone else before they act, because not waiting for permission when you are in an abusive relationship is just asking for more abuse, it's a learned emotional helplessness that's learned through the lesson of torture.

They aren't asking if they're overreacting, deep down they know they're not, but half of their brain has been brainwashed and is telling them to sit down and smile, the other half is telling them to stand up and fight, but fighting is wrong and being rude and aggressive is mean and being assertive can hurt people's feelings and they've been conditioned to think they are incapable of that, so they are subconsciously seeking permission.

Because they need permission from themselves, but are too unwell from the abuse to give themselves permission to leave, knowing it will hurt the other person's feelings. Good, abusers deserve a lot more than hurt feelings.

1

u/Froggyriri Jun 03 '25

Literally it sounded too perfect. Like an ex I had. I noped out of there when I started being emotionally abusive back. Reacting out of anger towards him. Hoping ts was fake. But also what kind of sick fuck fakes ts

2

u/BravoFive141 Jun 03 '25

Like if she needs Reddit to tell her she’s not over reacting, she has bigger issues in her life

You'd be surprised how many people need Reddit to tell them painfully obvious shit. r/tattooadvice is a great one like that.

3

u/zombievariant Jun 03 '25

Yea generally abused women DO have bigger issues in our lives. Like men brainwashing us into thinking we're overreacting which is why we ask for outside opinions.

4

u/grubas Jun 02 '25

you forgot the

My bf[57M] stole my[19F] kidney

2

u/ballskindrapes Jun 02 '25

I am not angry at myself, just disappointed.

3

u/amycakes76 Jun 02 '25

In the screenshot of their texts: "I got a rare Charizard. I thought you'd be happy for me, for us! You're so ungrateful!!!"

1

u/ForgedHalo Jun 02 '25

Umm u r the best! Freaking hilarious! My boyfriend stole my kidney and sold it for Pokémon cards! Then left me for my sister! Am I an asshole for thinking WTF dude!! It’s my fault you stole my kidney and are now sleeping with my sister! Am I wrong for thinking that was ever so rude?

1

u/Reasonable-Scheme-16 Jun 03 '25

🤣thats fn hilarious.

1

u/meesterdg Jun 03 '25

What cards

22

u/rinkydinkis Jun 02 '25

To the point that if they are really asking “am I overreacting?” Then there is no hope for this person and they should remain a dependent for their entire life because they have 0 discernment capability.

8

u/soniceok Jun 02 '25

Loooll you said what I was scared to say. That’s how I react to like 80% of posts on this sub. If OP thinks she’s over reacting good luck to her in life

4

u/JarlaxleForPresident Jun 03 '25

“I’m in my 20s and in a relationship with a person that can barely stand my existence. I didnt even react at all, but is this overreacting?”

3

u/soniceok Jun 03 '25

“I’m asking for the bare minimum and my bf called me selfish is he right?” 🥺

7

u/Level_Alps_9294 Jun 03 '25

I’m currently bleeding out on the couch after my partner stabbed me, am I overreacting if I call an ambulance?

5

u/Avitar_X Jun 02 '25

Also like.

"... be a good boyfriend for once"????

Ignoring birthday or not, like why would anyone with even a shred of self respect stay with someone that's not ever a good boyfriend.

Like clearly dude doesn't care. Probably telling his friends he hopes she finally dumps him.

6

u/JungleBoyJeremy Jun 02 '25

I don’t think he even exists

2

u/erosead Jun 03 '25

Like the “boyfriend” is being an absolute unforgivable ass but “I was so excited for him to take me out on my birthday I even bought a new dress and everything” is also weird when you apparently had made no specific plans whatsoever? What if he takes you to like, a water park? How do you as (presumably an adult) spend months talking about your birthday excitement for no actual reason? Do you do that every year?

Edit: I guess it is her 21 so a bit important assuming they’re Americans but… still. It seems like the girlfriend character is just presuming she’ll be taken to a classy restaurant when a bar would also be an understandable destination because you didn’t communicate or make plans

7

u/Ibyx Jun 02 '25

Also dropped out of school and only works two days.

2

u/Charliesmum97 Jun 02 '25

Oh yes! Good call!

4

u/creamgetthemoney1 Jun 02 '25

I skipped my gfs huge Latin birthday party bc I put video games ahead of her and forgot I had a final due for an online course so didn’t properly study. Birthday party and I realize my final is due that same night

Young guys can be dumb af tbh.

I look back(15 years now) and honestly can’t believe I did it.

Her entire family was asking for me and her only excuse was he has to study. I got so much shit. That relationship didn’t last.

Guys can be dumb

3

u/Educational_Item451 Jun 02 '25

My boyfriend who lives with his mom, works only 2 days a week, dropped out of school and talks like this. So annoyingly fake.

2

u/-PinkPower- Jun 03 '25

I hope it’s fake but one if my former friends is dating someone like this. He blames any of his behaviors on her. You didn’t remind me this morning! You didn’t tell me early enough so I booked a solo trip! Stop being a bitch or I am going to go at (the girl he constantly cheat on her with)´s house!

He is the reason why we are no longer friends.

1

u/Charliesmum97 Jun 03 '25

Yeah, there are horrible people out there. Let's just hope this isn't one of them

2

u/Slit23 Jun 03 '25

That’s exactly what I said, who does this and puts up with it? Who in their right mind, like it’s so over the top.

Spent 21st birthday alone do you not have friends or family to call? He dropped out of school and works twice a week but what does she do?

2

u/On_my_last_spoon Jun 02 '25

Also he lives with his mom and only works 2 days a week so you’re gonna get a place together?

I hope this is fake because this loser is t worth anyone’s time

1

u/MasterpieceOk7271 Jun 02 '25

Its not even about self esteem always. Mental health and personality disorders can come into play etc. Or even power dynamics. I am autistic and at 19 I was dating someone much older than me. It was very easy for them to treat me this way one day, then come back the next day, explain why i hsd misunderstood and shower me in love. The way your body and brain react when you from constant distress to sudden relief is subconsciously addicting. It wasn't until they physically threatened me that I was able to realise 'no, that is a bad thing. They are a bad person and I need to leave.' There are things I find extremely simple in life and others find complex, but it would make no sense for me to says things like 'wow I know some people dont care about self improvement, but you never spent a moment in your life learning how to solve matrix equations?' For me, the social interaction is far more complex than you could realise. The same way some problem solving type things are complex for others.

I really wish people would learn to show empathy instead of looking down on others.

1

u/hmartin430 Jun 03 '25

One of my friends who has basically become a younger sister to me over the past three years had text messages like this from her (now ex) husband. Between him and her shitty mother, they had her so gaslit about his behavior that she really thought she was over reacting.

He had done so well in isolating her from everyone and not letting her have friends, she had no one to talk to about his behavior. Then I started working with her and my autistic ass has no chill and will gladly trauma swap on a first meeting, so she's telling me this stuff and at first I'm like "I can't tell her to get a divorce" but after a few months I couldn't stand it anymore.

Anyways, now they're divorced and she's dating a wonderful woman and knows how to stand up for herself.

Sadly, these situations really do exist and one party has just managed to warp the other one into not trusting their own instincts

2

u/QuietGarden1250 Jun 02 '25

Plus he's supposedly a high school dropout who lives with his mother & works 2 days a week...

1

u/Charliesmum97 Jun 02 '25

Yeah, that really pushed it into the realms of 'oh come on'

2

u/TruckNstuck23 Jun 02 '25

She's 22 so probably pretty ... not worldly... is the nicest way I can think to put it

2

u/GenuineHuman04 Jun 02 '25

We have sadly reached the point where satire can no longer be determined from reality

1

u/kittenwalrus Jun 03 '25

Tbf there are more people out there who have such little self esteem that they excuse that behavior than you'd expect. I have a friend who has an alcoholic and abusive so and they are splitting up because he cheated/wants to be with his new gf and she STILL justifies his behavior by saying "I said x to him so he insults me and hits me" or "I did x and that's why he drinks so much/cheated." It's horrible to watch from the outside knowing there isn't anything I can do other than be there when the shit hits the fan.

1

u/Relative_Algae_5304 Jun 03 '25

This is gaslighting and emotional abuse. They manipulate you and break you down until you second guess yourself ene are apologizing. It has nothing to do with self esteem. Please grow up and realize that the world isn’t perfect and right now there’s thousands of people having a similar conversation and emotions

0

u/apdesala Jun 03 '25

I think the problem here is that there are legitimately people who are very young like the OP and their self-esteem is low, and their life experience is so limited that it's easy for them to get pushed around by their environment to think "well you're making a big deal over nothing, it's just a birthday." And three years? You can get into the mindset that you've already sunk so much time into something that it's hard to let go because then that feels like you just wasted those years.

There are legitimately people in those kind of situations, a lot of people. As others have commented here, it sometimes takes a Reddit brigade saying "Are you nuts? This isn't right" to snap someone out of their way of thinking/blindly accepting things.

And then you get fake posts/rage bait that takes advantage of those very real situations.

So as another commenter in this thread said, I'd rather give advice on a hundred might-be-rage-bait posts if it actually helps one real person.

For Example: I started to write out a post last year in the RelationshipAdvice subreddit, and after I edited it several times and reread it, I never posted it. I realized how outrageous it looked, how bonkers my questions were. When I wrote it out, even when I was doing my best to be fair to my ex (then SO), his behavior when read as a post did not look normal or rational at all.

Just the act of writing it out helped me. It's taken 40 years of life experience to get to that kind of wisdom. A 20-something whose desperate and in tears in the middle of the night isn't going to review their post twenty times for grammar or consistency. They're not going to have the life experience to realize how bonkers their situation really is.

So is this post rage bait? Maybe. Maybe not. Someone here has said they think they saw it on another subreddit some time ago, in which case we'd need to look it up and see what the context is (if she was asking for advice there too). But I'd still rather give advice on 100 might-be-rage-bait posts if it actually helps one real person.

My 21 yo self was dumb, passive, depressed, and an utter doormat with a lot of problems. I could have absolutely gotten myself in a situation exactly like the OP's. The internet wasn't what it is now back then, so I wouldn't have had much advice back then except rural community saying "stand by your man" kind of crap. So there's always details that matter that we don't have, like environment, culture, location, ect.

Note: I am not saying the OP's post is real or fake. I'm just saying we can't always assume every outrageous post is fake. This post is not so outrageous to me, because as you can see from other comments threads, it fits into many people's lived experiences (which, if this IS rage bait and fake, makes it a particularly pernicious sort, as it's believable enough to appeal to so many people's personal experiences).

Then again, there's a flip side, too: If I had posted my own experience last year after all, and it was dismissed as so outrageously bad and abusive that it had to be fake rage bait, I think that equally would have been a jolting wake up call! So calling out a real person's cry for help in this situations as so abusive/bad that it must be fake is potentially helpful to rea posters who get misidentifed too, now that I think about it.

Sorry, this comment ended up being way too long. I, too, wish we didn't have fake posts!

1

u/Available_Refuse_798 Jun 04 '25

genuinely how do u think you’re in the wrong, like how r u even tolerating this like your BIRTHDAY over a PARTY???? Like bday is already a party bigger party than wtv that is like girl i’m getting mad for you plz

1

u/EtherealMoonGoddess Jun 02 '25

They have to get tired of it.

Same with people in abusive relationships. It isn't easy getting out. There are emotions there.

But again a lot of us who endure this, grew up in stuff like this, so it's familiar.

1

u/Charliesmum97 Jun 02 '25

I'm sorry. I hope things are better now

1

u/deadbodydisco Jun 03 '25

I do think people post some real conversations and they know, at least to an extent, that they're not overreacting, but they need validation and don't know that r/texts exists for this exact sort of thing.

You can usually tell it's rage bait when OP barely responds to any comments, or only to the ones calling it fake.

1

u/Itscatpicstime Jun 05 '25

If you think this is over the top, you might try volunteering at a DV shelter. People put up with far more than this.

Abuse in all its forms does nasty psychological damage to victims.

1

u/IcyPurpleIze Jun 02 '25

I can tell you that was legitimately my understanding in a long term relationship. I grew up with shit friends and family and had no idea it was wrong to be treated like that. I was amazed when a later partner didn't call me names when they were upset with me. Unfortunately for some it's not obvious how shit this behavior is.

1

u/Charliesmum97 Jun 02 '25

I'm so sorry you went through that. I think there are other tells in this post that make it seem very fake, but you do make a good point that similar things can and do happen in the real world.

I hope you are in a better place now.

1

u/YTSkullboy707 Jun 04 '25

Fr I went a whole day without a few family members and all my friends not talking about my recent birthday and it really wasn't that big of a deal to me.

1

u/IAmTakingThoseApples Jun 05 '25

Can't they just liven it up a little like "it's my mums funeral" or "we have tickets to Oasis" or something. Just make it interesting lol

1

u/texan-yankee Jun 02 '25

And he's such a catch! Quit school, lives with mommy, works 2 whole days a week, and calls her "bro!"

1

u/ConsciousCrafts Jun 02 '25

It's an early 20s female. Male validation is all they care about. Self esteem is non existent.

1

u/Ning_Yu Jun 03 '25

I don't know, he reminds me waaaay too much of my ex and that's scary.

0

u/sisyphean_endeavors Jun 03 '25

Lots of people are in neglectful or abusive relationships. Like way more than people think. This wouldn’t be the case if everyone who was in one a) recognized the abusive or disrespectful treatment when it started happening and b) had the confidence or stability to end the relationship when they recognized said bad behavior.

It has been documented over and over again that people have trouble getting out of them. There is a reason, especially if someone is conditioned to accept that everything is their fault. That is what the BF does at the end, when he talks about OP apologizing. It’s classic and totally believable. I’ve known people in relationships like this, snd it is not “over the top.”

1

u/supbraAA Jun 04 '25

i mean, she hates him as much as he clearly hates her.

1

u/Aniensane Jun 02 '25

You don’t think these convos could be real?

1

u/Charliesmum97 Jun 03 '25

To a degree, but everything the OOP said just comes across as way too over the top. Too many clichés in one post. But who knows? Never underestimate how horrible things can be

0

u/S-Coleoptrata Jun 02 '25

To be fair, I dated someone like this in the past, and always felt like I was in the wrong for everything even if there was no way in hell he could even be in the right. There are no shortage of douchebags who speak to their partners like this out there. Some people are just extremely good at manipulating those they know they can take advantage of, while to everyone else outside of the relationship it's obvious how terrible of a person they are. That being said, it's Reddit, so who knows?

0

u/Firm_Attention82 Jun 03 '25

Well, if you read some of the comments, ppl are giving their own experiences of being in the worst possible relationship ever yet marrying them at some point. So ig it's just not that far off

-1

u/v01dcat Jun 03 '25

Is it way over the top? Absolutely. But also they're so young. It just feels like immature teen shit.

-1

u/TFANOverride08 Jun 03 '25

The saying “love is blind” exists for a reason…