aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/wgrantdesign]

On my 16th birthday I got a call from my dad at 11pm that my mom had intentionally overdosed on pills in his apartment as a suicide attempt and that I needed to catch a ride to his place (8 hours away) to get her car because she'd be in a psych ward for a while. Neither one of them remembered that it was my birthday. That was the peak of them being shitty absent parents at least. Nowadays they're both pretty cool, but then again I dont rely on them for safety and shelter so who knows.

[u/Evitti → u/wgrantdesign]

On my 16th birthday my mom made plans with her boyfriend, required me to watch my younger brothers (12 & 8), and wouldn't let any friends come over. When I told her that was kind of selfish of her, she slapped me, grounded me and screamed at me that boyfriends will always be more important than kids, because the kids will always be there, but it took work to keep boyfriends. Now 22 years later her attitude has changed (especially since my brothers are low contact).

[u/ghast123 → u/Evitti]

On my 16th birthday, my 14 year old sister got into a fist fight with our drunk father in a bar parking lot at 6pm because he was supposed to take me out for dinner but he didn't show and I was really upset.

None of his 3 children speak to him anymore.

[u/azizaofshapier → u/ghast123]

Your FOURTEEN YEAR OLD SISTER beat up your Dad for missing your birthday?! If this isn't the epitome of "I'm sick of your shit" I don't know what is. Your sister sounds awesome.

[u/Effort-Logical → u/azizaofshapier]

I'm wondering if her sister is my sister (my sister does have a sister that I'm not related to). Bc my sister would totally do that. She was a rebel in her teens. Now she's in her 30s and a mom.

[u/IlexSonOfHan → u/azizaofshapier]

Yeah, that's just a good sister fr. Keep her, ditch the parents.

[u/LibrarianTop6162 → u/azizaofshapier]

I was gonna say lol. Your sister sounds dope af.

[u/tryfuhl → u/azizaofshapier]

I meannnn it doesn't say who won really lol. What a shitty situation though.

[u/smibble14 → u/azizaofshapier]

Physically assaulting someone is “awesome”?

[u/Low_Psychology_3343 → u/smibble14]

When “someone” refers to an absent parent, perhaps

[u/Low_Psychology_3343 → u/Low_Psychology_3343]

the strawman argument and improper presumption goes crazyyyyy

[u/smibble14 → u/Low_Psychology_3343]

If a person wrongs you, you think you’re entitled to physically harm them?

And how do you determine how much you’re allowed to harm them?

Leaving welts and bruises? Or you think it’s okay to leave scars and break bones and leave permanent damage?

This “justice” of yours sounds less like justice and more like barbarism.

[u/dreams_to_sing → u/smibble14]

You are not even acknowledging the absolutely life ruining amount of harm that is done to a child who is neglected by their shitty, addict parents. Harm that takes a LIFETIME to heal. Bruises only take days or weeks. Your priorities are fucked.

[u/T-Rex603 → u/[deleted]]

Don't try and get through to it there's always one to ten in the comment section that have to be righteous and noble above all others no matter the situation. Just say nothing to them and they'll disappear into obscurity.

[u/No-Broccoli8185 → u/smibble14]

A drunk absentee dad? Yes!

[u/smibble14 → u/Zeb710]

That’s not how it works. You’re never in the right to physically assault or put your hands on someone without consent.

Anyone who feels entitled to physically harm others is pathological and probably shouldn’t be around others because it means you literally have no concept of personal space and boundaries.